Spirit Jokes

What are some Spirit jokes?

Two guys in a communal shower...

Guy1: You wanna play the rape game?
Guy2: No.
Guy1: That's the spirit!!

Me: Sometimes I hear a voice and I think it might be an evil spirit, should I be afraid?



**Therapist:** That's actually quite common, sometimes I hear a whiny bitchass girly voice.

**Me:** What do you mean?

**Therapist:** There it goes again.

Your momma so slutty...

...her spirit animal is the swallow.

An old Hitler joke

Some time ago, a medium contacted Hitler's spirit by accident. Out of curiosity, he decided to listen to what Hitler had to say.

"Listen to my words, you little brat: I'm gonna reincarnate someday, and I'm gonna kill six million Jews and two dogs".

"Why the two dogs?" the medium replied.

"See, nobody cares about the Jews!"

I asked my wife if she was up for a game of rape

She said no


I said that's the spirit

I'm so proud of my African pen pal.

He told me he hasn't had a drink in days. That's the spirit! Keep it up pal.

The very spiritual Gandhi walked everywhere, leaving him with impressive calluses. And he ate very little, which made him rather frail. His odd diet also plagued him with bad breath. I guess you could say.....

That he was a super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to take part in a rape fantasy

She screamed NO!!

I said thats the spirit

Last night I asked my wife if she would like to roleplay rape

"No", she replied.
"That's the spirit"

Jack Daniels couldn't be here today,

But he's here in spirit.

I got my kid baptized yesterday

Priest: Β Do you believe in the Holy Spirit and the holy Catholic church?

Me: I do.

Priest: Do you believe in the communion of saints and the forgiveness of sins?

Me: I do.

Priest: Do you believe in the resurrection of the body andΒ life everlasting?

Me: I do

Priest: Do you hereby indemnify and hold harmless the Catholic church for any sexual misconduct to you and your family for ever and ever amen?

Me: I do--- wait! Hold on!

Priest: Too late! You said it!

In the spirit of Christmas, I've decided to regift this joke.

A couple is walking in East Berlin on Christmas Eve. They feel a slight precipitation.

"I think it's raining," says the man.

"No, it's snowing," replies the woman.

"How about we ask this Communist officer here? He is always right!" exclaims the main. "Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?

"Definitely raining," Officer Rudolph replies before walking off.

The man turns to his wife with a smile. "See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

Methylated Spirit

A scruffy homeless man walks into a DIY store.

"Bottle of methylated spirit please."

"Look mate, no offense but I wasn't born yesterday. I can't sell that to you when I know you're just gonna drink it."

"Hey, what are you implying? This is ridiculous, I'm using it for woodwork!"

"All right, all right..." says the shopkeeper, taking a bottle of the shelf.

"Oh, haven't you got a cold one?"

Did you hear about the baby ghost who joined the football team?

He heard the coach say they needed a little team spirit.

3 men die and go to heaven

At the Pearly Gates they're greeted by Saint Peter

Saint Peter: I will let you into heaven if you can show me a spirit of Christmas

The first man pulls out a leaf from his pocket and says "this represents the Christmas tree"

He is allowed into heaven

The second man pulls out his keys "these represent bells"

He is allowed into heaven

The third man pulls out a pair of women's underwear

Saint Peter: good lord what do those represent?!

The third man says "oh well these, these are Carols"

The Truth About The Beatles

John was the brain

Paul was the heart

George was the spirit

Ringo was the drummer

Do you want to hear a joke about a ghost?

That's the spirit.


Disclaimer: My girlfriend told me this one and she has repeatedly said it pretty much since last Christmas and stills finds it super amusing.

I said to my girlfriend, "Do you want to experiment with a role-play rape fantasy?"

She said, "**NO!**"

I said, "*That's the spirit!*" β€”Jimmy Carr

A Native American boy walks up to the the Chief of his tribe...

He says to the Chief "Great Chief, where do the people of our tribe get their names?" the chief replies, "Well, each infant is given a name by their father seconds before the mother gives birth. You see, what the father does is observe the nature around them and let its spirit inspire them." The boy says "I see, this makes some sense to me." and the Chief explains to the boy, "You're friend, Soaring-eagle, received his name when his father saw an eagle fly directly above the hut that his wife was giving birth in." The boy still looked slightly confused, so the Chief asked "Why exactly are you seeking this information. Did you want to know where you're name originated, Twodogsfucking?"

My friend doesn't like being called Squidward.

He told me, "But I hate SpongeBob..."
I said, "That's the spirit!"

Lenin,Stalin and Gorbachev were riding on a train...

When it came to a halt,the engineer said,"Our engine has failed,What shall i do?"."Let the invincible spirit of the people pulls us on!" Lenin declared."Shoot the engineer!" offered Stalin.And Gorbachev suggested, "Close the shades and we can pretend we're moving forward."

A man wants to be an Eskimo...

He meets with the chief and asks him what it would take to become an Eskimo. The chief, wary of letting a white man into his clan, devises a series of impossible challenges. He says, "If you truly want to become part of our Eskimo family, you must do three things:
1) You must drink one gallon of 151 rum, and if you can handle it and maintain all of your faculties, we will know your body and spirit are in harmony.
2) You must climb up the tall mountain and kill the polar bear that resides in the cave at the summit.
3) To show your true love for our race, you must make love to an Eskimo woman of my choosing."

The man thinks for a while, and agrees to complete the challenges. He first drinks the gallon of 151 and it was like nothing ever happened to him. He can talk, walk, and think logically. Next, he ascends the mountain and is not seen for a few hours after entering the cave. The chief breathes a sigh of relief, because he is sure the polar bear killed him, but gets the shock of his life when he sees the man descending the mountain. He is in tatters. His clothes are ripped, he is breathing heavily and sweating profusely, and his hair is pointing in every direction.
He approaches the chief, ready for the third challenge and asks, "Alright, now who is this woman you want me to kill?"

A bus full of the worlds most ugly people drives off a cliff..

They all die in a horrible, fiery, explosion.

They all go to heaven where they are greeted by an angel who grants all of them one wish to take with them into their next lives.

The 1st ugly spirit steps forward and wishes to be beautiful. The Angel grants his wish and a man in the very back of the line bursts out in laughter.

The 2nd steps forward and wishes to be even more beautiful than the previous spirit. The man in the back laughs even harder.

The 3rd ugly spirit and everyone else in line wishes to be more and more beautiful than the last all while the man in the back of the line laughs himself to tears until finally it comes to be his turn to be granted a wish by the angel.

"What do you wish for in your next life" The Angel asks.

To which the man replies

"I wish that they were all ugly again"

A man orders a shot of ever spirit in the bar, downs them all and says to the barman "I probably shouldn't have had all of those with what I've got". "Why?", asks the concerned barman, "what have you got?"

"About two dollars and some loose change." Replies the man.

How do you encourage a bartender?

"That's the spirit!"

How do you discourage a bartender?

Boos.

In the spirit of a TIL that made it to the front page.

I'm sitting on this plane and the pilot comes on the PA system to tell the passengers that we are now flying at cruising altitude and all that nonsense but when he put the phone down he missed the hang up. All the passengers could still hear the pilot as he turns to to copilot and says, "You know I could really go for a a cup of coffee and a blow job right now." The flight attendant went running up the aisle to tell the pilot he didn't hang up and as she races by my seat the guy behind me shouts, "Hey, honey! Don't forget that cup of coffee!"

Guy: "Ever had a rape fantasy?"

Girl: "No"

Guy: "That's the spirit"

A ghost says to his ghostfriend..

"I don't think I'm gonna enter the next ghost-race.."

"Why not?" Asked the ghost-friend.

"Because I've lost every other one!" He cries sullenly.

"I believe in you, so enter the next ghost-race!"

"..Yeah. Yeah! I **can** do this!" Cried the ghost, filled with motivation.

Smug, the ghost friend said;

"That's the spirit!"

What do you say to a motivated ghost?

That's the spirit!

What's the first thing you should do when confronted by an evil spirit?

Try to neghostiate.

I always considered myself a Canadian American in spirit

I apologize when I enter an empty room in case the NSA is listening.

A father dies and in order to be at his daughter's wedding he possesses a bottle of vodka from the kitchen.

At least he was with them in spirit.

Did you hear about the mathematician ghost?

"No"
Well, Its the spirit that counts.

How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?

With a Nor-Ouija board.

What's the American settler's spirit animal?

The groundhog.

I asked my girlfriend to play a rape fantasy role-play.

She said "No!" So, I said "That's the spirit!"

I asked my wife if she wanted to play the rape game.

"No. Never." she squealed.

I grinned at her and replied, "That's the spirit!"

This joke only works if you read it out loud [OC]

So, I was walking through the woods the other day, when I found a huge pile of gold coins.

But before I could grab any, a spirit appeared and said, "Be warned! This treasure is cursed. If you take all these coins, you'll turn into a dog!"

"So," I asked, "What if I just take *some* of the treasure?"

"Well, then I guess you'll just turn partially into a dog," said the spirit.

I had to think about it for a while. I mean, I really needed the money, but that curse, it gave me pause.

One day in 1960's China...

Mao told his chief of police to send 10,000 intellectuals and a clown to rural exile. The police chief asked "Why the clown?" Mao laughed and said "That's the spirit!"

What's a ghost's favorite way to travel?

Spirit airlines.

You guys wanna hear a joke about ghosts?

That's the spirit.

Since The Simpson's just reached the 600 episode milestone, I'd like to take a moment to remember it's importance to american history ...

Its unwaveringly realistic portrayal of the yellow people's disenfranchisement while pursuing the American Dream is a testament to our nation's tolerant spirit.

What is the spirit animal of a dominatrix?

Pegasus.

A Hindu candle company has released a "Nirvana" scented candle.

It smells like teen spirit.

I was out shopping tonight, when I saw a new brand of condoms called, "Olympic." Trying to get in to the spirit of things, I bought a pack and when I got home, I sprinted in singing the Olympic theme song and proudly showed them to my wife...

"Olympic condoms!?" she asked. "What makes them so special? Are we only going to use them once every four years?!"

Chuckling, I replied, "No,no! You see, there are three colors, Gold, Silver and Bronze!"

"What color are you going to wear tonight?" she asked cheekily.

"Gold of course!" I said proudly.

She retorted, "Really?! Why don't you wear Silver, it would be nice if you came second for a change!"

What does a college kid do when confronted by an evil spirit?

He drinks it just like he drinks every other kind of spirit.

What do you call the spirit of a dead chicken?

A poultrygeist.

Local Drowning

A hippie drowned at the local beach last night. When asked why the free spirit was unable to be save before his tragic death, a lifeguard commented "He was too far out, man."

For the valentines spirit

Roses are red violets are blue I am pregnant but it is not from you

I tried to teach a ghost addition. Despite its efforts, in the end, it could only add 1 at a time.

I was disappointed, but I guess it's the spirit that counts.

Just realized I used my old spirit week shirt from school as a fap rag.

It was my Homecumming shirt

Wanna hear a story about a ghost?

That's the spirit.

Remember that scene from A Christmas Story where the people at the Chinese restaurant were singing "Fa ra ra ra raaa..."?

They were really filled with that no-L spirit.

Kurt Cobain hated Smells Like Teen Spirit so much...

He killed the songwriter

God took a paternity test

He found out he was the father, the son and the holy spirit.

Liquor store closed down and now a church moved into the building.

Seems like a different spirit around there!

The best thing about flying with Spirit is the legroom

When the plane's about to crash, you're already in the fetal position.

In the spirit of Easter, I've hidden eggs around the appartment.

In the spirit of April Fools, I'm not telling my roommates.

Why does the ghost take the elevator?

To lift his spirit

I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to do a rape-sex fantasy.

She said, "No!"
I replied, "That's the spirit."

How does Mario contact the spirit realm?

With a L-Ouija board.

My wife and I broke up

Looking back it just seems silly. We broke up because of our dream vacations of all things.


I always dreamed of going on an Alaskan cruise, whereas she always dreamed of sleeping with my best friend.


In the spirit of compromise I surprised her by suggesting we try both.


The biggest surprise, though, was that we each enjoyed the other's suggestion more.

What did the carpenter say when his spirit level broke?

He literally could not even.

How to make Spirit jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Spirit to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Spirit? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Spirit pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes