Spot Jokes
160 spot jokes and hilarious spot puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about spot that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article dives into the many "spots" of life and how to find the funny side. Find out why bald spots, parking spots, big spots, soft spots, sweet spots, stains, scenery, and dots can be so funny and how to make light of life's little spots.
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Funniest Spot Short Jokes
Short spot jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The spot humour may include short peak jokes also.
- When a girl changes her clothes in front of you, she's either really interested or you're level 99 friend-zoned Or she hasn't spotted you in the tree yet
- Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot... The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.
- I've been married to my wife for 20 years this week.. I've been married to my wife for 20 years this week and I've finally found the G Spot..
Turns out her sister had it all along. - I was reversing my car in the garage and asked my son to spot me, and let me know when I hit the wall. I heard a bang. "3:45 PM", he said.
- I spotted my ex girlfriend on the other side of the museum hall, but I was too self-conscious to go say hello. There was just too much history between us.
- A man with dementia walks into a bar He spots a pretty lady, sits next to her and asks, "So, do I come here often?"
- Although Steve Irwin was known as the crocodile hunter ....he will always have soft spot in his heart for stingrays
- Love is like looking for a parking spot Everything good is taken and it's frowned upon to go into the handicapped ones.
- Perfect on the spot SFW joke What did the Zen Buddhist say to the hotdog vendor?
Make me one with everything. - A policeman spotted an elderly lady driving while knitting. "Pullover!" he screamed.
"No, it's a scarf!" she yelled back.
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Spot One Liners
Which spot one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with spot? I can suggest the ones about spec and stalk.
- Why doesn't where's Waldo go to the gym Because no one can spot him
- Why does Waldo only wear striped shirts? He doesn't want to be spotted
- Why does Waldo wear stripes? He doesn't want to be spotted
- I spotted an albino Dalmatian yesterday. It was the least I could do for him.
- Found my wife's g spot lastnight! Turns out her sister had it the whole time!
- How can you spot the rank of a Russian? By the stripes on his Adidas jumpsuit.
- How do you spot a rich Ethiopian? By the Rolex around his waist.
- I saw a lizard and it became a spotted lizard
- Yesterday I spotted an albino Dalmatian it was the least i could do for the poor fella
- Why does waldo wear stripes? So he isn't spotted.
- Dog Joke I spotted an albino Dalmatian the other day. It was the least I could do.
- What's better than being able to use disabled parking spots? Legs
- How do you spot a blind man in a nudist colony? It's not hard.
- Why did Waldo wear a striped shirt? He didn't want to be spotted.
- Why are chess players good in bed? They can find up to 8 G spots for their queen.
Parking Spot Jokes
Here is a list of funny parking spot jokes and even better parking spot puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Fifty clowns got fired from the circus. Luckily, it freed up three parking spots.
- Putting Your exam results on the window of your car So you can park in disabled spots.
- Why do University of Alabama graduates place their diplomas on their rear-view mirrors? So they can park in handicap spots.
- A frog parked his car in the handicapped spot. It got toad.
- I'm bored Think I will go to the mall, find a great parking spot and sit in my car with my reverse lights on.
- Dating a girl with an OnlyFans is a lot like having your own private, reserved parking spot. Anyone and everyone can see it, but only you actually get to use it.
- what do parking spots and girls have incommon? sometimes when all the good ones are taken, you have to put it in disabled one
- Women are like parking spots they are either taken or handicapped.
- I parked in three different handicap parking spots last week. No ticket, and no dirty looks. Apparently the "MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN" bumper sticker is accepted nation wide now.
- I went to visit a friend at the hospital and the only parking spot was at the C section. I had to climb out of the car through the sunroof.
Big Spot Jokes
Here is a list of funny big spot jokes and even better big spot puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Today in my biology lesson, my teacher told us that all big cats hunted by hiding, except leapords. When I asked her why, she said, "Well, because they're always spotted."
- What did the Dalmatian say after eating a big bowl of food? That really hit the spot!
- How To Impress Your Boss 1. Show up early.
2. Have all the tools you need.
3. Read the strategy guide.
4. Aim for the big glowing weak spot (usually the eyes). - Would you like to buy Jupiter? Full disclosure: It has a big red spot.
- I spotted a member of one direction yesterday.. and my friend who hates them said, "that's like spotting a tumor". To which I said, "not really, it's big deal when you spot a tumor"
- I bough my wife a mood ring, and when she's in a good mood the ring turns blue. But when she's in a bad mood, it leaves a big red spot in the middle of my forehead.
- A fisher decides to take up hunting A man spots him tossing phesants into the sky and asks what he's doing.
"They're not big enough" - A fly hit my windshield... ...and now there is this b**... spot in the center of it. It's starting to bug me.
G Spot Jokes
Here is a list of funny g spot jokes and even better g spot puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I found the wife's G spot. Her sister has it.
- For those who know nothing about pleasing a woman: The G spot is located at the end of the word 'shopping'.
- There's something I don't get about a woman's g spot. I just can't put my finger on it
- For those who don't know how to satisfy a woman... The 'G' spot is located at the end of the word shopping.
- What's the difference between a golfball and a woman's 'G' spot? A man will actually spend 20 minutes looking for a golfball...
Alternative punchline: Man can actually hit a golfball... - So my girlfriend asked me the other day "Don't you know where the G Spot is?" And I said yeah of course I know where the G spot is. It is between the F Spot and the H spot.
- Whats the difference between a girls G spot and a lost pokemon card collection? A guy will spend as much time as it takes to find the pokemon cards...
- A golf ball and G spot Question: What's the difference between a golf ball and G spot?
Answer: there is no man in the world, who wouldn't devote 30 minutes of his life, looking for a golf ball. - How could you spot a G-man back in the day? By his Fed aura.
- My girlfriend is American I can't find her G spot but she can't find my country on a map
Blind Spot Jokes
Here is a list of funny blind spot jokes and even better blind spot puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How do you spot a blind man at a nudist beach? It's not hard
- How can you spot a blind man in a nudist camp? It's not hard
- Do you know how to spot the blind man at the nudist colony? It's not hard.
- Where does Stevie Wonder park his car? In blind spots.
- How do you spot a blind man on a nudist beach? Take a guess, it's not hard.
- Did you know there's a spot in the grocery store where you can go blind? Aisle never see again
- How do you spot a blind guy at Olympic Beach VolleyBall? It's not hard and they're usually wearing black and white stripes.
- If Stevie Wonder ever gets into a car accidents It will most likely be because he didn't check his blind spot
- My abstinent girlfriend told me God has a blind spot... so I broke her behymen
- How do you spot a blind guy at a s**... club? It's not hard.
Bald Spot Jokes
Here is a list of funny bald spot jokes and even better bald spot puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I want to change my hair like everybody during this quarantine. I think I'll grow my bald spot out!
- What do you call a bald spot on a cell phone salesperson? A gap in coverage.
- Why did the Eagle go to store to buy some Rogaine? To cover up his bald spot.
Delightful Fun Spot Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about spot you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean peek jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make spot pranks.
How can you spot a Canadian
They're the ones that say "Thank You" to the ATM
Irish guy in a parking lo
theres an Irish guy driving through a packed parking lot. Upset, he shouts "dear lord, if ya help me find a parkin spot I swear on me moothers grave that I will give up mah whiskey." Just then a car backed out of a spot in front of him. Suprised, he then shouts "Nevermind lord, I found one!"
Oversexed husband
A woman is telling her friend, "My husband is so oversexed, everything little I do seems to turn him on. Yesterday he saw me holding a cucumber and he lifted up my skirt and took me from behind right on the spot."
The friend says, "And you're complaining? I think that sounds great!"
"Well, me too, but the Safeway manager didn't think so."
A guy is laying in bed reading a book while his wife is sleeping...
Every so often he reaches over and tickles her funny spot. Eventually she wakes up and yells at him saying, "What are you doing, I told you I wasn't in the mood tonight!"
He responds back with, "I understand and respected your wishes".
Irritated she asks, "Then why do you keep touching me?"
and he retorts, "I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the page..."
Two policemen are walking down the street in Soviet Russia...
...when they spot a guy standing next to the local Party Headquarters holding a paintbrush. On the wall, he's just written "The government is run by idiots!". The first policeman pulls out a pair of handcuffs and asks the second, "Shall we arrest him for vandalizing public property, or for divulging state secrets?".
A man has to pee...
But he is in the middle of Central Park. He finds what he believes is an out of the way spot, unzips, and does his thing.
To his surprise, the spot he chose was not very secluded, and before he can do anything about it, a woman walks right in front of him.
She shrieks and says, "g**...!"
"Danke schoen," he replies.
The Jewish way
As a Jew I have a soft spot for jokes about my own people, and this is one of my favorites that isn't so well known.
A Jewish man walks into a w**.... The madame asks him what he'd like. He asks if any of the women there can have s**... "the Jewish way". Puzzled, she goes to each of the unoccupied rooms, and asks the woman inside if she's familiar with having s**... the Jewish way. Finally, they get to the last room. Inside is a p**... who's extremely talented, and is one of the most expensive in the area. She asks, "do you know how to have s**... the Jewish way? This man's looking for a woman who does". She responds, "no, I haven't. But to stay at the top of my profession, I'm always looking to improve. If you teach me how to have s**... the Jewish way, we'll do that free of charge".
The man accepts the offer, and they have s**.... She's surprised to find that it's just regular s**...! Afterwards, she asks "What were you talking about, 'the Jewish way'? You just had s**... with me, the most expensive h**... in town, for free?!" He smiles and replies, "that's the Jewish way!".
Two Mexicans were walking through the desert...
After days without food or water, one of them spot a tree on the horizon.
"Look ese" one of them says. "Is a bacon tree!"
The other Mexican becomes excited, and starts running towards the tree. When he is only a few yards away, a hail of bullets hit him, and he falls to the ground. With his last breath he shouts to his friend.
"Run ese, is no bacon tree. Is a ham-bush"
How can you spot the p**... at the Miss America pageant?
She's wearing a sash that says Idaho.
On a scale of 1 to o**......
How good was the hiding spot?
So p**... was driving down the street
And he was in a sweat. He was late for an important business meeting and he couldn't find a place to park. In desperation he looked up to god and prayed, "if you find me a parking space, I will go to mass every Sunday from now on and give up drinking whiskey." Miraculously a spot appeared. p**... looked up again and said, "nevermind, I found on."
Last Halloween
Last Halloween, I went to a costume party. I spot a guy dressed in a monkey costume with a jar of peanut butter in one hand and a chocolate bar in the other. I asked him what he was dressed as, and he replied, "Me? I am a Reese's Monkey."
The Answer Is Four (Teacher Joke)
Little Johnny was in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question…
Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?
None, replied Johnny. The rest would fly away.
Well, the answer is actually four, said the teacher. But I do like the way you're thinking.
Little Johnny quickly replies… Well, I have a question for you… Say you spot three women eating ice cream cones. One is l**... her cone, the second is biting her cone and the third is s**... her cone. Which one of these women is married?
Well, says the teacher nervously, I guess I'd say the one s**... the cone.
No, says Little Johnny. The one with the wedding ring on her finger is married. But I like the way you're thinking.
There was a Jewish businessman
There was a Jewish businessman who was almost late at an important business meeting where punctuality was highly priced. But there were no empty parking spots around and the time was running. He looked to the sky and prayed: "Dear God, give me a parking spot now and I will donate 100 thousand to the synagogue!" Suddenly, a car left exactly in front of him. Relieved, the guy looked again at the sky and said: "It's okay, forget it, I got one."
Hope it's not a repost, heard this on the radio today...
Cheech and Chong are partying down in Tijuana, when they spot a dog up the road a ways.
Looking closer, they see the dog is frolicking about in the intersection, having a great time l**... himself.
Cheech exclaims, "Man! I wish I could do that!"
Chong replies, "well... maybe you should try to pet him first, man."
I swear I just troll-dadded this on the spot when my daughter asked...
"Dad, what's a preposition?"
"A preposition is a word that you never, ever end a sentence with."
A man goes ice fishing...
He takes out his ice pick and begins to hack away. Suddenly, he hears a booming voice from above say, "There are no fish there."
He moves to a new spot and begins again. Again comes the voice, There are no fish there either."
He tries a third spot, and again the voice informs him, "Not there either."
Frightened, the man calls out, "Is that you, God?"
"No," the voice booms, "I'm the rink manager."
I saw a guy smoking two cigarettes today
I was walking down the street and saw a guy smoking two cigarettes at once, I asked him about it and he said that his friend recently went to jail and that he swore upon his life to always smoke on his behalf as long as he is in jail.
A month later I walk by the same street and spot the same guy, but this time he only had one cigarette in his mouth.
I asked him if his friend got out of jail to which he responded "Nah man, I quit smoking"
A woman is looking at herself n**... in the mirror
....she rubs her tummy and says to her husband "I feel ugly, fat and disgusting. Pay me a compliment"
Husband says "well, your eyesight is spot on"
Parking...
A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. There was a young man in the driver's seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat knitting. He stopped to investigate.
He walked up to the driver's window and knocked.
The young man looked up, cranked the window down, and said, "Yes, officer?"
"What are you doing?" the policeman asked.
"What does it look like?" answered the young man. "I'm reading a magazine."
Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the officer then asked, "And what is she doing?"
The young man looked over his shoulder and replied, "What does it look like? She's knitting."
"And how old are you?" the officer then asked the young man.
"I'm nineteen," he replied.
"And how old is she?" asked the officer.
.
.
.
The young man looked at his watch and said, "Well, in about twelve minutes she'll be eighteen."
Here's one from Russia
A guy is late for an important meeting but can't find a place to park.
In desperation, he begins to pray.
"Please Lord, if you help me find a parking stall right now, I promise to go to church every Sunday and never drink v**... again!"
A moment later, he sees a beautiful empty spot right next to the entrance.
"Never mind. Found one!"
Spotting Idiots Online
I wish there was some way to identify idiots online.
Sent from my iPhone
Three statisticians go out hunting together...
After a while they spot a solitary rabbit. The first statistician takes aim and ends up shooting too far to the left of the rabbit. The second aims, misses, and shoots too far to the right. The third shouts out "We got him!"
My friends' girlfriend gets diagnosed with cancer..
He proposed to her on the spot. See ladies, it's not that men can't be spontaneous and romantic, we just don't like long term commitment
My s**... life is like finding a parking spot
My s**... life is like finding a parking spot in town.
All the good ones are taken, so sometimes when no one is looking I have to stick it into disabled one.
You can't get good signal reception at a cemetery
It's a dead spot.
What do women and the stock market have in common?
If you don't pull out in time, it will cost you a lot of money.
How to spot a d**... in the gym?
Really bad so he hurts himself.
What did the blonde name her pet Zebra?
Spot
My s**... life is like looking for a parking spot...
The best ones are always taken and when nobody looks I'll just take the disabled one.
So the US Military dropped a 22,000 lb bomb on ISIS today.
That moves Amy Shumer's special to the second spot for largest bomb for the year.
How do you spot a Jewish p**... in Thailand?
He brings his own kids.
My Grandmother was excited to hear that some cookies at the bake sale were baked by genuine prostitutes
Grandma did always have a soft spot for h**...-made products.
I have a Spotify playlist that has songs from The Peanuts Movie, Eminem, and The Cranberries
I call it my trail mix.
I went hunting with my preacher.
We went hunting in the same spot together. A deer walked out and we both shot at the same time. Upon inspecting the deer, we couldn't find any bullet holes. I said "It must be yours preacher. The bullet was like your sermons. It went in one ear and out the other!"
(Blonde joke I just remembered) A blonde and a brunette...
A blonde and a brunette are walking in a shopping mall and spot a man with really bad dandruff. He has a look of visible anger on his face as he passes the two girls. The brunette says "Wow, that guy could use some Head & Shoulders." The blonde says back "How do you give Shoulders?"
My Indian GF said I could give her a f**......
I nearly came on the spot!
A server is carrying a tray of cheese when he sees a beautiful girl walk by.
He thinks of something to say and goes in for the kill. But on his way he slips on a wet spot, sending him sliding into an ice sculpture and spilling the cheese in a straight line behind him. People get up to help and start picking up cheese off the ground. The girl goes over to the server and asks if he is okay. The server responds, "I'm fine, but it seems my slick icebreaker has turned into a cheesy pickup line."
Did you hear about the Pepsi employee that got fired?
Turns out they found coke in his system and fired him on the spot.
How do you spot a gay man in a group of n**... women?
It's not hard.
Magic carpet
A blonde , a brunette and a red head walk into a carpet store and spot a talking magic carpet.
It spoke, "if you step on me and lie, you will disappear with a p**...!"
The brunette steps on first and says, "I think I'm the prettiest girl in town."
She vanished with a p**...!
The red head steps on the carpet and says, "I think I'm the smartest girl in town."
She vanished with a p**...!
The blonde steps on the carpet and says, "I think-"
She vanished with a p**...!
Three statisticians go on a hunting trip...
They spot a deer, immediately the first statistician takes a shot and it misses two meters to the left. The second statistician takes a shot and misses two meters to the right. "We got it!" yells the third Statistician
A man goes to a bar
He sits down at the closest empty spot with the longest face you can imagine. The bartender asks him what's up while giving him his beer. He says with the saddest voice: "me and my wife had a fight and she said she wouldn't talk to me for a month". Understanding his struggles the bartender says he must really love his wife and miss her. "No" he says, "today is the last day".
A fat British man walks into a store...
... He sees a box of pills labeled "Lose 50 Pounds Instantly, if it doesn't work we'll give you your money back!". Excited and with nothing to lose, the man promptly purchases the pills and gobbles them down on the spot, but to not effect. Angrily, he tells the cashier it didn't work and he wants his money back. The cashier replies "Yes it did, you have the receipt as proof."
A mathematician, a physicist, and a statistician are out hunting
When they spot a deer. The mathemician shoots five feet to the left and misses. The physicist shoots five feet to the right and misses. The statistician yells, "We got em!"
What's the most popular first date spot in Alabama?
Olive Garden: when you're here, you're family.
Two cowboys are riding out when the spot an Indian laying down with his ear to the ground.
Approaching him, one Cowboy says Look here. These Indians can track wagons from miles away. You there, what can you tell about the closest wagon train?
The Indian says Large Conestoga wagon, father, mother, three daughters, headed due west at around two miles per hour .
Wow! Exclaimed the cowboys in unison. You can tell all that by listening to the ground?
Nuh-uh. Ran over me half an hour ago .
My mother in law complained that the thermometer I gave her (which she hung in a very sunny spot) wasn't showing an accurate temperature.
So I told her to stick it where the sun doesn't shine.
I'm opening a restaurant called "whatever"
It'll immediately be every girlfriend's favourite spot.
A man drives up to a p**...
He asks her: "what would your mother think if she saw you here?"
She replies: "she'd probably kill me, this is her spot"
Have you ever heard of the Greek hero Bophades?
He was one of the heroes who fought in the t**... War. His story is similar to the story of Achilles. When he was a child, his mother held him by the groin and dipped him in the river Styx, as to make him invincible in battle. However, just like Achilles, he had a weak spot. Because his mother held him by the groin, this was where he became vulnerable. In the case of Achilles, this was his heel. So you may have heard of Achilles' heel, or the Achilles' tendon, but I bet you have never heard of Bophades nuts.
How to spot an introvert in a crowd
Please don't
Good pickup line.
Two male flies are buzzing around the farmyard when they spot a female fly landing on a fresh pile of cow dung.
The one fly says, "Wow, she is cute! I'm going to try to talk to her, wish me luck."
He swoops down, lands right next to her and says, "Excuse me Miss, is this stool taken?"
One day Achilles and Testiclles are talking
Testiclles said "Why is your name Achilles?" and Achilles said "When my mother dipped me in the river, she held me by my heel. My tendon is my only weak spot" and then he said "And why is your name Testiclles?"
My girlfriend broke up with me at our favorite date spot. I was so shocked and heartbroken I got up and immediately stormed out the door.
And that's how I fell off the Ferris wheel.
God In The Parking Lot
A man is struggling to find a parking space. Lord, he prays. I can't stand this. If you open a space for me, I swear that I'll give up the drink and go to church every Sunday.
Suddenly, the clouds part and the sun shines down on an empty parking spot. Without hesitation, the man says Never mind, I found one!
One of my favorite old Egyptian Jokes
There was some men gathered together, one of them said "if you're scared of your wife, move to the left a couple steps"
Everyone moved except one. So he asked the o**... "why didn't you move?"
He said "my wife told me stay put in this spot."
George Carlin once famously joked, "Think of how s**... the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that."
Thanks to all those people wearing masks but leaving their noses fully exposed, the stupider half is now a lot easier to spot.
A man walks in to a bar
And sees an ugly old humpback of a guy, who is constantly surrounded by women.
How to spot a millionaire, am I right? he winks and smiles at the bartender
No, Larry is a plumber, not a millionaire
Okay - so he must be extremely charming?
Larry is actually a man of very few words
Then what on earth makes him so incredibly popular with women??
I actually have no idea - every day he comes here, he just sits there quietly, drinking his beer, l**... his eyebrows..
I came out of the closet to my boss and was fired on the spot
He's still asking how I got in his closet
Women see s**... like buying a car
Can I see myself in this long term?
Is it safe?
Is it reliable?
Can it kill me?
Guys look at s**... like parking a car.
There's a spot.
There's another spot.
Oh I have to pay? Never-mind.
Handicapped? Hope no-one sees this!
Two men are lost in the desert when they spot a tree covered in bacon.
One of the men exclaims "a bacon tree! we're saved". However as he rushes over to it he dies in a hail of bullets. It turns out that it wasn't a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.
Husband tired of His lazy wife sitting all day on the couch told Her: If You keep doing this you will lose your w**... for being too lazy.
Next morning He found Her asleep on the same spot and quickly went to the meat shop and bought a whole cow liver, went back home and carefully placed it right by her c**... and left to work.
When He came back home found His wife crying and had a pale face. He said whats wrong?
Wife: I lost my w**... like You said
Husband: did it hurt?
Wife: didn't feel anything but it hurt like h**... when I put it back in.
An atheist comes into a mall
And there is no parking spot, so he says "God, if you give me parking spot, I will convert myself and become Christian".
Two minutes later he says "Nevermind I found one"
Is it hard to spot a leopard?
No. They come that way.
\- Courtesy of my eight year old, about ten seconds ago.
I spotted an albino Dalmatian yesterday
He was not very appreciative of it though
