The Best 80 Spec Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Spec jokes. There are some spec latvian jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these spec dicktater puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Spec Jokes and Puns

This is a very special parrot...

A man walks into the pet shop and sees a parrot with on each leg 1 string. "Where are these strings for?" Asks the man to the seller. He answers: "This is a very special parrot. If you pull the right string, then he says" good morning ". Pull the left string and he says 'good night'." "Really?" Says the man. "And what happens if I pull both strings at once?" Responds the parrot: "Then I fall, Idiot!"

This one is special to me. My grandfather was a jokester all his life. About a month after he died, I had a lucid dream where I was talking to him, and imagined him telling me one last joke:

Me: "Pop pop, what is the afterlife like?"

Him: "It's hot."

If a special ed kid is late to class

Is it morally wrong to call him tardy?

Spec joke, If a special ed kid is late to class

What was special about Three-Eyed Suzie?

She had no legs.

Special Hand Job

Getting a hand job from a chick is like watching the special Olympics...

You keep cheering them on but deep down inside you know you can do better...


What's a specimen?

An Italian astronaut :-D

Did you know there's a species of antelope that can jump higher than a two story house?

This is mostly because the antelope has powerful hind leg muscles, and houses can't jump.

Spec joke, Did you know there's a species of antelope that can jump higher than a two story house?

I believe, if you're in Special Ed, and you're late to class...

...it's politically incorrect to say you're tardy.

What was so special about Bounty's new line of paper towels?

nothing they were tearable.

What is so special about an abortion?

It brings out your inner child.

There must be a special discount store for plumbers...

There pants are always 50% off

You can explore spec tot reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean spec dictater dad jokes. There are also spec puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


"Special today! Jokes, half off!"

"I'll take one." "Why did the chicken cross the road?" "I don't know, why?" "Sorry, that's all you get."

A BLONDE'S SPECIAL PICTURE

Q: Why did the blonde keep a picture of herself in her room?
A: So she could use it as a mirror.

I went to specsavers the other day..

...guess who I bumped into?
Everyone!

Why are there different species of hyena?

Isn't every hyena we've discovered a spotted hyena?

What is the speciality of Alan Turing?

He was homogeneous

Spec joke, What is the speciality of Alan Turing?

What is so special about your favourite bedside table?

It's the one nightstand you'll never forget.

What species of mushroom is known for being an instigator?

The shiitalkie mushroom.

Do special ed teachers mark late students as tardy?

i have no shame.


The Special Olympics is like Nascar.

You're not watching it for the race...

A special joke for Mothers Day

What's the difference between three dicks and a joke? Your mum cant take a joke.

There's a special running course around the White House.

Every president does this before they leave office, and records their times in a special book dating back to the early 19th century. Obama recently completed it, knowing he had to get it done before January. He did 9:25 and was quite pleased with it. He wondered if he had set the record, but then he found out that Bush did 9:11.

They've got a special on down Tesco.

He's working the trolleys.

Have you seen the special message written at the bottom of a condom when you roll it all the way out?

Me neither..

Did you know there is a species of deer that can jump higher than the average house?

This is due to its powerful hind legs and the fact the average house cannot jump.

What's a specimen?

A Spanish astronaut

"With our special weight loss supplements and a healthy diet, you can lose over 30 pounds a month!"

Fat chance...

What species are the best rappers?

Dragons, because they're always spittin' fire.

Today's special menu

The waiter asked, "Would you like to hear today's special?"

"Yes please," I smiled.

"Today is special," he replied, then walked off.

I have a special, affectionate term I use to refer to my mother. I'll tell you guys, but it's a secret...

So mum's the word.

You think you're special because you suddenly don't identify as male or female?

The Siberian Orchestra has identified as 'trans' for over 20 years.

Special skills

Interviewer: Have you got any special skills?

Me: I will never die!

Interviewer: How is that possible?!

Me: Dreams never come true

What do Special Olympics golfers always ask each other?

"What's your handicap?"

What do the Special Olympics and a hand job have in common?

You appreciate the effort but you could do it better.

Special olympics and a handjob is very similar.

You really appreciate the effort, but you know you could do better.

What species is Mike Pence?

No-homo sapiens.

There are three species of hyena in the wild

But every time one is seen they become a spotted hyena

I've always had a specific love for bananas...

...they have appeal

What species of ant is most hesitant?

The reluct ant.

Which species of ants prefer to eat beavers ?

Lesbi-ants

Special shop sale:

electrons: 10 cents

protons: 10 cents

neutrons: free of charge

If a special ed kid is late for school

Is it politically incorrect to give them a "Tardy" slip?

Did you know? There is a species of frog in Alaska

There is a species of frog in Alaska that freezes during the winter and while frozen, the frog stops breathing, its heart stops beating, its palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy, there's vomit on its sweater already, mom's spaghetti.

If a Special-Ed student is late more than once...

Does that make him re-tardy?

You are as special as a snowflake...

... just a microscopic and transient blip, indistinguishable in a colorless, homogenous mass that covers the earth.

What special ingredient do cannibals put in their burritos?

People de gallo

What do you do with some new species you just discovered?

Ya PHYLUM.

I specifically asked for no mayo on my sandwich.

What the Hellman

You might have to be more specific when using the word "cousin".

It's just such a relative term.

Why do the special needs kids never get in trouble for being late to class?

They're expected to be a little tardy...

Does anyone know what's so special about Vantablack?

I think it's really lackluster.

What's special about cats that can stand on two feet?

Nothing,They are meerkats.

Special needs bus crashes into local pot shop and catches fire.

Baked potatoes all over the place.

IN SPECIAL EDUCATION

They put me in Special Ed because they thought I was slow, but I stayed in Special Ed for the ladies.

Did you know that there's a species of antelope capable of jumping higher than the average house?

This is due the antelopes unnaturally strong hind legs, and he fact that the average house can't jump

A particular species of frog, found in South American rainforests, has been observed to leap higher than a 1 story house.

This is due to the extremely powerful hind legs of the frog, and the fact that houses cannot leap.

A special group of polar bears that live in the Arctic and Antarctic have been seen with dual personalities and sexual attraction to both sexes..

I guess you could say they're Bi-polar bipolar bi polar bears.

I have a special ability that lets me see both the past and future at the same time.

Some say it's a gift, but I think of it as the present.

2 Guys Were Sitting On The Train

When one guy pulls out his phone and shows a picture of his girlfriend and says to the other guy hey man check out my gf, isn't she beautiful?

The second man, somewhat confused at why this guy is showing him a photo of his girlfriend replies Wow if you think she's beautiful you should see my girlfriend!

The first guy, slightly irritated responds why is she a stunner?

No he reply's she works at spec savers!

Some species of frog can jump higher than a 3-story office building.

It's because of their immensely powerful hind legs, and the fact that office buildings cannot jump.

Why do special Ed classes always start late

Because everyone is a little tardy.

If a special needs kid is late for class...

Is it ok to call him tardy?

As a spectator at the last Summer Olympics, I saw a guy walking around carrying a 10 foot long stick...

"Are you a pole vaulter?" I asked.

"No," he responded. "I'm a German. But how did you know my name is Walter?"

I have a special trick for getting the result I want in a coin flip

It's not perfect, but it works about 50% of the time.

Potato's in glasses are never the centre of attention.

They're just spec taters

There's a special type of people who are always in a hurry.

The Rushians.

A special day in February

I asked my 10 year old niece what special day is coming up in February.

"President's Day."

"What does President's Day mean?" I expected her to tell me something about Obama or Bush or Clinton.

Instead, she says, "President's Day is when the President steps out of the White House, and if he sees his shadow, we get another year of bullshit."

Why are some species of cat always endangered?

Because cheetahs never prosper

What did the special education teacher say to one of their students that was late?

You're tardy!

Need anything special to catch a Russian butterfly?

Nyet

How many IT specialists does it take to change a lightbulb?

SUPPORT TICKET CLOSED: Lightbulb already installed.

How many species of wild cat are there?

I don't have an exact number, but there's an ocelot of them.

The special ed students made a metal band.

It's called Syndrome of a Down.

There's a special place in Hell for Satanists.

Good for them.

The least specific name for a Friends episode:

The one where Rachel's nipples were erect

Should've been more specific

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

The Special

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "What's the special tonight?" he asks the bartender. "It's our blue cheese bacon burger," the bartender replies. "Do you want to try one?" "Nah. I hate blue cheese," the guy replies. "I mean it's literally just cheese full of bacteria." "Hey," the bartender says, clearly offended. "You need to stop discriminating against other cultures."

[OC] Why isn't it special when your stormtrooper boyfriend says he misses you?

He misses everyone.

What's so special about Switzerland?

I don't know, but their flag is a huge plus.

What's special about Edam cheese?

It's made backwards

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the spec evo jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working spec spud piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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