Splinters Jokes
21 splinters jokes and hilarious splinters puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about splinters that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Splinters Short Jokes
Short splinters jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The splinters humour may include short stabs jokes also.
- Why are the Ninja Turtles on the No-Fly list? Because they are members of an underground Splinter cell.
- Why was the little boy too scared to reach into his Happy Meal for the Ninja Turtles toy? Last time he did it, he got a Splinter.
- Something about splinters grosses me out, and I don't know why. They aren't exactly disgusting, but they always get under my skin.
- Hey, don't tell anyone that I have a woodpecker… … and I won't tell anyone that you have splinters in your mouth.
- Nobody believes me when I tell them I had a splinter when touring Spain and a playful little kid helped get rid of it. Nobody expects the Spanish imp incision.
- Birds can be dangerous. Do you know what's the primary risk that woodpeckers pose to women? Splinters.
- Why did Gandalf have to go to the hospital to get a splinter removed? He had a staff infection...
- I got a sample set of contacts from Costco The toothpicks in the contacts got splinters in my eyes.
- Splinters are woods way of s**... assault They can go deep inside you, and the bigger they are, the more it hurts.
- April O'Neill: one of your turtles r**... me Splinter : which one ?
April : I couldn't recognize as he wasn't wearing a mask
Share These Splinters Jokes With Friends
Splinters One Liners
Which splinters one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with splinters? I can suggest the ones about spits and scissors.
- So I'm obsessed with removing splinters. It's getting a little bit out of hand.
- What do you call small splinters in your thermal underwear? Long John slivers
- You know what really gets under my skin? Splinters. Those get under my skin.
- I had a splinter one time... ...I guess you could say it got out of hand
- I hate splinters They have a way of getting under my skin.
- What do you call a group of splinters? A skin-vasion.
- What do you get when you put two Palestinians in the same room? 3 splinter faction
- If Splinter got baked... He'd become Chris Pratt
- What does Louis c**... do when he gets a splinter? Pulls it out.
Amusing Splinters Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends
What funny jokes about splinters you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sewing needles jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make splinters pranks.
Pinocchio and his girlfriend were having problems.
Every time they would have s**..., she would complain about splinters. Eventually, Pinocchio went to Gepetto for help.
Gepetto told Pinocchio to go to the hardware store and buy some sandpaper to sand off the splinters before he had s**... with his girlfriend.
A week later, Gepetto asked Pinocchio, "So how's it going with your girlfriend?"
"Who needs a girlfriend?," said Pinnochio.
Pinocchio has been getting complaints from his girlfriend....
Pinnochio had been getting complaints from his girlfriend. "Every time we make love," she said, "I get splinters. "
So
Pinocchio went back to his maker, Gipetto the carpenter, for advice.
"Sandpaper," said the carpenter. "That's what you need. " So
Pinocchio took some sheets of sandpaper and went home. A few weeks later the carpenter bumped into Pinocchio again. "How are you getting on with the girls now? " he asked. "Who needs girls? " said
Pinocchio."
Football
The huge college freshman decided to try out for the football team. Can you tackle? asked the coach. Watch this, said the freshman, who proceeded to run s**... into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters. Wow, said the coach. I'm impressed. Can you run? Of course I can run, said the freshman. He was off like a shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash. Great! enthused the coach. But can you pass a football? The freshman hesitated for a few seconds. Well, sir, he said, If I can s**... it, I can probably pass it.
Mothers day scultpures
Ellis and Chris are up late carving sculptures of a mother holding a baby for their Mothers Day stall.
All of them look the same the only differences are the flowers in the mother's hair.
Chris tells a story to Ellis about his favorite flower and why.
*Ellis rolls his eyes*
Chris: "What's YOUR favorite flower Ellis?"
Ellis sighs, gets up, and walks over to their finished pieces, picks one up and gets a splinter in his thumb.
Ellis puts the sculpture down and looks at Chris.
Chris: "So?"
Ellis turns around and as he walks out of the room he replies:
"Chris...sand the mums."
PINOCCHIO had a human girlfriend...
....who would sometimes complain about splinters when they were having s**.... Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little
sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.
A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"
Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"
