The Best 77 Spider Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Spider jokes. There are some spider spidey jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these spider sticky puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Spider Jokes and Puns

I named a spider on my wall cotton eyed joe

Because I have two questions,
Where did he come from,
And where did he go!?

Why is spiderman so good at comebacks?

Because with great power comes great response ability.

My girlfriend told me to take the spider out instead of killing it.

We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.

Spider joke, My girlfriend told me to take the spider out instead of killing it.

I told my teenage niece to go get me a phone book...

She laughed at me, and said

"Oh uncle J you're so old. Just use my phone."

So I slammed her phone against the wall to kill a spider.

A spider crawled into my keyboard earlier.

It's okay, I've got him under Ctrl.


I asked my husband for the newspaper. "Don't be silly," he said. "Use my iPad."

That spider never knew what hit it.

Why is Spider-Man a bad boyfriend?

He's super clingy.

Spider joke, Why is Spider-Man a bad boyfriend?

Spiderman:

Just another guy who ends up with sticky hands after using the web.

Why do spiders hate Area 51?

It's a no-fly zone.

A man is like a spider....

when he is on the web, he is bound to get his hands sticky....

I once met a spider from Baghdad...

He was an Iraqnid.

You can explore spider cobwebs reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean spider wasp dad jokes. There are also spider puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What do you call it when a spider gets a pimple?

Arachne

Newspaper and IPAD

I told my girlfriend to get me a newspaper. "Don't be silly", she replied. "Borrow my iPad." .... That spider didn't knew what f***ing hit it.

What does Spiderman do when he's not fighting crime?

Web Development.

why don't spiders go to school..

Because they learn everything on web.

:(

i know i suck at jokes.

What's the worst thing about getting bit by a poisonous spider?

That you're probably Australian.

Spider joke, What's the worst thing about getting bit by a poisonous spider?

What was Spider Man's major in college?

Web Design.

A group of primary school students were participating in a local spelling bee.

A keen young boy steps before the judges and is told, "Your word is spider."

Not quite sure as to how to spell it, the boy asks, "Could you please use it in a sentence?"

A judge replies, "A spider has eight eyes."

The boy then states, "S-P-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-D-E-R."

Man is like spider...

..bound to have sticky fingers after being on the web


Homosexuality is found in over 450 species. Homophobia is only found in two.

Help us get rid of the Ecuadorian fag-hating spider :(

What do Spiderman and I have in common?

We both end up with sticky hands after using the web.

What would be a more appropriate name for spiderman?

Peter parkour.

While in bed, my girlfriend screamed, "Oh my god, it's so big!"

Then I saw the spider.

What do you call a spider from Baghdad?

An Iraqnid.

I asked my wife for the newspaper

I said to my wife, "Get me a newspaper."

"Don't be silly," she replied, "you can borrow my iPad."

The spider didn't see that coming.

Spider web designer joke

My friend and I wanted to take the spider out instead of killing it...
Went and got drinks, cool guy, wants to be a web designer.

What does a spider want to be when he grows up?

(This is really good guys...brace yourselves..........)

A web designer.

I asked my girlfriend to get me a newspaper...

She said, "Nobody uses newspapers anymore use my iPad" and she was right, that spider died in one swing!

What do you call a spider that's had a sex change?

A trantula.

Two spiders are at another spiders funeral.

"Peter was the most gentle spider I ever knew. He wouldn't hurt a fly."

"Yeah, that's true. Do you know what he died from?"

"Starvation."

Mother told me to take the spider out instead of killing it.

Went for a few drinks, pretty cool guy actually. Wants to be a web developer.

Please pray for my wife....

A spider bit her on the forehead and she is now in the E.R. They said she almost died.
Lucky for her, I was near and hit the spider as hard as I could with a bat right when it bit her.

So many homophobes turn out to be secretly gay

I'm worried I'm secretly a giant spider.

So a spider just crawled onto my keyboard

But don't worry I think it's under ctrl.

What did the nervous spider say to the audience?

"Forgive me guys, but I've got butterflies in my stomach."

A lot of homophobes turn out to be secretly gay..

..I'm getting nervous thinking I might secretly be a giant spider

Scientist: let's name this spider long legs, for its long legs.

Scientist 2: hmmmm not kinky enough.

What was that Spiderman quote again?

With great reflexes, comes great response ability.

I asked my wife for a newspaper. She said not to be daft and to borrow her iPad.

That spider didn't know what hit it.

Spiders must be...

the only web developers who like bugs.

Now how's he going to read the newspaper, all rolled up like that?"

...thought the spider.

Why are Spiderman stickers the stickiest?

They don't peel so good.

I just killed a huge spider crawling along the floor with my shoe...

I don't care how big a spider is, no-one steals my shoe...

"What's your favourite position?" asked my date.

I said, "It's the spider."

She said, "I don't know it."

"Well," I said, "it's when I stand in a corner of the room and you scream naughty things at me."

What did Spiderman say when he worked at MacDonalds?

With minimum wage comes minimum responsibility.

What do you call a spider with 20 eyes?

Spiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiider

She said "undress me with your words"

So I replied by saying "there's a spider in your bra".

The other day I found a spider in my shoes

He looked so stupid. They were way too big for him

Her: Undress me with your words.

Me: There's a spider in your bra.

What does Yoko Ono and a spider have in common?

They both live off of dead beatles.

A dinosaur, a spider, and a cowboy walk into a bar

All three sit at the bar and begin drinking heavily, clearly distressed. The bartender asks them what their troubles are.
The Cowboy takes a shot, then says "my horse got loose, ran into traffic, and got hit by a semi truck carrying gasoline. Cause a whole big explosion and blew my poor horse to bits." The spider nods sympathetically. "I just lost my husband in that same fire. The driver found him, freaked out, and crashed trying to squash my dear hubby."
The bartender is in shock, but finally asks the dinosaur his story.
The dinosaur sniffed, took a sip from his straw, and said "My whole family was on that truck"

A spider crawled on my computer

Don't worry, it's under ctrl

Did you know that Spider-Man has a winter jacket made out of Mediterranean flatbread?

It's a pita parka.

A blind man and a man in a wheelchair are having a conversation.

The man in the wheelchair says: "hey look! A spider" to which the blind man replied "step on it"

What do you call a spider from the Middle East?

an Iraqnid

I asked my son if I could have the phone book. He laughed, shook his head: "You're so last century!", and handed me his mobile.

Long story short: the spider is now dead, son's phone is smashed and son is distraught.

Struck up a conversation with a spider today at home while dusting.

Nice guy. He's a web designer

Did you know spiders go deaf if they have no legs?

Well it's true and here's why.

When I was a child I had a pet a spider. It was great I even trained him to jump. 'Jump' I'd shout and with a boing he'd leap into the air.

Well my brother saw this and in a jealous rage he pulled the spiders legs off!

I was heartbroken. 'Jump' I'd shout and the spider would just sit there. Not only had he lost his legs, he'd gone deaf too.

My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him.

Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He's a web designer.

When I die I want to come back as a spider,

That way I'll finally hear girls say "omg it's huge"

What do spiders do for a job?

Web development

Why did the spider get on the computer?

To check his website.

This is my son's favorite joke and he wanted me to post it for Halloween.

Why does Spiderman hate driving with his evil twin?

Because he's a bad parallel Parker

When I die I want to reincarnate as a spider.

That way all the girls can say, "Oh my god, it's huge!"

Two caterpillars are escaping a spider. They climb up a branch and get to the edge, but realize they are now trapped. "Hold on tight!" says the first caterpillar and he quickly chews through the branch. It snaps and they begin to fall, but...

...he grabs two protruding twigs and uses them to steer the branch through the air with grace and finesse.

"That's amazing!!" says the second caterpillar. "How in the hell are you doing that?!"

The first caterpillar scoffs.

"Am I the only one in the whole damn forest who knows how to drive a stick!?"

I just killed a huge spider running across the floor with my shoe

I don't care how big the spider is, no one steals my shoe

Me: You know, the female black widow spider kills the male spider after mating. I don't understand why?

Wife: I'm pretty sure it's to stop the male from snoring before it starts

Why does spiderman always have the best comebacks?

With great power comes great response ability!

I just killed a massive spider crawling across the floor with my shoe.

I don't really care how big the spider is, no one steals my shoe.

I asked my wife to go get me a phone book.

She laughed at me, and said "You're so old. Just use my phone."

So I slammed her phone against the wall to kill a spider.

I tried to kill a spider by spraying it with a whole can of White Rain hair spray

But that didn't work, now it's wearing blue eye shadow and chain smoking Virginia Slims.

What kind of grill does a spider bbq on?

A Weber.

Why is spider-man so good at making quips??

Because with great power comes great response-ability.

Imagine what the spider Kama Sutra is like with all those legs.

A husband and wife are sitting on the couch watching TV.

The wife looks at the husband and he is staring at the ceiling above her head.

She looks up and asks "What are you staring at?"

A spider, he replies.

I don't see anything.

Oh, it must have fallen on your head, he says calmly.

The wife jumps up screaming.

The man says, While you're up, you mind getting me another beer?"

Two caterpillars are escaping a spider...

They climb up a small branch and get to the edge, but realize they are now trapped.

"Hold on tight!" says the first caterpillar, and he quickly chews through the branch. It snaps and they begin to fall, but he grabs two protruding twigs and steers the branch through the air with grace and finesse.

"That's amazing!" says the second caterpillar. "How are you doing that?!"

The first caterpillar scoffs. "Am I the *only one* in the whole damn forest who knows how to drive a stick?"

A friend I met online has a spider as pet, and he named it Feature. Weird, right?

Until he told me he is a software programmer.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the spider bug jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working spider poisonous piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes