Sped Jokes
16 sped jokes and hilarious sped puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sped that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Sped Short Jokes
Short sped jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sped humour may include short speeder jokes also.
- A bit rapey. The lady walking ahead of me sped up so I did too, she began running so I ran too, she screamed so I screamed as well. I never even saw what we were running from.
- We were driving down the road when a koala cut ahead of us and knocked into the car. We sped up alongside of him and yelled out "Hey, you clipped us."
- A snail bought a Tesla Model S The snail then took off driving at a high rate of speed. As he sped past a famous French restaurant, the chef exclaimed, "Wow, look at that S car go".
- I have never felt understood by my wife so I got in my truck, sped up and slid right into her. She got the drift.
- Today an irate motorist at a stop light yelled at me saying, "YOU GOTTA GET BACK!" To which I screamed back at the top of my lungs, "BACK TO THE PAST, SAMURAI JACK!" and sped off onto the highway.
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Sped One Liners
Which sped one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sped? I can suggest the ones about spoke and sprint.
- How did the mentally challenged child win the race? He SPED ahead of the competition!
Uproarious Sped Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
What funny jokes about sped you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pace jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sped pranks.
Stopped by the police
I spilled some gas on my sleeve while gassing up one day. Got back on the highway and lit up a smoke and started my sleeve on fire. I put my arm out the window but the flames did not go away. I sped up to 70 then 80 when I noticed the flashing lights behind me. The cop says "looks like I'm going to have to write you a couple of tickets " I said I know I was speeding but what else?"
"Possession of a firearm sir "
My neighborhood is getting dangerous...
I was walking home the other night from the store with my hoodie on and the woman in front of me sped up, so I sped up. Then she started running so I started running to. I felt bad I passed her and left her behind. I never did see what we were running from.
I was walking behind a lady
The lady walking in front of me sped up, so I sped up too.
She started walking even faster, so I did too.
She started running, so I started running too!
She started screaming, so I started screaming too!!
I have no idea what we were running from, but I was terrified!
Vin Diesel pulled up next to me at a light the other day
Shocked, I saw him motion for me to roll down my window. I did and he said to me:
"You know what I put in my car?"
"Gas?" I replied.
"Diesel" he said and then he sped off.
A man was crossing the road when he was hit by a car, which then sped off. A police officer asked the injured man, Did you get a look at the driver? No, he said, but I can tell you it was my ex-wife.
How do you know that? asked the officer.
I'd recognize her laugh anywhere!
2 vans were driving on a road. Little did they know, the road led straight off a cliff.
They did not see it, so they kept going. They sped off the cliff. After falling for a while, they miraculously landed upright and were fine.
It's cause they're vans.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I tried to warn a racist to slow down because of the black ice up ahead.
He sped up and crashed.
An elderly man who just retired
Went out and purchased a Porshe. He decided that he would go take his brand new car for a ride and see what it could do.
As he was speeding around the country side he sped past a police car on the side of the road.
The officer noticing him going well above the speed limit gave chase. The elderly man looking in his rear vision mirror noticed. Swearing he put his foot down easily outpacing the police car.
Only one minute later the elderly man said to himself "what am I doing. This is no way to live my retirement I could get killed doing this" and proceed to pull over and wait for the police car to catch up.
As the officer got out and asked for his Licence and registration the elderly man looked up and said "I'm very sorry officer I just retired today and purchased this new car, I was just trying to have fun"
The officer thought for a moment and said " Look sir I do understand belive it or not today is my last day on the job as well. I tell you what if you can tell me a good reason for speeding off when I gave chase I will let you go."
The old man thought for a moment and replied "Well officer you see my wife recently cheated on me with a police offer and left me. I saw you in my mirror and thought you were trying to give her back" the officer smiled and replied. "Have a good day sir"
The grade three teacher asks the class to use the word "contagious" in a sentence and little johnny put's up his hand...
"Yes Johnny?"
"Well miss, my dad actually used that word on the weekend. We were driving out in the countryside when we got stuck behind a pumpkin truck full of pumpkins. When my dad tried to pass him he sped up, so when we got to a roadside diner we stopped for lunch.
"Later on, we found the pumpkin truck further up the road on its side with pumpkins all over the road and my dad said:
"It's gonna take that contagious to pick them all up!"
