Spider Jokes
175 spider jokes and hilarious spider puns to laugh out loud. Read animal jokes about spider that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you looking for funny spider jokes? This article is filled with hilarious jokes about spiders, spider man, spider halloween, spider bite, longlegs, cockroach, cobweb, and more! Let out a laugh and put on a smile as you read through this collection of spider-related jokes.
Quick Jump To
- Short Spider Jokes
- Spider One Liners
- Spider Man Jokes
- Spider Web Jokes
- Spider Man Web Jokes
- Widow Spider Jokes
- Spider Halloween Jokes
- More Spider Jokes
Funniest Spider Short Jokes
Short spider jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The spider humour may include short spaghetti jokes also.
- My girlfriend told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.
- I told my teenage niece to go get me a phone book... She laughed at me, and said
"Oh uncle J you're so old. Just use my phone."
So I slammed her phone against the wall to kill a spider. - My daughter wants a pet spider for her birthday I went to the pet store, and the owner said "that'll be $200 please", I said "$200?, it'll be cheaper getting one off the web".
- My son asked me, Dad, can we watch Spider Man—Far from Home tonight? I said, Why? It is the same movie if you watch it nearby.
- My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it... So I did. We had a few drinks, pretty cool guy, said he works as a web developer.
- I watched Into The Spiderverse and I wondered how Spider-Man always comes up with his witty comebacks. Then it it me with great power comes great response ability.
- I just killed a huge spider running across the floor with my shoe I don't care how big the spider is, no one steals my shoe
- I asked my teenage son to pass me the phone book He laughed, called me a dinosaur and handed me his iPhone.
So, the spider is dead. The iPhone is broken and my son is furious. - My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him. Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He's a web designer.
- I just killed a massive spider crawling across the floor with my shoe. I don't really care how big the spider is, no one steals my shoe.
Share These Spider Jokes With Friends
Spider One Liners
Which spider one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with spider? I can suggest the ones about peter and lizard.
- Why does Spider-Man's calendar only have 11 months? He lost May
- A spider just crawled into my keyboard. It's okay, I have it under Ctrl.
- What do you call a spider with 20 eyes? Spiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiider
- What was Spider Man's major in college? Web Design.
- So many homophobes turn out to be secretly gay I'm worried I'm secretly a giant spider.
- I once met a spider from Baghdad... He was an Iraqnid.
- Man is like spider... ..bound to have sticky fingers after being on the web
- Why did Spider-Man's evil twin fail his driver's test? He was a bad parallel Parker.
- In Iran, everyone's scared of spiders.. But in Iraq, no phobia.
- A spider crawled into my keyboard earlier. It's okay, I've got him under Ctrl.
- Time flies when you're having fun, Measure spiders when you're not .
- What do they call spiders in the Middle East? Iraqnids
- A spider ran onto my keyboard It is under control
- What do you call a spider from the Middle East? an Iraqnid
- Spiders must be... the only web developers who like bugs.
Spider Man Jokes
Here is a list of funny spider man jokes and even better spider man puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's black, white, and red all over? Some people say it's a news paper, I say it's Spider-Man.
- Did you know the Green Goblin decided to turn good and team up with Spider-Man? Yeah, he's now Willem Dafriend
- Dad: "Son, do you know why Spider-Man is so good with his quips?" Son: "Why dad?"
Dad: "Because with great power comes great response ability" - Spider-Man sensed a green figure levitating in the distance on a glider. Hey! Who are you? , he yelled. Well, I'm the foe.
- Our kid is always saying, I want to be Batman! or I wanna be Spider-Man! So we dropped him off at the orphanage.
- Why is Spider-Man a bad boyfriend? He's super clingy.
- Why is spider-man so good at making quips?? Because with great power comes great response-ability.
- Why'd the alternate universe Spider-Man do so well on his driving test? He's an excellent parallel Parker.
- Why is there no Australian Spider-Man? He didn't survive the bite.
- Did you know that Spider-Man has a winter jacket made out of Mediterranean flatbread? It's a pita parka.
Spider Web Jokes
Here is a list of funny spider web jokes and even better spider web puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Mother told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. Went for a few drinks, pretty cool guy actually. Wants to be a web developer.
- Men are like spiders We tend to have sticky hands after being on web.
- The most common type of web developers are not even human they are spiders
- Why did the spider start playing the accordion? To weave beautiful melodies into its web.
- What do spiders do for a job? Web development
- My wife told me to take a spider out instead of killing it... We went and had some drinks. Really cool guy. Works as a web designer.
- My daughter asked for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet store. They cost $30! That's way too expensive.
I can get one much cheaper off of the web. - The recruiter was shocked to see the applicant was a spider. Wait, what position are you applying for? A web designer, the spider replied
- Struck up a conversation with a spider today at home while dusting. Nice guy. He's a web designer
- A man is like a spider.... when he is on the web, he is bound to get his hands sticky....
Spider Man Web Jokes
Here is a list of funny spider man web jokes and even better spider man web puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Who called it Spider-Man trilogy and not.. A web series.
- So Spider-Man and Silver Surfer decided to hang out one day Yeah, I think they surfed the web together
- What does Spider-Man do after he gets hurt? He checks Web MD
- What's the difference between spider man and superman? peter parker can shoot webs. clark kent.
- I met Spider-Man in college He was in Web development.
- What's Spider-Man's favourite class? Web development.
- What do you call skid marks on Spider-Man underwear? The Dark Web
- What does Spider-Man do on his day off? Surfs the web
- What is Spider-Man's side gig? He's a web developer
- Do you want to watch the movie "Venom", about Spider-Man's archenemy, before it hits theaters? Easy! You just have to navigate the dark web...
Widow Spider Jokes
Here is a list of funny widow spider jokes and even better widow spider puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Me: You know, the female black widow spider kills the male spider after mating. I don't understand why? Wife: I'm pretty sure it's to stop the male from snoring before it starts
- I like my women the same way I like my spiders. Black widows.
- How was Spider-Man killed? He slept with Black Widow.
- I hate spiders! I beat a black widow once Now im not allowed near Winny Mandela anymore
- What do you call a spider that just lost her husband ? A widower.
- Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.
- A black widow: the worlds most dangerous spider, and the worlds most annoying human. Tehehe
- Black Widow Spiders having s**... No wonder they're widows
Spider Halloween Jokes
Here is a list of funny spider halloween jokes and even better spider halloween puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why did the spider get on the computer? To check his website.
This is my son's favorite joke and he wanted me to post it for Halloween.
Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Spider Jokes with Friends.
What funny jokes about spider you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean centipede jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make spider pranks.
I named a spider on my wall cotton eyed joe
Because I have two questions,
Where did he come from,
And where did he go!?
Why was Spider-Man found sleeping on the roof of an old rundown power station?
No power, no responsibility.
Why is spiderman so good at comebacks?
Because with great power comes great response ability.
I asked my husband for the newspaper. "Don't be silly," he said. "Use my iPad."
That spider never knew what hit it.
Why doesn't Spiderman like rice?
It reminds him of Uncle Ben.
Spiderman:
Just another guy who ends up with sticky hands after using the web.
What do you call a spider that avoids other spiders?
A recluse
Why do spiders hate Area 51?
It's a no-fly zone.
What do you call it when a spider gets a pimple?
Arachne
Newspaper and IPAD
I told my girlfriend to get me a newspaper. "Don't be silly", she replied. "Borrow my iPad." .... That spider didn't knew what f***ing hit it.
What does Spiderman do when he's not fighting crime?
Web Development.
why don't spiders go to school..
Because they learn everything on web.
:(
i know i s**... at jokes.
What's the worst thing about getting bit by a poisonous spider?
That you're probably Australian.
A group of primary school students were participating in a local spelling bee.
A keen young boy steps before the judges and is told, "Your word is spider."
Not quite sure as to how to spell it, the boy asks, "Could you please use it in a sentence?"
A judge replies, "A spider has eight eyes."
The boy then states, "S-P-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-D-E-R."
Homosexuality is found in over 450 species. Homophobia is only found in two.
Help us get rid of the Ecuadorian f**...-hating spider :(
What do Spiderman and I have in common?
We both end up with sticky hands after using the web.
What do you call a graduated spider?
A Web Designer
What would be a more appropriate name for spiderman?
Peter parkour.
Why does Spider-Man only drink Kool-aid?
Because with grape powder comes great responsibility.
Why did the fly fly?
Because the spider spied her.
While in bed, my girlfriend screamed, "Oh my god, it's so big!"
Then I saw the spider.
What do you call a spider from Baghdad?
An Iraqnid.
I asked my wife for the newspaper
I said to my wife, "Get me a newspaper."
"Don't be silly," she replied, "you can borrow my iPad."
The spider didn't see that coming.
Spider web designer joke
My friend and I wanted to take the spider out instead of killing it...
Went and got drinks, cool guy, wants to be a web designer.
What does a spider want to be when he grows up?
(This is really good guys...brace yourselves..........)
A web designer.
I asked my girlfriend to get me a newspaper...
She said, "Nobody uses newspapers anymore use my iPad" and she was right, that spider died in one swing!
What do you call a spider that's had a s**... change?
A trantula.
Two spiders are at another spiders f**....
"Peter was the most gentle spider I ever knew. He wouldn't hurt a fly."
"Yeah, that's true. Do you know what he died from?"
"Starvation."
Please pray for my wife....
A spider bit her on the forehead and she is now in the E.R. They said she almost died.
Lucky for her, I was near and hit the spider as hard as I could with a bat right when it bit her.
So a spider just crawled onto my keyboard
But don't worry I think it's under ctrl.
What did the nervous spider say to the audience?
"Forgive me guys, but I've got butterflies in my stomach."
What do you call it when an Iraqi and a spider have a baby?
An Iraqnid.
Why did Spiderman open a retirement account?
He wanted to turn his Spidey cents into Spidey dollars.
What would you call Spider Man if he was a valet?
Peter Parker
A lot of homophobes turn out to be secretly gay..
..I'm getting nervous thinking I might secretly be a giant spider
A scientist performed an expirement on a spider...
He put the spider on a table and told it to jump, and it did. Then, he plucked off one of its legs and told it to jump, and it jumped again, but not as high as the first time. The scientist did this again and again, taking off another leg each time until all of its legs were gone. When the spider had no legs, he told it to jump. It just laid there, not jumping.
The scientist's conclusion: Spiders without legs are deaf.
Scientist: let's name this spider long legs, for its long legs.
Scientist 2: hmmmm not k**... enough.
What was that Spiderman quote again?
With great reflexes, comes great response ability.
I asked my wife for a newspaper. She said not to be daft and to borrow her iPad.
That spider didn't know what hit it.
I don't get what the big deal is with spiders. Why is everyone so scared of them?
I got to know the spider living in the corner of my room. We talked about our dreams and goals, he wants to be a Web designer.
What do Spider-Man and Metallica have in common?
Both have had an experience of entering Sandman
Now how's he going to read the newspaper, all rolled up like that?"
...thought the spider.
I saw a spider in my house today, but instead of killing it I took it out.
We had a couple drinks, and as it turns out he's a really good guy. He says he wants to be a web designer.
Why did the two spiders get along so well?
They see eye to eye to eye to eye to eye to eye to eye to eye.
Why are Spiderman stickers the stickiest?
They don't peel so good.
What did Spider-Man say when he was deployed to the Middle East?
Iraq, no phobia
I just killed a huge spider crawling along the floor with my shoe...
I don't care how big a spider is, no-one steals my shoe...
"What's your favourite position?" asked my date.
I said, "It's the spider."
She said, "I don't know it."
"Well," I said, "it's when I stand in a corner of the room and you scream naughty things at me."
What did Spiderman say when he worked at MacDonalds?
With minimum wage comes minimum responsibility.
She said "undress me with your words"
So I replied by saying "there's a spider in your bra".
The other day I found a spider in my shoes
He looked so s**.... They were way too big for him
Her: Undress me with your words.
Me: There's a spider in your bra.
What does Yoko Ono and a spider have in common?
They both live off of dead beatles.
So when Spiderman produces a white sticky substance it's "cool"
Why is it whenever I produce a white sticky substance I'm considered a "massive pervert"?
We had a spider in our room..
My girlfriend told me to take it out,
Seems like a nice guy,
Wants to be a web developer.
A dinosaur, a spider, and a cowboy walk into a bar
All three sit at the bar and begin drinking heavily, clearly distressed. The bartender asks them what their troubles are.
The Cowboy takes a shot, then says "my horse got loose, ran into traffic, and got hit by a semi truck carrying gasoline. Cause a whole big e**... and blew my poor horse to bits." The spider nods sympathetically. "I just lost my husband in that same fire. The driver found him, freaked out, and crashed trying to squash my dear hubby."
The bartender is in shock, but finally asks the dinosaur his story.
The dinosaur sniffed, took a sip from his straw, and said "My whole family was on that truck"
A spider crawled on my computer
Don't worry, it's under ctrl
A blind man and a man in a wheelchair are having a conversation.
The man in the wheelchair says: "hey look! A spider" to which the blind man replied "step on it"
I asked my son if I could have the phone book. He laughed, shook his head: "You're so last century!", and handed me his mobile.
Long story short: the spider is now dead, son's phone is smashed and son is distraught.
Did you know spiders go deaf if they have no legs?
Well it's true and here's why.
When I was a child I had a pet a spider. It was great I even trained him to jump. 'Jump' I'd shout and with a boing he'd leap into the air.
Well my brother saw this and in a jealous rage he pulled the spiders legs off!
I was heartbroken. 'Jump' I'd shout and the spider would just sit there. Not only had he lost his legs, he'd gone deaf too.
When I die I want to come back as a spider,
That way I'll finally hear girls say "o**... it's huge"
Why does Spiderman hate driving with his evil twin?
Because he's a bad parallel Parker
When I die I want to reincarnate as a spider.
That way all the girls can say, "Oh my god, it's huge!"
Two caterpillars are escaping a spider. They climb up a branch and get to the edge, but realize they are now trapped. "Hold on tight!" says the first caterpillar and he quickly chews through the branch. It snaps and they begin to fall, but...
...he grabs two protruding twigs and uses them to steer the branch through the air with grace and finesse.
"That's amazing!!" says the second caterpillar. "How in the h**... are you doing that?!"
The first caterpillar scoffs.
"Am I the only one in the whole d**... forest who knows how to drive a stick!?"
