Speeding Fine Jokes
20 speeding fine jokes and hilarious speeding fine puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about speeding fine that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Speeding Fine Short Jokes
Short speeding fine jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The speeding fine humour may include short speeding ticket jokes also.
- Speeding fines doubled when workers present I don't see why a construction worker would be presenting anything during a speeding fine.
- A cop stops a guy for speeding and he tells him:" I had a feeling I'll give a fine today, so I waited for you here all day ." "Sorry , but I came as fast as I could!"
- Exceeding the posted Speed Limit in a Construction Zone is Okay As long as the posted limit sign is accompanied by a sign that reads; *Higher Fine* When Workers Present
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Speeding Fine One Liners
Which speeding fine one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with speeding fine? I can suggest the ones about caught speeding and traffic fines.
- Girl, you're like speeding in a construction zone… Double Fine
- What did a laid-back Italian cop say to a speeding driver? That's a fine.
- Yesterday I got a speeding ticket. That's fine.
Silly & Ridiculous Speeding Fine Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter
What funny jokes about speeding fine you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean parking fine jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make speeding fine pranks.
A man is pulled over by the police
The officer says to him "Sir, I simply cannot let you continue driving. You were speeding, and not only that, you were driving down the middle of the road!"
The man says, "It's okay, officer, I have a permit from the DMV that says it's fine if I do that."
The police officer is incredulous and demands to see this permit. The man pulls out a printed piece of paper from the DMV and says "See? It says right here: tear down the dotted line."
Dracula
Dracula is walking down the street one fine evening when a speeding lorry carrying mini sausage rolls, sandwiches, a variety of salads, dressed salmon, quiches and cold meats loses control, overturns and spills all that food. All this wreckage hits Dracula and with his dying breath he curses buffet the vampire slayer
A manager was told by his doctor to take up some sport for exercise, so he decided to play tennis. After a couple of weeks, his administrative assistant asked him how he was doing.
"It's going fine," the manager said. "When I'm on the court and I see the ball speeding towards me my brain immediately says, "To the corner! Backhand! To the net! Smash! Go back!"
"Really? What happens then?" the woman asked enthusiastically.
"Then my body says, 'Who? Me? Don't talk nonsense!'"
Heisenberg and Schrodinger are speeding down the highway.
A state cop pulls them over. The cop walks up to the window and asks Heisenberg, "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replies, "No, but I knew where I was." The cop says, "You were going over 90 miles per hour!" To which Heisenberg replies, "Fine. Now we're lost."Thinking this answer is a little strange, the cop decides to investigate the vehicle. He begins by opening the trunk. Shocked by what he finds, he shouts, "You have a dead cat in here!" Schrodinger answers, "Well I do now!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man travelling on a highway....
....when he nocticee the sign "Speedlimit: 50km". He was kind of surprised but still lowered his speed well below 50km/h. Half an hour later he spotted another sign "Speedlimit: 25km". Frustrated but didn't want any fine, he slowed down to 25km/h. After a while he saw yet another sign "Speedlimit: 3km". Having no other choice he got off the car and push it, cursing Donald Trump while at it for allowing such s**... rules. 2 hours passed, and another sign appeared:
- "Welcome to Speedlimit"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy is driving down the highway when he notices a sign
A guy is driving down the highway when he notices a sign:
Speed Limit: 40 miles.
He decelerates to 40 miles per hour and later he notices one
another sign:
Speed Limit: 20 miles
So he pushes the brakes again until he reaches the 20 mile per
hour limit. He starts wondering why everyone overtakes him. After
a while, just another sign catches his attention:
Speed Limit: 5 miles
He goes w**...' but still follows the rules, not wanting to be fined.
After one hour, one another sign catches his attention:
Welcome to Speed Limit!
A cop pulls over three elderly woman..
The cop says "M'am, do you realize you were going 15 mph in a 55?"
Old lady driver: " Ooo I must have been mistaken then, that sign over there says 15"
The cop laughs and says "M'am thats route 15; you're on route 15 right now"
Old lady driver: "I am so embarassed! Please forgive me"
The cop: "Well everything seems okay here, just make sure to keep it at the speed limit. I do have one question for you though. Your friend in the back seat seems to be a bit pale and anxious, is everything okay?"
Old lady driver: "Oh yeah she'll be fine....we just got off of route 115"
A Wife new to Learning driving.. Awesome Joke!
A wife just learned how to drive, and today is excited about her first time driving to work in her new car.
A bit later, her husband woke up and turn on the local news, which was talking about a crazy car driving in an insanely fast speed in the opposite direction of the traffic. The husband started to get a little worried, so he called his wife on the cell, "Sweetie are you okay?".
Wife: "Honey, ya I am fine - just driving to work. What's the matter?!"
Him: "Oh nothing, never mind, it is just that the local news was talking about one car driving opposite to the traffic so I was calling to make sure you are okay!"
Her: "No I am fine.. And ya.. tell me about it.. it is not just one car, it is all the cars.. and it has been driving me nuts this morning!!!"
A police officer is patrolling the highway...
He sees a speeding car on I95. He pulls the car over and is surprised to see a nun at the wheel. He asks her if she knows why he pulled her over. She says that she had no idea. The officer said she was driving almost 100 mph. She said " No I was driving 95 just like the sign says" He looks in the back seat and sees two more nuns holding each-other and shaking. He says that they don't have to worry, he is just going to issue a warning because of the clear misunderstanding. They respond, "We are not worried about the fine, we just got off of highway 128."
Lawyer Humor (From a textbook)
A traffic court judge found himself facing two attorneys, both of whom he knew very well. Both were charged with speeding violations. "Gentlemen," he said, "I could not be truly objective in either of your cases, so I'm going to let you judge each other's case." Both Lawyers agreed. Attorney Number One climbed to the bench. "You are charged with driving 40 in a 25 mph zone. How do you plead?" he asked Attorney Number Two. "Guilty," was the response. "I fine you $50," said Number Two. Then they exchanged places. "You are charged with driving 40 in a 25 mph zone," said Number Two. "What is your plea?" "Guilty," said Number one. "Then I fine you $200," said Number Two. "Hey! That's unfair," said the first. "I fined you only $50." "Yes," was the reply, "but there is too much speeding going on. This is the second case we've had like that today"
Cop pulls over a car for driving too slow
Cop walks up to the car & sees an elderly woman behind the wheel.
Cop: *Excuse me ma'am, can you tell me why you were driving so slow on the highway?*
Driver: *Officer, I was only going the speed limit. There was a sign back a half mile that said the it was 14mph.*
Cop: *Ma'am, the speed limit is 55mph, the sign you saw was for this road, Highway 14.*
Driver: *Oh my, that makes a lot of sense now. I apologize & I'll make sure I look closer at the signs.*
The cop then looks around the car & notices that all of the passengers look like they've seen a ghost.
Cop: *Is everyone alright?*
Driver: *Oh yes. They'll be fine. They always have that look on their face after I drive on memorial highway.*
Cop: *You mean highway 151?*
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