Spiritual Jokes
52 spiritual jokes and hilarious spiritual puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about spiritual that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the power of spiritual humor to expand your consciousness. Explore jokes about spiritual growth, psychic awareness, enlightenment, and more. Use these spiritual jokes to add a bit of lightness to your spiritual birthday celebrations and frail moments.
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Funniest Spiritual Short Jokes
Short spiritual jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The spiritual humour may include short philosophical jokes also.
- If you loiter in a Tibetan spiritual leaders sandwich shop every day, then... ... you dilly dally in the Dalai's deli daily.
- Hear the one about the Buddhist monk who *almost* achieved total spiritual enlightenment? He only made it to Nearvana.
- People seem to like me more now that I say I'm a spiritual person As compared to before when I used the term "alcoholic" instead
- I'm tired of explaining to my spiritual Guru how E-mails work. He can't just understand what attachments are!
- Why is it considered spiritual to buy cheap toilet paper? Because you come to touch with your inner self.
- Life has 3 levels of existence... Pain and pleasure in the physical plane. Enlightenment in the spiritual plane. And no leg room in the air plane.
- I wanted spiritual guidance but all she did was stare at my feet. She was trying to read my sole.
- I wanted to video chat with the spiritual leader of tibet I ended up looking at a tall sheep like animal, turns out I called Dial-a-Llama
- What is the one spiritual condition that can never be obtained by blind people? Enlightenment
- How do you call an australian who is a spiritual leader and a ruler in mongolia ? A Khan Guru
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Spiritual One Liners
Which spiritual one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with spiritual? I can suggest the ones about divine and intellectual.
- My ex told me her spiritual animal was the tiger... but it turned out it was the cheetah.
- I don't drink alcohol. I drink distilled spirits. So I'm not an alcoholic. I'm spiritual.
- What did the spiritual race car driver say to his mother? I have good car, ma!
- What do you order at a spiritual hotdog stand? One with everything
- What size shirt do ghosts wear? Spiritual Medium
- I just googled shaman dance I was searching for some spiritual guy dance
- My great grandfather is a really spiritual person He's dead.
- How do you call a spiritually significant Polish guy? Totem Pole.
- What did the spiritual waffle say to his apprentice? Leggo your ego!
Comical & Quirky Spiritual Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about spiritual you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean emotional jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make spiritual pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**...' and 'Love' ....;)
At the retreat, a couple was told to individually write a sentence using the words s**...' and 'love.'
The woman wrote:
When two mature people are passionately and deeply in love with one another to a high degree and they respect each other very much, just like my hubby and I, it is spiritually and morally acceptable for them to engage in the act physical s**... with one another.
The Husband wrote: I Love s**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Twelve Italian priests...
...were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally n**..., in a garden while a s**..., beautiful, big breasted, n**... model danced before them. Each priest had a small bell attached to his manhood, and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity. The beautiful model danced before the first candidate with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests until she got to the final priest, Carlos. Poor Carlos. As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off, clattering across the ground and laid to rest in nearby foliage. Embarrassed, Carlos quickly scrambled to where the bell came to rest.
As he bent over to pick it up… all the other bells started to ring!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Late last night I was trying to summon a d**....
After many hours in my basement drawing pentagrams, chanting voodoo and performing spiritual dance I had failed to conjure any demons from the dark depths of Hades.
Defeat was in my mind and I had no choice but to admit the ways of old no longer held any sway with the dark lord. I reluctantly slid the Iphone from my bathrobe's inner pocket and activated the voice command:
"Siri, would you please summon me the darkest, most malevolent d**... that Satan himself would be pleased with."
Siri:"Ok, Contacting Comcast Customer Support"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Spiritual guru met a p**... in forest
the p**... asked if he wanted to have s**... with her. The guru agreed and they have the wildest s**....
After both of them get dressed, the Guru starts walking away from her. The p**... stops him and asks..
p**...: "money?"
Guru: "C'mon, I won't take money from you"
A Lack of Recognition
Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the spiritual leader of their churches.
Baptists do not recognize each other in liquor stores or gentlemen's clubs.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
At university, students had to come up with a sentence in which the words "love" and "s**..." both appeared
A female student's composition:
'When two people deeply and passionately love each other, and both reach a high level of mutual respect, then society morally and spiritually encourages that these two people should unite in the ecstasy of physical s**....'
A male student's composition:
'I love s**....'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A rabbi and a priest...
take a group of kids on a spiritual trip to the Holy Land. During the flight, the pilot announces,
" The plane is going down, we only have two parachutes. I'm taking one. You guys figure out who gets the other one"
The priest says, " We should give it to one of the kids."
The rabbi grabs the c**... and says, " I have a life to live! F*c**... the kids! "
The priest thinks, and says,
"Do you think we have time?? "
The Lost Bible
One day a devout preacher lost his favorite Bible while he was at a spiritual retreat in the mountains. He was devastated, and began to lose his faith. Three weeks later, a dog walked up to him after church service, carrying the Bible in its mouth. The preacher couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the dog's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the dog. "Your name is written inside the cover."
Mahatma Gandhi was a strange person.
He walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became quite thick and hard. He often went on hunger strikes, and even when he wasn't on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail. He also was a very spiritual person. Finally, because he didn't eat much and when he did his diet was peculiar, he developed very smelly breath.
He eventually became known as a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you want to destroy science, you are a fundamentalist; if you want to destroy spiritual theology, you are a scientist; if you want to destroy both, you are
Nietzsche
Why did the Michael Jackson impersonator go to the spiritual centre?
He heard there was a gathering of shamoneic practitioners.
Final Memories
Three friends from the local congregation were asked, "When you're in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?"
Artie said, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man."
Eugene commented, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives."
Al said, "I'd like them to say, 'Look, he's moving!'"
I have black friend who has been a buddhist for years. He has just come up with a name for his very own spiritual center.
Meditayshaun.
Create a group based on the well-being and succession of others for your own spiritual benefit
Call it the Good Chi Gang
I tried to phone the spiritual leader of Tibet once, but was sent a big goat with a long neck instead.
Turns out I had phoned Dial-a-Llama.
When my Girlfriend makes me angry,
I look at her through the fork and pretend she's in jail. It heals me spiritually!
"Who's this wise guy?"
"That's the Dalai Lama, he's kind of the spiritual leader of the Buddhist people."
"Well no wonder they chose him, he's got great advice!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A sketchy looking guy asks a stripper if she'll join him on a spiritual quest in the Las Vegas desert.
She knows she would be dumb to accept the invitation, but she asks her manager for advice first just in case. His response is simple:
"There are no s**... quest shuns; only s**... dancers."
A Christian,Muslim and Hindu had a fight on a plane
It was decided they would all try to make other passenger stand by chanting their spiritual words. The person who made most people stand up is the winner.
There were 40 passengers on board
Christian : Bless us Jesus Christ
5 passengers stand up
Hindu : Jai Mata Di
3 passengers stand up
Muslim : Allah hu Akbar
37 passengers Stand Up.
.
.
.
.
.
And jumped out of the plane.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I went to a spiritual healer last night... what a load of rubbish
Even the guy in the wheelchair got up and walked out
When your in your casket............?
Three friends from the local congregation were asked,
"When you're in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you,
what would you like them to say?"
Artie said, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine
spiritual leader, and a great family man."
Merle commented, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God,
who made a huge difference in peoples lives."
Don said, "I'd like them to say, 'Look! He's moving!'"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two monks werewere discussing humility.
"I have been praying and fasting, meditating and studying religion for 20 years. I have finally reached the level of humility. I am truly a nothing." said one monk.
The other monk nodded gravely. "I too have spent my life devoted to serving God. I am also a nothing."
At that moment a janitor passed, holding his mop. Overhearing the conversation, and feeling quite spiritual, he interrupted. "You know what, i am also a nothing."
The monks looked away in disgust. "Who the h**... does he think he is to be a nothing???"
Wife: I'm going shopping, do you need anything?
Husband: I'm looking for inner-peace and happiness, an answer to my doubts, a sense of fulfilment, a medium through which I can transcend consciousness and reach true spirituality, calmness and...
Wife: Be specific; Smirnoff or Absolut?
Getting spiritual at the bar
A guy walks into a bar and notices a framed picture of a cat hanging behind the bar. "What happened to the picture of Buddha you used to have hanging back there?" he asks the bartender. The bartender replies, "That was Zen, this is Meow."
Inner Peace
If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without alcohol,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
Then You Are Probably The Family Dog!
And you thought I was going to get all spiritual ...
