Split Personalities Jokes
37 split personalities jokes and hilarious split personalities puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about split personalities that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Split Personalities Short Jokes
Short split personalities jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The split personalities humour may include short split personality jokes also.
- Went to the psychiatrist today… She told me I have a split personality and charged me $150.
I gave her $75, and told her she can get the rest from the other idiot! - I went to a psychiatrist today. She told me I had a split personality and charged me $160 I gave her $80 and told her to get the rest from the other idiot.
- I said to my personal trainer, Can you teach me how to do the splits? He replied, How flexible are you? I said I can't do Tuesdays.
- If a person with split personality disorder falls in love with someone Do they refer to them as their better third?
- I have a split personality... Person: I have a split personality...
Listener: And?
Person: Why are you staring at me like this? - For a second I thought I had a split personality... But then I was able to convince him he didn't.
- I hate people with a split personality! It's like they can have two different emotions for the same thing!
And that is why I love people with split personalities.
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Split Personalities One Liners
Which split personalities one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with split personalities? I can suggest the ones about multiple personality and multiple personality disorder.
- "I have a split personality." ...said Tom, being frank.
- "I think I have split personalities", ......Said Steve, being frank.
- I have a split personality No he doesn't
- I had split personality disorder... Now we are cured.
- Some people think I have a split personality. To them I say: "No, he doesn't."
- I don't suffer from split-personality... ...and neither do I
- "You have split personality!" "No, I don't have, the other guy has!"
- What's wrong with the one celled organism? It has a split-personality!
- Riddle me this What animal is the best example of a split personality?
Answer: an amoeba - Shout out to all my people with split personality disorder You know who you are
- Jimmy Neutron (Split Personalities) Jimmy Electron, Jimmy Proton and Carl w**...
Split Personalities Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about split personalities you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dissociative identity jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make split personalities pranks.
My Wife and I Were Sitting at a Table
At her high school reunion, when she kept staring at a drunken man swigging a beer as he sat at a nearby table.
I asked her "Do you know him?"
"Yes" she sighed. "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago & he hasn't been sober since.
"WOW" I said. "Who would think a person could go on celebrating for so long?!?"
And that's when the fight started....
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, "Do you know her?" "Yes," I sighed, "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since." "My God!" says my wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
My wife's high school reunion
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school
reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his
drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking
right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he
hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started...
A plane has a horrible accident...
...and is split in half horizontally. Everyone is holding onto the oxygen masks above with their legs dangling in the air.
The captain shouts to the passengers, "We can make it, but the weight's off - at least one person needs to let go or else none of us will make it!"
Willing to die for a good cause, a young man shouts "I will sacrifice my life for all of you!"
Everyone claps.
Two patients were sitting in a mental hospital cafetaria
Suddenly on the table over, a man, sitting all alone, started laughing hysterically.
First patient asked, "What do you make of that?"
"What, Jimmy two-face over there? That guy has split personality disorder", said the second patient.
"So what?" said the first patient.
"So, one of them must have told a great joke."
Sinatra is diagnosed with schizophrenia...
He goes to see a psychologist and starts talking about his split personalities.
One is the charismatic singer who can perform and woo crowds with his talent and charm.
The other is Steve, who is reserved and shy and can't even speak in front of a more than a few people.
He starts off talking, timid and soft spoken.
The psychologist stops him and says Listen, first I'm gonna need you to be Frank with me
A man took his 3 kids to a maze
His kids' names are Flour, Sugar, and Butter. The four of them split up in the maze to try to solve it. Along the way, Dad bumps into Butter. They exchange surprised looks and laughs and continue on their way. After 10 more minutes, Dad bumps into Butter again. They repeat the previous exchange and go on their ways. A collision between Dad and Butter happens a third time. After dad leaves the corner where he saw Butter the third time he hears someone else approaching him.
"Oh, Butter! You got me again!" Dad says.
The person turns the corner and Dad sees that it's Flour and Sugar.
"Oh!" Dad exclaims.
"I can't believe it's not butter!"
The miser's will
A notorious miser died, and in his will he left his $3 million estate split evenly among his three sons: a doctor, a priest, and a lawyer. Being selfish even in death, he left each of them strict instructions to put the money in his coffin when they buried him.
After the f**..., the three were talking, and the doctor said "I have a confession to make. I didn't actually put all the money in the coffin -- it seemed like such a waste. I kept out $200,000 to buy some new equipment for the hospital."
The priest chimed in, "I'm so glad you said that -- I couldn't bring myself to throw away $1 million either. I kept $300,000 to build a new wing on the church."
The lawyer shook his head in disgust and said, "I can't believe you two, ignoring your dead father's wishes like that! When we buried him, that coffin contained my personal check for the full amount of one million dollars!"