sport Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious sport puns

If laziness was an Olympic sport.

I'd come in fourth so I wouldn't have to walk up to the podium.

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Ive been told I'm not ambitious enough....

I've been told I'm not ambitious enough.

If only there was an olympic sport for being a lazy bastard.

That bronze medal would be mine.

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Why isn't suntanning an Olympic sport?

Because the best you can get is bronze.

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If laziness was an Olympic sport...

I would be fourth so I wouldn't have to step up on the podium.

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Why did man invent curling?

To convince women sweeping was a sport.

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Women's hockey is the most dangerous sport...

Twelve women, three periods each.

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What does NASCAR stand for?

Non-athletic-sport-centered-around-rednecks

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What is a Mexicans favorite high school sport?

Cross country

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Role play

John and Dave have been on a deserted island for over 2 years. Missing sex John proposes an idea.
"Look Dave, I know we're not gay but if you pretend to be a woman for me and let me sex you up I will do the same for you."
Dave agreed and John began to ram Dave's asshole. Dave was being a good sport and did his best to moan like a woman. After John finished Dave said "Ok your turn"
"Fuck off, I have a headache Dave."

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What's Sarah Palins favorite water sport?

Parah Salin.

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If having low confidence and low self-esteem was an Olympic sport...

I would probably get bronze.

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Why do lesbians shop at sport authority?

Because they don't like Dick's

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If laziness was an Olympic sport...

I'd come in 4th, just so I wouldn't have to walk up to the podium.

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What was Viktor Frankenstein's favorite sport?

Body building.

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What is Mexico's favorite sport?

Cross-country

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What's the easiest sport to get into?

Limbo. They don't set the bar very high.

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There is only one sport in which I can get a high score.

It's golf.

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Why don't any American football players wear glasses?

Because it is a contact sport!

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A little boy goes to school with a sport bag

The teacher asks what is in it. The little boy answers:
- It's my cat. When I left home, my dad said to my mum:"As soon as our son is gone, I'm gonna eat your pussy"

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What's Mexico's national sport?

Cross-country

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After a 2 year study, the National Science Foundation announced the following results on America's recreational preferences:

1. The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is: basketball.
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is: bowling.
3. The sport of choice for blue-collar workers is: football.
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is: baseball.
5. The sport of choice for middle management is: tennis.
6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is: golf.

Conclusion: The more money you make, the smaller your balls become.

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A man comes home to his wife...

Upon entering their home he promtly asks her, "hey honey, do you want to play the rape game tonight?", a flat and unenthusiastic "no" is her response, to which he replies excitedly "good sport"

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Don't ever invest in snowboarding.

That sport is going downhill fast.

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So this doctor walks into a bar and he orders a beer...

**Feminist:** Why isn't the doctor a woman? Does it have to be a man? You know women can be doctors too!

**Me:** Okay, this FEMALE doctor orders a beer-

**Feminist:** Why is she drinking a beer in a bar? She's obviously an intelligent woman for being a doctor, why would she subject herself to such a male environment?

**Me:** Okay, she's not in a bar, she's um, at a… baseball game, and she orders a beer from one of the stands-

**Feminist:** Why would a strong independent intelligent woman doctor be supporting a male dominated sport?!!!!!! That's so oppressive! The men will look at her so demeaningly with no respect for what she has achieved!

**Me:** … Okay fine, I just won't tell the joke then.

**Feminist:** If you seriously can't tell a joke without being sexist then you're not actually funny at all. I bet the original male doctor was White too, you racist.

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If laziness were an Olympic sport...

I'd get fourth so I wouldn't have to walk up to the podium.

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My favorite winter Olympic sport is women's curling...

Because it's the one time every four years I can yell, sweep harder at a woman, and no one thinks it's because I'm a sexist pig.

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Usain Bolt retires from running...

He has been bored and looking in to a new sport to take up. He's looking through his newspaper when he sees an advert for a new golf course in his home town. He takes a walk down and asks the receptionist about signing up.

Usain Bolt Hi, I'm here to see about joining your new golf course
Receptionist Hmmm I'm not so sure if that would be allowed sir
Usain Bolt Can I ask why? Have you sold all memberships?
Receptionist I'm afraid not sir, you see the owner of the course is rather racist and he won't allow black members. There is another golf course just 15 minutes down the road, I'm sure you can join them
Usain Bolt That is horrible! Do you know who I am? I'm Usain Bolt!
Receptionist Ah ok the other course will only be 5 minutes down the road then

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Can throwing a round heavy object as far as you can be classed as a sport??

Discus

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Mrs. Flebs, a teacher, was standing in front of her class.

Mrs. Flebs, a teacher, was standing in front of her class. It was the beginning of the new school year. Mrs. Flebs said, "ok class, we're going to go around the room and have everybody say a sentence. We'll start with Sarah."

Sarah said "cows have spots." Terrence said "baseball is a sport." Carla said "computers use electricity." Then, Johnny said "urinate." Mrs. Flebs responded by saying "Johnny, urinate is a word, not a sentence."

Little Johnny then said "not 'urinate', it's 'you're an eight', and if you had bigger tits you'd be a ten."

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A guy takes his talking dog to a talent scout.

This dog can speak English, he claims to the unimpressed agent. Okay, Sport, the guys says to the dog, what's on the top of a house?

Roof! the dog replies.

Oh, come on… the talent agent responds. All dogs go 'roof'.

No, wait, the guy says. He asks the dog, What does sandpaper feel like?

Rough! the dog answers. The talent agent gives a condescending blank stare. He is losing his patience. No, hang on, the guy says. This one will amaze you. He turns and asks the dog, Who, in your opinion, was the greatest baseball player of all time?

Ruth! goes the dog. And the talent scout, having seen enough, boots them out of his office onto the street.

The dog turns to the guy and says, Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?

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What's the most popular sport in Mexico?

Cross-country.

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What's Mexico's favorite sport?

Crosscountry

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What's a Mexican's favourite sport?

Cross country

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A Engineer builds a robot for his family.

He brings it up to the table at dinner.

"What is it for?" The wife said.

"It detects anyone who is lying and slaps them in the face. So..." *turns to his son* "What did you do at school today, sport?"

"Well, I did some arts and crafts and read at the library."

**SLAP**

"OWW! OK! I WAS WATCHING PORN MOVIES WITH MY FRIENDS!"

"WHAT?!?" The dad replied. "I HAVEN'T DONE THAT UNTIL I WAS 16!"

**SLAP**

Then the mother says to the son "You sure are your father's son."

**SLAP**

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What's the most popular sport in Tamriel?

Molagball

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What are the most funny Sport jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Sport? Well, here are the best Sport dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Sport pick up lines to share with friends.

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