special horse Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious special horse puns

So a man is gifted a horse which has terribly crossed eyes.

He decides to go to the vet to get it looked at.

The vet takes one look at the horse and says, "We have a very special treatment for crossed eyes in horses. Stand back."

He sedates the horse and takes out a tube that's about six feet long, then carefully inserts about three feet of it into the horse's anus. He then blows as hard as he can into the end of the tube; then he lifts the horse's eyelid and sees that its eyes are still crossed. He blows some more and checks again - still nothing. Eventually he's red in the face and the horse's eyes are still crossed.

He offers the end of the tube to the horse's owner. "You want to give it a shot?" The owner nods, then carefully pulls the tube all the way out, flips it around, and inserts it back in the other way.

The doctor is confused. "Why'd you do that?"

The owner replies: "You think I'd put my mouth on that end after you?"

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Have you ever wondered what the difference is between Grandmothers and Grandfathers...

Well, here it is:

There was this loving grandfather who always made a special effort to spend time with his son's family on weekends. Every Saturday morning he would take his 7-year-old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some quality time - pancakes, ice cream, candyโ€ฆ -- just him and his granddaughter.

One particular Saturday, however, he had a bad cold and really didn't feel like being up at all. He knew his granddaughter always looked forward to their drives and would be disappointed. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter for the drive and breakfast.

When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather who was still in bed.
"Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?" he asked. "Not really, Pa Pa , it was really boring. We didn't see a single asshole, queer, lesbian, piece of crap, horse's ass, liberal pinko democrat Obama lover, blind bastard, dipshit, Muslim camel humper or son of a bitch anywhere we went!"
Almost brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?

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Saturday Drives With Grandpa

There was this loving grandfather who always made a special effort to spend time with his son's family on weekends. Every Saturday morning he would take his 7-year-old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some quality time - pancakes, ice cream, candyโ€ฆ -- just him and his granddaughter.

One particular Saturday, however, he had a bad cold and really didn't feel like being up at all. He knew his granddaughter always looked forward to their drives and would be disappointed. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter for the drive and breakfast.

When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather who was still in bed.

"Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?" he asked.

"Not really, Pa Pa , it was really boring. We didn't see a single asshole, lesbian, piece of crap, horse's ass, liberal pinko democrat, Obama lover, blind bastard, dipshit, Muslim camel humper, or son of a bitch anywhere we went!"

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John gets a Christmas parrot

John decided to get his wife a Christmas present. Maybe a puppy. Walking in to the pet store, he searches for the right puppy.


"Excuse me sir, are you looking for a Christmas present?" the clerk asked. "Yes, I think she would like a puppy," John replies.


"Here," motioning towards the back of the store, "we have a very special bird, Chet. He sings Christmas carols. See, light a match and hold it under his left foot." The parrot begins to sing, "Silent night, holy night." Pulling the match away, "And now his right foot." The parrot sings, "Dashing through the snow, in a one horse open sleigh." "Perfect," John exclaims.


Molly was home as she hears John knocking on the door. Letting him in, John proudly smiles, "His name is Chet. I got you a singing parrot!" Raising a eyebrow, Molly stares at him. Placing the parrot on his stand, John lights a match. "Listen to him sing when I hold the match under his left foot." The parrot begins to sing again, "Silent night, holy night." Pulling the match away, "And now his right foot." The parrot sings, "Dashing through the snow, in a one horse open sleigh."


"Well, what do you think?" Jon smiles. Molly stood quietly, "What would happened if you hold the match, well, between his feet?"



Holding the match between his feet, the parrot squawks, "CHET'S NUTS ROASTING ON AN OPEN FIRE!"

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So a man wants to buy a horse...

He sees an add in the paper (this was back when people read newspapers) for a horse. So, he goes to the seller's farm to ride the horse and see if it is a good horse.

"Now, this this horse is special," says the seller. "When you want the horse to go, you have to say 'praise the lord' and when you want the horse to stop you have to say 'amen'." The buyer, not being religious, nods but wonders if this horse is worth it.

So, as he goes to ride the horse, he says "praise the lord." The horse goes, but he wants to go faster, so he says "Praise the lord!". The horse speeds up, but he wants to go even faster, so he yells "PRAISE THE LORD!" and the horse bursts into full gallop. The man then sees a cliff in the distance. He can't remember what to say, but just as he is about to go over, he says "Amen!" and the horse stops right at the edge of the cliff.

The man wipes his brow, sighs in relief, and says "praise the lord."

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A religious horse

So, a man decides that he wants to buy a fine horse to get around with and race. He looks around town but can't find one for sale anywhere. At last, he finds an underground shop with a beautiful white horse.

He negotiates the price for the fine steed, but the owner warns him, "This is a special, religious horse. To get her to go, say 'praise the lord!' instead of giddy up. To get her to stop, say "Amen"

So he buys the horse and tests it. He gets on it and forgets what the man said. Then he remembers and says, "Praise the lord!" and it takes off. It runs and runs till he's at the edge of a cliff. He panics and says, "Halt! Stop! " but then remembers and says, "Amen!" and it stops, right on the edge. He says, "Oh, praise the lord..."

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A man needed a horse, so he went to a temple and got one.

Before he left, the priest told him that it was a special horse. In order to make the horse go, you say, "Thank God," and for it to stop you say, "Amen." So the man left, and a few minutes later he dozed off on his horse. Hours later, he woke up and his horse was racing him towards the edge of a cliff. Just in time, he shouted "Amen!" and the horse stopped a few inches from the edge. "Whew," said the man, "thank God!"

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It was my sons 13th Birthday the other day...

He came down stairs and I told him to close his eyes because I've got a very special gift for him.. He shut his eyes and I brought in the present he had been persistently asking for for a few years. I thought he was never old enough before, although what he wanted always put a massive smile on me, his fathers face.

"Ok open your eyes"

"What the hell dad why is there a bunch of half naked women in our front room"

"Since you were knee high to a grass hopper you've been asking for whores for your birthday, now you can ride your whores"

"No dadโ€ฆ I've always wanted a horseโ€ฆ A horse dad"

Turns out my sons gay

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While enjoying an early morning breakfast in a northern Arizona cafe, four elderly ranchers were discussing everything from cattle, horses, and weather, to how things used to be in the โ€œgood old days.โ€
Eventually the conversation moved on to their spouses.
One gentleman turned to the fellow on his right and asked,
โ€œRoy, arenโ€™t you and your bride celebrating your fiftieth wedding anniversary soon?โ€
โ€œYup, we sure are,โ€ Roy replied.
โ€œWell, are you gonna do anything special to celebrate?โ€ another man asked.
The old gentleman pondered this for a moment, then replied, โ€œFor our twenty-fifth anniversary,
I took Bea to Tucson. Maybe for our fiftieth, Iโ€™ll go down there and get her.โ€

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What are the most funny Special Horse jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Special Horse? Well, here are the best Special Horse dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Special Horse pick up lines to share with friends.

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