Speed Light Jokes
124 speed light jokes and hilarious speed light puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about speed light that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Speed Light Short Jokes
Short speed light jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The speed light humour may include short street light jokes also.
- If light travels faster than the speed of sound... how come I can hear the guy in the bmw behind me honk before the light turns green?
- No matter what they say, you matter. Unless you get multiplied by the speed of light squared. Then you Energy
- Remember, you matter! ...unless you're multiplied by the speed of light squared, then you energy!
- The Speed of Light is 3*10^8 metres per second. What then is the Speed of Darkness? 100 metres over 9.58 seconds.
- You can tell the speed of light is much faster than the speed of sound. Some people appear bright until you hear them talk.
- A photon was traveling along a highway at the speed of light. The BMW driver on its tail was furious that they couldn't pass it.
- Einstein says that anything with mass can't go faster than the speed of light, but... What if you aren't Christian?
- I saw an electronic sign that said 'Check Your Speed' in flashing lights. Lucky I did, it had almost fallen out of my pocket.
- The speed of sound is much slower than the speed of light. This is why some people seem bright before you hear them talk.
- What did the bartender say to Einstein when he walked in the bar at the speed of light? Why the short face.....
Share These Speed Light Jokes With Friends
Speed Light One Liners
Which speed light one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with speed light? I can suggest the ones about signal light and stoplight.
- You matter. Until you multiply yourself by the speed of light squared.
Then you energy. - YOU MATTER! Unless you're travelling with the speed of light, in which case YOU ENERGY!
- What's fast but doesn't weigh very much? Light speed
- Three things in the universe are constant. The speed of light, gravity, and laundry.
- Why do politicians words travel at the speed of light? Because they don't matter!
- Baby, are you the speed of light? Because time slows down near you.
- ＹＯＵ ＭＡＴＴＥＲ Unless you multiply yourself by the speed of light..
..then you energy. - If the speed of light is 186,000 miles/sec., what's the speed of darkness?
- Everyone knows the speed of light...
Chuck Norris knows the speed of darkness. - BLACK LIVES MATTER Unless their mass times speed of light square
Then their energy - Why isn't the speed of light Asian? Because it never gets better than a 'C'.
- In court today a photon was charged $1860 for speeding It was a light sentence.
- I was travelling at light speed... Then I got C sickness. c=9×10^8 m/s
- Where can you find the speed of light? At C level
- What happens when something travels faster than the speed of light? Does it matter?
The Funniest Speed Light Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh
What funny jokes about speed light you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean traffic light jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make speed light pranks.
Chuck Norris doesn't travel at the speed of light, light travels at the speed of Chuck Norris!
Chuck Norris cannot only accelerate beyond the speed of light.
He can also accelerate beyond the speed of dark.
Chuck Norris beat the light speed by 2 hours and 23 minutes.
The speed of light was instituted because Chuck Norris didn't want get winded outrunning it.
Chuck Norris hates to sweat.
The speed of light is when you take out a bottle of beer out of the fridge before the light comes on.
-Neutrino. Knock knock.
\-We don't allow faster than light neutrinos in here, said the bartender. A neutrino walks into a bar.
\-Hipsters liked neutrinos before they arrived.
\-I wrote a speed of light joke...but a neutrino beat me to it.
\-A. To prove particles can travel faster than light Q. Why did the neutrino cross the road?
\-I'm going to tweet my neutrino joke yesterday.
The pope was visiting New York
His visit in the states had lasted for days and he had become tired of being chauffeured around from one event to another the whole time.
"Tell you what. I really miss driving" he said to his driver and they agreed to swap seats so the pope would drive and the driver would sit in the back.
The pope had not driven a car for ages and the limousine had a powerful engine so he raced through the streets of New York running red lights and breaking the speed limit. This had to draw a lot of attention and soon he was pulled over by a traffic cop.
As the pope rolled down the window the cop could see that this was not an ordinary speeding case. He went back to his car to call his superiors on the radio.
"I've pulled someone over and I'm not sure what to do. I can tell it's a VIP but I'm not sure who it is"
"A VIP? Don't tell me it's the police commissioner again!"
"No. It's not him. It's someone more important."
"More important? Is it the mayor?"
"No. It's not him either. It's someone more important than the mayor"
"More important than the mayor? Are you telling me you've pulled over the president?"
"No. Not the president either. I's someone more important"
"More important? Who can be more important than the president?"
"I don't know! I just know he's so important that he's got the pope as his driver!"
Excuse for speeding
This Middle aged man was going through his mid-life crisis so he went out and bought him a new bright red BMW. So he decided to take his new BMW on a test drive down the interstate one day.
He got up to about 85 mph and all of a sudden he saw this highway patrolman with his blue lights and siren blaring coming toward him. He decided he and his new BMW would outrun the officer. So the man sped up to 95 mph,and then to 105 mph, but the patrolman was still coming.
The man finally came to his senses and said to himself, "This is crazy, I could go to jail for this," so he pulled over.
The patrolman came to the car and told the man, "It has been a long day and I am tired. If you can give me an excuse no one else has ever given me I will let you go."
So the man told the officer, "Last night my wife ran off with a patrolman and when I seen you chasing me I thought you were trying to bring her back."
The officer looked at the man and said, "Have a nice day."
The police vs the senior citizen
A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mp...h, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper
Four musicians and a drummer walk into a bar. (Drummer jokes!)
How do you know when a drummer is at your door?
*The knocking speeds up and he doesn't know where to come in.*
How do you get the drummer away from your door?
*Pay for the pizza.*
What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
*Gifted.*
Why did the bassist keep drumsticks on his dashboard?
*So he could park in the handicap spot.*
What's the difference between a drummer and a pizza?
*A pizza can feed a family of four.*
How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
*Ten: one to change it, and nine to say how Neil Peart would have done it better*.
So the speed of light, e, and the square root of (-1) walk into a bar...
So the speed of light, *e*, and (-1)^1/2 walk into a bar. The speed of light heads over to the bartender and gets his drink pretty quickly, as he's wont to do. Then (-1)^1/2 goes and orders his drink, and *e* just flips out on him. The square root of -1 asks *e* what's wrong, and he says, "I came in here first, and you just went in front of me!" (-1)^1/2 just says, "Hey, man, I'm just following the rules here!"
Finally, the bartender gets fed up and says, "No, no, no, you idiot, it's *i* before *e* **except** after c!
A note to the guy behind me driving to work this morning.
Dear guy behind me driving to work this morning,
Don't get mad at me for driving the speed limit. It's there to keep people safe!
And don't get mad at me for not getting out of your way. You don't own the road!
And don't ever flash your lights and honk your horn at others to make them move...geez. Such a rude ambulance driver!
Police and Old Women
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, this driver is just as dangerous as a speeder! So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back -- wide eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly...twenty-two miles per hour!", the old woman says a bit proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that 22 was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. "But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... is everyone in this car okay? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks.
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."
**(I dont make this joke. One of my best friend made this)**
1000 Years.
Three men arrive at the gates of heaven, St. Peter looks upon them and says "Though you are all good men, you have sins to absolve before i can let you enter the great kingdom!" So St. Peter takes them off to purgatory.
The first man had an addiction to s**.... St. Peter took this man to a room, inside were hundreds of women fully n**.... The man runs in the room excited as can be as St. Peter says " Ill be back in 1000 years to see if you've learned your lesson."
The second man was a serious alcoholic. St. Peter takes this man to his room and inside there was an endless supply of every type of alcohol imaginable. St. Peter says again, "Ill be back in 1000 years to see of you've learned your lesson."
The third man was a chronic pothead. St. Peter takes him to his room, which is filled with endless amounts of m**..., bongs, and pipes. St. Peter again says, " I'll be back in 1000 years to see if you've learned your lesson."
1000 years pass and St. Peter returns to the first room, the s**... addict inside is so releived, and repents. St. Peter allows him into heaven.
The alcohol speeds out the door as St. Peter opens it. He begs for forgiveness and is allowed in.
St. Peter opens the potheads door only to find him joint in one hand pipe in the other, rocking feverishly. The pothead looks up at St. Peter shaking and says " You got a light, man?"
The senior citizen and the Corvette.
A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership.
Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.
22 mph speed limit
Sitting on the side of the road waiting to catch speeding drivers, a state trooper sees a car puttering along at 22 mph. He thinks to himself, "This driver is as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five elderly ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back, wide-eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand. I was going the exact speed limit. What seems to be the problem?"
The trooper, trying to contain a chuckle, explains to her that 22 was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. "But before you go, ma'am, I have to ask, is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken."
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off Route 136."
B'dum tsss
A collection of jokes I have found over the years about drummers.
**NOTE:** Before you get offended, I AM A DRUMMER. I FIND THESE FUNNY TOO.
1. What do you call a drummer in a suit? The defendant
2. How can you tell a drummer's at the door? The knocking speeds up
3. What do you call a drummer with half a brain? Gifted
4. What does a drummer use for contraception? His personality
5. Did you hear about the drummer who finished high school? Me neither
6. What did the drummer say to the band leader? "Do you want me to play too fast or too slow?"
7. How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Five: One to screw it in, four to say that Neil Peart could've done it better
8. Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car? So that they can use the handicapped parking space
9. How do you get a drummer off your porch? Give him the money for the pizza
10. What do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians? A drummer
Anyone got any more?
Emergency Landing
A pilot was flying at night when his engine quit, so he hurriedly looked up what to do in the flight manual.
"First, establish a stable glide speed. Turn the landing light on. If the terrain appears unsuitable for a forced landing, turn the landing light off."
Speeding Drivers
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer see's a car puttering along at 22 MPH.
He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!"So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back, wide eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly twenty-two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit.
A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks.
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 142."
I asked my friend, a spanish-speaking theoretical physicist, if there was an abbreviation for the speed of light.
"Sí", he replied.
(The joke works better out loud)
The sons of Superman, Flash and John are chatting...
Superman's sons says, "my dad travels the fastest, he doesnt care about traffic and returns home from work in a matter of minutes."
Flash's son says, "Nah, dude, my dad travels at the speed of light, the moment he finishes work, he's home."
John's sons says, "Please, my dad's shift ends at 5, he's home watching TV at 4:30 already"
When does a van become a can?
when it travels at the speed of light, i.e v=c..
Man....that could have been me!
I was sitting at a long stoplight yesterday, minding my own business and patiently waiting for it to turn green. Suddenly, a carload of bearded, young, loud Muslims, shouting Anti-American slogans with a half-burned American Flag duct-taped on the trunk of their car and a "Remember 9-11" slogan spray painted on the side, pulled up next to me.
They had a wild-eyed look as they yelled "Allah HuAkbar! Praise Allah! Death to America" & waved their fists at me. Then they took off before the light changed.
Out of nowhere an 18-wheeler came speeding through the intersection and ran right over their car, crushing it completely and killing everyone in it.
For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself, "Man....that could have been me!"
So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a truck driver.
Did you hear about the time chewie broke the light speed on the falcon?
Han said, "Don't worry, it was a wookie mistake."
A blonde was speeding down the highway...
A blonde was speeding down the highway and didn't notice the police officer with his lights on behind her.
Getting fed up with simply following the blonde down the road the officer pulls up next to her, rolls down his window, and motions for her to do the same.
As soon as the blonde's window is down, the officer points to the side of the road and yells "PULL OVER!!!"
The blonde looks down and then confusedly back at the officer. "No.." she yells, "CARDIGAN!!"
Missing report
A husband went to the police station to file a missing report
Husband : -I lost my wife, she went shopping hasn't come back yet.
Officer: -What is her height?
Husband : -Average, I guess.
Officer: -Slim or healthy?
Husband: -Not slim, but probably healthy.
Officer: -Color of eyes?
Husband : -Never noticed.
Officer : -Color of hair?
Husband : -Changes according to season.
Officer : -What was she wearing?
Husband : -Not sure, either a dress or a suit.
Officer : -Was she driving?
Husband : -Yes.
Officer : -Color of the car?
Husband : -Black Audi A8 with supercharged 3.0 litre V6 engine generating 333 horse power teamed with an eight-speed tiptronic automatic transmission with manual mode. And it has full LED headlights, which use light emitting diodes for all light functions and has a very thin scratch on the front left door... and then the husband started
crying...
A state trooper lays in wait at a speed trap...
and spots a speeder.
He flashes his lights, pulls the car over, walks up to the driver and says, "I've been waiting for you all day."
The driver responds, "I got here as fast as I could."
Once you hit the speed of light...
Once you hit the speed of light, you have infinite mass. So you know what? That's my problem: I'm not fat, I'm fast.
My physics professor fails any student turning in a report without a blue coversheet
After working on my report all night, I accidentally used a white coversheet in a sleepless stupor. When I got to class the next morning, I panicked and threw the report at him at close to the speed of light!
I got a B+
What do you call attempting to jump to light speed before checking the Hyper Drive first?
A Wookie mistake!
What's faster than the speed of light?
The speed of *how fast my wife jumps to conclusions*
What's faster, the speed of thought or the speed of light?
Neither, it's diarrhea.
Before you could think about it or even turn the lights on, you've already s**... yourself.
Husband: I lost my wife says to Inspector
Husband: I lost my wife; she went shopping & hasn't come back yet.
Inspector: what is her height?
Husband: I never checked.
Inspector: Slim or Healthy?
Husband: Not Slim can be healthy.
Inspector: color of eyes?
Husband: Never Notice.
Inspector: color of hair?
Husband: Changes According to season.
Inspector: What was she wearing?
Husband: Not sure whether it was a dress or a suit.
Inspector: Was she driving?
Husband: yes.
Inspector: Color of the car? ...
Husband: Black Audi A8 with supercharged 2.0 liter V6 engine generating 333 horse power teamed with an eight- speed tiptronic automatic transmission with manual mode. And it has full LED headlights, which use light emitting diodes for all light functions and has a very thin scratch on the front left door….an then the Husband started crying…
Inspector: Don not worry sir,… we will find your car.
Your Mommas so fat... (physics joke)
Because she went light speed.
Explanation:
Physicists theorize that as speed increases, mass increases and at light speed, mass becomes infinite.
Cop Pulls Over a Speeder at the End of his Shift
Since the cop was almost done and just wanted to go back to the station he told the driver
**Cop**: if you can give me an excuse i have never heard before to explain why you were speeding, I will let you off with a warning instead of aticket....
The man thinks for a moment then replies:
**man**: sir my wife left me last year for another man
confused the cop says
**Cop**: what does that have to do with your speed?
**Man**: well sir, my wife ran off with a police officer, when I saw your lights, I was scared you were bringing her back.
With a smile the cop says
**Cop**: have a nice day sir.
I asked a scientist how close humanity is to speed-of-light travel
"We're relatively far off."
A scientist drops a pig and a flashlight from a 20 storey building
He watches as both hit the ground at the same time.
With this he concluded pigs move at the speed of light.
If I was a hero, and I had a girlfriend...
I'd be Super Jealous! Overthinking faster than the speed of light!
the only thing faster than the speed of light is the speed in which...
I spend my money.
Your dad's so dense...
Your dad's so dense, he has an escape velocity greater than the speed of light.
Vin Diesel was riding his bike at the speed of light when a man asked him for a lift.
Vin Diesel stopped for him to hop on and continued riding at the speed of light.
After a while the man asked.
Man: "So what's your name?"
Vin: "Cin Diesel"
Man: "Don't you mean Vin Diesel?"
Vin: "No it's Cin Diesel"
Man: "But why?"
Vin: "Because at the speed of light c=v"
An old ditty about a lady named Bright
There was a young lady named Bright
Her speed was far faster than light
She set out on day
In a relative way
And returned the previous night
A cop pulls over a man and his wife
A man and his wife were traveling down the highway when they saw the lights of a patrol car behind them. When they pulled over, the patrol man came up to the window and said,
"I am going to give you two tickets. One because you were speeding and one because you didn't have your seat belt fastened."
The man said, "I did too have my seat belt fastened. I just loosened it when you came up to the car."
The Patrol Man said to the man's wife, "I know he didn't have his seatbelt fastened. Isn't that right, lady?"
She replied, "Well, officer. I learned a long time ago not to argue with my husband when he's drunk."
Super fast Nano
A tata nano breaks down on a roadside. A BMW 750Li stops to help the driver.
"I will tow you to the next service station, but if I drive too fast please flash your lights."
They start up slowly but only a km or so down the line a Porsche speeds pas 150km/hour.
The BMW driver totally forgets about the Nano and guns it after the Porsche.
Just as all 3 of them tear through a speed trap, the cop radios the HQ," calling all stations: you won't believe this, I just saw a BMW and a Porsche racing past about 190km/hour with a Nano behind them flashing its lights to overtake."
(Nano is the cheapest car)
Stopped by the police
I spilled some gas on my sleeve while gassing up one day. Got back on the highway and lit up a smoke and started my sleeve on fire. I put my arm out the window but the flames did not go away. I sped up to 70 then 80 when I noticed the flashing lights behind me. The cop says "looks like I'm going to have to write you a couple of tickets " I said I know I was speeding but what else?"
"Possession of a firearm sir "
They say the fastest disappearing thing in the universe is the speed of light
Still 2nd place to my dad
If nothing is faster than the speed of light
Why did I see that Asian lady turn before I saw her blinker
A man gets pulled over for speeding...
The office saunters up to his car and he rolls down the window.
"I've heard every excuse for speeding in the book. I bet you can't give me one I haven't heard. But if you do, I'll let you off with a warning."
The man replies.
"Well you see officer, few years back my wife went and ran off with a state trooper."
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"Well, when I saw your lights turn on I was afraid you fellas was coming to give her back!"
While wandering through the woods....
I came upon a rabbit who said he could jump over the moon. So I shot him. Then I happened upon a deer who said he was faster than the speed of light. So I shot him. Then a bear appeared and said he was in the Russian space program. So I shot him.
Remember, only you can prevent forest liars.
A college professor is driving home drunk one Saturday night....
When he gets pulled over. The cop comes up to his window and asks him:
"Excuse me sir, you were speeding, you ran a red light and you appear to be drunk, where are you going?"
The professor replies: "I am currently on my way to a lecture concerning the dangers of drinking, smoking and staying up late."
The police officer says: "Who could possibly be giving that kind of lecture at this time?"
The professor responds: "My wife."
Two cops speeding to an incident
The officer driving asks his partner to check if the lights on the roof are working.
His partner sticks his head out of the window and then replies,
"......yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no......"
"According to relativity, time itself travels at the speed of light, but along the imaginary axis."
"i c"
A man is driving down the highway when a State Trooper appears at his bumper and turns on his lights ...
The man starts to speed up a little and realizes the trooper is still following him. He changes lanes and the trooper is still following him. The man then proceeds to floor it as fast as his car could go.
After about a 30 minute chase, the man runs out of gas and the State Trooper approaches his window. The man, who is older and has his hands up, appears to be shaking.
The State Trooper says, Sir, why wouldn't you pull over?
The man says, well, about 15 years ago, my wife ran off with a State Trooper ... I ran because I thought you were bringing her back.
If the speed of light is much faster than the speed of sound
Then how come I hear the horn way before the light turns green?
Doppler ran a red light
He gets pulled over by a cop and the cop says, did you see you just went through a red light? Doppler looked at him and said that's not fair, it was blue to me! So the cop gave him a speeding ticket instead
It should be possible to travel at light speed
light does it all the time
There's a new way to measure time faster than the speed of light
It's the time from a red stop light turns green and the BMW behind you honks his horn.
Fastest thing in the universe
Two men are arguing over what is the fastest thing in the universe.
One man says, Of course it has to be the speed of light!
The other says, Nonsense, it's human thought!
A third man interrupts, You're both wrong, its diarrhea.
Visibly confused, the two men are quick to asking Why??
The third man easily explains, Because you won't be able to think about it or turn on the light when it hits you.
Blonde driver
A blonde was driving down the highway. Soon she heard sirens and saw lights behind her, and was pulled over. A cop, also a blonde woman, approached her door.
"You were speeding, miss," she said. "May I see your license?"
The blonde driver rummaged through her purse for a minute before looking up in confusion. "Well, what's it look like?" she asked.
"It's a small square thing with your picture on it," said the cop.
The driver looked again and finally pulled out a small mirror and handed it to the cop. The blonde cop looked at it and handed it back.
"Okay, you can go," she said. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were a police officer."
A cop pulls over a speeding driver...
"Do you know why I pulled the over?" The cop asks the driver. The driver responds: "yeah I was going a little fast there." The cop nods and says "well I'm in a good mood today so if you give me a good reason for why you're speeding, I'll let you go ." The man thinks for a second and then says: "my wife ran off with a cop a few weeks ago, and when I saw the red lights flashing, I thought he was trying to give her back."
Remember, no matter how down you're feeling, you matter
Unless you times your mass by the speed of light squared - then you energy
How do you tell the difference between a drunk driver and a s**... driver?
A drunk driver speeds through a red light like there's nothing there, and a s**... driver waits for the stop sign to turn green.
Since light supposedly travels faster than the speed of sound.....
Why can I hear the BMW driver behind me honk before the light turns green?
A cop lights me up for speeding
Im driving down the road and a cop lights me up
So I took off and made him chase me awhile..
Finally I give up and pull over.
The cop walks up and says, "Look, its the end of my tour, Im tired,
I dont feel like doing paperwork, If you give me a good excuse, Ill let ya go"
So I say "Last week my girl left me and ran off with a cop,
I thought you were trying to bring her back"
Einstein said that anything traveling at the speed of light would have infinite mass.
Your mom only travels to the Denny's and back and she's gotten pretty close.
When I asked the guy at Best Buy about the router's speed, he kept insisting it's not moving at the speed of light.
All I wanted to know was whether the router is N or G!