spirit Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious spirit stories

What are the best Spirit puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Spirit? Well here is a complete list of Spirit dad jokes:

Me: Sometimes I hear a voice and I think it might be an evil spirit, should I be afraid?



**Therapist:** That's actually quite common, sometimes I hear a whiny bitchass girly voice.

**Me:** What do you mean?

**Therapist:** There it goes again.

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The very spiritual Gandhi walked everywhere, leaving him with impressive calluses. And he ate very little, which made him rather frail. His odd diet also plagued him with bad breath. I guess you could say.....

That he was a super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

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Methylated Spirit

A scruffy homeless man walks into a DIY store.

"Bottle of methylated spirit please."

"Look mate, no offense but I wasn't born yesterday. I can't sell that to you when I know you're just gonna drink it."

"Hey, what are you implying? This is ridiculous, I'm using it for woodwork!"

"All right, all right..." says the shopkeeper, taking a bottle of the shelf.

"Oh, haven't you got a cold one?"

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"Wanna play the Rape Game?"

"No"

"That's the spirit"

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I said to my girlfriend, "Do you want to experiment with a role-play rape fantasy?"

She said, "**NO!**"

I said, "*That's the spirit!*" β€”Jimmy Carr

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Lenin,Stalin and Gorbachev were riding on a train...

When it came to a halt,the engineer said,"Our engine has failed,What shall i do?"."Let the invincible spirit of the people pulls us on!" Lenin declared."Shoot the engineer!" offered Stalin.And Gorbachev suggested, "Close the shades and we can pretend we're moving forward."

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A man orders a shot of ever spirit in the bar, downs them all and says to the barman "I probably shouldn't have had all of those with what I've got". "Why?", asks the concerned barman, "what have you got?"

"About two dollars and some loose change." Replies the man.

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A bus full of the worlds most ugly people drives off a cliff..

They all die in a horrible, fiery, explosion.

They all go to heaven where they are greeted by an angel who grants all of them one wish to take with them into their next lives.

The 1st ugly spirit steps forward and wishes to be beautiful. The Angel grants his wish and a man in the very back of the line bursts out in laughter.

The 2nd steps forward and wishes to be even more beautiful than the previous spirit. The man in the back laughs even harder.

The 3rd ugly spirit and everyone else in line wishes to be more and more beautiful than the last all while the man in the back of the line laughs himself to tears until finally it comes to be his turn to be granted a wish by the angel.

"What do you wish for in your next life" The Angel asks.

To which the man replies

"I wish that they were all ugly again"

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What do you say to a motivated ghost?

That's the spirit!

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What's the American settler's spirit animal?

The groundhog.

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This joke only works if you read it out loud [OC]

So, I was walking through the woods the other day, when I found a huge pile of gold coins.

But before I could grab any, a spirit appeared and said, "Be warned! This treasure is cursed. If you take all these coins, you'll turn into a dog!"

"So," I asked, "What if I just take *some* of the treasure?"

"Well, then I guess you'll just turn partially into a dog," said the spirit.

I had to think about it for a while. I mean, I really needed the money, but that curse, it gave me pause.

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What's a ghost's favorite way to travel?

Spirit airlines.

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Do you want to hear a ghost joke?

That's the spirit!

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Why does the ghost take the elevator?

To lift his spirit

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I just found out my spirit animal is a tapeworm

Don't ask me how I know, I can just feel it inside of me y'know

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Poor Bob in Hell

Poor Bob dies and his spirit heads up to Heaven. But at the Pearly Gates, he's told that he hasn't been good enough, he has to go down to Hell instead. So he does, and when he gets there, there's a long line of spirits waiting to be processed into Hell.

Bob watches for a while and sees that Satan seems to be sending some people off to the right through a big door, and other people would be tossed into a big pit of huge flames to the left. But once in a while, Satan would appear to deliberate over a person and then just chuck them into a pile off to the side.

When he finally made it to the front of the line, Bob couldn't help himself; he just had to know: he asked Satan, "Why didn't you throw those people in the pile into the pit of fire?"

Satan put his hands on his hips and shook his head, frustrated. "Oh, those people are from Seattle. They're too wet to burn!"

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Want to play the rape game?

"Nope"
Ah, that's the spirit.

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Would you like to hear a joke about ghosts?

That's the spirit!

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The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit are discussing where to holiday...

The Holy Spirit, predictably, suggests Las Vegas, but God says he feels like a change this year.

God suggests Jerusalem, but Jesus vetoes - not after last time...

Jesus suggests The Vatican City. "Sounds good to me." says God. " Yeah I'd like that," says the Holy Spirit, "I've never been."

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Spirit bus

A college student named jayden was waiting for the bus after a long day of shenanigans. It was almost midnight. Jayden's bored mind remembered an old myth he heard a while ago. It was about a bus that carried dead spirits to the other world and about it passing by the very station jayden was sitting on. Jayden laughs it off and waits a little longer and a bus came. He went on the vehicle and payed for the ride. But the driver seemed a little strange and the seats were filled with old people and people who seemed to be on the edge of overdosing something. Jayden sat down. As time passed jayden sensed that something was wrong and he started to freak out. 'I need to get of this bus! I'm..i'm not DEAD dude!' Jayden said while flailing his arms like a turtle on his back. Then he felt a cold hand touching him and heard an voice saying. 'Dude, ring the freakin bell.'

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Best Halloween Party Ever

An advertisement for a Halloween party featuring
Zombie Japanese Chefs and street entertainers from the spirit world…
you would be treated to an evening of:
the Woking Dead and Ghost Buskers.

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What is the person called who brings you in contact with the spirit world?

A bartender

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Darth Vader: I am your father


**Odin:** I am the all-father.

**God:** I am the father, the son and the holy spirit.

**Maury:** the DNA results are in, find out after the break.

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Wanna play?

Me: Want to play rape?
Friend: No!
Me: That's the spirit!

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What do you say to a motivated ghost?

Thats the spirit!

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How do Ghosts lay foundations?

With a spirit level!

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Which sports team honors the true spirit of Thanksgiving?

The Redskins

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Michigan jokes

So a michigan state fan, university of michigan fan, notre dame fan, and a penn state fan are all climbing up a mountain. As they were climbing they began to argue over who had the most school spirit. As they reached the top the penn state fan wants to show that he has the most school spirit so jumps off the mountain yelling "this is for the nitany lions". Not wanting to be outdone the notre dame fan jumps off saying "this is for the fighting irish". Then the michigan state fan, not wanting to be outdone, yells "this is for the spartans" and pushes the michigan fan off the mountain.

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Laugh to support the spirit - the best medicine

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My dad always thought ''Smells Like Teen Spirit" was about having sex.

"Here we are now, enter anus"

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The spirit of the Night is seen buying My Little Ponies...

The spirit of the Day looks at Night and asks "Dude, what the fuck are you doing?"

Night responds "I'm still young!"

Day then says. "It's 4:00 in the morning"

Night says. "I'm young at *heart*"

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I'm glad to see New York getting in the spirit of Halloween!

New Orleans in 2005 was a great costume choice!

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A Native American boy walks up to the the Chief of his tribe...

He says to the Chief "Great Chief, where do the people of our tribe get their names?" the chief replies, "Well, each infant is given a name by their father seconds before the mother gives birth. You see, what the father does is observe the nature around them and let its spirit inspire them." The boy says "I see, this makes some sense to me." and the Chief explains to the boy, "You're friend, Soaring-eagle, received his name when his father saw an eagle fly directly above the hut that his wife was giving birth in." The boy still looked slightly confused, so the Chief asked "Why exactly are you seeking this information. Did you want to know where you're name originated, Twodogsfucking?"

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My Latin is so bad, on exam i accidentally summoned Hitler's spirit.

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How do you keep up the spirit after a long day of work?

Raise a bottle of Vodka over your head, say cheers, and chug.

Happy St. Patty's Day everybody.

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Did you hear what the new Nirvana song is called?

Smells like Kurt's Spirit

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My Latin is so bad, i accidentally summoned Hitler's spirit

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What floor do the ghost busters live on?

The spirit level.

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Where does spiritbreaker go to pee?

In the barathroom

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Who here wants to play a game of rape? No? That's the spirit!

lol.

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Spiritual one liners...

You know who would have hated selfies?

Mohammed.

You know who would have loved Netflix?

Buddha.

You know who was a real bastard?

Christ.

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The Rape Game

-Hey girl, do you wanna play the rape game?

-Hell no!

-That's the spirit.

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A politician dies. Instead of going straight to heaven or hell, a spirit appears to him.

The spirit tells him that, rather than being judged for his sins, he gets to choose whether he goes to heaven or hell.

The politician replies that of course he wants to go to heaven. The spirit tells him that before he chooses, he has to visit both places so each one will get a fair chance.

First they visit heaven. It looks pretty nice. Big fluffy clouds, angels singing and playing harps, everyone seeming to enjoy themselves. The politician is pleased, if a bit underwhelmed.

Hell, on the other hand, is magnificent. It's the most beautiful place the politician has ever seen, and everyone there is having the time of their lives. It has a buffet table filled with delicious-smelling food, a beautiful garden, a pool with a water slide, a dance floor, a massage parlor, and innumerable other attractions. It makes heaven look dull and boring and comparison.

I can't believe I'm saying this, says the politician, but I think I'd rather go to hell!

Very well, says the spirit. Turn around.

When the politician turns around, though, hell appears to be completely different than it had been less than a minute ago. All of the attractions are gone, everything is on fire, and the people are screaming in agony.

I don't understand! cries the politician. This isn't what you showed me before!

Well, that was the campaign, replies the spirit. Now you've voted.

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A jar of pickles

A jar of pickles was having an identity crisis. It felt like it was
something else. A person? A spirit? It wasn't sure. But it definitely
didn't feel like a jar of pickles.

The jar went to a psychiatrist, who devised a special therapy to jolt
the jar out of its identity crisis. The psychiatrist placed the jar of
pickles in a room with three doors, and told it that its true identity
lay behind the doors. The jar, eager to discover its identity, agreed
to participate.

The jar opened the first door and was greeted with a mirror. Looking
back at the jar was an identical jar of pickles. Confused, the jar
moved on to the second door.

It stood at the second door and opened it. The jar was greeted with
another mirror, and another jar of pickles.

Now visibly shaken, the jar of pickles approached the third door,
which promised to confirm its true identity. Nervously, the jar stood
at the third and final door. However, this time it could see that it
was ajar.

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I met an animist Santa Claus.

But I still wasn't feeling the holiday spirit.

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GUESS WHO!?

It's Monday morning and the postman is walking through the neighborhood on his usual route, delivering the mail. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were still in the driveway.
His wonder was cut short by David, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer, wine and spirit bottles for the recycling bin.


"Wow David, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night,' the postman comments.


David, in obvious pain, replies 'Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning. We had about 15 couples from around the neighborhood over for some weekend fun and it got a bit wild. We all got very drunk and around midnight that we started playing 'WHO AM I?"


The postman thinks a moment and says, "How do you play WHO AM I?"
"Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and come out one at a time covered with a sheet with only the 'family jewels' showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is.


The postman laughs and says, "Sounds like fun, I'm sorry I missed it."

"Probably a good thing you did," David responded. "Your name came up 7 times."

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3 men die and go to heaven

At the Pearly Gates they're greeted by Saint Peter

Saint Peter: I will let you into heaven if you can show me a spirit of Christmas

The first man pulls out a leaf from his pocket and says "this represents the Christmas tree"

He is allowed into heaven

The second man pulls out his keys "these represent bells"

He is allowed into heaven

The third man pulls out a pair of women's underwear

Saint Peter: good lord what do those represent?!

The third man says "oh well these, these are Carols"

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I asked my wife what she thought my spirit animal is...

She told me it is a lion.

When I asked her why, she said "because you sleep 18 hours a day and prefer the female provides your food."

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Hey, want to play the rape game?

No? That's the spirit!

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Q. How do ghosts lay foundations?

A. There is little evidence in support of the theory that ghosts exist but if they do there has certainly been no empirical support in favour of the idea that they take part in any major construction work. This could simply be because it is not a topic that interests ephemeral spirits or it could be they have trouble moving objects in the real world as their spirit hands pass through the rigid materials necessary to properly lay the base for any reasonably sized build.

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CONCLUSION

You've red some of the best spirit jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 50 puns about spirit. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty spirit gags to your kids. So please respect and be a good joking daddy !

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laugh? How do you make someone laugh? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter just like dad jokes. Some of these spirit jokes are funny and some are hilarious. With this collection it's easy to be a joker. Have fun and dig deeper into our archive.

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