The Best 79 Spoon Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Spoon jokes. There are some spoon stir jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these spoon little spoon puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Spoon Jokes and Puns

A question for your doctor

During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?"

"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup.."

"No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

A man goes to the doctor...

And says 'doctor doctor! You gotta help me! Every time I have tea I get a sharp pain in my eye!'
The doctor looks at him. 'The next time you have tea,' he says, 'take the spoon out of the cup first.'

A German, an American, and a Russian are arguing who can feed a spoonful of mustard to a cat more easily...

The German just grabs the cat and forces the spoon with mustard into its mouth. The other two protest: "This is violence!"

The American hides the mustard between two slices of sausage. The other two protest: "This is deception!"

The Russian spreads the mustard under the cat's tail. The cat starts furiously licking it off, meowing loudly. "See - he does it voluntarily and with songs!"

Spoon joke, A German, an American, and a Russian are arguing who can feed a spoonful of mustard to a cat more ea

Lose 7 pounds in 3 days with this one weird trick!

Step 1. Purchase mayonnaise.
Step 2. Leave mayonnaise in the sun for 5 hours. Let it really bake.
Step 3. Eat a couple spoon fulls of the mayo.
Step 4. Lose AT LEAST 7 pounds over the next 3 days!

A Halloween Limerick

A lady vampire named Mable

Had a period that was awfully stable.

So once a full moon

She took out her spoon

And drank herself under the table.


Taste the soup

A guy eating in a restaurant calls the waiter.
-Please taste the soup.

The confused waiter asks:
-Is the soup too hot?
-Just taste the soup...

-Is the soup too cold?
-Taste the soup.

-Is there a fly in the soup?
-Taste the soup!

The waiter, tired of guessing, gives up.
-Alright, alright, I'll taste the soup. Where's the spoon?
-Aha!

The final cookie

A man near death smelled his wife baking his favorite cookies down stairs. He decided if he was going to go he would have one last cookie before he went. He dragged his mostly useless body down the stairs and crawled to the counter where he knew the cookies were on the cooling rack. As he reached for a final treat his wife smacked him on the hand with a wooden spoon and said, "Those are for your funeral guests".

Spoon joke, The final cookie

Why can't you eat soup in The Matrix?

Because there is no spoon.

I went to the doctor because my eye hurt every time i drank tea.

He told me to take the spoon out.

When i was young my mom used to put food on the spoon.. and sing "train is coming, train is coming"...

I'd always eat cause i knew if i didn't, she wouldn't untie me from the railway line.

A man is getting ready to go on a business trip...

He has been suspicious of his wife cheating on him. So he places under his bed a spoon attached to a string that hangs on the metal frame with a bowl of milk under it. He measures the weight of his wife in bed alone to make sure it is not in the milk unless there is more weight.

The man leaves and comes home after a few days and looks under his bed to find a bowl of butter.

You can explore spoon ladle reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean spoon mable dad jokes. There are also spoon puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Vampire limerick

A tad less obvious than most.........

There was a young vampire called Mable,
who's periods were very stable.
Every full moon she would get out a spoon ,
and drink herself under the table.

A man ordered the soup at a restaurant and asked the waiter to try it...

Man: Waiter, will you try the soup?

Waiter: What's wrong Sir, is it too cold?

Man: Will you just try the soup.

Waiter: Is it too hot?

Man: Will you just try the soup

Waiter: Is it too spicy, Sir?

Man: Will you just try the damned soup son

Waiter: If there is something wrong with the soup...

Man: WILL YOU JUST TRY THE SOUP!

Waiter: FINE! I'll try the soup. Where's the spoon.

Man: Exactly.

Which celebrity is always ready for cereal?

Reese, with her spoon

My little girl loves helping me when I'm doing the cooking, because I always let her lick the spoon.

The sooner she's old enough to buy her own heroin, the better.

A limerick about a vampire named Mable. [NSFW]

There was a young vampire called mable,

whose periods were always quite stable,

at every full moon,

she took out a spoon,

and drank herself under the table.

Spoon joke, A limerick about a vampire named Mable. [NSFW]

When I was young, my mum used to put food on a spoon

When I was young, my mum used to put food on a spoon and say, "There's a train coming. There's a train coming." We'd always eat it because we knew that if we didn't she wouldn't untie us from the railway line.

what do you say when you're out of spoons?

fork it.

I used to get sharp pains in my eye when I drank coffee...

My doctor said, take the spoon out of the mug


A man goes to the doctors

A man goes to the doctors, complaining about a pain in his eye.

Man: Every time I drink coffee I get a sharp pain in my eye

Doctor: Have you tried removing the spoon first

Developers don't spoon their SO

They fork them.

Dear Fork,

Dear Fork,

I know we haven't spoken since I ran away with Dish, but I thought you should know you have a son. His name is Spork. He has your hair.

Sincerely,
Spoon

Why do spoons live such diverse lives?

They like to mix it up.

Utensils

Guy 1: "Hey, did you hear that Joe got knifed the other day?"

Guy 2: "That's forked up!"

Guy 1: *glares at Guy 2*

Guy 2: "What? Too spoon?*

Spooning leads to forking

But if you fork the wrong dish, you could get knifed.

Two utensils are laying in bed...

One turns to the other and says "wanna spoon?"

The other replied, "no, I'd rather fork."

What happens when a fork and a spoon get into a fight?

Civilwar!

Why did the Xbox One eat its cereal for breakfast, but not its pancakes?

It had the spoon, but not the 4k.

WAITER: "Yes, is there something wrong?"

WAITER: "Yes, sir, is there something wrong?"

CUSTOMER: "The soup. Taste it."

WAITER: "I beg your pardon, Sir?"

CUSTOMER: "Taste it."

WAITER: "But, Sir, I can assure you that the soup is excellent."

CUSTOMER: "Taste it."

WAITER: "Sir, the soup was made this morning of the finest ingredients."

CUSTOMER: "Taste it!"

WAITER: exasperated, "All right, Sir, I'll taste it."

Then after a pause he said, "Where is the spoon?"

CUSTOMER: "Ah ha!!"

What did the chef say after he lost his favorite spoon?

I'm sad, but only a ladle.

Patient: "Doctor, my eye hurts when I drink my tea..."

Doctor: "Well take the spoon out then.."

What do you call an orangutan holding a spoon?

I don't know I was asking you

Yo Momma so stupid...

She brought a spoon to the superbowl.

Whats do you call it when you spoon with a midget?

Backpacking.

I was spooning my girlfriend the other night...

guess that makes us a pair of cuddelery.

When I was younger...

When I was younger my mother used to feed me by putting food on a spoon, and telling me "the train's coming". I'd always eat it, because if I didn't she wouldn't untie me from the track.

There once was a vampire named Mable

Who's period was ever so stable

So every full moon

She pulled out a spoon

And drank herself under the table

They say you can choke on a tea-spoon of water, so I thought I'd test it out...

The water went down fine, but the spoon nearly killed me.

Sports Day

It's sports day at a school for "special" kids. During the egg and spoon race, little Johnny falls and hurts himself badly.

One of the teachers freaks out and yells "call Johnny an ambulance, call Johnny an ambulance!"

All the kids immediately start pointing at Johnny and laughing saying "Johnny is an ambulance- Johnny is an ambulance!"

What do you call a person who is unable to tell the difference between a ladle and a spoon?

Fat.

What does a spoon hate to see when driving?

A fork in the road

What did the spoon dress up as to the Halloween party?

A cereal killer.

My friend stirs soup with his left hand.

But I stir soup with a spoon.

The Jew says...

A Catholic, a Protestant, a Muslim and a Jew were in a discussion during a dinner.

Catholic: I have a large fortuneโ€ฆ I am going to buy Citibank!

Protestant: I am very wealthy and will buy General Motors!

Muslim: I am a fabulously rich princeโ€ฆ I intend to purchase Microsoft!

They all wait for the Jew to speakโ€ฆ

The Jew stirs his coffee, places the spoon neatly on the table, takes a sip of his coffee,
looks at them and casually says: I'm not selling!!

A man says to his doctor...

"Every time I drink tea I get a sharp pain in my eye"

So the doctor says "Take the spoon out."

Coffee drinking trio

3 friends are bragging about their coffee drinking habits.

1st: I take it dark, thick and black. It's so strong, the spoon stands upright in my cup when I stir it.

2nd: big deal, at least you use a cup. I pour it directly from the kettle into my mouth.

3rd: yeah? We'll I don't even use a kettle. I chew the coffee beans, drink some water and just go sit on the stove for a while.

Guy at a restaurant orders a soup

Some random guy orders a soup in the restaurant and the waiter brings him the soup. Right after the waiter leaves the table the guy calls him back and says "Try the soup" the waiter asks "What's the matter, is it too salty?" guy says "Go ahead and taste it" and the waiter asks "Is it too spicy?" and the guy says "Just freakin' try it!" and the waiter asks "Where's the spoon?" and the guy answers "Exactly"

A man goes to an asylum and asks

How do you admit your patients? The psychiatrist says Well, we fill a bathtub full of water then give them a spoon, a cup and a bucket then we tell them to empty the bathtub . The man replies I see, so the sane person would take the bucket , and the psychiatrist replies No, the sane person will pull the drain plug. Would you like your room to have a balcony sir?

A man went to his psychiatrist and said, "Every time I drink my coffee, I get a stabbing pain in my right eye."

The psychiatrist said, "Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?"

Do you know what it means when you take a sip of coffee in the morning and your eye hurts?

It means you forgot to take out the spoon, dumbass.

M Night Shyamalan directs The Matrix:

There is a spoon.

Only a bad chef blames his tools, Jeremy..

Yeah, but trying to fillet a fish with a spoon just doesn't quite cut it.

Why didn't Neo ever cuddle Trinity from behind in bed?

Because there is no spoon.

Why did Neo have to eat his cereal with a fork?

Cos there is no spoon

Patient says, "Doctor I have pain in my eye whenever I drink tea"

Doctor says, "Take the spoon out of your mug"

God, this summer has been...

hotter than a spoon at Demi Lovato's house.

Every time I drank coffee I got a sharp pain in my eye. I went to the doctor

He said take the spoon out if the cup!

Guns don't kill people, people kill people.

But I'd rather take my chances against someone with a spoon.

A man went to a restaurant and ordered a soup

When he got his soup, he noticed something very odd, so he called the waiter over.

"What seems to be the problem, sir?" The waiter asked

"Something is odd with my soup, would you mind tasting it please?"

So the waiter looked over the table and back at the man

"There isn't a spoon" said the waiter

"I know, that's what odd" said the man

A man to a psychiatrist:

How do you select who should be admitted to your facility? The psychiatrist replies: We fill a bathtub with water and give the person a spoon, a cup and a bucket. Then we ask that person to empty the bathtub. The man smiles: Ah, I understand, if you are sane you would take the bucket. The Psychiatrist replies: No, a sane guy pulls the plug. Do you want a room with or without a balcony?

Two eggs are about to have sex

And the guy egg puts on a crash helmet...

The girl egg asks "why the helmet?"

He replies "The last time I was this hard, I got hit on the head with a spoon!"

Coffee

If your eyes hurt when you drink coffee.....

You have to take the spoon out!

What should you do if drinking coffee hurts your eyes?

Take the spoon out of the cup.

Every time I drank coffee I would get this sharp pain in my eye...

I've started taking the spoon out now.

The Bathtub Test

During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. Well said the director, we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.
Oh, I understand, I said. A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup. No. said the director, A normal person would pull the plug, Do you want a bed near the window?

Rich people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.

But polite french people are born with a s'il vous plaรฎt

Spoons are the kindest eating utensils

When you wash them, they wash you back

What should I do?

A man was at the doctor's office. "Every time I drink a cup of coffee, Doctor, I have a stabbing pain in my right eye. What should I do?" he asked .

"Take the spoon out of your cup. " answered the doctor.

Grandpa picked up a spoon and looked at it oddly.

Grandpa picked up a spoon and looked at it oddly, fearing it was a sign of Alzheimer's disease I asked him what he was holding in his hand. He snapped back "Of course I know it's a spoon, but who is that old guy in the reflection? "

Drinking coffee used to make my eyes hurt a little.

Then I learned you're supposed to remove the spoon from the mug first.

"Doctor, everytime i drink hot coffee my eye will feel hurt."

"Hmm, i never heard about this before. Anyways can you make a coffee and drink it now?

Of course."

The doctor give him a cup of hot water, an instant coffee and a spoon. The old man makes the coffee as usually and drink it. Then the doctor said,

"Oh i see! You forgot to remove the spoon!

Once a man named his cats Spoon, Fork and Knife

They were his Catlery

A inspector visits a sanatoriun to check its conditions.

During the tour the director takes him to one of their newly designed test rooms, claiming its foolproof.

"We fill up this bathtub to the brim see? Then we hand to the inmate a spoon and a cup and ask him to empty the tub" Says the director

The inspector nods and replies with a smile "Ah, i see. And the inmate, if sane will choose the cup because it's the biggest."

The director then looks at the inspector and raises a brow "No, the sane one will just open the drain"

Tonight I did a delivery to the local mental asylum.

Being curious, I asked the doctor how do they determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the doctor, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the doctor, "A normal person would pull the bathtub drain plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

A man walks into a greasy spoon for breakfast....

Waiter says what will it be, mac?
The customer says I gotta catch a train - so I'll just have a short stack of pancakes , also coffee ... and waiter - will they be long?
The waiter says No buddy, they'll be round...

Why did the spoon agree with the knife?

Because the knife actually had a point.

The Bathtub Test

During a visit to the mental institution, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

THE BATHTUB TEST: During a visit to my doctors I asked him . . .

"How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?"

"Well" he said, "We fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a tea cup and a bucket to the person and ask them to empty the bathtub"

"Oh, I understand" I said "Because a normal person would use the bucket as it's bigger then the spoon or the teacup"

"No" he said "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window or the door?"

I was waitering the other day and a nice old man asked me for a little spoon

so I gently lay him down and hugged him from behind

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the spoon spork jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working spoon spatula piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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