Special Jokes
154 special jokes and hilarious special puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about special that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Make them laugh with these specially crafted jokes for special needs and exceptional occasions! From special relativity to Special Olympics, you'll find something for everyone to enjoy. Check out this collection of unique jokes for special education, Special Forces, special agents, special skills, and more. Have a one-of-a-kind occasion that deserves an extra-special joke? You'll find it here.
Quick Jump To
- Short Special Jokes
- Special One Liners
- Special Needs Jokes
- Special Olympics Jokes
- Special People Jokes
- Special Ed Jokes
- More Special Jokes
Funniest Special Short Jokes
Short special jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The special humour may include short specific jokes also.
- I just watched a movie about a y=x graph The plot was a bit predictable
And a little flat
Good special f(x) though - With the Zika virus and how much hooking up happens in the Olympic Village.. The Special Olympics are gonna be awesome in 12 to 14 years.
- My wife said she wanted to feel special this Valentines Day. So I bought her a helmet and some crayons.
- One stolen joke is a coincidence. Two stolen jokes is a pattern. Thirty stolen jokes is an Amy Schumer special.
- I was fired for sending one of my students to detention "for being tardy". Special education just wasn't for me.
- Why was it only $2 for the pirate to get both his ear pierced? He got the buccaneer special
- The waiter asked me how I like my steak. I said rare. He said you're in luck, today's special is panda.
- Today I gave a student detention for being tardy I was then fired from my job as a special ed. teacher
- I lost my virginity to a mentally disabled girl last night I wanted my first time to be special.
- So the US Military dropped a 22,000 lb bomb on ISIS today. That moves Amy Shumer's special to the second spot for largest bomb for the year.
Share These Special Jokes With Friends
Special One Liners
Which special one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with special? I can suggest the ones about extra and exclusive.
- Peyton Manning is opening a bakery. As a special promotion, he's giving away turnovers.
- What is a doctor who specializes in Adam's apples called. A guyneckologist.
- Why do special Ed classes always start late Because everyone is a little tardy.
- What's special about Edam cheese? It's made backwards
- Do special ed teachers mark late students as tardy? i have no shame.
- Lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome I wanted my first time to be special
- TIL a doctor who specializes in Adam's apples is a... guyneckologist
- I got chlamydia from a person with special needs She gave me the slow clap
- If we're all God's Children... What's so special about Jesus ?
- Almost done watching that Netflix special on Epstein. I hope it doesn't leave me hanging.
- Have you met Eric? He's a genie. He's not special or anything. He's just Djinn Eric.
- Why did Sean Connery hire a special kid to clean his kitchen? He had Dish-abilities
- She asked me to make her feel special So I gave her a helmet and crayons.
- What do you call a wizard who specializes in dairy based magic? A lactomancer.
- If a special ed kid is late to class Is it morally wrong to call him tardy?
Special Needs Jokes
Here is a list of funny special needs jokes and even better special needs puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- In my interview for the binman job, I asked if you needed any special training... The interviewer said "nah you just sort of pick it up as you go along".
- I once volunteered to help out at a special needs school I played games with them like football, tennis, basketball etc.
It makes you feel so good inside...
Because you always win. - Need anything special to catch a Russian butterfly? Nyet
- If a special needs kid is late for class... Is it ok to call him tardy?
- Teenage twin boys in a "special needs" class were suspended for online gambling while at school... Turns out they have DoubleDown syndrome.
- My wife told me I need to start making money. Turns out you need a special type of paper.
- Could someone help me out? I live in Canada and I need to travel to my honey farm tomorrow, but I don't have a car. I don't need anything special, just something to get me from eh to bee.
- What do you call a special needs sheep that got turned into a blanket? A down comforter.
- I'm going to make a city just for people with special needs. I'll call it Downtown
- Why do the special needs kids never get in trouble for being late to class? They're expected to be a little tardy...
Special Olympics Jokes
Here is a list of funny special olympics jokes and even better special olympics puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's better than winning gold at the special Olympics? Walking
- Why did they have to cancel the volleyball games in the special olympics? It wasn't going over too well.
- What's the difference between a Russian Potato and a U.S. Potato? The U.S. potato can still compete in the Special Olympics.
- The White House reversed its proposed cuts to the Special Olympics. Now Don Jr. can finally get back to training.
- I find humour in the simple things... That's why I am banned from all Special Olympics events.
- Why did they cancel basketball in the Special Olympics? All the players kept getting disqualified for excessive dribbling.
- The Special Olympics is like Nascar. You're not watching it for the race...
- What do Special Olympics golfers always ask each other? "What's your handicap?"
- Did you hear the President overruled Betsy DeVos and is restoring the Special Olympics funding? I hear he wants to compete.
- Trump says that the Special Olympics will still be funded despite DeVos' plan. This is presumably so Eric and Don Jr can still compete.
Special People Jokes
Here is a list of funny special people jokes and even better special people puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Thanksgiving will be extra special this year Because people will be spreading diseases to each other, just like in the original.
- What do you call disabled people that follow politics? A special interest group.
- What special ingredient do cannibals put in their burritos? People de gallo
- People always ask what's so special about my chiropractor. I tell them she's so funny ... She cracks me up.
- I don't get why all these people praise lawyers just for being U2 fans Suddenly they're special for taking on Pro-Bono cases?
- There's a special type of people who are always in a hurry. The Rushians.
- Negative people There is a special place for all the negative people in the universe.
It's called the 3rd Quadrant. - People are like flowers. They come in many shapes and colors, each special and beautiful in its own way.
Historically, though, people have purchased some colors a lot more than others. - An elite military unit is now full of disabled people. They call it the 'Special Forces'.
- People keep comparing the election to Empire Strikes Back or Revenge Of The Sith... Personally I would have gone with The Star Wars Christmas Special
Special Ed Jokes
Here is a list of funny special ed jokes and even better special ed puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I believe, if you're in Special Ed, and you're late to class... ...it's politically incorrect to say you're tardy.
- If a Special-Ed student is late more than once... Does that make him re-tardy?
- what fabric softener do Special Ed kids use? Downy
- The special ed students made a metal band. It's called Syndrome of a Down.
- I got fired from my job as a teacher for sending a student to the office for being tardy Apparently, it's not acceptable behavior for a special ed teacher
- My mom always told me I was special. But I still can't figure out who this "ed" guy is.
- The name's Eddy. But in school everyone calls me "special-ed"
- If you're late for Special ED class... Is it ok for the teacher to call you Tardy?
- What do you call a promiscuous girl in special ed? A tater thot
- My mom says I'm special but who is Ed?
Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Special Jokes
What funny jokes about special you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean unique jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make special pranks.
What about the mad cow?
A man and his wife arrive from a business trip and
go to his favorite steakhouse unaware of the mad cow outbreak in his town. The waiter sits them and says, "Our special today is duck or shrimp."
The man replies, "I want a T-bone steak medium well."
The waiter, a bit miffed continues, "What about the mad cow?"
The man looks at the waiter and says, "She can order for herself."
Husband comes home and says:
Husband comes home and says:
- Honey, I invited a friend to have dinner with us today.
Screaming she replies:
- What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I did not buy any groceries, the dishes are dirty and I'm not in the mood to cook anything special.
- I know.
- So why did you invited him?
- Because the poor guy is thinking about getting married.
So it's little Johnny's turn to present for show and tell...
So it's little Johnny's turn to present for show and tell. He goes up to the chalkboard and draws a period. The teacher then asks "What is so special about a period?" Little Johnny replies "I don't know, but when my sister said she missed hers my mom fainted, my dad had a heart attack, and the neighbor shot himself!"
Strength vs. Intelligence
A strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of John, one of the older workmen. After several minutes, John had enough.
"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back."
"You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "It's a bet! Let's see what you got."
John reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."
I got a divorce for my birthday.
When I woke up, my wife and kids forgot to wish me a happy birthday. I didn't get any birthday cards or phone calls. When I went into work my secretary wished me happy birthday and I felt really special.
We went out for a drink after work to celebrate and she invited me back to her place. She excused herself for a minute an went into her bedroom and returned with my wife, kids and all my friends.
I was sitting on the couch n**....
A Jets fan walks into a bar with his dog.
The bartender says, "Hey bud, no pets allowed in here."
The man says, "But wait! This is a special dog, you have to turn on the game to see. When the Jets score, my dog does flips!"
Sure enough, when the bartender turns on the game, the Jets make a few field goals and the dog starts flipping and jumping after each kick.
"Wow," said the bartender, amazed, "that's great! What does he do when they score a touchdown?"
"I don't know, I've only had him for two years."
p**... has s**... for the first time
After finding out p**... had shagged his girlfriend for the first time, Murphy asked him how it was.
"It was amazing," p**... gushed. "As we were both virgins, made it even more special; it was just a shame that we had to be fairly quiet."
"Why was that?" Asked Murphy.
"Her kids were asleep in the bedroom next door," p**... replied.
A guy meets a h**... in a bar
She says to him, "this is your lucky night. I've got a special going, for $300 i'll do absolutely anything you can think of but the catch is you have to be able to say it in 3 words or less."
The guy replies, "thats a great deal" then slowly lays out 3 &100 dollar notes and says "Paint... My... House."
A young bride and groom to be
A young bride and groom to be had just selected their wedding rings. As the young lady admired the plain platinum and diamond band she had chosen for herself, she suddenly looked concerned. "Tell me" she asked the rather elderly salesman "is there anything special I'll have to do to take care of this ring?" With a fatherly smile, the salesman said "One of the best ways to protect a wedding ring is to soak it in dishwater three times a day.
7 shots
So a man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for 7 v**... shots
The bartender asks the man what's the special occasion the man says
" I just experienced my first b**..." .
And the bartender says "congrats how about a 8th shot on the house" and the man goes
" if 7 shots doesn't get the taste out of my mouth I don't know what will
Special h**...
Getting a h**... from a chick is like watching the special Olympics...
You keep cheering them on but deep down inside you know you can do better...
A man goes up to the leader of a circus
A man goes up to the circus, and says to the leader of the circus "I can do great bird impressions." The leader of the circus says "That's nothing special, lots of people can do great bird impressions, so get out of here"
The man says "ok" and flies away.
An abstinent blonde and her boyfriend...
An abstinent blonde and her boyfriend are about to celebrate their one year anniversary. She wants to do something special for him that night, and decides that she wants to go down on him, but alas has no experience. She asks her friend for advice, who then hands her a banana and says "Here, practice with this."
Sure enough, the blonde girls peels the banana and goes to town on it like a d**... professional. Her friend says "See, you're doing great! Don't change a thing!"
The next day the blonde's friend calls her up, eager to hear how everything went. "How did everything go?" She asks.
The blonde says "Pretty great. Didn't know there would be that much screaming and blood though."
"Blood?" Her friend asks, "Where did the blood come from?"
"The peeling."
My wife likes to talk to me after s**......
It's great, I've got a special ringtone set up and everything.
Preacher
A preacher said, "Anyone with a special request who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar ."
With that, Leroy got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked, "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?"
Leroy replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing." The preacher put one finger of one hand in Leroy's ear, placed his other hand on top of Leroy's head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed. He prayed a "blue streak" for Leroy, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.
After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "Leroy, how is your hearing now?"
Leroy answered, "I don't know. It ain't 'til next week.
It's show and tell day...
In kindergarten class, and its Johnny's turn. He goes up to the board and puts a dot.
"What's that, Johnny?" The teacher asks.
"It's a period," replies Johnny.
"What's so special about a period Johnny?" she asks.
"I have no idea, but my sister missed one, so my dad starting yelling, mom started crying, and the guy next door shot himself."
A father goes to a toy store...
And ask for a barbie for his daughter birthday
"are you looking for anything in special?"
"what do you have?"
"we have nurse Barbie for $40, Barbie Astronaut for $60, divorce Barbie for $300 "
"wait, why is divorce barbie so expensive?"
"Because it comes with kens house, kens car..."
So... the girl I lost my virginity to was r**....
I wanted my first time to be special.
Albert Einstein owed the inspiration for one of his best ideas to his cousin who had Down Syndrome...
he had a special relative, you see?
A balding white haired man walks into a jewelry store with a beautiful much younger gal at his side...
He
told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.
The man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.'
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought
another ring over. 'Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000the jeweler said.
The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.'
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated,
'By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now
and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds; I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.'
On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said
'Sir...There's no money in that account.
''I know,' said the old man...'But let me tell you about my weekend.'
A guy meets a s**... worker in a bar.
She says, 'This is your lucky night. I've got a special game for you. I'll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.' The guy replies, 'Hey, why not?' He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly. 'Paint…my….house.'
There's a special running course around the White House.
Every president does this before they leave office, and records their times in a special book dating back to the early 19th century. Obama recently completed it, knowing he had to get it done before January. He did 9:25 and was quite pleased with it. He wondered if he had set the record, but then he found out that Bush did 9:11.
So a Black guy walks into a bar with a beautiful parrot on his shoulder...
The bartender says "Wow, that's something real special you've got there! Where'd you get it?"
"Africa!", says the parrot.
On the anniversary of Harambe's death...
the Cincinnati Zoo should have special deals all day. Discounts for Harambe.
A black man walks into a bar...
A black man walks into a bar with a beautiful parrot on his shoulder.
"That is really special," said the bartender. "Where did you get it?"
"Africa," replied the parrot.
It's Jim's birthday
Jim's wife treats her man by taking him to a s**... Club for his birthday... At The Club, The Doorman Says, "Hey Jimmy, How are You?" The wife asks, "How does he know you? Jimmy says, "Oh dear, I play football with him." Inside the Bartender Says, "The Usual, Jim?" Jimmy says to Wife, "Before you say anything, He's on the Darts Team." Next a stripper Says, "Hi Jim! Do You Crave the Special Again??" The wife storms out dragging Jimmy with her & jumps into a taxi... The Taxi driver Says, "Hey Jimmy Boy! You picked up an ugly one this time...."
My girlfriend said she wanted to try new condoms with something a little special inside them
I said "what's that?"
she replied "Other men."
A guy walks into a bar with his pet dog
The bartender says, "No pets allowed." The man replies, "This is a special dog. Turn on the Browns game and you'll see. Whenever the Browns score, my dog does flips." The Browns keep scoring field goals, and the dog keeps flipping and jumping. "Wow! What happens when the Browns score a touchdown?"
The man replies, "I don't know. I've only had him for 7 years."
I got fired from my last job for arranging the vegetables into s**... position
Apparently that's "misconduct" for a special needs teacher.
What's better than getting second place at the special Olympics?
Not being r**...
A man walks into a store to buy condoms
He notices that there are Olympic condoms on sale. He returns home and tells his wife, "Honey I bought Olympic condoms for us tonight!"
Wife: What's so special about them.
Husband: Well, there's a gold one, a silver one and a bronze one.
Wife: Which one are you gonna wear tonight?
Husband: The gold one of course!
Wife: Why don't you wear the silver one, it would be nice if you came second for a change.
Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day, but are told only one can get into the pearly gates.
St. Peter asks Queen Elizabeth what makes her special enough to enter Heaven. Elizabeth takes out a d**... bottle and douches herself.
St. Peter asks Dolly what makes her special enough to get into Heaven. Dolly opens up her shirt and flashes her chest.
St. Peter lets Queen Elizabeth in instead of Dolly, because a royal flush always beats a good pair.
I wonder if George Michael was a o**... donor
So he could really give his heart to someone special this Christmas.
I got fired today for arranging the vegetables in a s**... suggestive way
Apparently that's "unacceptable behavior for a special needs teacher".
What does a camera have in common with a c**...?
They both capture that special moment.
What did the host say after her guest complimented her on her tea?
Thanks, it's my special tea.
Voldemort is like a teenage girl.
He has a diary, a tiara, a special cup, a pet he adores, and an obsession with a famous teenage boy.
Today's special menu
The waiter asked, "Would you like to hear today's special?"
"Yes please," I smiled.
"Today is special," he replied, then walked off.
Your cat died
A woman went on vacation, leaving her husband behind. Before she left, she told him to take extra special care of her cat.The next day she called her husband and asked if the cat was all right.
Her husband said: The cat just died.
She burst into tears and said: How could you be so blunt? Why couldn't you have broken the news gradually! Today, you could have said that it was playing on the roof; tomorrow, you could have said that it fell off and had broken its leg; then on the third day, you could have said that the poor thing had passed away in the night. You could have been more sensitive about the whole thing. By the way, how is my mom?
Husband: She is playing on the roof.
I went to a restaurant last night where none of the food was real; it was all just special effects.
CGI Fridays.
USPS releases a stamp with Trump's picture
The US Postal Services releases a stamp with a picture of President Trump. But the new stamp was not sticking to envelopes. This enraged the President, who demanded a full investigation.
After weeks of testing and $1.73 million in congressional spending, a special Presidential commission presented the following findings:
The stamp is in perfect order. There is nothing wrong with the adhesive. The fact is, people are spitting on the wrong side.
My wife doesn't know it,
but every time we have s**... I put $1 in an envelope. I save that money, and plan on getting her something special for our anniversary.
So far she's getting a McChicken
What do the Special Olympics and a h**... have in common?
You appreciate the effort but you could do it better.
After 5 long years of studying, a student comes rushing into Einstein's office shouting...
"Sir, Sir, I finally understand your theory of Special Relativity!"
Einstein rolls his eyes, "It's about time"
A guy is approached by a h**... in a bar. She says, "This
A guy is approached by a h**... in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I've got a special for you. I'll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy pulls his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three one hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint...my...house."
A man walks into a zoo
But he finds no animals, except a dog. He finds a zookeeper and asks him, "what's so special about this dog that you guys got rid of the other animals?"
The zookeeper replies, "Nothing, it's just a shitzu."
My mate is in a band called NS. At first, I was fascinated to find out what it stands for. But now I'm not too bothered.
It's nothing special.
A guy walks into a bar with his pet dog......
A guy walks into a bar with his pet dog. The bartender says, "No pets allowed."
The man replies, "This is a special dog. Turn on the Jets game and you'll see. Whenever the Jets score, my dog does flips."
The Jets keep scoring field goals, and the dog keeps flipping and jumping.
"Wow! What happens when the Jets score a touchdown?"
The man replies, "I don't know. I've only had him for 7 years."
How to tell whether someone is an idiot
Doctor, how can you tell whether someone is an idiot, even if he looks normal to you?
For that, we have special questions.
Can you name an example?
Mountaineer Brown climbed Mount Everest three times but he was killed during one of these ascents. Can you tell me which one?
But doctor, that surely won't work for people like me who know nothing about mountaineering.
Massaging the wife
Italian : Last night I massaged my wife with the finest olive oil, then we made love and I made her scream non stop 5 minutes.
French : Last night I massaged my wife with special aphrodisiac oil, then we made passionate love. I made her scream 15 minutes.
American : Thats nothing! Last night I massaged my wife with cheese, then made love and made her scream for 2 hours.
Italian and French, astonished : 2 hours ! How !?
American : I wiped my hands on the curtains...
One for $1, three for $4
A man is walking up to a coffee stand to get his daily cup of coffee for $1, when he notices their new special where you can buy three cups for $4.
I'd like a cup of coffee, said the man, handing in a dollar bill.
He realizes he can cheat the system by buying two more cups of coffee, and saving a dollar. I'd like two more cups, please, he said, handing in another $2.
Afterward, he asks the guy in the stand, Why are you selling three cups of coffee for $4 when you could buy three separate cups for $3?
To which the stand dude replied, you could've just bought one cup like you do every day.
A guy asks his waiter how they prepare their chicken.
The waiter says: Nothing special, we just flat out tell 'em they're gonna die."
I had s**... with a r**... girl last night
i wanted my first time to be special
A vegan was flying to Germany and discovered the airline had forgotten his special meal. He had no choice but to eat the only meal available: sausage and cheese.
It was a Wurst-Käse scenario.
Did you know that taxis in Germany can only pick up customers on special side streets?
They're called Deutschland Uber alleys.
Woman goes to a doctor with a t**... lodged inside her...
Doctor: So how did this happen?
Woman: I don't know, I mean I didn't get them from the store as usual, I saw a special deal on eBay, a hundred boxes for $1!
Doctor: A hundred boxes for $1? Didn't that sound suspiciously cheap to you?
Woman: Well I thought that too, so I checked the entire listing and it said plain and clear
One hundred boxes of tampons for $1...
...no strings attached!
My Grandad is a truly special man
He has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from Edinburgh Zoo.
I went to a restaurant and the waiter asked, Would you like to hear today's special? I said, Yes please.
The waiter smiled and replied, "Sure thing. Today is special."
A nights work...
A guy meets a s**... worker in a bar.
She says, "Hey, tonight is your lucky night. I've got a very special game for us to play. Tonight I'll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words."
The guy replies, "Hey, why not?, you're on" So he proceeds to put £300 on the bar from his wallet, and says to the s**... worker slowly. "Paint…my….house."
Cake Day special: Hear about the new restaurant called karma?
There's no menu... you get what you deserve.
Sat down in a restaurant to eat dinner last night, and the waiter asked if I'd like to hear today's special.
I said yeah
He said, today is special.
I said, I can appreciate a good dad joke, but can you tell me about the menu please.
The waiter slams his notebook down on the table, and says, sir the men I please is my own private business.
**EDIT**
Thank you for the awards!!
I went for an audition at a talent agency today.
They asked "so what's your special talent?"
I said "I do bird impressions!"
They said "sorry, that's not original we have had loads of them!"
I said "fair enough!!"...
and flew out the window.
The Special
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "What's the special tonight?" he asks the bartender. "It's our blue cheese bacon burger," the bartender replies. "Do you want to try one?" "Nah. I hate blue cheese," the guy replies. "I mean it's literally just cheese full of bacteria." "Hey," the bartender says, clearly offended. "You need to stop discriminating against other cultures."
An ancient Chinese joke, at least a thousand years old.
A man visits his sick friend, and finds him to now be well and energetic. "How wonderful!", his friend says, "What happened?". "Dr. Chang is the cause of my health.", he says gratefully. "Dr. Chang, what did he do?". "Well, Dr. Li came and gave me a special diet. And I got sicker. Then Dr. Wong came and gave me bitter herbs, and I got even worse. On death's door I called for Dr. Chang." "And what did Dr. Chang do?", his friend asks in wonder. The man replies happily, "Dr. Chang did the best of all, he didn't come, so I got well!"
A man walks into a bar
The bartender greets the man and says, We have a special drink for tonight. It's called the grasshopper. The man orders several grasshoppers that evening and walks back home.
As the man is walking back home, he comes across a grasshopper and stops in his path.
He says to the grasshopper, Hey, there's a drink named after you!
The grasshopper looks surprised and says, There's a drink named Marvin?
