Speeding Excuses Jokes
25 speeding excuses jokes and hilarious speeding excuses puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about speeding excuses that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Speeding Excuses Short Jokes
Short speeding excuses jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The speeding excuses humour may include short caught speeding jokes also.
- So a cop pulled me over one day for speeding... he asked: "excuse me sir, but do you know how long i've been waiting for you?"
i said:" i know, i'm sorry but i tried to get here as fast as i could." - A policeman stopped me for speeding. He said, "Any reason as to why you were going that fast?"
"Because I'm gay."
"Excuse me?"
"You said you wanted any reason."
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Speeding Excuses Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about speeding excuses you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean making excuses jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make speeding excuses pranks.
A college professor is driving home drunk one Saturday night....
When he gets pulled over. The cop comes up to his window and asks him:
"Excuse me sir, you were speeding, you ran a red light and you appear to be drunk, where are you going?"
The professor replies: "I am currently on my way to a lecture concerning the dangers of drinking, smoking and staying up late."
The police officer says: "Who could possibly be giving that kind of lecture at this time?"
The professor responds: "My wife."
A guy finally buys his dream car
... And on his first day of owning it, he gets caught speeding down the highway.
Pulling over, the officer walks up to the window and says "Son, I've been a cop for over 30 years, I've heard every excuse there is. If you come up with a new one I'll let you off with a warning."
The driver says "Well, to be honest sir, my wife recently left me for a state trooper, and when I saw your car, I was scared you were bringing her back."
Excuse for speeding
This Middle aged man was going through his mid-life crisis so he went out and bought him a new bright red BMW. So he decided to take his new BMW on a test drive down the interstate one day.
He got up to about 85 mph and all of a sudden he saw this highway patrolman with his blue lights and siren blaring coming toward him. He decided he and his new BMW would outrun the officer. So the man sped up to 95 mph,and then to 105 mph, but the patrolman was still coming.
The man finally came to his senses and said to himself, "This is crazy, I could go to jail for this," so he pulled over.
The patrolman came to the car and told the man, "It has been a long day and I am tired. If you can give me an excuse no one else has ever given me I will let you go."
So the man told the officer, "Last night my wife ran off with a patrolman and when I seen you chasing me I thought you were trying to bring her back."
The officer looked at the man and said, "Have a nice day."
A traffic cop in a small town stopped a motorist for speeding.
"but Officer," said the driver, "I can explain-"
Save your excuses," said the cop. "You can cool your heels in jail till the chief gets back."
"But Officer..."
"Quiet!" snapped the cop. "You're going to jail the chief will deal with you when he gets back."
A few hours later the officer looks in at the prisoner. "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. It means he'll be in a good mood when he gets back."
"Don't count on it," said the prisoner. "I'm the groom."
A state trooper pulls a man over for speeding.
The officer tells the man, If you can give me an excuse I've never heard before I'll let you go.
The man says to the officer, A few years ago my wife ran off with a state trooper and I thought you were him trying to bring her back to me.
The officer replied, Slow it down and have a nice day.
A man gets pulled over for speeding...
The office saunters up to his car and he rolls down the window.
"I've heard every excuse for speeding in the book. I bet you can't give me one I haven't heard. But if you do, I'll let you off with a warning."
The man replies.
"Well you see officer, few years back my wife went and ran off with a state trooper."
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"Well, when I saw your lights turn on I was afraid you fellas was coming to give her back!"
Another blonde joke...
A blonde was speeding on a highway when a policeman pulled her over.
The policeman walks up to the blonde and say "excuse me ma'am can I see your driving license and registration."
The blonde looks at the policeman angrily and says "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took my license away and then today you expect me to show it to you."
A policeman pulls over a guy for speeding
The officer walks up to him and says "look buddy, its 16:50 on a Friday night and I knock off in 10 mins. I really don't want to be filling in paperwork so tell you what? Give me a good excuse for speeding away from me, and I'll let you go. The man thinks for a second and says "my wife ran off with a cop last week. I was afraid you were trying to give her back "
"Have a nice weekend, sir!"
A cop lights me up for speeding
Im driving down the road and a cop lights me up
So I took off and made him chase me awhile..
Finally I give up and pull over.
The cop walks up and says, "Look, its the end of my tour, Im tired,
I dont feel like doing paperwork, If you give me a good excuse, Ill let ya go"
So I say "Last week my girl left me and ran off with a cop,
I thought you were trying to bring her back"
A policeman stopped me for speeding.
He said, "Any reason as to why you were going that fast?"
"Because I'm gay," I replied.
"Excuse me?" he asked, baffled."You said you wanted 'any reason'," I added.
A blonde was speeding on the highway when a cop pulled her over...
The cop walks over to her car and says, "Excuse me ma'am, do you know how fast you were going?"
"Yep" she replied, clearly frustrated
The officer sighed and said, "I'm gonna need to see your license and registration."
The blonde looks at him angrily and says, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and today you expect me to show it to you!?"
A heavily inebriated man is out with his wife.
Finally they call it a day and make their way home. Driving on a major road, the car swerves dangerously, frequently crossing lanes at a frightening speed and narrowly avoiding causing countless collisions. Eventually they are pulled over by the cops.
With the window lowered, the man attempts to justify his actions.
"Goodd evvening... offficer..." he slurs. "As you can see, I've had rather a lot to drink."
The cop is fuming. "Sir. That is not a valid excuse to allow your wife to drive."
My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago..
A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph. The man eventually realizes he can't escape and finally pulls over. The cop approaches the car and says, "It's been a long day and my shift is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I'll let you go." The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, "My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!"
A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding...
.....but the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph. The man eventually realizes he can't escape and finally pulls over. The cop approaches the car and says, "It's been a long day and my shift is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behaviour, I'll let you go." The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, "Last year my wife ran away with a cop. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!"
Cop Pulls Over a Speeder at the End of his Shift
Since the cop was almost done and just wanted to go back to the station he told the driver
**Cop**: if you can give me an excuse i have never heard before to explain why you were speeding, I will let you off with a warning instead of aticket....
The man thinks for a moment then replies:
**man**: sir my wife left me last year for another man
confused the cop says
**Cop**: what does that have to do with your speed?
**Man**: well sir, my wife ran off with a police officer, when I saw your lights, I was scared you were bringing her back.
With a smile the cop says
**Cop**: have a nice day sir.
I got pulled over the other day
So I was driving down the highway in my new Mercedes doin' about 80mph. I see red and blue flashin' lights in my rear-view mirror. I think to myself, 'I'm in a new Mercedes! Who could catch me?' So I start speedin' up 90mph, 100mph, 110mph, 120mph. He's still there. So I pull over and the cop takes my license and papers without sayin' a word. He comes back and says, "I've been pulling people over all day for speeding. If you can give me an excuse that I haven't heard, I'll let you go." So I sit there for a second then say to the officer, "Well, sir, my wife left me to live with a police officer the other day. So I thought you were trying to give her back!"
A newfie is doing 140km/h down the middle of the highway...
...when he is pulled over by the RCMP. The officer approaches the car, and asks him for his license and registration.
Officer: I clocked you at 140 driving down the centre of the road. Do you mind explaining what you were thinking?
Newfie: Aye, just followin' the directions on me license.
Officer: Excuse me?
Newfie: It says so right on top.
The officer, confused, takes a look at his license.
Officer: Nowhere does it say here that you can speed down the middle of the highway.
Newfie: Sure it does.
The newfie then pointed to the edge of the paper.
Newfie: See, right there. *Tear along the dotted line*
Are you aware you broke the speed limit?
A man and his wife were driving on the motorway when a police car signalled for them to pull over.
Having stopped, the police officer walked over to the car and asked the man to unwind his window:
''Sir, are you aware of how fast you were just driving?''
The man replies, ''I'm sure I didn't break the speed limit officer.''
''Well I just clocked you at 78''
''Impossible officer, I never went over 70.''
''I can assure you sir, you were well over the legal speed limit''
''Well I can assure YOU that I never went over 70!''
At this point the man's wife interrupts: ''Excuse me officer, you're wasting your time''
''How so?'' replies the policeman
''There's no point arguing with my husband after he's had this much to drink''
Pull over
Guy buys a nice new sports car, decides to go out for a drive and starts to speed up as he wants to see what his new toy can do, sure enough a cop pulls up behind him and turns his lights on, driver laughs and says no way the cop can keep up with me so he floors it and loses the cop, few minutes go by before he comes to his senses and decides to pull over and wait for the cop to show up which he finally does. Cop gets out of the car and says to the driver, I've had a really long week and don't feel like writing another ticket, if you can come up with an excuse I haven't heard before I'll let you go.
Driver pauses for a second, well officer last week my wife ran off with a cop and I thought you were trying to give her back.
Have a good day sir.
A farmer was working in his field...
when a carload of politicians rounded the corner at high speed, lost control, and flipped into a ditch.
A few hours later, a state trooper pulled up and asked, "Excuse me sir, but did you happen to see a car full of politicians come through here?"
"Yes, as a matter of fact, I did, officer. They crashed over there," replied the farmer, gesturing towards a fresh mound of dirt.
"You BURIED them?" asked the officer in shock. "Were they dead?"
The farmer scratched his head. "Well, officer, they SAID they weren't, but... well, you know how those politicians lie"
Cop pulls over a car for driving too slow
Cop walks up to the car & sees an elderly woman behind the wheel.
Cop: *Excuse me ma'am, can you tell me why you were driving so slow on the highway?*
Driver: *Officer, I was only going the speed limit. There was a sign back a half mile that said the it was 14mph.*
Cop: *Ma'am, the speed limit is 55mph, the sign you saw was for this road, Highway 14.*
Driver: *Oh my, that makes a lot of sense now. I apologize & I'll make sure I look closer at the signs.*
The cop then looks around the car & notices that all of the passengers look like they've seen a ghost.
Cop: *Is everyone alright?*
Driver: *Oh yes. They'll be fine. They always have that look on their face after I drive on memorial highway.*
Cop: *You mean highway 151?*
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(Edit spelling / punch line. re: comments)
An old Lady in a nursing home...
An old lady in a nursing home is wheeling up and down the halls in her wheelchair making sounds like she's driving a car.
As she's going down the hall an old man jumps out of a room and says,
'Excuse me, ma'am, but you were speeding. Can I see your driver's license?'
She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a candy wrapper and hands it to him.
He looks it over, gives her a warning and sends her on her way.
Up and down the halls she goes again.
Then the same old man jumps out of a room and says,
'Excuse me, ma'am, but I saw you cross over the center line back there. Can I see your registration please?'
She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a store receipt and hands it to him.
He looks it over, gives her another warning and sends her on her way.
She zooms off again, up and down the halls, weaving all over.
As she comes to the old man's room again he jumps out.
He's stark n**... and has an e**....
The old lady in the wheelchair looks up and says,
'oh no, not the breathalyzer again!
There's a man speeding on the road and a police officer is chasing him for miles.
The man finally stops and the officer tells him, "When you see those lights and hear those sirens, you are supposed to stop!" The man says, "Well, I had a good excuse to keep driving." The officer says, "I've heard every excuse in the book, but if it's one I haven't heard, I'll let you go." The man says, "Well a few days ago, my wife ran off with one of your officers, and I was afraid you were trying to bring her back." So the officer let him go.