Specific Jokes

104 specific jokes and hilarious specific puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about specific that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This funny article explores the concept of oddly specific jokes. Readers will be able to discover what makes this type of humor special and symbolic, and find out why its exact nature creates a certain charm. Laugh while learning more about the nuances of this kind of comedy.

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Short Specific Jokes
Specific One Liners
Oddly Specific Jokes
Specific Humor Jokes
More Specific Jokes

Funniest Specific Short Jokes

Short specific jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The specific humour may include short special jokes also.

I got fired from my job as a masseur. There wasn't any specific incident, apparently I just rub people the wrong way.
First day as a pilot. Control tower: Can you give me your position? Me: I am next to a cloud that looks like a lion. Control tower: Can you be more specific? Me: Simba
Studies say most stabbings are committed by someone close to the victim. Within arm's length, to be specific.
The Holy Bible teaches us to love one another... ...the Kama Sutra is a bit more specific.
Girls say I'm an animal in bed. More specifically a koala. I can sleep for 22 hours in a row.
I'm using vibration and oscillation in specific frequencies to impart information It might seem far-fetched, but the idea is sound.
I used to work as a bed salesman One day this guy came in and started climbing into the beds and asking really specific questions. Then it hit me, he was an undercover cop.
My mom told me that I objectify women. When she asked me why I broke up with my last girlfriend I said "it didn't work out." She said "be more specific." I said "I just told you she didn't exercise."
Where are you only allowed to swim if you have red hair, a lip piercing, three brothers, a missing finger, are slightly overweight and have a birthday in december? The specific ocean.
First day as a pilot Tower: Can you give me your position?

Me: I'm next to a cloud that looks like a lion?

Tower: Can you be more specific?

Me: Simba

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Specific One Liners

Which specific one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with specific? I can suggest the ones about exclusive and individual.

The Bible and the Quran tell us to love each other The Kamasutra is more specific.
The Bible tells us to love each other. The Kama Sutra is a little more specific.
I hate people who take drugs... specifically the DEA and US Customs.
Is it wrong to hate a specific race Because I really hate marathons
I need glasses to see my family Specifically, two glasses of scotch.
The Holy Bible tells us to love one another. The Kama Sutra is more specific.
I went to a General Store the other day. Couldn't find anything specific.
I need glasses so I can see my family. Specifically, 3 glasses of scotch.
I specifically asked for no mayo on my sandwich. What the Hellman
I don't have a girlfriend because I'm a player More specifically, singleplayer
I hate when people refer to someone as a Muslim Are they a Musarm or Musleg? Be specific.
I asked Santa that i wanted to lose my virginity think i should've been more specific.
What do you call an unambiguous body of water? The Specific Ocean
Where do you find a particular type of whale? In the Specific Ocean
I have to have glasses just to see my family. Specifically 2 glasses… of Scotch.

Oddly Specific Jokes

Here is a list of funny oddly specific jokes and even better oddly specific puns that will make you laugh with friends.

What has 8 hands, 8 legs, and 8 eyes? A monster with oddly specific dietary restrictions

Specific Humor Jokes

Here is a list of funny specific humor jokes and even better specific humor puns that will make you laugh with friends.

Turkish gallows humor A prisoner goes to the prison library, and asks for a specific book. The guard tells him, "we don't have that book... but we do have the author."
[Serious] Have any animals besides humans been shown to exhibit humor in their social interactions? Looking for anyone with specific knowledge of this. Any zoolologists out there?

Specific joke, [Serious] Have any animals besides humans been shown to exhibit humor in their social interactions?

The Funniest Specific Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh

What funny jokes about specific you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean personal jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make specific pranks.

Little kid in sunday school

the teacher is asking the 5 year olds questions, and asks one specific question to little Suzie; "And why is it important for us to be quiet when we're listening to the sermon, Suzie?" To which she replied, "because the old people are sleeping."

A tour guide at Giza was explaining how the Pyramids were 10,002 years old.

Someone in the crowd asked, "That's oddly specific, are you sure of that date."
"Well, yes, quite sure, I was told they were 10,000 years old when I started working here 2 years ago."

A computer joke...

I hear they make gender-specific versions of ActiveX now: ActiveXX and ActiveXY. Unfortunately, ActiveXX overflows for a few days every month and ActiveXY constantly tries to mount drives it shouldn't.

For the last time, I'm not racist!

I specifically called it African American Friday!

A joke is like a frog..

When you dissect it, it dies.
Get it? Just like a frog dies when you dissect it, so does a joke when you explain it.
Basically, the frog is used as an analogy, to help people understand that jokes shouldn't be explained, because the joke will die, or more specifically, become unfunny. So, just like when a frog dies when you dissect it, so does a joke when you dissect, or explain it.

Our boss just banned overly specific nicknames

and the whole office is staring at rat Snitch Brian The Good Time Ruiner

In life, sometimes it's not good to be very specific.

For instance, it's okay to say "I love kids" but it's frowned upon to say "I love 12 year olds."

When I die I want my body to be donated to science

...but more specifically, a scientist who is working on bringing dead guys back to life.

A woman walks into a police station and says "Help, Ive bee r**... by a consultant"

The policeman on duty says "Consultant? thats pretty specific. Do you know him?"
The woman replies "No I dont know him"
The policeman asks "Then how do you know he's a consultant?"
The woman answers "Because he kept his jacket on and made me do all the work"

What do you call a pool full of details?

The specific ocean.

When I found out my girlfriend was having a baby my life really changed.

specifically my name, address and phone number.

An American man hooks up with a Japanese woman... [n**...]

An American man hooks up with a Japanese woman the night before a game of golf with a big Japanese client.
The woman is screaming with passion a specific word in Japanese that the man could tell was a great thing. He decides to try it out at golf.
Each time the big client sinks the ball, the man shouts his newly learned Japanese word. Finally, after the 9th hole, the big client asks the man:
"Why do you keep shouting wrong hole?'"

I have 10 sons and 2 daughters, and I gave the same name to all of them, Jamie...

...It's quite practical, she said, if I need to wake them up I just shout "wake up Jamie!". If I need them to eat I just say "Jamie! Dear, dinner is ready!". They all obey simultaneously.
The interviewer asks "So how do you refer to them when you need to speak to one of them specifically?"
Easy - she replied - I call them by their lastname!

Growing up, I always wanted to be someone. Now that I'm old, I've realised

I should have been more specific.

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard

& they're like "How did your milkshake develop a gravitational pull that was gender specific?"

What letter do pirate's hate the most?

Dear Charter Internet Customer:

Charter Communications ("Charter") has been notified by a copyright owner, or its authorized agent, that your Internet account may have been involved in the exchange of unauthorized copies of copyrighted material (e.g., music, movies, or software). We are attaching a copy of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA) notice that Charter received from the copyright holder which includes the specific allegation.

A mom is breastfeeding her baby twins.

One day, one of the twins realized that there is more milk coming from the breast where his twin sibling is feeding on. Because of extreme jealousy, he put poison on that specific breast while everyone is asleep.
The next day, the twins' uncle died.

A physicist, engineer, and mathematician are asked by a local farmer to build the smallest fence they possibly can to hold in all of his sheep.

The physicist builds a big fence and slowly reduces the size until he can't reduce the fence any longer.
The engineer measures each sheep, stacks them in a specific way, and then builds a fence around them.
The mathematician builds a small fence around himself, then defines himself to be outside the fence.

A mother takes her three son's to enroll in school. The teacher asks.

A mother takes her three son's to enroll in school. The teacher asks.
Teacher: What are your son's names?
Lady: This boy's name is Leroy, this other boy's name is Leroy, and Leroy here is my third son's name.
Teacher: Isn't it confusing having all three boy's named the same?
Lady: Oh no, you see when it's time for lunch I just holler out the door, Leroy! it's time for lunch, and they all come a runnin. When it's time for dinner I just holler out the door, Leroy! it's time for dinner and they all come a runnin.
Teacher: Ok, so what do you do when you want a specific boy?
Lady: Oh, well then I just holler out their last name.

An engineer, a mathmetician, and a physicist are hired by a farmer to build the smallest fence possible to hold all his sheep.

The physicist makes a large fence and gradually shrinks it over and over until he cannot shrink it any further.
The engineer stacks all the sheep in a specific way and builds a small fence around them.
The mathmetician builds a tiny fence around himself and then defines himself as outside the fence.

Q: How many members of a specified demographic does it take to complete a particular task?

A finite quantity. One to complete the specific task and the remainder to act in a manner stereotypical of persons from said demographic.

What do you call a sea that prefers the temperature outside to be between 31.2 °C and 33.1 °C?

The Specific Ocean.

Apple wanted to introduce a line of phones specifically for children.

But they scrapped it, 'ITouch Kids' just didn't seem right.
Heard this somewhere a while back. Don't think it was here. Thought you guys might like it.

It took guts to buy the new iPhone X

Specifically, both my kidneys, my pancreas, and my large intestine.

Say what you will about Trump's Presidency, but you can't overlook what he has accomplished in terms of healthcare specifically life expectancy...

He managed to turn one year into something that feels like an eternity.

Cavemen had a specific reason for dragging their women by the hair...

...they filled up with dirt when drug the other way.

BOSS: What's going on here?

BOSS: What's going on here?
JAMES: Dave's mad because he specifically labelled his sandwich in the fridge and I accidentally-
DAVE: Not accidentally, on purpose!!
JAMES: ugh ok FINE. And I, "on purpose", slept with his wife

I once met a guy who asked me aren't you that guy who brags about really weird, specific stuff?

I then replied No, I'm the guy with the longest garden hose in the county. 1

You ever heard of the ocean located at 5.694647° S, 136.987557° W?

I like to call it the specific ocean.

Turkish Political Humor

Current Turkish gallows humour: A prisoner goes to the prison library, asks for a specific book. The guard tells him, "we don't have that book... but we do have the author." From Moshik_Temkin on Twitter

My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women, I think she is overreacting.

She asked why I broke up with the last girl and I said
"It didn't work out."
She told me to be more specific so I said
"I just told you, she didn't exercise."

TIL Older forms of English kept Latin's gender-specific suffixes -tor and -trix; tor is for men and trix is for women. So a male pilot is an aviator, a female pilot is an aviatrix. A male fighter is a gladiator, a female fighter is a gladiatrix.

This contrasts with the modern system, where tor is for both men and women, and trix are for kids.

Can we please stop doing women specific jokes, especially about m**...?

They aren't funny, period.

You can actually file a lawsuit against the federal government in the United States. It's a myth that you can't. All you have to do is simply take some specific medication.

And that medication, my friends, is Sudafed®

Help, I'm a Democrat who has a very specific f**... of looking at foreign dictators resting on top of crackers and I'm looking for people into the same as me...

So if you're Blue and you don't know what to search for why don't you look were Fascists sits... Putin on the Ritz

A physicist, engineer and a statistician are out hunting...

A physicist, engineer and a statistician are out hunting. Suddenly, a deer appears 50 yards away.
The physicist does some basic ballistic calculations, assuming a vacuum, lifts his rifle to a specific angle, and shoots. The bullet lands 5 yards short.
The engineer adds a fudge factor for air resistance, lifts his rifle slightly higher, and shoots. The bullet lands 5 yards long.
The statistician yells "We got him!"

I'm binging a TV show for free on Amazon, but it won't let me watch certain episodes. Specifically episode number 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29, 31, 37, 41, 43, 47, 53, 59, 61, 67, 71, 73, 79, 83, 89, and 97.

Those are only available on Amazon Prime.

I need a battery

I walked into Battery World and asked for a specific battery.
The guy said Is it for a clock?
I said I don't know, that's why I need a battery!!

The least specific name for a Friends episode:

The one where Rachel's n**... were e**...

What do you get when you cross a bat and a man?

A ban. Specifically, a lifetime ban from the genetics labs, as well as a visit from the ethics committee.

Should've been more specific

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really p**....
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.

Wife: I'm going shopping, do you need anything?

Husband: I'm looking for inner-peace and happiness, an answer to my doubts, a sense of fulfilment, a medium through which I can transcend consciousness and reach true spirituality, calmness and...
Wife: Be specific; Smirnoff or Absolut?

Basic Psychology

The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an o**... test. Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"

A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"

A geologist was driving down a country road

A geologist was driving down a country road when he saw this beautiful rock formation. He pulled over to get a closer look. As he was admiring the rock, an old farmer drove up. The geologist asked if he knew how long the rock had been here.
The farmer says "in fact, I do! It's a million and 7 years old"
The geologist stunned a bit says "that's oddly specific, how do you know that?"
The farmer goes "well, another feller like you came to look at this same rock and he said it was a million years old. And that was about 7 years ago"

I applied to the police academy

The academy head approached me "I am afraid I have to decline your application".
"What's the problem?"
"Your family history. Specifically your mother and father."
"My parents are happily married."
"That's the problem. All cops are b**...."

That annoying banker wouldn't stop asking me questions.

I specifically asked him to leave me a loan.

I was pulled over for speeding down the middle of the road and asked to explain what I thought I was doing

I explained that when I got my license it specifically said to tear along the dotted line.

My most dad joke for real life eye rolls.

*giving someone a gift card for a specific shop*
Don't spend it all in one place! ;)

I am tired of keeping track of so many pronouns. Apparently now they have specific pronouns for Russian army....

was/were

Dogs and old tech

I work at a veterinary hospital.
We had to give booster shots to a dog today, specifically a Doberman Pinscher.
I noted that we were "updating a dobie."
Many groans were had.
I thought it was funny. :)

The Holy Bible tells us to love one another.

The Kama Sutra, however, is a little more specific.

A Mathematician, and Physicist, and an Engineer

are asked to find the volume of a red rubber ball.
The mathematician knows that the volume of a sphere has been mathematically determined so they measures the radius and puts it into the proper formula.
The physicist knows that Archimedes discovered how to determine the volume of an object so they submerge it in water and record the change in water level.
The Engineer finds the number on the ball then pulls out their book of red rubber b**... and finds its specifications.

My wife bought a new suitcase for work

She asked if I wanted to know why she bought that specific one
I reply with a "no"
She asks why, and I say, "Because it's a pretty open and shut case"

"Doc, my b**... hurts"

"Where specifically does it hurt?"
"Right around the entrance"
"Yeah well that's the exit. As long as you think it's an entrance, it'll continue to hurt"

A man walks into a museum

He sees a dinosaur skeleton and asks the tour guide How old is that skeleton?
The tour guide says 65 million and 3 years, 5 months and 12 days.
Wow says the man, How do you get such a specific measurement?
The tour guide replies Well it was 65 million years old when I started working here. I've been here for 3 years, 5 months and 12 days.

What is the only male specific job title that is welcome on feminist subreddits?

Garbage Man.

I heard Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan are working on a new film made specifically for the blind.

It's called "You've Got Braille"