spells Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious spells puns

I just discovered that the word 'nothing' is a palindrome...

Backwards it spells 'gnihton', which also means nothing.

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It's quite ironic that "strap on"…

…backwards, spells 'no parts'…

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Strap-on backwards spells No-parts.

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I asked ny blind friend to read braille for me

I guess every lego spells out "fuck you dude".

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Yo Mama has so many warts...

Her face spells "ugly" in Braille

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In honor of America's upcoming Independence Day, do you know why America spells "behavior", "color", and "humor" the way they do?

Because **fuck u**, that's why!

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Have you ever thought about the word racecar and how it's a palindrome?

Put it backwards and it spells racecar, put it sideways and it kills Paul Walker.

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If everyone spells your sons name wrong...

Then you spelled your sons name wrong

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I Made It To Heaven.

A woman dies and goes to heaven, she approaches the pearly gates and says "I finally made it to heaven" St. Peter says "Not yet, first..you have to spell a word" She says "What word?" St. Peter says "Any word" so the woman says "Love and spells it L-O-V-E..St Peter says "Welcome to heaven" he then says" I have something I have to do, would you watch the gate?" the woman says what do I have to do" St. Peter says "Just do what I've been doing" so she says "OK"...a few minutes later she sees her ex-husband walking up, she says "What are you doing here?" the ex-husband replies "I just had a heart attack, I can't believe I made it to heaven" the ex-wife says "Not yet, you have to spell a word to get in" The ex-husband says "What word?" the wife replies "Czechoslovakia"

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W E N D Y

A couple just got married and before their honeymoon to Jamaica the young man decided to get his new gals name tattooed on his junk, forever marking it as belonging to her. Normally only the W and Y are visible, but when he gets excited it spells out W E N D Y.

While in Jamaica they decided to visit a nude beach, and while at the beach the young guy couldn't help but spot a local with what he thought was the same tattoo. He walks up to the local and asks, "Hey man, do you also have a girlfriend named Wendy? It seems we have matching tattoos!" The Jamaican replies, " Na mon, mine says 'Welcome to Jamaica mon, have a nice day.'"

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So I married way too young...

Oops, she spells it Wei Tu Yung

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Spelling bee in heaven.

A married woman named Harriet was very ill and passed away. When she ascended into heaven, an angel was waiting for her. The angel said, "You can be allowed into heaven, if you spell a word for me." Harriet replies, "OK, what's the word?"
"The word is love."
"L-O-V-E, love." Harriet spells.
"Welcome to heaven, but before you go in, can you watch the gate for me? I have to go do something. If someone comes up you know what to do" the angel asks.
"Okay," and the angel flies away. A couple minutes later her husband, Harry, comes to Heaven. Harriet asks him,
"What are you doing here," and he replies,
"I got so lonely back at home, that I decided to kill myself to come here with you." Harriet then says,
"Well, you have to spell a word to pass to heaven." Harry says,
"Okay, what's the word." Harriet says,
"Czechoslovakia."

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A teacher calls up her first grade class from recess

She she says to little Sally
-"Sally, what did you do at recess?"
-"I played in the sand box"
-"If you can spell the word "sand" I'll give you a fresh baked cookie"
So she spells it and enjoys a cookie
Then comes in Jimmy so the teacher says
-"Jimmy, what did you do at recess?"
-"I played in the sandbox with Sally"
-"If you can spell "box" I'll give you a fresh baked cookie"
So he spells it and enjoys a cookie
Then Tyrone comes in
-"Tyrone, what did you do at recess"
-"Sally and Jimmy threw rocks at me!"
-"wow that sounds like blatant racial discrimination. If you can spell "blatant racial discrimination" I'll give you a fresh baked cookie"

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A man was driving across country, when suddenly he saw a hitchhiker.

He picked her up and while they were driving the two of them got talking.
"What do you do?", asked the man.
"I'm a witch", said the hitchhiker.
"One of those, spells, potions and turn people into frogs kind of witches?"
"That's the one".
"Oh yeah? Can you show me?"
She started stroking his inner thigh.
Just like that, the man turned into a hotel.

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Jamaican Nudest Tattoo

A white guy takes a vacation at a Jamaican nudest resort. He sits at the bar next to a local. The Jamaican notices the white guy has the letters "WY" tattooed on his junk. He asks, "What does that mean." The white guy responds, "My wife's name is Wendy so when I get hard it spells it out." The white guy then notices his new friend has the same thing tattooed on his junk. The white guy asks, "Oh is your wife named Wendy too?" The Jamaican laughs and says, "No man, when I get hard it say 'Welcome to Jamaica have a nice day'!"

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A touching moment with Santa...

Little Johnny climbs onto Santa's lap at the department store.

Santa says, "I'll bet I know what you want for Christmas."

And with his index finger he taps the boy on the nose with every letter he spells, "T-O-Y-S."

The little boy answers, "No, I have enough toys."

Santa tries again, tapping Johnny's nose with every letter, "C-A-N-D-Y."

Again, Johnny says, "No, I have all kinds of candy."

"Well, what would you like for Christmas?" Santa asks.

Johnny replies, tapping Santa on the nose, "P-U-S-S-Y. And don't tell me you don't have any because I can smell it on your finger!"

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What do you call a witch who uses illegal spells?

A hex offender.

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Which singer has problems casting spells?

Barry Mana Low

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A man opens up a ice cream shop....

But he only has two flavors since he just opened. Strawberry and vanilla. His first customer walks in and orders chocalate. The seller says I'm sorry sir I only have strawberry and vanilla. The man says well ok ill have chocalate. The seller once again says I don't have chocolate. This goes on for awhile until the seller goes sir can you please spell straw as in strawberry. The man spells it. Now can you spell van as in vanilla. The man spells it. Now can you please spell fuck as in choclate. But there's no fuck in choclate. The seller goes that's what I've been trying to tell you!

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There once was a wizard who never hesitated to try new spells. But then he turned himself into a dog...

That gave him pause.

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Our divine caster lost track of his healing spells.

It was a clerical error.

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Why does the KKK wear those pointy hats?

White Wizard Hat: +10 to racist spells, -15 to black magic. It's all about the stats, man.

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An Italian man with spells of amnesia goes into a boutique coffee shop...

The barista asked what he wants, and he replies "Affogato".

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Don't trust a guy who spells his name 'Philip'...

...As his eyes are too close together.

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A kid gets out of his seat to leave class

"I'll be right back."

He's known for being a bit of a troublemaker, but the teacher can't deny him if he needs the restroom. The teacher says, "Alright, you can go. But first, spell today's vocabulary word, 'pterodactyl'."

He spells out, "T-E-R-O-D-A-C-T-Y-L."

She says to him, "Good job. However, you left out the P. Because it's silent?"

"Yeah," he goes, "and it's dripping down my pants."

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What's the difference between a wizard and a spelling bee contestant?

One can conjure spells, the other can spell conjure

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Two Parents Get Arrested

A couple is arrested after they get caught burning their son's name on farms. Picture a big bonfire, but it spells their son's name.

It's a tense ride into the station. The parents are obviously nervous, so the officer makes some small talk.

After a while, though, the curiosity gets the best of him so he asks them why.

Cop: Of all things to spell out, why your son's name?

Dad: We figured it was the best way to show how much we love arson.

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What does a witch use to see if her spells are going to work?

Spell check!

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My wife says she doesn't understand why people say adulting is so hard.

Sure, she spells it adultering but she is always going out to do that with her friends.

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A bunch of bats are hanging on a tree branch...

BAT A: Hey look at Harry he's hanging the other way up!! (like a bird)

BAT B: He's been having these fainting spells all week.

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Broccoli joke

So a woman walks into a grocery store and asks "do you have any broccoli" no says the guy stocking shelves. So the woman leaves. So the woman came back the next day and asked the same question, again the guy said no. So again the woman came back and asked again, so the guy finally said can you spell cat as in catostophe so she spells c-a-t. And can you spell dog as in dogborne? So she says d-o-g. Now can you spell freak as in broccoli? Then the woman says " there is no freak in broccoli, THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU!!

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Doctor's Office Visit

The doctor asked me how my bowel movements have been lately, I told him very dark. He asked me to describe so I said, "every time i look into the bowl, it spells out 'DIE'"

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I once met a dyslexic who suffered from vertigo.

Her name was Dizzy Spells.

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Where does the working Witch learn her spells? (Original Joke)

Invocational School

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How does a Metal Wizard perform his spells?

He ChromeCasts.

anDruid humor.

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What are the most funny Spells jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Spells? Well, here are the best Spells dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Spells pick up lines to share with friends.

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