Spot Jokes
147 spot jokes and hilarious spot puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about spot that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article dives into the many "spots" of life and how to find the funny side. Find out why bald spots, parking spots, big spots, soft spots, sweet spots, stains, scenery, and dots can be so funny and how to make light of life's little spots.
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Funniest Spot Short Jokes
Short spot jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The spot humour may include short peak jokes also.
- When a girl changes her clothes in front of you, she's either really interested or you're level 99 friend-zoned Or she hasn't spotted you in the tree yet
- I've been married to my wife for 20 years this week.. I've been married to my wife for 20 years this week and I've finally found the G Spot..
Turns out her sister had it all along. - I was reversing my car in the garage and asked my son to spot me, and let me know when I hit the wall. I heard a bang. "3:45 PM", he said.
- A man with dementia walks into a bar He spots a pretty lady, sits next to her and asks, "So, do I come here often?"
- Although Steve Irwin was known as the crocodile hunter ....he will always have soft spot in his heart for stingrays
- Love is like looking for a parking spot Everything good is taken and it's frowned upon to go into the handicapped ones.
- Perfect on the spot SFW joke What did the Zen Buddhist say to the hotdog vendor?
Make me one with everything. - A policeman spotted an elderly lady driving while knitting. "Pullover!" he screamed.
"No, it's a scarf!" she yelled back. - I had heard the rumors of clowns being spotted all over the country... But I honestly didn't believe it until I saw them debate each other on TV.
- So the US Military dropped a 22,000 lb bomb on ISIS today. That moves Amy Shumer's special to the second spot for largest bomb for the year.
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Spot One Liners
Which spot one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with spot? I can suggest the ones about spec and stalk.
- Why doesn't where's Waldo go to the gym Because no one can spot him
- Why does Waldo only wear striped shirts? He doesn't want to be spotted
- I spotted an albino Dalmatian yesterday. It was the least I could do for him.
- I saw a lizard and it became a spotted lizard
- Yesterday I spotted an albino Dalmatian it was the least i could do for the poor fella
- Dog Joke I spotted an albino Dalmatian the other day. It was the least I could do.
- What's better than being able to use disabled parking spots? Legs
- Fifty clowns got fired from the circus. Luckily, it freed up three parking spots.
- How can you spot a Canadian They're the ones that say "Thank You" to the ATM
- Why do tigers have stripes? They don't want to be spotted.
- Putting Your exam results on the window of your car So you can park in disabled spots.
- I reckon there were actually 102 dalmatians. But the other one was never spotted.
- I spotted an albino Dalmatian yesterday He was not very appreciative of it though
- BREAKING NEWS: Missing Child Spotted With Pied Piper Of Hamelin More to follow
- How to spot an introvert in a crowd Please don't
Parking Spot Jokes
Here is a list of funny parking spot jokes and even better parking spot puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I'm bored Think I will go to the mall, find a great parking spot and sit in my car with my reverse lights on.
- Dating a girl with an OnlyFans is a lot like having your own private, reserved parking spot. Anyone and everyone can see it, but only you actually get to use it.
- what do parking spots and girls have incommon? sometimes when all the good ones are taken, you have to put it in disabled one
- I parked in three different handicap parking spots last week. No ticket, and no dirty looks. Apparently the "MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN" bumper sticker is accepted nation wide now.
- I went to visit a friend at the hospital and the only parking spot was at the c section. I had to climb out of the car through the sunroof.
- The parking spot on Richard III's grave was restricted... Only two-door cars were allowed.
- If a parking spot says Reserved can I park there if I don't talk much?
- The police station installed "Safe Spots" for Craigslist sales... Which is great because I always met in a park under a tree but it always seemed so shady.
- Where does Stevie Wonder park his car? In blind spots.
- Why did the ancient philosopher build 2 spots to park his boat? We'll never know, it's a paradox.
Big Spot Jokes
Here is a list of funny big spot jokes and even better big spot puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Today in my biology lesson, my teacher told us that all big cats hunted by hiding, except leapords. When I asked her why, she said, "Well, because they're always spotted."
- What did the Dalmatian say after eating a big bowl of food? That really hit the spot!
- Would you like to buy Jupiter? Full disclosure: It has a big red spot.
- I spotted a member of one direction yesterday.. and my friend who hates them said, "that's like spotting a tumor". To which I said, "not really, it's big deal when you spot a tumor"
- A fisher decides to take up hunting A man spots him tossing phesants into the sky and asks what he's doing.
"They're not big enough"
G Spot Jokes
Here is a list of funny g spot jokes and even better g spot puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- For those who know nothing about pleasing a woman: The G spot is located at the end of the word 'shopping'.
- What's the difference between a golfball and a woman's 'G' spot? A man will actually spend 20 minutes looking for a golfball...
Alternative punchline: Man can actually hit a golfball... - So my girlfriend asked me the other day "Don't you know where the G Spot is?" And I said yeah of course I know where the G spot is. It is between the F Spot and the H spot.
- Whats the difference between a girls G spot and a lost pokemon card collection? A guy will spend as much time as it takes to find the pokemon cards...
- A golf ball and G spot Question: What's the difference between a golf ball and G spot?
Answer: there is no man in the world, who wouldn't devote 30 minutes of his life, looking for a golf ball. - How could you spot a G-man back in the day? By his Fed aura.
- My girlfriend is American I can't find her G spot but she can't find my country on a map
Blind Spot Jokes
Here is a list of funny blind spot jokes and even better blind spot puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How do you spot a blind man on a nudist beach? Take a guess, it's not hard.
- Did you know there's a spot in the grocery store where you can go blind? Aisle never see again
- How do you spot a blind guy at Olympic Beach VolleyBall? It's not hard and they're usually wearing black and white stripes.
- If Stevie Wonder ever gets into a car accidents It will most likely be because he didn't check his blind spot
- My abstinent girlfriend told me God has a blind spot... so I broke her behymen
Bald Spot Jokes
Here is a list of funny bald spot jokes and even better bald spot puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I want to change my hair like everybody during this quarantine. I think I'll grow my bald spot out!
- What do you call a bald spot on a cell phone salesperson? A gap in coverage.
- Why did the Eagle go to store to buy some Rogaine? To cover up his bald spot.
Delightful Fun Spot Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about spot you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean point jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make spot pranks.
So there was this guy who flew so close to the sun he was able to touch it in exactly one spot...
...after that, he was a real tangent.
A guy is laying in bed reading a book while his wife is sleeping...
Every so often he reaches over and tickles her funny spot. Eventually she wakes up and yells at him saying, "What are you doing, I told you I wasn't in the mood tonight!"
He responds back with, "I understand and respected your wishes".
Irritated she asks, "Then why do you keep touching me?"
and he retorts, "I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the page..."
Two policemen are walking down the street in Soviet Russia...
...when they spot a guy standing next to the local Party Headquarters holding a paintbrush. On the wall, he's just written "The government is run by idiots!". The first policeman pulls out a pair of handcuffs and asks the second, "Shall we arrest him for vandalizing public property, or for divulging state secrets?".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man has to pee...
But he is in the middle of Central Park. He finds what he believes is an out of the way spot, unzips, and does his thing.
To his surprise, the spot he chose was not very secluded, and before he can do anything about it, a woman walks right in front of him.
She shrieks and says, "g**...!"
"Danke schoen," he replies.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Jewish way
As a Jew I have a soft spot for jokes about my own people, and this is one of my favorites that isn't so well known.
A Jewish man walks into a w**.... The madame asks him what he'd like. He asks if any of the women there can have s**... "the Jewish way". Puzzled, she goes to each of the unoccupied rooms, and asks the woman inside if she's familiar with having s**... the Jewish way. Finally, they get to the last room. Inside is a p**... who's extremely talented, and is one of the most expensive in the area. She asks, "do you know how to have s**... the Jewish way? This man's looking for a woman who does". She responds, "no, I haven't. But to stay at the top of my profession, I'm always looking to improve. If you teach me how to have s**... the Jewish way, we'll do that free of charge".
The man accepts the offer, and they have s**.... She's surprised to find that it's just regular s**...! Afterwards, she asks "What were you talking about, 'the Jewish way'? You just had s**... with me, the most expensive h**... in town, for free?!" He smiles and replies, "that's the Jewish way!".
Wrong spot
There once was an old man who was about to die. He told his wife to put a bag of money in the attic "When I die I'll get it on my way up." chuckled the old man. Well when the old man died the wife went up to the attic and found that the bag of money was still there. "I knew I should have put that money in the cellar!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How can you spot the p**... at the Miss America pageant?
She's wearing a sash that says Idaho.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
On a scale of 1 to o**......
How good was the hiding spot?
Last Halloween
Last Halloween, I went to a costume party. I spot a guy dressed in a monkey costume with a jar of peanut butter in one hand and a chocolate bar in the other. I asked him what he was dressed as, and he replied, "Me? I am a Reese's Monkey."
A Lithuanian couple in a hotel
A Lithuanian couple go to a hotel in USA. They spot a mouse in the room.
"A mouse! Dear, call the lobby, you know at least some English, right?!"
The man picks up the phone.
"Helou."
"Can I help you?"
"Yes, dū jū nau Tom and Džeri?"
"Yes sir, of course."
"So, Džeri iz hier."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Answer Is Four (Teacher Joke)
Little Johnny was in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question…
Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?
None, replied Johnny. The rest would fly away.
Well, the answer is actually four, said the teacher. But I do like the way you're thinking.
Little Johnny quickly replies… Well, I have a question for you… Say you spot three women eating ice cream cones. One is l**... her cone, the second is biting her cone and the third is s**... her cone. Which one of these women is married?
Well, says the teacher nervously, I guess I'd say the one s**... the cone.
No, says Little Johnny. The one with the wedding ring on her finger is married. But I like the way you're thinking.
There was a Jewish businessman
There was a Jewish businessman who was almost late at an important business meeting where punctuality was highly priced. But there were no empty parking spots around and the time was running. He looked to the sky and prayed: "Dear God, give me a parking spot now and I will donate 100 thousand to the synagogue!" Suddenly, a car left exactly in front of him. Relieved, the guy looked again at the sky and said: "It's okay, forget it, I got one."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hope it's not a repost, heard this on the radio today...
Cheech and Chong are partying down in Tijuana, when they spot a dog up the road a ways.
Looking closer, they see the dog is frolicking about in the intersection, having a great time l**... himself.
Cheech exclaims, "Man! I wish I could do that!"
Chong replies, "well... maybe you should try to pet him first, man."
I swear I just troll-dadded this on the spot when my daughter asked...
"Dad, what's a preposition?"
"A preposition is a word that you never, ever end a sentence with."
A man goes ice fishing...
He takes out his ice pick and begins to hack away. Suddenly, he hears a booming voice from above say, "There are no fish there."
He moves to a new spot and begins again. Again comes the voice, There are no fish there either."
He tries a third spot, and again the voice informs him, "Not there either."
Frightened, the man calls out, "Is that you, God?"
"No," the voice booms, "I'm the rink manager."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How can you spot the rank of a Russian?
By the stripes on his Adidas jumpsuit.
I heard the government were going to give on the spot fines to bad drivers
I thought that's a bit sexist.
Cr
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot...
The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.
Parking...
A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. There was a young man in the driver's seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat knitting. He stopped to investigate.
He walked up to the driver's window and knocked.
The young man looked up, cranked the window down, and said, "Yes, officer?"
"What are you doing?" the policeman asked.
"What does it look like?" answered the young man. "I'm reading a magazine."
Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the officer then asked, "And what is she doing?"
The young man looked over his shoulder and replied, "What does it look like? She's knitting."
"And how old are you?" the officer then asked the young man.
"I'm nineteen," he replied.
"And how old is she?" asked the officer.
.
.
.
The young man looked at his watch and said, "Well, in about twelve minutes she'll be eighteen."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Spotting Idiots Online
I wish there was some way to identify idiots online.
Sent from my iPhone
My friends' girlfriend gets diagnosed with cancer..
He proposed to her on the spot. See ladies, it's not that men can't be spontaneous and romantic, we just don't like long term commitment
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you spot a blind guy at a s**... club?
It's not hard.
A woman came in for a job interview wearing an abacus on her head. I hired her right on the spot.
It's so hard to find employees who you can count on.
You can't get good signal reception at a cemetery
It's a dead spot.
What do women and the stock market have in common?
If you don't pull out in time, it will cost you a lot of money.
Earliest-known Ten Commandments tablet sells at auction for $850000
Bumping Apple off the top spot for most expensive mobile device without a headphone jack.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How to spot a d**... in the gym?
Really bad so he hurts himself.
What did the blonde name her pet Zebra?
Spot
A man parks in a handicapped spot
One day a man parks in a handicapped spot. An elderly woman woman drives up from behind, beeps the man and says "young man your not disabled, you should not be parking here".
The man replies "did you just assume my gender".
"Oh my mistake" says the woman
What is Justin Timberlake's Favorite vacation spot in the Ukraine?
Crimea River
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My s**... life is like looking for a parking spot...
The best ones are always taken and when nobody looks I'll just take the disabled one.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Found my wife's G Spot lastnight!
Turns out her sister had it the whole time!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you spot a Jewish p**... in Thailand?
He brings his own kids.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My Grandmother was excited to hear that some cookies at the bake sale were baked by genuine prostitutes
Grandma did always have a soft spot for h**...-made products.
I have a Spotify playlist that has songs from The Peanuts Movie, Eminem, and The Cranberries
I call it my trail mix.
I went hunting with my preacher.
We went hunting in the same spot together. A deer walked out and we both shot at the same time. Upon inspecting the deer, we couldn't find any bullet holes. I said "It must be yours preacher. The bullet was like your sermons. It went in one ear and out the other!"
(Blonde joke I just remembered) A blonde and a brunette...
A blonde and a brunette are walking in a shopping mall and spot a man with really bad dandruff. He has a look of visible anger on his face as he passes the two girls. The brunette says "Wow, that guy could use some Head & Shoulders." The blonde says back "How do you give Shoulders?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you spot a rich Ethiopian?
By the Rolex around his waist.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My Indian GF said I could give her a f**......
I nearly came on the spot!
A server is carrying a tray of cheese when he sees a beautiful girl walk by.
He thinks of something to say and goes in for the kill. But on his way he slips on a wet spot, sending him sliding into an ice sculpture and spilling the cheese in a straight line behind him. People get up to help and start picking up cheese off the ground. The girl goes over to the server and asks if he is okay. The server responds, "I'm fine, but it seems my slick icebreaker has turned into a cheesy pickup line."
Did you hear about the Pepsi employee that got fired?
Turns out they found coke in his system and fired him on the spot.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Magic carpet
A blonde , a brunette and a red head walk into a carpet store and spot a talking magic carpet.
It spoke, "if you step on me and lie, you will disappear with a p**...!"
The brunette steps on first and says, "I think I'm the prettiest girl in town."
She vanished with a p**...!
The red head steps on the carpet and says, "I think I'm the smartest girl in town."
She vanished with a p**...!
The blonde steps on the carpet and says, "I think-"
She vanished with a p**...!
His punchlines are before his questions.
How do you spot a time traveler?
A fat British man walks into a store...
... He sees a box of pills labeled "Lose 50 Pounds Instantly, if it doesn't work we'll give you your money back!". Excited and with nothing to lose, the man promptly purchases the pills and gobbles them down on the spot, but to not effect. Angrily, he tells the cashier it didn't work and he wants his money back. The cashier replies "Yes it did, you have the receipt as proof."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm a Latino nurse and while I was doing my rounds, one of the surgeons burst out of the operating room and told me to help finish the operation.
I cut the patient's o**... on the wrong spot but luckily I miscalculated and saved their life. No one thought I could do it and I shocked them all. Nobody expected the Spanish missed the incision.
Why don't you ever see elephants hiding in trees?
After reading this reposted joke everyday, the elephants realized their hiding spot was discovered, and found a new one.
What's the most popular first date spot in Alabama?
Olive Garden: when you're here, you're family.
What's the best thing about Japan?
I don't know, but their flag is spot on.
Two cowboys are riding out when the spot an Indian laying down with his ear to the ground.
Approaching him, one Cowboy says Look here. These Indians can track wagons from miles away. You there, what can you tell about the closest wagon train?
The Indian says Large Conestoga wagon, father, mother, three daughters, headed due west at around two miles per hour .
Wow! Exclaimed the cowboys in unison. You can tell all that by listening to the ground?
Nuh-uh. Ran over me half an hour ago .
My mother in law complained that the thermometer I gave her (which she hung in a very sunny spot) wasn't showing an accurate temperature.
So I told her to stick it where the sun doesn't shine.
I'm opening a restaurant called "whatever"
It'll immediately be every girlfriend's favourite spot.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man drives up to a p**...
He asks her: "what would your mother think if she saw you here?"
She replies: "she'd probably kill me, this is her spot"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Have you ever heard of the Greek hero Bophades?
He was one of the heroes who fought in the t**... War. His story is similar to the story of Achilles. When he was a child, his mother held him by the groin and dipped him in the river Styx, as to make him invincible in battle. However, just like Achilles, he had a weak spot. Because his mother held him by the groin, this was where he became vulnerable. In the case of Achilles, this was his heel. So you may have heard of Achilles' heel, or the Achilles' tendon, but I bet you have never heard of Bophades nuts.
Good pickup line.
Two male flies are buzzing around the farmyard when they spot a female fly landing on a fresh pile of cow dung.
The one fly says, "Wow, she is cute! I'm going to try to talk to her, wish me luck."
He swoops down, lands right next to her and says, "Excuse me Miss, is this stool taken?"
How can you spot a Chemist in the bathroom?
They wash their hands
before they use the toilet.
An engineer, an architect and a mathematician are trapped in a cave with nothing but a can of food each and they want to get the cans open so that they can eat.
The engineer finds a rock and taps it against the weak spot of the can. The architect throws the can against the wall in a way that doesn't collapse the cave. The mathematician then announces loudly to the other two, Let my can be open, how do we close it?
One day Achilles and Testiclles are talking
Testiclles said "Why is your name Achilles?" and Achilles said "When my mother dipped me in the river, she held me by my heel. My tendon is my only weak spot" and then he said "And why is your name Testiclles?"
My girlfriend broke up with me at our favorite date spot. I was so shocked and heartbroken I got up and immediately stormed out the door.
And that's how I fell off the Ferris wheel.
Heard this one during a real science lecture two years ago.
"In the event of a tornado, you will want to hide in a safe spot." said the teacher. "A good place to hide would be one with the least number of windows. So where should you hide?"
One of the intellectuals thinks for a moment and then raises his hand. The teacher calls on him.
"You should hide outside!"
P.S: In the event of a tornado, hide in a basement, closet or bathroom. Don't die.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does a pirate say when giving s**... advice?
Yarr, G marks the spot!
An attractive co-worker that I've been working with for 3 years confessed to me today, but I rejected her.
One way to spot a woman with low standards is when they start liking me.
Arizona may be a COVID 19 hot spot...
...but at least its a dry cough.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One of my favorite old Egyptian Jokes
There was some men gathered together, one of them said "if you're scared of your wife, move to the left a couple steps"
Everyone moved except one. So he asked the o**... "why didn't you move?"
He said "my wife told me stay put in this spot."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
George Carlin once famously joked, "Think of how s**... the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that."
Thanks to all those people wearing masks but leaving their noses fully exposed, the stupider half is now a lot easier to spot.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks in to a bar
And sees an ugly old humpback of a guy, who is constantly surrounded by women.
How to spot a millionaire, am I right? he winks and smiles at the bartender
No, Larry is a plumber, not a millionaire
Okay - so he must be extremely charming?
Larry is actually a man of very few words
Then what on earth makes him so incredibly popular with women??
I actually have no idea - every day he comes here, he just sits there quietly, drinking his beer, l**... his eyebrows..
How do you spot a leopard?
You don't, they come that way
I came out of the closet to my boss and was fired on the spot
He's still asking how I got in his closet
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Women see s**... like buying a car
Can I see myself in this long term?
Is it safe?
Is it reliable?
Can it kill me?
Guys look at s**... like parking a car.
There's a spot.
There's another spot.
Oh I have to pay? Never-mind.
Handicapped? Hope no-one sees this!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Husband tired of His lazy wife sitting all day on the couch told Her: If You keep doing this you will lose your w**... for being too lazy.
Next morning He found Her asleep on the same spot and quickly went to the meat shop and bought a whole cow liver, went back home and carefully placed it right by her c**... and left to work.
When He came back home found His wife crying and had a pale face. He said whats wrong?
Wife: I lost my w**... like You said
Husband: did it hurt?
Wife: didn't feel anything but it hurt like h**... when I put it back in.
An atheist comes into a mall
And there is no parking spot, so he says "God, if you give me parking spot, I will convert myself and become Christian".
Two minutes later he says "Nevermind I found one"
Is it hard to spot a leopard?
No. They come that way.
\- Courtesy of my eight year old, about ten seconds ago.
Made up on the spot, and told to me by my 13yo son just now: What's a dog's favorite type of meat?
Wag-yu.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A rabbi and a priest are out for a walk through the park.
It's a hot summer day and as they pass by a pond, the rabbi suggest taking a bath to cool down a little.
The priest is hesitant at first, but since they're at a remote spot with noone around, he agrees.
Just as they have finished taking off their robes a group of ladies is jogging by. The priest hastily covers his c**..., while the rabbi hides his face behind his hands.
When the ladies have passed, the priest asks:
"Why didn't you cover your private parts?"
To which the rabbi replies:
"Well, MY congregation recognizes me by my face. "
