Sponge Jokes
85 sponge jokes and hilarious sponge puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sponge that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a laugh? This article covers all your Sponge-related humor needs. From Sponge Cake puns to Squidward jokes, check out this selection of the best Sponge jokes around. From Spongebob Squarepants to Foam jokes, find the perfect joke to lighten up your day!
Funniest Sponge Short Jokes
Short sponge jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sponge humour may include short squid jokes also.
- A man is washing his car with his son... ...after a while the boy says to his Father Dad, why can't we just use a sponge?
- I was washing the car with my son yesterday He kept shouting, 'Mum, stop! Why can't you use a sponge!' 😀
- I had a dream that my friend Martin became the ruler of all bath sponges. We called him Martin Loofah King.
- How many blondes does it take to wash a car? Two. One to hold the sponge, and one to drive the car back and forth.
- I found out that sponges grow in the sea today. It kills me, just think how deep it would be if they didn't.
- How do you refer to a sponge that doesn't want to have anything to do with showers or baths? Aloofa.
- Why did the nurse cuddle with her locked-in syndrome patients right after their sponge bath? Because she likes her vegetables at the peak of freshness
- A sponge walks into a bar and does not order anything Are you not going to order anything? Asks the bartender
The sponge quickly replied
I'm too holy - Would the ocean be deeper... If it didn't have any sponges in it?
- Do you know how easy it is to make a Victoria sponge topped with pepperoni and melted cheese? It's a Pizza cake
Share These Sponge Jokes With Friends
Sponge One Liners
Which sponge one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sponge? I can suggest the ones about spear and foam.
- I once knew an arrogant sponge. he was very self absorbed.
- What is 4 inches long and expands when there's a women in a running shower? A sponge
- What do you call a distant sponge? A loofah
- I was washing my car with my friend. He asked if I could use a sponge instead.
- What do you call a selfish sponge? Self absorbed
- What civil rights leader sold the most sponges? Martin Loofa King
- Have you watched the documentary about sponges? It's absorbing.
- What do you call an antisocial sea sponge? Aloofah
- What did the sponge say to the sink? Water you doing?
- Why can't Spongebob make the honor roll? Because he's a C sponge!
- The Ocean' Sea Level should actually be a lot higher. Thank God for them sponges.
- My costume is a bunch of sponges pinned to my shirt I'm self absorbed
- LPT: Easy way to soak up that extra alcohol in your stomach! Throw up on a sponge.
- What do you call a daydreaming shower sponge? Aloof-ah!
- Why are sea sponges good at statistics? They understand coralations!
Sponge Cake Jokes
Here is a list of funny sponge cake jokes and even better sponge cake puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I really enjoy a nicely deconstructed Black Forrest cake It's fantastic, I just leave out the cream, the chocolate, the sponge and the cherries, allowing me to enjoy the wholesome Kirsch
- To make a Real sponge cake Borrow all the ingredients.........
- Wanna know why I prefer sponge cakes to Jesus? Because sponge cake doesn't take 3 days to rise.
Laughable Sponge Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles
What funny jokes about sponge you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jelly jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sponge pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.
A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my t**... black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only
here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my
t**... black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his t**..., she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his t**... gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them,
Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful.
Now listen very, very closely:
Are - my - test - results - back?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Man's wife is in a coma
A woman was in a coma being cared for by the Intensive Care nursing staff who noticed a little reaction on the vital -signs monitor as they washed between her legs during a sponge bath.
They tried it again and sure enough there was definite movement on the monitor.
As soon as they realised what had happened they went straight to her husband and told him: This may not work, but, maybe some o**... s**... could bring your wife out of the coma.
The husband remained skeptical, but he finally let himself be convinced.
The nurses took him to his wife's room and explained that they would leave them alone so they could have more privacy, but would be checking her vitals in the other room for any reaction.
After a few minutes the monitor's alarm goes off and she flatlines –no pulse, no heartbeat, nothing!
The nurses run into the room desperate to help the woman and see what went wrong, asking the husband, what happened?!?
He replied: I don't know… I think she choked…
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Are my t**... black?
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen
mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and
gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my t**... black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only
here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my
t**... black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate
from worrying about his t**..., she overcomes her embarrassment
and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his t**...
in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them,
Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says
very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen
very, very closely:
Are - my - test - results - back?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One day a nurse is giving a woman in a coma a sponge bath
and notices the heartbeat change slightly when the sponge was in her c**....
Excitedly, she goes to the phone and calls the woman's husband and tells him to come to the hospital.
When he gets there the nurse tells him that she thinks that his wife could be helped perhaps by a little bit of o**... s**..., that maybe it is crazy but it just might work.
The man goes into his wife's booth. A couple of minutes later her heartbeat flat-lines. The man walks out, and the nurse stunned asks "What happened?"
The man replies "I think she choked"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Are my .....
A male patient is lying in bed at a hospital with an oxygen mask over his face and still heavily sedated from more than four hours of operation. A young female nurse appears to sponge his hands and feet.
Patient: Nurse (he feebly mumbles from behind the mask) are my t**... black?
Embarrassed young nurse: I don't know, I'm only here to wash your hands and feet.
Patient (struggles again to ask): Nurse, Please, Are my t**... black?
Finally, she removes his covers, lifts his gown, takes a close look and says: There is nothing wrong with them!
Patient (slowly after removing his oxygen mask): That was very nice but listen very, closely – ARE…MY…TEST…RESULTS…BACK?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Listen very, very closely...
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my t**... black?" Embarrassed, she replies, "I don't know, sir. I'm here only to wash your upper body and feet." He struggles to ask again: "Nurse, please check for me. Are my t**... black?" Concerned, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his t**... in the other. She looks very closely and says, "Don't worry, sir, they look fine." The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very , very closely: Are my test results back?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My old man (a doctor)'s Favorite.
A man waits patiently in the lobby of the ICU to see his wife, who has been in a coma for over a month, when a nurse runs out and says that he is needed right away.
Standing outside the room, the nurse tells the husband, "This morning we were giving your wife a sponge bath and we noticed something amazing!"
"What is it?!? the husband asked
The nurse explained, "Well, while we were giving her the sponge bath, we noticed that when we would touch her...uh....v**...... her vitals would spike on the monitor!"
Confused, the husband asked, "Well what do you need me for?"
The nurse responded, "Well we need you to go in there and perform o**... s**... on her, to see if that won't wake her up."
The man immediately agreed and closed the curtains as he entered the room.
5 minutes later the alarms sounded as the woman flat lined.
"Shes dead!" proclaimed the nurse, "What did you do?"
The man replied, "... I think I choked her..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
t**.... (Not sure if a repost, found this joke on a fb page)
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my t**... black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my t**... black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his t**..., she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his t**... gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:
Are - my - test - results -back?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen
mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and
gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my t**... black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only
here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my
t**... black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate
from worrying about his t**..., she overcomes her embarrassment
and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his t**...
gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them,
Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says
very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen
very, very closely:
Are - my - test - results - back?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is in a hospital, holding vigil at his wife's bedside...
...she has been in a coma for 3 weeks, the result of a terrible car accident. He is staring lovingly at her, lost in fleeting glimpses of the past, when a nurse enters the room carrying a pan of water, a sponge tucked under her arm. The man nods, kisses his wife on the forehead, and leaves the room. Several minutes have passed. He is alone in the hallway when the door opens and the nurse approaches him excitedly. Embarrassed now, she tells the man that when she tended to his wife's private parts during the sponge bath, his wife had moaned. She whispers that perhaps o**... s**... can bring her out of her coma! Puzzled, but willing to try anything, the man agrees and enters his wife's room while the nurse now waits in the hall. Minutes later, an alarm sounds from the equipment monitoring his wife. The nurse rushes into the room and sees the man at the head of his wife's bed, zipping up his pants. "I think she choked.'", he exclaims.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Nurse, are mt t**... black?
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen
mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and
gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my t**... black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only
here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my
t**... black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate
from worrying about his t**..., she overcomes her embarrassment
and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his t**...
gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them,
Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says
very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen
very, very closely:
Are - my - test - results - back?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Woman in a coma
A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor when she touched her.
They tried it again and sure enough there was definite movement. They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, "As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little o**... s**... will do the trick and bring her out of the coma."
The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they'd close the curtains for privacy. The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room.
After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses run back into the room. "What happened!?" they cried. The husband said, "I'm not sure - I think maybe she choked."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man's wife has been in a coma for 6 months....
Nurses are in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them is washing her "private area" and notices that there is a response on the monitor when she touches her. Ecstatic, they go to her husband and explain what happened, telling him, "Crazy as this sounds, maybe a little o**... s**... will do the trick and bring her out of the coma." The husband is skeptical, but they assure him that they'll close the curtains for privacy. Besides it's worth a try. The husband finally agrees and goes into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor begins to flat-line... no pulse... no heart rate. The nurses run into the room. "What happened?!?" they asked.
"I don't know!" exclaimed the husband. "I think she's choking!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A nurse is giving a sponge bath to a woman who has been in a coma for months....
When she runs the sponge up the woman's thigh the monitor beeps.
The nurse runs to the doctor and tells him this! He comes back, she does it again, and they are both shocked.
So they call the husband in and tell him what has happened.
"I know this is awkward, but we are going to suggest that you have o**... s**... with your wife." Says the doctor to the husband.
"Oh... Okay... If you think it will help..." Replies the husband. And he goes into the room and shuts the door behind him.
About ten minutes later the husband comes out and says,
"She's.... She's dead."
The nurse and doctor are shocked! "What happened?!?"
The husband replies,
"Well... She probably choked to death."
Why couldn't Spongebob get a mortgage?
Because his house was underwater.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old man is lying bed in at the hospital...
An old man is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.
Nurse, ' he mumbles from behind the mask, are my t**... black?
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet.
He struggles to ask again, Nurse, please check for me. Are my t**... black?
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his t**..., she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his t**... in the other.
She looks very closely and says, There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine.
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely: Are – my – test – results – back?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Black t**...?
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.
A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse" he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my t**... black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check. Are my t**... black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his t**..., she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his t**... in the other.. Then, she takes a close look and says, "there's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful – but please listen very, very closely to me: 'Are – my – test – results – back?"
What do SpongeBob say to Mr Krabs?
I'll have you know a free burger on free burger day
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How Men Think...
A nurse was giving a female coma patient a sponge bath, when she accidently brushed up on the womans private parts. Suddenly, the patients vital signs jumped up. So the nurse tried it again, and once again, the vital signs jumped up...so she called the Doctor, and showed him what had happened.
The Doctor grew excited, and called the womans husband. He explained what had happened, and said "I think it's worth trying for you to try o**... s**... with her, and that might be enough to wake her up."
So the husband agreed, and came over to the hospital, where they left him alone with his wife to get going....
a few minutes later, however, the alarms began to ring, and the Doctor found the woman to be dead.
He turned to the husband and asked him "What happened? Didn't you try o**... with her?"
"Yeah... I guess she must have choked on it."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When Spongebob has s**... he wouldn't make the girl wet. He would dry her up.
What do you get if you take a sponge away from a crab?
A Krusty Krab
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Billy came home early from school to find his mom n**..., just getting out of the shower...
"Hey mom, what's that bushy thing between your legs?" he asked. "Oh that's just my sponge," his mom replied. A few days later Billy had a friend over, "mom, show Tommy your sponge." Billy's mom replies, "oh, I can't, I seem to have misplaced it." Billy says "oh I'll go ask the babysitter where she put it, I saw her cleaning daddy's face with it the other day."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Are My t**... Black?
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask
over his mouth and nose.
A pretty, young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge
bath.
'Nurse', he mumbles, from behind the mask. 'Are my t**... black?'
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, 'I don't know, Sir. I'm only
here to wash your upper body and feet.'
He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, please check. Are my t**...
black?'
Concerned that he may elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from
worry about his t**..., she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls
back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand
and his t**... in the other.
Then, she takes a close look and says, 'There's nothing wrong with
them,
Sir!'
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly:
'Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very
closely......
'A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k ??'
What gets more dirty as it cleans?
A mop, a sponge anything really.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman is in a coma
and the nurse tending to her notices that whenever she is sponge bathing the woman, the woman's vital signs jump a little on all of the machines an screens. So the nurse calls the husband and says 'come down to the hospital, i think i know how to get your wife out of this coma.' so the husband hurries down, and asks the nurse what he can do. The nurse says, ' i think that o**... s**... will bring her out of her coma, it will arrouse her enough to bring her out of the coma.' so the nurse closes the cutains, and leaves the husband with his wife in the room. Moments later, the man comes running out of the room, flustered. The nurse, worried, asks him what happened. the husband says, 'I don't know, I think that she started choking.'
SpongeBob
Wait, I just realised something. SpongeBob lives in bikini bottom, and he's absorbent: oh no...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Woman in a coma
Two nurses are giving a woman in a coma a sponge bath. They notice that when they get near her private areas that she starts to get a little stimulated. The theorize that o**... s**... will bring her out the coma. They go out into the lobby and tell her husband their theory. The husband is a little aprehensive about it at first, but he agrees to do it. The nurses leave the man with his wife and give him some privacy. They come back about 10 minutes later and the woman is dead! "What happened?" asks one of the nurses. The man replies, "I dont know...I think she choked."
How does Spongebob cut a rug?
With a square Dance!
What do SpongeBob and LeBron James have in common?
They both hit the deck and flop like a fish.
A boy is in the shower with his mum.
The boy says, "Whats that hairy thing mum?"
Mum replies, "That is my sponge."
"Oh yeah," says the boy, "The babysitters got one too, she likes to wash dad's face with it!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a civil rights activists who's also a shower sponge?
Martin Loofah King
Why is spongebob great at high pressure situations?
Because he can soak up the pressure.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If SpongeBob is absorbent and lives in bikini bottom
then I'm pretty sure that makes him a t**...
What did one one sponge say to the other sponge?
Nothing. They were too aloofa.
What does spongebob smoke?
Seaweed
Spongebob was the most unrealistic kid's show
A teenager in a minimum wage job owning a house and car. Pfft
A young boy is bathing with his mother
Boy says, Whats that hairy thing mom?
Mom replies, That is my sponge.
Oh yes, says the boy, The babysitters got one, I've seen her washing dads face with it.
Why did SpongeBob get arrested?
possession of seaWEED
Momma's little black sponge
What do you call it when you injure someone with a shower sponge?
An oofa loofa
Why did the spongebob show get cancelled
Because "squidward" died in infinity war
What does SpongeBob say when he's angry?
I square to god!
The water problem in Africa is like someone put a sponge block from Minecraft in the stream.
Dad washing a car with his son...
Both of of them using a sponge because that is what you're supposed to wash with and having a good time.
I had to clean all my whetstones yesterday
Now my sponge can cut through glass
I was washing a car with my friend
Until they said can't you just use a sponge
A sponge was talking to her friend the sea urchin about her upcoming vacation.
Do you have any big plans? , asked the sea urchin.
Not really, answered the sponge. I'm just going to soak up the scenery.
SpongeBob may be the main character in the show…
..but Patrick is the star.
