I'd come in fourth so I wouldn't have to walk up to the podium.
I've been told I'm not ambitious enough.
If only there was an olympic sport for being a lazy bastard.
That bronze medal would be mine.
Because the best you can get is bronze.
I would be fourth so I wouldn't have to step up on the podium.
To convince women sweeping was a sport.
Twelve women, three periods each.
Non-athletic-sport-centered-around-rednecks
Cross country
John and Dave have been on a deserted island for over 2 years. Missing sex John proposes an idea.
"Look Dave, I know we're not gay but if you pretend to be a woman for me and let me sex you up I will do the same for you."
Dave agreed and John began to ram Dave's asshole. Dave was being a good sport and did his best to moan like a woman. After John finished Dave said "Ok your turn"
"Fuck off, I have a headache Dave."
Parah Salin.
I would probably get bronze.
Because they don't like Dick's
I'd come in 4th, just so I wouldn't have to walk up to the podium.
Body building.
Cross-country
Limbo. They don't set the bar very high.
It's golf.
Because it is a contact sport!
The teacher asks what is in it. The little boy answers:
- It's my cat. When I left home, my dad said to my mum:"As soon as our son is gone, I'm gonna eat your pussy"
Cross-country
1. The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is: basketball.
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is: bowling.
3. The sport of choice for blue-collar workers is: football.
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is: baseball.
5. The sport of choice for middle management is: tennis.
6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is: golf.
Conclusion: The more money you make, the smaller your balls become.
Upon entering their home he promtly asks her, "hey honey, do you want to play the rape game tonight?", a flat and unenthusiastic "no" is her response, to which he replies excitedly "good sport"
That sport is going downhill fast.
**Feminist:** Why isn't the doctor a woman? Does it have to be a man? You know women can be doctors too!
**Me:** Okay, this FEMALE doctor orders a beer-
**Feminist:** Why is she drinking a beer in a bar? She's obviously an intelligent woman for being a doctor, why would she subject herself to such a male environment?
**Me:** Okay, she's not in a bar, she's um, at a… baseball game, and she orders a beer from one of the stands-
**Feminist:** Why would a strong independent intelligent woman doctor be supporting a male dominated sport?!!!!!! That's so oppressive! The men will look at her so demeaningly with no respect for what she has achieved!
**Me:** … Okay fine, I just won't tell the joke then.
**Feminist:** If you seriously can't tell a joke without being sexist then you're not actually funny at all. I bet the original male doctor was White too, you racist.
I'd get fourth so I wouldn't have to walk up to the podium.
Because it's the one time every four years I can yell, sweep harder at a woman, and no one thinks it's because I'm a sexist pig.
He has been bored and looking in to a new sport to take up. He's looking through his newspaper when he sees an advert for a new golf course in his home town. He takes a walk down and asks the receptionist about signing up.
Usain Bolt Hi, I'm here to see about joining your new golf course
Receptionist Hmmm I'm not so sure if that would be allowed sir
Usain Bolt Can I ask why? Have you sold all memberships?
Receptionist I'm afraid not sir, you see the owner of the course is rather racist and he won't allow black members. There is another golf course just 15 minutes down the road, I'm sure you can join them
Usain Bolt That is horrible! Do you know who I am? I'm Usain Bolt!
Receptionist Ah ok the other course will only be 5 minutes down the road then
Discus
Mrs. Flebs, a teacher, was standing in front of her class. It was the beginning of the new school year. Mrs. Flebs said, "ok class, we're going to go around the room and have everybody say a sentence. We'll start with Sarah."
Sarah said "cows have spots." Terrence said "baseball is a sport." Carla said "computers use electricity." Then, Johnny said "urinate." Mrs. Flebs responded by saying "Johnny, urinate is a word, not a sentence."
Little Johnny then said "not 'urinate', it's 'you're an eight', and if you had bigger tits you'd be a ten."
This dog can speak English, he claims to the unimpressed agent. Okay, Sport, the guys says to the dog, what's on the top of a house?
Roof! the dog replies.
Oh, come on… the talent agent responds. All dogs go 'roof'.
No, wait, the guy says. He asks the dog, What does sandpaper feel like?
Rough! the dog answers. The talent agent gives a condescending blank stare. He is losing his patience. No, hang on, the guy says. This one will amaze you. He turns and asks the dog, Who, in your opinion, was the greatest baseball player of all time?
Ruth! goes the dog. And the talent scout, having seen enough, boots them out of his office onto the street.
The dog turns to the guy and says, Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?
Cross-country.
Crosscountry
Cross country
He brings it up to the table at dinner.
"What is it for?" The wife said.
"It detects anyone who is lying and slaps them in the face. So..." *turns to his son* "What did you do at school today, sport?"
"Well, I did some arts and crafts and read at the library."
**SLAP**
"OWW! OK! I WAS WATCHING PORN MOVIES WITH MY FRIENDS!"
"WHAT?!?" The dad replied. "I HAVEN'T DONE THAT UNTIL I WAS 16!"
**SLAP**
Then the mother says to the son "You sure are your father's son."
**SLAP**
Molagball
Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Sport? Well, here are the best Sport dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Sport pick up lines to share with friends.