Spider Man Jokes
143 spider man jokes and hilarious spider man puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about spider man that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Spider Man Short Jokes
Short spider man jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The spider man humour may include short spider jokes also.
- My son asked me, Dad, can we watch spider Man—Far from Home tonight? I said, Why? It is the same movie if you watch it nearby.
- I watched Into The Spiderverse and I wondered how Spider-Man always comes up with his witty comebacks. Then it it me with great power comes great response ability.
- What's black, white, and red all over? Some people say it's a news paper, I say it's Spider-Man.
- Did you know the Green Goblin decided to turn good and team up with Spider-Man? Yeah, he's now Willem Dafriend
- Spider-Man sensed a green figure levitating in the distance on a glider. Hey! Who are you? , he yelled. Well, I'm the foe.
- Our kid is always saying, I want to be Batman! or I wanna be Spider-Man! So we dropped him off at the orphanage.
- Did you know that Spider-Man has a winter jacket made out of Mediterranean flatbread? It's a pita parka.
- A blind man and a man in a wheelchair are having a conversation. The man in the wheelchair says: "hey look! A spider" to which the blind man replied "step on it"
- Why does Spider-Man only drink Kool-aid? Because with grape powder comes great responsibility.
- What do Game of Thrones, The Walking Dead, and Spider-Man all have in common? They're more realistic than The Bachelor.
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Spider Man One Liners
Which spider man one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with spider man? I can suggest the ones about peter parker and spider web.
- Why does Spider-Man's calendar only have 11 months? He lost May
- What was Spider Man's major in college? Web Design.
- Man is like spider... ..bound to have sticky fingers after being on the web
- Why is Spider-Man a bad boyfriend? He's super clingy.
- Why is there no Australian Spider-Man? He didn't survive the bite.
- Why didn't Spider Man ever team up with the Green Goblin? Because he was Dafoe.
- I can't believe AntMan and Spider-Man are in civil war. That really bugs me.
- Why was Spider-man's suit wrinkled? Because he lost his iron, man.
- What did Spider-Man say when he was deployed to the Middle East? Iraq, no phobia
- Who called it Spider-Man trilogy and not.. A web series.
- What does Spider-Man do after he gets hurt? He checks Web MD
- What does Spider-man wear when it gets cold out? A Peter Parka
- What does Spider-Man and your mouth have in common? They're both Peter Parkers.
- In Spider-Man, I always considered Harry's father an ally.. A shame he ended up as Dafoe.
- Why did Spider-Man buy a computer? So he can create his own websites
Spider Man Web Jokes
Here is a list of funny spider man web jokes and even better spider man web puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- So Spider-Man and Silver Surfer decided to hang out one day Yeah, I think they surfed the web together
- What's the difference between spider man and superman? peter parker can shoot webs. clark kent.
- I met Spider-Man in college He was in Web development.
- What's Spider-Man's favourite class? Web development.
- What do you call skid marks on Spider-Man underwear? The Dark Web
- What does Spider-Man do on his day off? Surfs the web
- Do you want to watch the movie "Venom", about Spider-Man's archenemy, before it hits theaters? Easy! You just have to navigate the dark web...
- Spider-Mans' New Job What new job did Spidey get when he was fired?
Web designer. - Confucius say Man is like spider, bound to have sticky hand after being on web.
- what is the place from which they bought the black spider-man in the movie 'Spider man into the spider verse The dark web
Spider Man Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about spider man you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean iron man jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make spider man pranks.
Spider-man can crawl on walls and ceilings, Chuck Norris can crawl on water.
Spider-man has been unmasked in all his last 4 films. If I was him, I wouldn't even bother dressing up.
Why was Spider-Man found sleeping on the roof of an old rundown power station?
No power, no responsibility.
An ant, a spider, and a centipede are holding a party.
The ant realizes that they are running low on beer. He offers to head out to buy some more beers. The centipede says, "No, let me do it. You'd take too long. I have a lot more legs than you - I can do it faster!" The bugs agree.
10 minutes pass... Then 20 minutes, then 30, then more. The spider asks, "What's taking him so long?" The ant decides to head out to investigate. He opens the front door and sees the centipede outside.
The ant asks, "Hey man, what's taking you so long?"
The centipede replies, "I'm still putting on my shoes."
My dad's favourite joke. Mine too.
There was a scientist working away in obscurity for years with peculiar experiments on spiders. After years and years he placed an advertisement in several academic journals to let the community know he and was to host a live show to demonstrate his findings.
At the event hundreds were there more out of curiosity than anything as the details of the findings were kept secret. The man himself wandered on stage and silenced the murmurs.
'Today I will demonstrate two things. The first being that spiders can understand and respond to basic commands.'
The crowd laughed and jeered but undeterred he opened a box on his desk and a spider crawled out.
'Spider, walk left'
The spider moved to its left. The crowd was silenced.
'Spider, move right.'
The spider moved right. The crowd gasped. Forward, backward, the spider responded again and again. The crowd applauded in awe.
The scientist then removed all of the spider's legs. The crowd, confused by this, watched in silence.
'Move left'
The spider didn't move.
'Move right'
Nothing. Forward, backward, no response.
'This is to demonstrate my second finding. Once you remove a spider's legs, it goes deaf.'
Scientists and spiders.
There was a scientist working away in obscurity for years with peculiar experiments on spiders. After years and years he placed an advertisement in several academic journals to let everyone know he and was to host a live show to demonstrate his findings.
At the event hundreds were there more out of curiosity than anything as the details of the findings were kept secret. The man himself wandered on stage and silenced the murmurs.
'Today I will demonstrate two things. The first being that spiders can understand and respond to basic commands.'
The crowd laughed and jeered but undeterred he opened a box on his desk and a spider crawled out.
'Spider, walk left'
The spider moved to its left. The crowd was silenced.
'Spider, move right.'
The spider moved right. The crowd gasped. Forward, backward, the spider responded again and again. The crowd applauded in awe.
The scientist then removed all of the spider's legs. The crowd, confused by this, watched in silence.
'Move left'
The spider didn't move.
'Move right'
Nothing. Forward, backward, no response.
'This is to demonstrate my second finding. Once you remove a spider's legs, it goes deaf.'
When Spider-Man delivered my sandwich yesterday,
I replied, "My gyro has arrived."
How did spider-man reach the inner city kids?
He web-slang
How Do You Make Spider-Man Cry?
Cook him some Uncle Ben's
Spidy nonsense
Sometimes I feel like spider man. Once I had Gwen Stacy, now I just have Mary Jane.
Which ankle did Spider-Man twist after tripping on the curb?
Ankle Ben.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Obsolete Technologies
A man is sitting in a recliner watching television when he asks his wife to pass the newspaper.
She starts barking at him,"Why don't you learn how to use this iPad? You're never going to get better at technology if you don't start using it for some of the simple things."
Considering his lovely angel's request, the man shrugs his shoulders and says, "Okay, why not."
A second later... SMASH!!!
That f**...' spider never even saw it coming.
props to /u/mongreloid , with minor editing from myself
What's the one thing Spider-man can't eat?
How come Spider-Man didn't get the most obvious spider trait?
Black.
What do you call a Spider-man that is a valet?
A Peter Parker
Why does spider man so great with his stunts?
Because he is Peter Parkour
What's Spider-Mans favorite online music app?
Spotafly.
Batman prank calls Spider-Man...
Batman asks, "Is uncle Ben home?"
Spider-Man says, "No! He is at the theater with your parents!"
What do you call a Spider-Man that's into politics?
An arachno-liberal.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How does a feminist kill a spider?
Not, she is not man enough to do it.
I don't know what's making Spider-man upset...
But something seems to be driving him up the wall.
What superhero should you never have dinner with?
Spider-Man. He never saves any Uncle Ben's.
Wife: Honey, listen. Your not Spider-man.
I'M SO SORRY IT'S SO COLD OUTSIDE THIS DUVET
What do Spider-Man and Windows 98 have in common?
They're always rebooting.
A joke I remember.
Teacher: What is your name?
New student: Spider-man.
Teacher: No, I mean your real name.
New student: Oh, I'm sorry….it's Peter Parker.
What kind of dictionary does Spider-Man use?
Webster
We call my grandpa "Spider-Man"
He doesn't have any super powers, he just finds it hard to get out of the bath
Michael Keaton took roles like Batman, Birdman, and now the Vulture from the new Spider Man movie
I guess you can say he's a good wingman.
Spider-man is the most vain hero
He's always taking pictures of himself
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How is w**... Nelson like Spider-Man?
They both love mary jane
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
E3 2017
Xbox: We have a new console with tons of good specs, VR support, and a badass name.
Sony: We have Kojima, God of War, c**... Bandicoot, and Spider-Man
Nintendo: We have plumbers and bunnies.
Where is Spider-Man?
He is at home coming.
What happens to Spider-man after homecoming?
Getting pulled for buzzed slinging
Crime is down in New York...
Spider-Man's so bored he's climbing the walls.
Anyone can climb a wall like Spider-Man
If you stick to it
My homecoming was like one ripped out of a movie.
Spider-man homecoming, because I was there for all of two minutes, before going to the computer lab to jack it.
What do Spider-Man and Metallica have in common?
Both have had an experience of entering Sandman
The first time I saw the original Spider-Man movie, I thought Norman Osborne was one of the good guys
Turns out he was Dafoe
So how did you all think Spider-man held up as a sidekick to Iron Man?
I really thought there's a Stark contrast between the two
*pssst* hey! Wanna know a secret?
Peter Parker is Spider-Man. Now don't tell anyone.
What superhero could Mr. Clean easily defeat?
Spider-Man, it's just takes a little pledge.
Spider-Man is coming out with his own brand of underwear.
He's going to call them Peter Parkers.
What did Iron-Man say when Spider-Man came out as gay?
"Huh, I didn't think you swang that way"
I was quite flexible and fast when I was younger. The kids at school used to call me Spider-Man.
Because my uncle was murdered
Spider-Man hated his new Spider-Car
It drove him up the wall
How do you call Spider-Man addicted to gambling?
Betman
What does a man with an attraction to spiders get?
An Arachtion
Spider-Man spoilers
Uncle Ben died.
I love swinging..
around as Spider-Man for PS4
Why did Spider-Man go to the hospital?
Because he didn't feel so good.
Spider-Man Spider-Man
Does whatever a spider can
Everything's, going dark
"I don't feel good Mr. Stark"
Oh nooooo, there went Spider-Man
What was the true identity of the Greek Spider-Man?
Pita Parker
A mind is like a parachute
Tony Stark built one into Spider-Man's new suit.
what does spider-man eat their cereal out of
a super bowl
Back in elementary school the other kids used to call me spider-man
because my uncle was shot in the street
A married man : I'm not scared of heights or spiders or snakes
I'm only scared of not doing the dishes
WHY ARE ALL MALE SPIDERS SUPERHEROES?
Because when they grow up they become Spider-Man.
The new Spider-Man game is amazing
Some might say it's spectacular
I think it's the ultimate video game
What would Shakespeare say if he was directing the Sam Raimi Spider-Man movies, and currently casting Peter Parker?
Toby or Not Toby, that is the question! 🤔
TIL that spiders reproductive organs are found in their front arms.
Spider-Man.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My daughter says she was r**... by Batman last night.
I guess it's time to switch to the Spider-Man costume.
When I was a kid I wanted to be spider-man.
Instead I got bitten by a mechanic.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why didn't Black Panther, Spider-man, the GOTG, Falcon, Wasp, and Bucky show up to appear in the Endgame trailer?
They're all flakes
Not all heroes wear capes
for instance, Spider-man
Why didn't Spider-Man design a costume with pockets for his wallet?
Because his Spidey Cents was always tingling
DID ANYONE SEE THE GIANT MAN EATING SPIDER ON TV LAST NIGHT????
I forgot he erases memories
What's Spider-Man's favorite song?
Dust in the Wind