spell Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious spell stories

What are the best Spell puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Spell? Well here is a complete list of Spell dad jokes:

If the Klu Klux Klan leaders are wizards, why don't they cast a spell to kill all those that oppose them?

Because they don't have access to black magic.


I've often heard that "icy" is the easiest word to spell

Looking at it now, I see why


What do you get when you spell "man" backwards?



I accidently swallowed some scrabble tiles

My next dump could spell disaster


Why is 'dark' spelled with a k and not with c?

Because you can't see in the dark



Why could the witch never get the enchantments right?

She forgot to use Spell Check.


Entrance Exam

A recent entrance exam for Medical School included several questions that would determine eligibility.

One of the questions was "Rearrange the letters P N E S I to spell out an important part of the human body that is more useful when erect."

Those who spelled 'spine' became Doctors.

The rest ended up in Congress.


Medical School Entrance Exam...

When I was young (100 yrs. Ago) and my intent was to go to medical school, the entrance exam included several questions that would determine eligibility.

One of the questions was "Rearrange the letters P N E S I to spell out an important part of the human body that is more useful when erect."

Those who spelled "SPINE" became Doctors. The rest ended up in Congress.


I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles.

My next crap could spell disaster.


A Lady Walks Into an Ice Cream Shop...

And asks for some chocolate ice cream. The clerk tells her that they are currently out of chocolate ice cream, so she walks out.

An hour later, the same lady comes back and asks for a gallon of chocolate ice cream. Once again, the clerk tells her that they are fresh out of chocolate ice cream.

Another hour later, the lady comes in and requests just one scoop of chocolate ice cream. The clerk says:

"Lady, can you spell "van" like in "vanilla"?"


"Good. Now can you spell "straw" like in "strawberry"?"


"Perfect. Now, can you spell "fuck" like in "chocolate"?"

The lady thinks about it for a second, and looks confused. She then replies "There is no fuck in chocolate"

"That's EXACTLY what I'm trying to tell you!!!"


Why do all polish names end in ski?

Because they can't spell toboggan
(This joke brought to you by a 90 yr old polish man I take care of at a nursing home)


Poor Ajmal.

After playtime, Ms Wilson asks some of her kindergarten kids what they did during playtime.
"What did you do at playtime Tom?"
"I played in the sandpit" said Tom.
"Very good, if you can spell sand, I'll give you a cookie!"
Tom spelled sand and was given a cookie by Ms Wilson.
"What did you do at playtime Sally?"
"I played in the sandpit with Tom" said Sally.
"That's nice, if you can spell pit, I'll give you a cookie!"
Sally spelled pit and was given a cookie by Ms Wilson.
"What did you do at playtime Ajmal?"
"I tried to play in the sandpit, but Sally and Tom threw rocks at me!" said Ajmal.
"That sounds like blatant racial discrimination, If you can spell blatant racial discrimination I'll give you a cookie!".


Careful, this is an alphabet bomb!

If it goes off, it could spell disaster!


How do you spell anarchy?

Any way you fucking want.


I Made It To Heaven.

A woman dies and goes to heaven, she approaches the pearly gates and says "I finally made it to heaven" St. Peter says "Not yet, first..you have to spell a word" She says "What word?" St. Peter says "Any word" so the woman says "Love and spells it L-O-V-E..St Peter says "Welcome to heaven" he then says" I have something I have to do, would you watch the gate?" the woman says what do I have to do" St. Peter says "Just do what I've been doing" so she says "OK"...a few minutes later she sees her ex-husband walking up, she says "What are you doing here?" the ex-husband replies "I just had a heart attack, I can't believe I made it to heaven" the ex-wife says "Not yet, you have to spell a word to get in" The ex-husband says "What word?" the wife replies "Czechoslovakia"


How does Bono spell "color"?

With or without "u"


I'm sorry about your parents, but no spell can reawaken the dead, Harry!

Except for the time turner. We'll use that to save Buckbeak.


I've got a joke about dyslexia.

If you don't get it I'll spell it out for you.


Man goes into ice cream shop...

Man goes into ice cream shop and asks for a chocolate ice cream cone. The clerk says, "I'm sorry sir, we are all out of chocolate, but we have strawberry, vanilla, and 29 other flavors." The man says, "ok, how about a chocolate sundae?" The clerk replies, "um, I'm sorry sir, but we are all out of chocolate, but we have strawberry, vanilla, and 29 other flavors." The man then says, "ok just give me a chocolate milkshake."

The clerk, exasperated says, "Look man, can you spell?"
Man: "uh, sure, I'm a school teacher."
Clerk: "OK, spell STRAW in strawberry"
Man: "s.t.r.a.w."
Clerk: "OK, spell VAN in vanilla"
Man: "v.a.n."
Clerk: "Now spell FUCK in chocolate"
Man: "but...there's no fuck in chocolate"
Clerk: "That's what I've been trying to tell you!!"


I've always enjoyed the mind control jokes. Do you know any?

Here's a couple of my favorites:

Ask someone to:
Spell "roast."
Spell "coast."
Spell "most."

Then ask them: What do you put in a toaster?

(The answer, is "bread.")

Another: What does M-A-C-D-O-N-A-L-D spell? (MacDonald)
What does M-A-C-G-R-E-G-O-R spell? (MacGregor)
What does M-A-C-H-I-N-E-R-Y spell? (machinery, not Mac Hinery)

One more that always worked for me:

Point at a piece of paper and ask "what color is that?"
Answer: "white"
Spell "silk"
Now ask: "what do cows drink?"
They usually answer "milk!"
No, they drink water!


I've been suffering from amnesia.

Or was it dyslexia?

All I know is that I can't remember it and I sure as hell can't spell it.


Spelling errors in quotations make me sic.


Spelling Errors?

I don't do that typo thing.


If someone asks you to spell part backwards, don't.

It's a trap.


Little Johnny

It's spelling bee day and Teacher has it down to three students remaining, Chloe, Jimmy and Little Johnny.

"Chloe, could you spell solidify?"

"Solidify, S...O...L...I...D...I...F...Y, solidify."

"Correct, Chloe. Could you use it in a sentence?"

"OK. Um, in order to turn water into ice, you must solidify it by leaving it in the freezer."

"Very good Chloe. Now Jimmy, would you like to spell integrity for me?"

"Integrity. Let's see, I...N...T...E...G...R...I...T........E, integrity."

"I'm sorry Jimmy, that's incorrect, but good try."

"And now, Little Johnny, I'd like you to spell asinine."

"Uhhh, asinine, A...S...I...uh...N...I...N......E, asinine."

"Correct! Can you use it in a sentence?"

Little Johnny paused for a moment and replied, "You're a very pretty lady, miss. Your face is beautiful, your lips are red and inviting, your eyes could light up a thousand rooms, but I give that asinine!"


A mummy calls a restaurant

- Hello, I'd like to reserve a table for the pharaoh Sakhrakhotep I.
- Could you spell it out, please?
- Of course. Bird, two triangles, wavy line, the sun, bird again, jackal's head and a scarab.


Saul Epstein was taking an oral exam in his English as a Second Language class...

Saul was asked to spell "cultivate," and he spelled it correctly.
He was then asked to use the word in a sentence, and, with a big smile,
responded: "Last vinter on a very cold day, I vas vaiting for a bus, but
it vas too cultivate, so I took the subvay home."


Two blondes were doing a crossword.

One asks, "How do you spell paint"? The other one replies,

"What colour"??


Anyone else here able to spell "condescending narcissist" correctly on the first try?

Yeah, I didn't think so.


There is no chocolate.

So a guy walks into an ice cream shop, and asks for chocolate ice cream. The cashier says, "I'm sorry sir, but we don't have chocolate." So the guy says, "oh... Ok then well I'll have chocolate then." The cashier says "sir, I'm sorry, but we don't have chocolate!" The guy says, "ok fine, I'll just take chocolate." Then the cashier says, "sir, can you spell the straw in strawberry?" Guy says, "sure, s - t - r - a - w." The cashier says, "ok, can you spell the van in vanilla?" Once again the guy says "sure, v - a - n. That's easy." The cashier then says, "ok then, can you spell the fuck in chocolate?" The guy says, "there is no fuck in chocolate!" The cashier says, "exactly."

All credit goes to my uncle, who told me this joke.


Childish immature jokes are the best

* Step 1: say "eye"
* Step 2: spell the word "map"
* Step 3: say "nus"
* Now say that all together...


How do you spell coward?



How to spell "me"

A man walks up to a woman and asks her to spell the word "ME" for him. She says, "M-E". The man says, "But you forgot the D!" "But there's no "D" in "ME"!" He says, "Not yet.."


Chocolate Ice Cream

A guy walks into an ice cream store and ask for a pint of chocolate ice cream, the guy behind the counter says "were out of chocolate ice cream", he then ask for a quart of chocolate ice cream, the guy behind the counter says "were out of chocolate ice cream", he then ask for a gallon of chocolate ice cream, the guy behind the counter says were out of chocolate ice.... he says wait, let's make this easy, the guy behind the counter says" spell the van in vanilla, the guy replies "van", the he says "spell the straw in strawberry", the guys says "straw", then the says, "ok now spell the fuck in chocolate", the guys says there is no fuck in chocolate, the guy behinds the counter says "THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU".


Do you wanna go to a restaurant?

You cant spell menu without me n u

I'm gonna lose all my karma.


How does Bono spell the word "colour"?

With or without u.


How do you spell onomatopoeia?

Just spell it like the way it sounds!


What does a witch use to see if her spells are going to work?

Spell check!


Spelling practice

It is spelling lesson. The teacher asks the kids to spell different words.
-Emma, can you spell 'dog'?
-D O G
-Correct! Jake, can you spell 'cat'?
-C A T
-Correct! Now, Ahmed, can you spell 'racial discrimination'?


No Oranges

A little old lady walks up to a grocery store manager and says, "Excuse me, sir, but I can't find the oranges."
"Well, the manager says, we may be out of them or maybe they've been moved." The old lady walks away and then comes back in a few minutes, and says, "Sir, I still can't find the oranges."
"In that case, says the manager, we're probably out of them. I think we'll get another shipment in a day or two."
The old lady again walks away, but then comes back again and once more tells the manager, "I've looked everywhere, but I still can't find the oranges."
Frustrated, the manager says "Ma'am, how do you spell the "tom" in tomatoes?" The lady says, "t-o-m." "That's right," the manager says. "And how do you spell the "pot" in potatoes?" The lady says, p-o-t. "Again, you're right, says the manager. Now, how do you spell the "fuck" in oranges?"
The lady thinks a minute, and says "There ain't no "fuck" in oranges."
The manager says, "Well, that's what I've been trying to tell you."


Lil' Rascals

read aloud for best effect ...
Teacher stands in front of the class full of the Lil' Rascals.
She asks Darla to spell dictate.
Darla, "dictate: d-i-k-t-a-t. Dictate."
Sorry Darla that is incorrect.
Teacher asks Buckwheat.
Buckwheat says, "dictate: d-i-c-t-a-t-e. Dictate."
"very good Buckwheat," says the teacher. "now can you use it in a sentence?"
"Sure," says Buckwheat, "Darla says my dictate good"


How do you spell Canada in Canadian?

C, eh! N, eh!, D, eh!


Little Billy and Sarah are two finalists at the spelling bee...

Sarah is up first.

Prompter: Sarah, your word is dumb. Please spell it and use it in a sentence.

Sarah: D-U-M-B dumb. Billy is dumb.

Prompter: Good, now spell stupid

Sarah: S-T-U-P-I-D stupid. Billy is stupid.

Prompter: Correct, now Billy, spell dictate

Billy: D-I-C-T-A-T-E dictate. Sarah might say I'm dumb and stupid, but she also say my dic-tate good.


Broccoli joke

So a woman walks into a grocery store and asks "do you have any broccoli" no says the guy stocking shelves. So the woman leaves. So the woman came back the next day and asked the same question, again the guy said no. So again the woman came back and asked again, so the guy finally said can you spell cat as in catostophe so she spells c-a-t. And can you spell dog as in dogborne? So she says d-o-g. Now can you spell freak as in broccoli? Then the woman says " there is no freak in broccoli, THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU!!


Racial Discrimination

A black boy, James, was in class one day and the teacher asked, "Class, what did you do this weekend?"

Immediately, a girl raises her hand and says, "I went over to Sam's house to play in his sandbox!"

"Oh interesting, come up to the board and spell sand, and Sam, come up here and spell box! I'll give you a cookie each!"

After they're done, the teacher asks again and James raises his hand timidly. "I saw Susie going to Sam's house and I wanted to play too so I asked them whether I could play too, but Sam said he wouldn't play with a nigger and he threw stones at me!" James started to cry.

"Sam! That's blatant racial discrimination! Hmm, James, come over here and spell blatant racial discrimination and I'll give you a cookie!"


Why do polish people all have ski at the end of their name?

Why do polish people all have ski at the end of their name?

Because they can't spell toboggan.


Do you spell hermaphrod*te with an "i" or with a "y"?

It could be both.


An American, an Australian and an Irishman are all on a quiz show...

The host asks; "Old MacDonald had a what, and then spell it for me."

The American says; "Old MacDonald had a ranch, R-A-N-C-H," he was incorrect.

The Australian buzzes in and answers; "Old MacDonald had a property, P-R-O-P-E-R-T-Y," he was incorrect.

The Irishman thinks for a a little and finally answers, "Old MacDonald had a farm, E-I-E-I-O,"


You can't spell feminism without men.

Women are notoriously bad spellers.


So I have this friend Jonathan...

Jon's been on a bit of a dry spell with the ladies lately. I suppose I should tell you a bit about Jonathan. He's a bit hard of hearing, but the ladies still love him despite that and his slightly diminutive stature, probably because he's usually the life of the party, buying drinks, etc. Anyway, back to the problem at hand.
We went to lunch the other day at a nice, quiet cafe. We started chatting about the usual, work, sports, whatever, but it came clear that Jon actually had invited me to give him some advice. He told me about his dry spell and of course I wanted to get to the root of the problem. A few minutes pass in silence. Finally, I ask, "Can I ask you a question?"
(Oh right, the hearing thing) "I said, CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?"



You've red some of the best spell jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 50 puns about spell. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty spell gags to your kids. So please respect and be a good joking daddy !

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