The Best 35 Speed Limit Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Speed Limit jokes. There are some speed limit jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these speed limit puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Speed Limit Jokes and Puns

A mob dragged a man into a police station for running over 11 people, while shouting "Monster!" "Murderer!" "Killer! ".

The policeman dispersed the crowd and began to interrogate the suspect.

The policeman : Tell me what happened.

The suspect : Sir I was driving home within the speed limit when my brakes failed. I had no choice but to either crash the car into a group of 10 people or to swerve into the direction of a single person. Am I a monster for deciding to swerve into the single person?

Policeman : No, that sounds like a difficult yet reasonable decision to make. But tell me how did you end up killing 11 people?

Suspect : Well that asshole ran towards the other 10.

What's the speed limit for sex?

Sixty-eight. At 69 you have to turn around.

What's the speed limit of sex?

68, because if you go 69 you'll flip over and eat it.

I was once driving down the road..

..where I read a sign which said,
Speed limit 30km
I slowed down to 30km/h
A little further, another one
Speed limit 20km
I had to slow down even more,
Moving on, I saw another one
Speed limit 10km
My speedometer had come down to 10km/h
Not long after that, there was another
Speed limit 1km
I pulled over and started pushing my car to a point where I finally saw the last sign,

Welcome to Speed Limit

A farmer was fed up with drivers speeding down the road where he lived, so he asked the police to put up a sign...

They put up a "Slow down, speed limit" sign - with no effect. Then, "Danger, road hazard!" sign was put up, but had no effect, either. Then the police tried a sign stating "Children crossing" - and still nobody slowed down.

Finally, the farmer asked the police if he could put up his own sign. They agreed, and to their surprise, just days later a passing officer saw a row of cars moving very slowly past the farmer's place. The policeman approached the farm, and saw a new, hand-painted sign stating: "Nudist Colony".


A cop pulls over a speeder

"Do you know how fast you were going?" the officer asks.

"130 km/h" the man answers

"why were you going 30 over the limit?" the cop asks, surprised the man admitted to speeding.

"I was keeping up with traffic!"

The officer looks up and down the road. "there's no other cars!"

"I know" says the man, "that's how far behind I am!"

They told me to drive it like I stole it

So I stayed at the speed limit, followed the road rules and paid attention to my surroundings

What's the speed limit to sex?

68.

Once you go 69 you have to stop and turn around.

You have to wonder about the people who go 10 miles below the speed limit.

How did they get so far underground?

A cop parks at the bottom of a bridge, waiting for a speeder. He pulls a man over for doing 40 over the speed limit, and says, "Son, I've been waiting for you all day."

The man quickly responds, "Well, I got here as fast as I could!"

So the pope coes to New York...

and flags a taxi. The taxi is extremely suprised to see the pope, and quickly ushers him into his cab. After a few minutes of silence, the pope says to the taxi driver "You know, being the pope, I've always have people drive me places, and I rarely get the chance to drive myself. Would you mind if I got behind the wheel for a little while?" Not wanting to say no to the pope, the taxi driver lets him drive. They get pulled over by the police soon after, since the pope was driving way over the speed limit. The officee walks up to the cab, is about to give them ticket, until he sees the pope. Not sure of what to do in this sitution, he calls his superior. "Sir, I just pulled over this guy for speeding, and he's *really* important. What do I do?" "Well who is the guy, the mayor?" "Nah, bigger than that" " Is he a movie star?" " No, way bigger than that" "Is he the president?" "No, he's bigger than that" "Well then who is he!?" "I dunno, but he's got the pope driving for him!"

You can explore speed limit reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean speed limit dad jokes. There are also speed limit puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A cop pulls a car over for going 20 mph on the highway

The driver is a little old lady, and there are two old ladies in the back seat.
The cop asks, "Why were you driving just 20 miles per hour?"
The old lady responds, "I was just going the posted speed limit!" and points to a sign up ahead.
The cop smiles and says, "That's not the speed limit sign, that's the sign for this highway — Route 20!"
One of the old ladies in the back gasps out, "We tried to tell you, Eugenia!"
The cop takes another look at the old women in the back and sees that they are wide-eyed and disheveled. One of them is tightly gripping the door handle.
"What's the matter?" the cop asks.
She responds, "We just came off of Interstate 190.

A cop pulls over 3 old ladies

A cop pulls over 3 old ladies doing 20 in a 65mph zone. The cop walks up to the window.

"How can I help you officer?"

"Did you realize you were doing 20 in a 65mph zone?"

"I thought we were doing the speed limit. It says so right there." The old woman pointed to a sign.

"Ma'am thats the sign saying you're on interstate 20." Just then the officer noticed the two women in back looked extremely frightened. "What's wrong with them?"

"Oh we must have just come off interstate 200."

A cop pulls a driver over for speeding

The driver says, "C'mon, everyone on the road was breaking the speed limit."

The cop nods and says, "Tell me, have you ever been fishing?"

"Yeah... What's that got to do with it?"

"Did you catch *all* the fish?"

A cop sets up a speed trap on a lonely highway.

A cop sets up a speed trap on a lonely highway. After hours of waiting, he finally sees a car speeding down the highway towards him. He clocks the car at nearly double the speed limit, quickly pulls him over and walks up to the driver.

Cop: "I've been waiting for someone like you to come around all day, boy."

Driver: "Well I'm sorry officer, I got here as fast as I could!"

A police officer stops a speeding car and walks up to the driver

"Do you know you were going 20 km/h over the speed limit ?"

The guy respond : "How am I supposed to know ? I don't have a license".

His wife, sitting on the passenger seat, interjects : "Don't listen to him, he's drunk."

Their kid, on the backseat, sighs "I knew we weren't going to go far with a stolen car..."

A voice comes out of the trunk "Did we pass the border yet ?"

Australians

An australian tourist flies to america. He is unpacking his bags in a hotel, rents a motorcycle and start driving. He goes 70MPH in a 40MPH speed limit roas, whan a cup is telling him to pull over. The police officer yells at him: "What is wrong with you, man?!?! Did you came here to die?!"
"No," the tourist said, "I came here yesterday"

So a man was driving on the highway with a speed limit of 90

.. but then he noticed that all the other drivers were way above the speed limit so our guy thought "hey everybody's speeding, i cant get caught" so he goes above 110. Ten minutes later, a cop pulls him over.
Clearly upset, our guy says "But officer, i wasn't the only one speeding.. there were a bunch of others too.. why did you catch only me?"
Cop says" Ever gone fishing?"
Guy says yes,
Cop- "ever caught all the fish??"

What is the speed limit of love?

68 because any faster and you eat it.


You have to give it to pedophiles

They're the only ones who follow the speed limit in school zones

They're putting a speed limit to sex..

Once you get to 68 you have to turn around

A copy pulls over an old lady driving very slowly on the highway...

...and sees three other old ladies in the car, all of whom are terrified.

Cop: I pulled you over because you were driving 35 miles per hour on the highway.

Old Lady: Well, that's because the speed limit is 35.

Cop: No, this is HIGHWAY 35. The speed limit is 65. By the way, why are these other three women looking so terrified?

Old Lady: Ohhh, that's because we just got off of highway 145.

A highway patrolman pulls over an elderly woman for speeding.

"Ma'am," he tells her, "I clocked you doing 72 MPH. The speed limit on this road is 55."

"But, Officer, the sign back there said it was 75!"

"No, Ma'am, that wasn't a speed limit sign, that was the route sign. You're on State Highway 75. I'm sorry for your confusion, but I still have to write you a ticket."

"Oh, that's okay, Sonny; I understand. I'm just glad I didn't run across you back there on Route 135."

I was stopped by a policeman and he asked me why I was speeding.

"Care to explain why you were going double the speed limit?" he asked.

I said, "I'm sorry, but my wife's about to give birth, I must hurry."

"Oh," he hesitated, "are you going to pick her up?"

"No, I'm going to the airport."

A note to the guy behind me driving to work this morning.

Dear guy behind me driving to work this morning,

Don't get mad at me for driving the speed limit. It's there to keep people safe!

And don't get mad at me for not getting out of your way. You don't own the road!

And don't ever flash your lights and honk your horn at others to make them move...geez. Such a rude ambulance driver!

A cop pulls over a couple in a convertible for going way below the speed limit on a highway.

Cop: Are you aware that you were going 17 in a 60 zone?

Driver: No officer, the sign says 17 right there.

Cop: Sir, that's the route sign.

At this point the cop notices that the lady in the passenger seat is frozen in fear, staring forward, and her hair is a mess.

Cop: Sir, is your wife alright?

Driver: Oh, you see, we just got off of i87.

Joke is courtesy of my dad.

Old man

An old man got pulled over for going over the speed limit.

Officer : Do you know why i pulled you over?

Old man: Obviously because I'm late delivering these donuts.

A man gets pulled over right as he's exiting the freeway.

As he rolls down his window, the cop asks him, "Sir, do you have any idea how fast you were going?!"

The man replies, "Well I sure as hell know that I was within the damn speed limit!"

The cop says, "No sure, that's incorrect. You're meant to exit this freeway at 35 mph, and I clocked you doing over 100."

"That's bullshit!" spat the man. "I ain't dumb. I can read. That sign right over there said exit 125!"

Speed limit of sex is 68

Cause at 69 you both eat it

What's the speed limit in bed?

It's 68. Once you reach 69 you gotta turn around.

A passenger in a taxi was freaking out because the driver was going way past the speed limit and taking sharp turns, barely missing cars in traffic and almost running three red lights. "Just close your eyes" The driver said.

"Trust me it helps, that's what I do"

The speed limit of sex is 68 mph.

At 69 you flip over and blow a rod.

What's the speed limit for sex?

68 because at 69 you eat it.

In Germany we have the best street: The Autobahn

No speed limit there.

And we have the best club: Berghain.

Also no speed limit there.

A policeman pulled over a speeding car

turned to the driver and said "Do you understand that you were going 20 km/h over the speed limit down the centre of the road?"

The guy smiles and says "Of course I did, that's what it said to do on my driver's license"

The policeman confused asks "and where does it say that?"

The man hands over the paperwork and points out "There, where it says tear along the dotted line"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the speed limit jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working speed limit piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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