Special People Jokes
49 special people jokes and hilarious special people puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about special people that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Special People Short Jokes
Short special people jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The special people humour may include short special needs jokes also.
- Thanksgiving will be extra special this year Because people will be spreading diseases to each other, just like in the original.
- People always ask what's so special about my chiropractor. I tell them she's so funny ... She cracks me up.
- I don't get why all these people praise lawyers just for being U2 fans Suddenly they're special for taking on Pro-Bono cases?
- Negative people There is a special place for all the negative people in the universe.
It's called the 3rd Quadrant. - People are like flowers. They come in many shapes and colors, each special and beautiful in its own way.
Historically, though, people have purchased some colors a lot more than others. - People keep comparing the election to Empire Strikes Back or Revenge Of The Sith... Personally I would have gone with The Star Wars Christmas Special
- I dont like music made by special needs people... I've never really been one for slow jams.
- Older people are easier to make laugh. Young people are like Google passwords. . . It needs to be have a special character, a capital letter , a number and you can't use the same as last time.
- Comedians are like Pandemics They spend all their time traveling the world, Until people start noticing that they're killing. Then some special recording happens-to-make ev'ry-one stay home.
- After charging morbidly obese people extra for their plane seats, air traffic companies hatched a plan to schedule special flights for morbidly obese people in the future... but it never took off.
Share These Special People Jokes With Friends
Special People One Liners
Which special people one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with special people? I can suggest the ones about special and special olympics.
- What do you call disabled people that follow politics? A special interest group.
- What special ingredient do cannibals put in their burritos? People de gallo
- I'm going to make a city just for people with special needs. I'll call it Downtown
- There's a special type of people who are always in a hurry. The Rushians.
- An elite military unit is now full of disabled people. They call it the 'Special Forces'.
- Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?
- What part of the army do r**... people go to? Special forces.
- h**...'s showers are special... they ethnically cleanse people
- The Special Olympics offend me. I really hate it when people anthropomorphize r**....
Humorous Special People Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life
What funny jokes about special people you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean special ed jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make special people pranks.
"May I borrow your pen?"
"No, these are my special pens, and this is my second to last one"
"What's so special about them?"
"They are my ultimate writing instrument. I usually use them to keep track of the score in ultimate frisbee. Plus, they have famous people on them."
"Who is that?"
"That's Sean Penn. He's my favorite actor."
"Where did you get them?"
"At the University of Pennsylvania."
"Oh, I see. So that is your penultimate Penn ultimate Penn pen."
While enjoying an early morning breakfast in a northern Arizona cafe, four elderly ranchers were discussing everything from cattle, horses, and weather, to how things used to be in the “good old days.”
Eventually the conversation moved on to their spouses.
One gentleman turned to the fellow on his right and asked,
“Roy, aren’t you and your bride celebrating your fiftieth wedding anniversary soon?”
“Yup, we sure are,” Roy replied.
“Well, are you gonna do anything special to celebrate?” another man asked.
The old gentleman pondered this for a moment, then replied, “For our twenty-fifth anniversary,
I took Bea to Tucson. Maybe for our fiftieth, I’ll go down there and get her.”
An elderly gentleman was telling his friend about a new restaurant he and his wife recently visited.
“The food and service were great!” he said.
His friend asked, “What’s the name of the place?”
“Gee, I don’t remember,” he said, “What do you call the long stemmed flower people give on special occasions?”
“You mean a rose?” asked his friend.
“That’s it!” he exclaimed and turning to his wife, asked, “Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to the other day?”
People who make you feel special are keepers. Anyone with such good taste has to be admired.
So a man wants to buy a horse...
He sees an add in the paper (this was back when people read newspapers) for a horse. So, he goes to the seller's farm to ride the horse and see if it is a good horse.
"Now, this this horse is special," says the seller. "When you want the horse to go, you have to say 'praise the lord' and when you want the horse to stop you have to say 'amen'." The buyer, not being religious, nods but wonders if this horse is worth it.
So, as he goes to ride the horse, he says "praise the lord." The horse goes, but he wants to go faster, so he says "Praise the lord!". The horse speeds up, but he wants to go even faster, so he yells "PRAISE THE LORD!" and the horse bursts into full gallop. The man then sees a cliff in the distance. He can't remember what to say, but just as he is about to go over, he says "Amen!" and the horse stops right at the edge of the cliff.
The man wipes his brow, sighs in relief, and says "praise the lord."
In line at The Pearly Gates...
are 3 men. The first approaches St. Peter who says,"Tell me, what did you do in life?" The man explains that he was a priest. St. Peter shakes his hand and ushers him to a waiting e**.... The second man steps up. The same question is asked and he explains that he was a doctor. Again he receives a simple hand shake and a single e**.... The third man steps forward and explains that he was a lawyer. Suddenly Peter gets very excited. A band comes rushing out of the gates playing, followed by a crowd of people who place the lawyer on their shoulders, and carry him away chanting his name and cheering. The priest and the doctor are confused and ask St. Peter,"What is the deal here? We had much more noble lives than that man. Why does he get such special treatment?" St. Peter replies,"We get priests and doctors all the time. That is our first lawyer."
So the founder of Harley-Davidson goes to heaven...
He walks up to the pearly gates and meets St.Peter. Peter congratulates him on his great bikes and asks that, since hes a special guy, if he would like to talk to god himself. Davidson agrees and he walks past the gate to see god waiting for him. God greets him and says to Davidson "I'm sure you have lots of questions for me...". Right away Davidson replies "Yes, why did you design the females so poorly. All they do is talk and nag, and they never cease to annoy me." God, taken back by this, thinks to himself for a moment. God then says "While I may have made some flaws with the woman, at least more people ride my invention than yours!"
A man goes up to the leader of a circus
A man goes up to the circus, and says to the leader of the circus "I can do great bird impressions." The leader of the circus says "That's nothing special, lots of people can do great bird impressions, so get out of here"
The man says "ok" and flies away.
World's Funniest Joke
The "world's funniest joke" is a term used by Richard Wiseman of the University of Hertfordshire in 2002 to summarize one of the results of his research. For his experiment, named LaughLab, he created a website where people could rate and submit jokes. Purposes of the research included discovering the joke that had the widest appeal and understanding among different cultures, demographics and countries.
The History Channel eventually hosted a special on the subject.
The winning joke, which was later found to be based on a 1951 Goon Show sketch by Spike Milligan,was submitted by Gurpal Gosal of Manchester:
*Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"*
My friend "Jesus wasn't that special"...
After he said that I say "but he made thousands of people bread"
He turns back to me and says "so what, h**... made 6 million Jews toast"
Two people meet in a nursing home.
A 95 year old man meets a 90 year old lady in a nursing home. They start talking and eventually become close friends. They realize that s**... for them probably isn't going to be possible so he asks her if she'll at least stick her hand in his pants and hold it.
So for a few months she'll stick her hand in his pants and hold it for him. They're both happy.
Then one day, she can't find him and she gets a little worried thinking maybe something happened to the old guy. She wanders outside and sees him on a park bench with another woman, and that woman has her hand in his pants! She approaches them and angrily tells him she thought they had something special and asks what the other woman has that she doesn't.
He answers, Parkinson's.
Even though I hate it, math is special.
It's the only place I can buy 400 cantaloupes without people asking what the h**...'s wrong with me
What makes Jesus so special?
People are always b**... on about Jesus and how he's so great because he managed to feed the 5000 with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish, what about h**...? He made 8 million Jews toast.
USPS releases a stamp with Trump's picture
The US Postal Services releases a stamp with a picture of President Trump. But the new stamp was not sticking to envelopes. This enraged the President, who demanded a full investigation.
After weeks of testing and $1.73 million in congressional spending, a special Presidential commission presented the following findings:
The stamp is in perfect order. There is nothing wrong with the adhesive. The fact is, people are spitting on the wrong side.
How to tell whether someone is an idiot
Doctor, how can you tell whether someone is an idiot, even if he looks normal to you?
For that, we have special questions.
Can you name an example?
Mountaineer Brown climbed Mount Everest three times but he was killed during one of these ascents. Can you tell me which one?
But doctor, that surely won't work for people like me who know nothing about mountaineering.
I participated in a poll..
It asked, "Do you consider yourself unique and special?"
99 people voted for yes.
I was the 100th who voted for no. I guess everyone is different, I am the only ordinary one.
If the special olympics is for disabled people...
What were they thinking sending special forces into Afghanistan?
h**... doesn't sound all that bad...
Lots of people have even told me there's a special place for me there.
When in Russia (very bad quality joke)
A man visits Russia for a month. He enjoyed everything there for the first few weeks, the v**..., the cathedrals, even the people there. It was only towards the final week that he realised things started to get a bit strange. Everyone he sees have much stronger arm muscles by the end of the month than the start of it.
He asks a man wether it's normal to see this. "Not really, but it's reaspnable." the man replied, "Some people from Ghana came here recently to do a special f**... celebration, and in return -as per Russian tradition-, since they carried the people, all people in Russia carried them back!"
I searched Reddit and this joke hasn't been posted.
USPS came out with a Donald Trump stamp. They were Yugely popular at first, but suddenly went out of circulation, because they wont stick to the envelopes.
This enraged the president, and he demanded a full investigation, blamed the democrats and JINA and the lame-stream media.
After months of testing, costing $2.65 billion in congressional spending and firing of 25+ people, the special prosecutor appointed by Trump presented the following findings.
* The stamps have no manufacturing defects.
* There is nothing wrong with the adhesive.
* People are spitting on the wrong side of the stamp.
A man tries to find success as an Anti-motivational speaker
"In today's world of toxic positivity, we need more HEALTHY NEGATIVITY! Acknowledge your limitations! Understand your lack of potential! Remember that in this world of many people, you are NOT SPECIAL and EASILY REPLACEABLE!"
An audience member suddenly stood up, tears streaming down his face.
"Is this what it's like to have a Father?"
