The Best 71 Spot Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Spot jokes. There are some spot location jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these spot g spot puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Spot Jokes and Puns
I spotted an albino Dalmatian yesterday.
It was the least I could do for him.
How can you spot a Canadian
They're the ones that say "Thank You" to the ATM
Oversexed husband
A woman is telling her friend, "My husband is so oversexed, everything little I do seems to turn him on. Yesterday he saw me holding a cucumber and he lifted up my skirt and took me from behind right on the spot."
The friend says, "And you're complaining? I think that sounds great!"
"Well, me too, but the Safeway manager didn't think so."
Two policemen are walking down the street in Soviet Russia...
...when they spot a guy standing next to the local Party Headquarters holding a paintbrush. On the wall, he's just written "The government is run by idiots!". The first policeman pulls out a pair of handcuffs and asks the second, "Shall we arrest him for vandalizing public property, or for divulging state secrets?".
The Jewish way
As a Jew I have a soft spot for jokes about my own people, and this is one of my favorites that isn't so well known.
A Jewish man walks into a whorehouse. The madame asks him what he'd like. He asks if any of the women there can have sex "the Jewish way". Puzzled, she goes to each of the unoccupied rooms, and asks the woman inside if she's familiar with having sex the Jewish way. Finally, they get to the last room. Inside is a prostitute who's extremely talented, and is one of the most expensive in the area. She asks, "do you know how to have sex the Jewish way? This man's looking for a woman who does". She responds, "no, I haven't. But to stay at the top of my profession, I'm always looking to improve. If you teach me how to have sex the Jewish way, we'll do that free of charge".
The man accepts the offer, and they have sex. She's surprised to find that it's just regular sex! Afterwards, she asks "What were you talking about, 'the Jewish way'? You just had sex with me, the most expensive hooker in town, for free?!" He smiles and replies, "that's the Jewish way!".
How can you spot the prostitute at the Miss America pageant?
She's wearing a sash that says Idaho.
Perfect on the spot SFW joke
What did the Zen Buddhist say to the hotdog vendor?
Make me one with everything.
The Answer Is Four (Teacher Joke)
Little Johnny was in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question…
Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?
None, replied Johnny. The rest would fly away.
Well, the answer is actually four, said the teacher. But I do like the way you're thinking.
Little Johnny quickly replies… Well, I have a question for you… Say you spot three women eating ice cream cones. One is licking her cone, the second is biting her cone and the third is sucking her cone. Which one of these women is married?
Well, says the teacher nervously, I guess I'd say the one sucking the cone.
No, says Little Johnny. The one with the wedding ring on her finger is married. But I like the way you're thinking.
There was a Jewish businessman
There was a Jewish businessman who was almost late at an important business meeting where punctuality was highly priced. But there were no empty parking spots around and the time was running. He looked to the sky and prayed: "Dear God, give me a parking spot now and I will donate 100 thousand to the synagogue!" Suddenly, a car left exactly in front of him. Relieved, the guy looked again at the sky and said: "It's okay, forget it, I got one."
Hope it's not a repost, heard this on the radio today...
Cheech and Chong are partying down in Tijuana, when they spot a dog up the road a ways.
Looking closer, they see the dog is frolicking about in the intersection, having a great time licking himself.
Cheech exclaims, "Man! I wish I could do that!"
Chong replies, "well... maybe you should try to pet him first, man."
I swear I just troll-dadded this on the spot when my daughter asked...
"Dad, what's a preposition?"
"A preposition is a word that you never, ever end a sentence with."
You can explore spot dot reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean spot placement dad jokes. There are also spot puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A man goes ice fishing...
He takes out his ice pick and begins to hack away. Suddenly, he hears a booming voice from above say, "There are no fish there."
He moves to a new spot and begins again. Again comes the voice, There are no fish there either."
He tries a third spot, and again the voice informs him, "Not there either."
Frightened, the man calls out, "Is that you, God?"
"No," the voice booms, "I'm the rink manager."
How can you spot the rank of a Russian?
By the stripes on his Adidas jumpsuit.
Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot...
The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.
A frog parked his car in the handicapped spot.
It got toad.
Parking...
A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. There was a young man in the driver's seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat knitting. He stopped to investigate.
He walked up to the driver's window and knocked.
The young man looked up, cranked the window down, and said, "Yes, officer?"
"What are you doing?" the policeman asked.
"What does it look like?" answered the young man. "I'm reading a magazine."
Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the officer then asked, "And what is she doing?"
The young man looked over his shoulder and replied, "What does it look like? She's knitting."
"And how old are you?" the officer then asked the young man.
"I'm nineteen," he replied.
"And how old is she?" asked the officer.
.
.
.
The young man looked at his watch and said, "Well, in about twelve minutes she'll be eighteen."
How to spot a blind guy in a nudist colony?
It ain't hard.
Here's one from Russia
A guy is late for an important meeting but can't find a place to park.
In desperation, he begins to pray.
"Please Lord, if you help me find a parking stall right now, I promise to go to church every Sunday and never drink vodka again!"
A moment later, he sees a beautiful empty spot right next to the entrance.
"Never mind. Found one!"
Spotting Idiots Online
I wish there was some way to identify idiots online.
Sent from my iPhone
Three statisticians go out hunting together...
After a while they spot a solitary rabbit. The first statistician takes aim and ends up shooting too far to the left of the rabbit. The second aims, misses, and shoots too far to the right. The third shouts out "We got him!"
How do you spot a blind man in a nudist colony?
It's not hard.
My sex life is like finding a parking spot
My sex life is like finding a parking spot in town.
All the good ones are taken, so sometimes when no one is looking I have to stick it into disabled one.
I've been married to my wife for 20 years this week..
I've been married to my wife for 20 years this week and I've finally found the G Spot..
Turns out her sister had it all along.
What do women and the stock market have in common?
If you don't pull out in time, it will cost you a lot of money.
I'm bored
Think I will go to the mall, find a great parking spot and sit in my car with my reverse lights on.
How to spot a douchebag in the gym?
Really bad so he hurts himself.
Love is like looking for a parking spot
Everything good is taken and it's frowned upon to go into the handicapped ones.
My sex life is like looking for a parking spot...
The best ones are always taken and when nobody looks I'll just take the disabled one.
So the US Military dropped a 22,000 lb bomb on ISIS today.
That moves Amy Shumer's special to the second spot for largest bomb for the year.
Found my wife's G Spot lastnight!
Turns out her sister had it the whole time!
How do you spot a Jewish paedophile in Thailand?
He brings his own kids.
My Grandmother was excited to hear that some cookies at the bake sale were baked by genuine prostitutes
Grandma did always have a soft spot for ho-made products.
I have a Spotify playlist that has songs from The Peanuts Movie, Eminem, and The Cranberries
I call it my trail mix.
(Blonde joke I just remembered) A blonde and a brunette...
A blonde and a brunette are walking in a shopping mall and spot a man with really bad dandruff. He has a look of visible anger on his face as he passes the two girls. The brunette says "Wow, that guy could use some Head & Shoulders." The blonde says back "How do you give Shoulders?"
How do you spot a rich Ethiopian?
By the Rolex around his waist.
My Indian GF said I could give her a facial...
I nearly came on the spot!
How do you spot a gay man in a group of naked women?
It's not hard.
Magic carpet
A blonde , a brunette and a red head walk into a carpet store and spot a talking magic carpet.
It spoke, "if you step on me and lie, you will disappear with a POOF!"
The brunette steps on first and says, "I think I'm the prettiest girl in town."
She vanished with a POOF!
The red head steps on the carpet and says, "I think I'm the smartest girl in town."
She vanished with a POOF!
The blonde steps on the carpet and says, "I think-"
She vanished with a POOF!
Three statisticians go on a hunting trip...
They spot a deer, immediately the first statistician takes a shot and it misses two meters to the left. The second statistician takes a shot and misses two meters to the right. "We got it!" yells the third Statistician
A mathematician, a physicist, and a statistician are out hunting
When they spot a deer. The mathemician shoots five feet to the left and misses. The physicist shoots five feet to the right and misses. The statistician yells, "We got em!"
I spotted my ex girlfriend on the other side of the museum hall, but I was too self-conscious to go say hello.
There was just too much history between us.
Two cowboys are riding out when the spot an Indian laying down with his ear to the ground.
Approaching him, one Cowboy says Look here. These Indians can track wagons from miles away. You there, what can you tell about the closest wagon train?
The Indian says Large Conestoga wagon, father, mother, three daughters, headed due west at around two miles per hour .
Wow! Exclaimed the cowboys in unison. You can tell all that by listening to the ground?
Nuh-uh. Ran over me half an hour ago .
I'm opening a restaurant called "whatever"
It'll immediately be every girlfriend's favourite spot.
A man drives up to a prostitute
He asks her: "what would your mother think if she saw you here?"
She replies: "she'd probably kill me, this is her spot"
Have you ever heard of the Greek hero Bophades?
He was one of the heroes who fought in the Trojan War. His story is similar to the story of Achilles. When he was a child, his mother held him by the groin and dipped him in the river Styx, as to make him invincible in battle. However, just like Achilles, he had a weak spot. Because his mother held him by the groin, this was where he became vulnerable. In the case of Achilles, this was his heel. So you may have heard of Achilles' heel, or the Achilles' tendon, but I bet you have never heard of Bophades nuts.
How to spot an introvert in a crowd
Please don't
One day Achilles and Testiclles are talking
Testiclles said "Why is your name Achilles?" and Achilles said "When my mother dipped me in the river, she held me by my heel. My tendon is my only weak spot" and then he said "And why is your name Testiclles?"
Why doesn't where's Waldo go to the gym
Because no one can spot him
My girlfriend broke up with me at our favorite date spot. I was so shocked and heartbroken I got up and immediately stormed out the door.
And that's how I fell off the Ferris wheel.
How do you spot a blind man at a nudist beach?
It's not hard
George Carlin once famously joked, "Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that."
Thanks to all those people wearing masks but leaving their noses fully exposed, the stupider half is now a lot easier to spot.
A man walks in to a bar
And sees an ugly old humpback of a guy, who is constantly surrounded by women.
How to spot a millionaire, am I right? he winks and smiles at the bartender
No, Larry is a plumber, not a millionaire
Okay - so he must be extremely charming?
Larry is actually a man of very few words
Then what on earth makes him so incredibly popular with women??
I actually have no idea - every day he comes here, he just sits there quietly, drinking his beer, licking his eyebrows..
Women see sex like buying a car
Can I see myself in this long term?
Is it safe?
Is it reliable?
Can it kill me?
Guys look at sex like parking a car.
There's a spot.
There's another spot.
Oh I have to pay? Never-mind.
Handicapped? Hope no-one sees this!
Two men are lost in the desert when they spot a tree covered in bacon.
One of the men exclaims "a bacon tree! we're saved". However as he rushes over to it he dies in a hail of bullets. It turns out that it wasn't a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.
An atheist comes into a mall
And there is no parking spot, so he says "God, if you give me parking spot, I will convert myself and become Christian".
Two minutes later he says "Nevermind I found one"
Dating a girl with an OnlyFans is a lot like having your own private, reserved parking spot.
Anyone and everyone can see it, but only you actually get to use it.
I spotted an albino Dalmatian yesterday
He was not very appreciative of it though
A rabbi and a priest are out for a walk through the park.
It's a hot summer day and as they pass by a pond, the rabbi suggest taking a bath to cool down a little.
The priest is hesitant at first, but since they're at a remote spot with noone around, he agrees.
Just as they have finished taking off their robes a group of ladies is jogging by. The priest hastily covers his crotch, while the rabbi hides his face behind his hands.
When the ladies have passed, the priest asks:
"Why didn't you cover your private parts?"
To which the rabbi replies:
"Well, MY congregation recognizes me by my face. "
What do you call 2 pirates that like each other?
a pirate ship
i know it sucks but i literally made this on the spot like a couple mins ago and thought to share it
The Voice
A guy decides to go ice fishing. He goes out on the ice and begins cutting a hole to drop his line through. Suddenly a loud, booming voice speaks from far above: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."
Somewhat spooked, he moves to another spot and tries again. Once again, the deep voice from above: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"
Now the guy is thoroughly frightened. He looks up timidly and asks, "Is that you, Lord??" The voice replies, "NO! THIS IS THE RINK MANAGER!"
A man is struggling to find a parking space. Lord, he prays. I can't stand this. If you open a space up for me, I swear I'll give up the drink and go to mass every Sunday."
Suddenly, the clouds part and the sun shines on an empty parking spot.
Without hesitation, the man says: Never mind, I found one!
I was reversing my car in the garage and asked my son to spot me, and let me know when I hit the wall.
I heard a bang. "3:45 PM", he said.
A woman is walking in a park when she sees two men working.
One man digs a hole, the other fills it back in. The two men go to another spot, the first man digs another hole, and the second man fills it back in. They then go to another spot. Again, the first man digs a hole and the second man fills it back in. They keep doing this for a while until finally the woman walks up to them and asks, "Why do you guys keep digging holes and then filling them back in?"
One of the men responds, "Well, there's usually a third guy who puts in the tree, but he's sick today.
Two Irishmen are lost at sea in a life boat
They're gradually dying of thirst, until one day they spot an ancient bottle bobbing past. They grab it out of the water, open it and a genie arises and say's he'll grant them one wish.
Immediately one of them blurts out, "I wish the entire sea were Guinness!" Instantly whole ocean turns black and foamy, pure Guinness.
"Whadda do that for ya feckin' idjit!" Yells his companion, "Now we have to piss in the boat!"
Never lie to your cardiologist
They are trained to spot a fib
I spotted an albino dalmatian the other day.
It's the least I could do for the little guy.
I was asked on the spot to name 2 structures that hold water.
I was like, "well, damn!"
My girlfriend wanted to go to the most expensive spot in the city for her birthday
She was not happy when I took her to Chevron
What did the Dalmatian say after eating a big bowl of food?
That really hit the spot!
I was waiting on my food, when my waitress slipped on a wet spot in the dining room
The cook yelled from the back sorry for the long wait times, but our server is currently down
Why couldnt Waldo go to the gym
Because no one would spot him
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the spot sight jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working spot bald spot piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.