The Best 59 Spiders Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Spiders jokes. There are some spiders longlegs jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these spiders spider web puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Spiders Jokes and Puns

Scientists and spiders.

There was a scientist working away in obscurity for years with peculiar experiments on spiders. After years and years he placed an advertisement in several academic journals to let everyone know he and was to host a live show to demonstrate his findings.

At the event hundreds were there more out of curiosity than anything as the details of the findings were kept secret. The man himself wandered on stage and silenced the murmurs.

'Today I will demonstrate two things. The first being that spiders can understand and respond to basic commands.'

The crowd laughed and jeered but undeterred he opened a box on his desk and a spider crawled out.
'Spider, walk left'

The spider moved to its left. The crowd was silenced.
'Spider, move right.'

The spider moved right. The crowd gasped. Forward, backward, the spider responded again and again. The crowd applauded in awe.

The scientist then removed all of the spider's legs. The crowd, confused by this, watched in silence.
'Move left'

The spider didn't move.
'Move right'

Nothing. Forward, backward, no response.
'This is to demonstrate my second finding. Once you remove a spider's legs, it goes deaf.'

Definition of a spider, to someone who is afraid of spiders.

Spiders are just furry eight-leggedy things, think of them as two kittens taped together and you'll be fine.

What do you call a spider that avoids other spiders?

A recluse

Spiders joke, What do you call a spider that avoids other spiders?

Why do spiders hate Area 51?

It's a no-fly zone.

This joke has various variations, I'll tell you this one...

One day John comes home to see his blonde gurlfriend sitting in front of a glass with 8 little spiders inside. He asks, "Babe, what's going on? You caught 8 spiders?"

She replies, "yes"

"what are you going to do with them?"

"Im going to eat them"

"WHAT! WHy?"

"Well I read that the average American consumes about 8 spiders per year, so I decided to do them all now to get it over with"

why don't spiders go to school..

Because they learn everything on web.


i know i suck at jokes.

Why are spiders so unproductive?

Because they hang out on the web all day!

Spiders joke, Why are spiders so unproductive?

What kind of insects to secret agents like? (as told by my 9 yr old)


What do they call spiders in the Middle East?


Ruffled feathers ahead.

What do you call a woman that is never late, can actually drive a car and doesn't need help killing spiders? Bruce Jenner.

What's the most common career choice among spiders?

Web development

You can explore spiders lagoon reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean spiders ladybugs dad jokes. There are also spiders puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Are you thirsty?

"Would you like something to drink?" She opened the fridge.

"We have water, milk, juice, spiders, Dr. Pepper --"


"Spiders it is, then."

"No, that wasn't--"

But she was already pouring him a brimming glass of spiders.

I just saw two really large spiders dancing to some 1980s music.

I think they were Duran Durantulas.

In Iran, people are afraid of spiders...

But in Iraq, no phobia

In Iran, everyone's scared of spiders..

But in Iraq, no phobia.

What type of web developer likes finding bugs


Spiders joke, What type of web developer likes finding bugs

Where do criminal spiders hang out?

The deep web

The most common type of web developers are not even human

they are spiders

Two spiders are at another spiders funeral.

"Peter was the most gentle spider I ever knew. He wouldn't hurt a fly."

"Yeah, that's true. Do you know what he died from?"


For some reason I'm only afraid of Middle Eastern spiders...

It's O.K. though. My doctor says it's normal to be Iraqnaphobic.

What is the most common job among spiders?

Web designer.

I'm not arachnophobic...

I just don't think spiders should be allowed to get married.

Spiders are making newspaper headlines.

Well, the ones in my house are.

Why do spiders usually get jobs in tech?

Most of them are already competent web developers.

I'm homophobic the same way in arachnophobic..

I don't hate spiders or homosexuals but id still scream if I seen one in the bath.

There is a country whose main export is spiders...

They have a gross domestic product.

A scientist performed an expirement on a spider...

He put the spider on a table and told it to jump, and it did. Then, he plucked off one of its legs and told it to jump, and it jumped again, but not as high as the first time. The scientist did this again and again, taking off another leg each time until all of its legs were gone. When the spider had no legs, he told it to jump. It just laid there, not jumping.

The scientist's conclusion: Spiders without legs are deaf.

I don't get what the big deal is with spiders. Why is everyone so scared of them?

I got to know the spider living in the corner of my room. We talked about our dreams and goals, he wants to be a Web designer.

Men are like spiders

We tend to have sticky hands after being on web.

How do spiders figure out what they're having for dinner

They search the web

Spiders must be...

the only web developers who like bugs.

How do spiders find their food?

On the web

Time flies when you're having fun,

Measure spiders when you're not .

Why did the two spiders get along so well?

They see eye to eye to eye to eye to eye to eye to eye to eye.

"What is your biggest weakness?" asked the interviewer.

I said, "Spiders."

He said, "Professional ones?"

I said, "I don't know, I've never seen one in a suit before."

Spiders in a nutshell

Scientist 1: This spider has long legs, so let's call it long legs

Scientist 2: Not kinky enough

A weird order at the pet shop

A guy walks in a pet shop and says: "I want 2 rats, 7 mice, 190 spiders and a pound of flies."
The guy behind the bar lifts an eyebrow and aks: "You're an owner of snakes?"
"No" said the man. "I am moving and they asked to leave the house in the same state."

What do you call a fear of spiders and sex?


What do you call two recently married spiders?


What do you call a place where spiders meet?


I would assume spiders adapted pretty quickly to online learning.

After all, they were already comfortable on the web.

Spiders are the only web developers

that like to find bugs.

What text emojis do spiders use when they are happy?


Did you know spiders go deaf if they have no legs?

Well it's true and here's why.

When I was a child I had a pet a spider. It was great I even trained him to jump. 'Jump' I'd shout and with a boing he'd leap into the air.

Well my brother saw this and in a jealous rage he pulled the spiders legs off!

I was heartbroken. 'Jump' I'd shout and the spider would just sit there. Not only had he lost his legs, he'd gone deaf too.

In Iran, everyone is so very afraid of spiders.

But in Iraq no phobia.

What do spiders do for a job?

Web development

I took a class about spiders

thanks to the pandemic, it was on the web

My wife was in the garden.

She started yelling to me.

Her: There are two spiders here, "is that a mummy longlegs

under the daddy longlegs.?

Me: No don't be silly there are no mummy longlegs only daddy longlegs. "I felt pretty proud of myself with my answer.

Until she stomps on both spiders, "Well we are not having any of that gay shit in our garden.

Where do spiders seek health advice


Today I asked my daughter for a phone book...

She said "you're such a boomer" and handed me her phone.

So, now, the spiders dead, my daughters phone is broken, and she's really pissed at me now..

My son asked me, "What happens to the spiders that gets hoovered up?"

"They Dyson."

In Iran, everyone is terrified of spiders, but apparently..

In Iraq no phobia..

What do people who live in trailer parks and spiders have in common?

The males are usually only half the females size.

How many spiders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Only two. But how the hell did they get in there?

There is one manor difference between Iraq and Iran

In Iran, everyone's afraid of spiders.

Iraq: no phobia.

Got this one from my dad, so I don't know if it's legible lol. I just thought I'd put it here.

Why are spiders always so nervous?

They've got butterflies in their stomach.

How do spiders make good computer technicians?

They are always on the Web.

What's worse than a box of spiders?

A box that was meant to be full of spiders.

What's the most popular job amongst spiders?

Web designer.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the spiders cockroaches jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working spiders recluse piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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