Following is our collection of funniest Sperm jokes. There are some sperm insemination jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these sperm sperm donor puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Apparently you're not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say, "get a load of this guy" every time someone walks in.
Me: Hey, thanks for the glass of milk earlier
Sperm bank employee: What glass of milk
Me: The glass of milk that was sitting on your desk
Sperm bank employee: Oh no
Me: What
Sperm bank employee: You drank my glass of milk
About 1 in every 500 or 600 million have a chance at becoming human.
At a sperm bank one day, a man walks up with a ski mask and a gun. He points the gun at the lady at the desk.
"Sir.. this is a sperm bank.." says the lady.
"I know. Get out three bottles of sperm" he commanded.
So she obeys and takes out three bottles of frozen sperm.
"Drink it." says the man.
So she wincingly swallows each gulp until they're all empty. Disgusted she takes a look at the man as he takes off his ski mask and pockets his gun.
"See honey? It's not that hard."
A buttload
And I said "You know, I really love this place. I come here all the time."
Now what to do with all this sperm...
There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day. The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it. Doctor: What was the problem? Elderly man: Well, I tried with my right hand...nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand...nothing. Her left hand...nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth....still nothing. Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife's friend too?! Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the specimen cup.
Ohh.. About a handful.
So he and his wife go to the doctors office. When they meet with the doctor he says "We need to do a full workup and run some tests. I'm going to need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample". The old man, being hard of hearing, turns to his wife and says "eh?". His wife just rolls her eyes and says "Frank, just give him your underwear!"
The sock under my bed.
You can explore sperm donors reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean sperm first sperm dad jokes. There are also sperm puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I'm tired of people ringing my doorbell at all hours of the day and night, asking for donations. This morning it was some woman from the sperm bank. Boy, did I give her a mouthful!
When I think of all the money I've let slip through my fingers...
They both have a one in 100 million chance of being human.
Your girl has to chew before she swallows.
Both have a 1 in 2 millon chance of being a person someday.
The ova achiever
I don't know what came over me.
Two sperms swimming through a girls body. After a while one sperm looks at the other and says"we've been swimming forever! How much farther until we hit the ovaries?" The other sperm starts laughing and replies " ovaries?! We're not even halfway down the esophagus yet!"
We had a disastrous first day. Only two clients. One came on the bus; the other one missed the tube.
... He approaches the safe with a gun and yells at the nurse,
"Open up this safe!"
Nurse replied in fear, "But sir this is a sperm bank, we don't have any money here."
I said open up this safe now!" he yelled again and the nurse opened it up.
"Now drink this viel!"
"But sir this is sperm!"
"I said drink!" and the nurse drank with disgust.
"Drink another!" and she emptied another viel with less resistance.
The robber reveals his face and nurse found out that the robber was actually her husband.
"Now Sharon, was it really that hard?"
I went to the doctors yesterday and was surprised when he told me i needed to stop masturbating.
"Why, is my sperm count low?"
"No, you just need to let me finish your prostate exam first."
A Zy-Goat
I'll escort myself out.
Gonna call it: "Get a load of this guy over here!".
I accidentally put on the wrong sock this morning.
She really hates it when I call her that though.
They said I couldn't come within five hundred feet of the building.
A masked man goes into a sperm bank, points a gun at the woman behind the counter, and says,
Open the safe.
She says, This isn't a real bank; it's a sperm bank.
He says, Open the safe or I'll shoot.
She opens the safe, and he says, Now take one of the bottles and drink it.
After she opens the bottle and drinks it, he takes off his mask and the woman realizes the robber is
her husband.
He says, Now you see? It's not so difficult, is it?
A buttload.
They won't stop to ask for directions.
They each have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.
a receptionist at a sperm bank ever says "thanks for coming"
It was devastating. Imagine all the money that has slipped through my fingers.
MBBS Professor:
The Sperm is made up of Glucose, the same material Sugar is made of.
A Girl raised her hand:
"Then why doesn't it
taste like Sugar?"
Suddenly silence in hall.
Girl:Oops.
Then Professor's reply was also a Medical master piece:
My dear, Thats because, the taste buds are located on the tip of your Tongue and not at the end of your Throat
Killer .
one in a million turn out to be an actual human being.
Seamen.
He asks her, "Where are you headed today Miss?"
She says, "I'm on my way to the blood bank to donate blood."
The man asks, "How much do you get for that?"
She responds, "$20."
He then says, "Really? I'm on my way to the sperm bank, they pay me $100."
She looks angry about that, and then they part ways.
The next day the man gets on the elevator again to see the same woman. He says, "What a coincidence seeing you again. Where are you headed today?"
She responds, "To the sperm bank." with her mouth full.
I'll call it "Get a load of that guy"
"Get a load of this guy"
I said "Get a load of this guy," every time someone walked in.
Sperm 2: Still a long way to go..........We've only passed the tonsils.
Sperm Is Handmade.
When she has to chew before she swallows.
He was caught drinking on the job.
A whalecum mat.
1 out of 3 million has the potential to be a human being
She worked at a sperm bank
Because it's handmade.
A butt-load.
He was caught drinking on the job.
The doctor gives him a bottle to collect his sperm with. The next day he comes back with an empty bottle. He looks at the doctor and says:
"I've tried with my left hand and then with my right hand. My wife tried with both her hands. Even my daughter tried with both her hands and her mouth as well, same with my granddaughter. Even the neighbour and her daughter couldn't get it done! Doctor, could you open this bottle for me?"
She steps into the elevator along with an attractive young man.
"Are you going to the blood bank too?" she inquires.
"no" he replies: "I go to the sperm bank, because I get four times the cash as I get for a pint of blood".
A week later, they meet again in the same elevator. The guy asks: " Off to the blood bank again?"
The blonde just shakes her head and says :" Mmm-Mmm"
Receptionist: Yes, but this is a sperm bank and it doesn't work that way.
Your wife has to chew
All these years, money has been running through my fingers
Drinking on the job.
The One-in-a-Million chance of becoming a Human Being.
"Didn't realise they were that clever"
It's probably because, these days, most men do their banking online...
To see who came before you.
To think I've let all that money slip through my fingers.
He was caught drinking on the job.
They're strict about that sort of thing at the sperm bank.
But everyone gathered in the car park before the alarm went of, it was a premature evacuation
I wore the wrong sock this morning.
1 in 3,000,000 have a chance of becoming a human being.
Is just life in a nutshell
I kept saying, "Get a load of this guy!", when someone walked in.
Your mom
Tell them you can't come.
The nurse there tells them that she can only take samples from one of them. Since they are both very strong men, she comes to a conclusion and tells them "I'll take a sample from the fastest runner"
This is alarming to the two German's, both of them being completely exhausted from the previous days game. After discussing it for a while, they decide to inform the nurse
"I don't think we're ready to compete for the cup...
Man: "Thank you for that glass of milk earlier."
Sperm bank employee: "What glass of milk?"
Man: "The glass of milk that was sitting on your desk."
Sperm bank employee: "Oh my god."
Man: "What?"
Sperm bank employee: "You drank my glass of milk."
A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun.
He goes up to the nurse and demands for her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies.
So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!".
So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well.
Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard is it ?."
"What are you up to today?" he asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $20 a pint."
"Hmm ...," the man, says. "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100 a tablespoon."
The woman gets a strange look on her face and gets off the elevator.
The next day, they meet in the elevator again.
The man asks, "So, where you off to today?"
"Fmerm mank," she says, with her mouth full.
I wore the wrong socks.
4G must've fried their brains.
I can't figure out why, it might have been that every time someone left I said "Thank you for coming"
They often interrupt periods and lead to contractions.
Thanks for coming!
When your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.
Get a load of this guy
It's called sonblock.
First joke on here. Came up with that while camping this past weekend.
One comes up with the slogan, "Coverage from the cradle to the grave."
The Second one tries to improve on that with, "Coverage from the womb to the tomb."
Not to be outdone, the third one comes up with, "From the sperm to the worm."
The fourth insurance company really thought hard and almost gave up the race, but finally came up with, "From the erection to the resurrection."
They are hand made
Apparently they were mad at me for saying Get a load of this guy every time someone walked in.
The first sperm says, are we almost there? I don't know how much longer I can do this!
The second sperm responds, keep going buddy, you can do it. We just passed the tonsils!
Guy: thanks for that glass of milk earlier
Sperm Bank Employee: what glass of milk?
Guy: the glass of milk that was sitting on your desk
Sperm Bank Employee: oh my god
Guy: what
Sperm Bank Employee: you drank my glass of milk
The other replies, "We still got a ways to go. We barely just passed the tonsils"
Every time a man walked in I'd say Get a load of this guy .
He came, he saw, he concurred.
Because I wore the wrong pair of socks today
Because sex cells.
Receptionist: Yes sir, but this is a sperm bank, it doesn't work like that here.
Because I put on the wrong sock
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the sperm vial jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working sperm egg piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.