Spider Man Jokes

144 spider man jokes and hilarious spider man puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about spider man that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Spider Man Short Jokes

Short spider man jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The spider man humour may include short spider jokes also.

  1. My son asked me, Dad, can we watch spider Man—Far from Home tonight? I said, Why? It is the same movie if you watch it nearby.
  2. I watched Into The Spiderverse and I wondered how Spider-Man always comes up with his witty comebacks. Then it it me with great power comes great response ability.
  3. What's black, white, and red all over? Some people say it's a news paper, I say it's Spider-Man.
  4. Did you know the Green Goblin decided to turn good and team up with Spider-Man? Yeah, he's now Willem Dafriend
  5. Dad: "Son, do you know why Spider-Man is so good with his quips?" Son: "Why dad?"
    Dad: "Because with great power comes great response ability"
  6. Spider-Man sensed a green figure levitating in the distance on a glider. Hey! Who are you? , he yelled. Well, I'm the foe.
  7. Our kid is always saying, I want to be Batman! or I wanna be Spider-Man! So we dropped him off at the orphanage.
  8. Why is spider-man so good at making quips?? Because with great power comes great response-ability.
  9. Why'd the alternate universe Spider-Man do so well on his driving test? He's an excellent parallel Parker.
  10. Did you know that Spider-Man has a winter jacket made out of Mediterranean flatbread? It's a pita parka.

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Spider Man One Liners

Which spider man one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with spider man? I can suggest the ones about peter parker and spider web.

  1. Why does Spider-Man's calendar only have 11 months? He lost May
  2. What was Spider Man's major in college? Web Design.
  3. Man is like spider... ..bound to have sticky fingers after being on the web
  4. Why did Spider-Man's evil twin fail his driver's test? He was a bad parallel Parker.
  5. Why is Spider-Man a bad boyfriend? He's super clingy.
  6. Why is there no Australian Spider-Man? He didn't survive the bite.
  7. A man is like a spider.... when he is on the web, he is bound to get his hands sticky....
  8. Why does Spider-Man only have 11 months on his calendar? Because he lost May…
  9. Why didn't Spider Man ever team up with the Green Goblin? Because he was Dafoe.
  10. I can't believe AntMan and Spider-Man are in civil war. That really bugs me.
  11. Why was Spider-man's suit wrinkled? Because he lost his iron, man.
  12. What would you call Spider Man if he was a valet? Peter Parker
  13. What did Spider-Man say when he was deployed to the Middle East? Iraq, no phobia
  14. Who called it Spider-Man trilogy and not.. A web series.
  15. What does Spider-Man do after he gets hurt? He checks Web MD

Spider Man Web Jokes

Here is a list of funny spider man web jokes and even better spider man web puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • So Spider-Man and Silver Surfer decided to hang out one day Yeah, I think they surfed the web together
  • What's the difference between spider man and superman? peter parker can shoot webs. clark kent.
  • I met Spider-Man in college He was in Web development.
  • What's Spider-Man's favourite class? Web development.
  • What do you call skid marks on Spider-Man underwear? The Dark Web
  • What does Spider-Man do on his day off? Surfs the web
  • What is Spider-Man's side gig? He's a web developer
  • Do you want to watch the movie "Venom", about Spider-Man's archenemy, before it hits theaters? Easy! You just have to navigate the dark web...
  • Spider-Mans' New Job What new job did Spidey get when he was fired?
    Web designer.
  • Confucius say Man is like spider, bound to have sticky hand after being on web.

Spider Man Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about spider man you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean iron man jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make spider man pranks.

Spider-man can crawl on walls and ceilings, Chuck Norris can crawl on water.

Spider-man has been unmasked in all his last 4 films. If I was him, I wouldn't even bother dressing up.

Why was Spider-Man found sleeping on the roof of an old rundown power station?

No power, no responsibility.

An ant, a spider, and a centipede are holding a party.

The ant realizes that they are running low on beer. He offers to head out to buy some more beers. The centipede says, "No, let me do it. You'd take too long. I have a lot more legs than you - I can do it faster!" The bugs agree.
10 minutes pass... Then 20 minutes, then 30, then more. The spider asks, "What's taking him so long?" The ant decides to head out to investigate. He opens the front door and sees the centipede outside.
The ant asks, "Hey man, what's taking you so long?"
The centipede replies, "I'm still putting on my shoes."

What does Spider-man wear when it gets cold out?

A Peter Parka

Scientists and spiders.

There was a scientist working away in obscurity for years with peculiar experiments on spiders. After years and years he placed an advertisement in several academic journals to let everyone know he and was to host a live show to demonstrate his findings.
At the event hundreds were there more out of curiosity than anything as the details of the findings were kept secret. The man himself wandered on stage and silenced the murmurs.
'Today I will demonstrate two things. The first being that spiders can understand and respond to basic commands.'
The crowd laughed and jeered but undeterred he opened a box on his desk and a spider crawled out.
'Spider, walk left'
The spider moved to its left. The crowd was silenced.
'Spider, move right.'
The spider moved right. The crowd gasped. Forward, backward, the spider responded again and again. The crowd applauded in awe.
The scientist then removed all of the spider's legs. The crowd, confused by this, watched in silence.
'Move left'
The spider didn't move.
'Move right'
Nothing. Forward, backward, no response.
'This is to demonstrate my second finding. Once you remove a spider's legs, it goes deaf.'

What is Spider-Man's favorite rice?

Uncle Bens!

How Do You Make Spider-Man Cry?

Cook him some Uncle Ben's

What's the one thing Spider-man can't eat?

What do you call a Spider-man that is a valet?

A Peter Parker


Q: What does Spider-man wear in the winter?
A: A Peter-Parka

What's Spider-Mans favorite online music app?


Batman prank calls Spider-Man...

Batman asks, "Is uncle Ben home?"
Spider-Man says, "No! He is at the theater with your parents!"

Why does Spider-Man only drink Kool-aid?

Because with grape powder comes great responsibility.

How does a feminist kill a spider?

Not, she is not man enough to do it.

I don't know what's making Spider-man upset...

But something seems to be driving him up the wall.

What superhero should you never have dinner with?

Spider-Man. He never saves any Uncle Ben's.

What do Spider-Man and Windows 98 have in common?

They're always rebooting.

A joke I remember.

Teacher: What is your name?
New student: Spider-man.
Teacher: No, I mean your real name.
New student: Oh, I'm sorry….it's Peter Parker.

What kind of dictionary does Spider-Man use?


We call my grandpa "Spider-Man"

He doesn't have any super powers, he just finds it hard to get out of the bath

Michael Keaton took roles like Batman, Birdman, and now the Vulture from the new Spider Man movie

I guess you can say he's a good wingman.

Spider-man is the most vain hero

He's always taking pictures of himself

How is w**... Nelson like Spider-Man?

They both love mary jane

E3 2017

Xbox: We have a new console with tons of good specs, VR support, and a badass name.
Sony: We have Kojima, God of War, c**... Bandicoot, and Spider-Man
Nintendo: We have plumbers and bunnies.

Where is Spider-Man?

He is at home coming.

What happens to Spider-man after homecoming?

Getting pulled for buzzed slinging

What's spider-mans favorite brand of rice ?

Uncle Ben

Anyone can climb a wall like Spider-Man

If you stick to it

My homecoming was like one ripped out of a movie.

Spider-man homecoming, because I was there for all of two minutes, before going to the computer lab to jack it.

What do Spider-Man and Metallica have in common?

Both have had an experience of entering Sandman

I used to be flexible back in highschool. In fact all my friends called me Spider-man...

mainly because my uncle was murdered.

The first time I saw the original Spider-Man movie, I thought Norman Osborne was one of the good guys

Turns out he was Dafoe

So how did you all think Spider-man held up as a sidekick to Iron Man?

I really thought there's a Stark contrast between the two

What superhero could Mr. Clean easily defeat?

Spider-Man, it's just takes a little pledge.

Spider-Man is coming out with his own brand of underwear.

He's going to call them Peter Parkers.

What did Iron-Man say when Spider-Man came out as gay?

"Huh, I didn't think you swang that way"

In Spider-Man, I always considered Harry's father an ally..

A shame he ended up as Dafoe.

I was quite flexible and fast when I was younger. The kids at school used to call me Spider-Man.

Because my uncle was murdered

Spider-Man hated his new Spider-Car

It drove him up the wall

What does a man with an attraction to spiders get?

An Arachtion

I love swinging..

around as Spider-Man for PS4

Why did Spider-Man go to the hospital?

Because he didn't feel so good.

Spider-Man Spider-Man

Does whatever a spider can
Everything's, going dark
"I don't feel good Mr. Stark"
Oh nooooo, there went Spider-Man

What was the true identity of the Greek Spider-Man?

Pita Parker

What was the first thing Spider-Man did when he first got his powers?

Buy a fleshlight.

what does spider-man eat their cereal out of

a super bowl

Back in elementary school the other kids used to call me spider-man

because my uncle was shot in the street

A married man : I'm not scared of heights or spiders or snakes

I'm only scared of not doing the dishes


Because when they grow up they become Spider-Man.

The new Spider-Man game is amazing

Some might say it's spectacular
I think it's the ultimate video game

What would Shakespeare say if he was directing the Sam Raimi Spider-Man movies, and currently casting Peter Parker?

Toby or Not Toby, that is the question! 🤔

TIL that spiders reproductive organs are found in their front arms.


My daughter says she was r**... by Batman last night.

I guess it's time to switch to the Spider-Man costume.

When I was a kid I wanted to be spider-man.

Instead I got bitten by a mechanic.

Why didn't Black Panther, Spider-man, the GOTG, Falcon, Wasp, and Bucky show up to appear in the Endgame trailer?

They're all flakes

Not all heroes wear capes

for instance, Spider-man

Why didn't Spider-Man design a costume with pockets for his wallet?

Because his Spidey Cents was always tingling


I forgot he erases memories
Credit to my brother

What's Spider-Man's favorite song?

Dust in the Wind

what is the place from which they bought the black spider-man in the movie 'Spider man into the spider verse

The dark web

I just walked in on my boss jerking off to my selfies.

That's the last picture of Spider-Man I ever sell to the Daily Bugle.

Do you know what happened to Australian Spider-man?

He died from the bite.

Super HER-o

My daughter asked me to play super heroes with her and she wanted to be Spider-Man, with one condition. Since she is a girl I had to call her spider-ma'am

A weird order at the pet shop

A guy walks in a pet shop and says: "I want 2 rats, 7 mice, 190 spiders and a pound of flies."
The guy behind the bar lifts an eyebrow and aks: "You're an owner of snakes?"
"No" said the man. "I am moving and they asked to leave the house in the same state."

What do Game of Thrones, The Walking Dead, and Spider-Man all have in common?

They're more realistic than The Bachelor.

What is Marvel's new, SPIDER-MAN themed trophy?

A box of uncle Ben's rice with a bullet inside.