spears Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious spears puns

What's the difference between Rihanna and Britney Spears? ...

Britney asked to be hit one more time..

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An old goody

A plane goes down in the middle of the Africa and has only one survivor, a man who is mostly unscathed. He begins to trek to the coast, figuring it his best chance to find people.

Less than two hours later a tribe of a few dozen pygmies surrounds the man, brandishing crude spears and screaming at him in a language he doesn't understand. The man, after trying and failing to communicate, says "God, I'm fucked now."

Then a voice booms from the heavens. "NO YOU'RE NOT! GRAB THE SPEAR OUT OF THE CHIEF'S HANDS AND STAB HIM WITH IT!" The man jumps back, looking up. "Who are you?" "I AM GOD!"

So the man leaps forward and wrestles the spear away from the leader of the tribe, slamming the head into the man's chest and tipping him back. He then holds it before him as the tribe begins to close in.

"God, god! What now?!"

"**NOW** YOU'RE FUCKED!"

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A pilot bailed out of his crashing plane and landed on an uncharted island.

He soon found himself surrounded by natives with spears. A big native adorned with decorations points at the pilot.

I'm screwed, says the pilot.

God opens up the clouds and says to the pilot, No, you're not screwed. Grab the closest spear and throw it through the leader's heart.

The pilot does this.

NOW you're screwed, says God.

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Mama whale and Papa whale ...

... swim and look upon sailors coming towards them. The sailors are on small boats and have their spear in hand.

Papa whale says to mama whale:

-"They're hunting us, we should make bubbles and tip them over."

The mama whale agrees. They dive underneath the ships and blow so many bubbles that the ships capsize and the sailors fall into the water, but they still have their spears in their hands. Papa whale is still weary.

He says to mama whale:

-"We should eat them".

Mama whale says:

-"Listen, I agreed to the blow job, but I'm not swallowing seamen."

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Not fucked yet.

Once upon a time there was a young man hiking through the woods. As he was gaily skipping through a path he suddenly started to hear footsteps approaching. The footsteps came closer until the trees finally disclosed a group of twenty natives with spears carrying a fat man and his fat kid on a throne. The man was eating a human leg while his son was eating some human ribs.THEY WHERE CANNIBALS.

"I'm fucked" the young hiker hopelessly thought. However, at that same moment the clouds opened up and the hand of god appeared and said "No son, you are still not fucked. Steal the spear from one of the guards and put it through the fat kid's forehead". The man was aware that this plan did not sound effective, but he wanted to live and knew that god had to know what he was doing so he trusted him. He ran towards the closest guard, stole his spear, and shot it towards the fatkid's forehead, killing him instantly. The sky opened up again, "NOW you are fucked son".

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How do reavers clean their spears?

They put them through the Wash.

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How do Reavers clean their spears?

They run them through the Wash.

(In honor of the late Shepard Book. RIP)

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Cannibal Joke

A guy is walking in the forest when all of the sudden two spears are thrown at him and kill him. Two cannibals emerge from the forest and argue over the body. They go back and forth for a while over who is going to get to eat the man when they finally decide to split it. One looks at the other and says, "We'll start at opposite ends and meet in the middle, that way neither of us eats more than the other." So they proceed to eat. A while later one guy is gnawing away at the head when he asks the other guy how its going. he replies, "Oh im having a ball!" to which the other says, "Slow down you're eating too fast!"

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Did you ever hear about that army from north-west France that was made up entirely of people using polearms?

Y'know. The Brittany Spears?

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britney vs porn movie

Q: What is the difference between Britney Spears and a porn movie?
A: Porn movies sometimes play good music.

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I was going to watch crossroads with Britney Spears

But she cancelled at the last minute.

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What did Britney Spears say when she got a letter from the IRS?

"Oops, audited again"

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How do Reavers clean their spears?

They send them through the Wash.

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Singing French Knights

In the Middle Ages, Western France was known for it singing knights. The most famous group were a bunch of lancers from the town of Brittany. They were known as the Brittany Spears.

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TIL javelins were invented in a region of northern France..

Britanny Spears.

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Give me a screwdriver

Normal thing for a mechanic to say to his lackey.

Start of a sexual harrassment case for Britney Spears.

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What do you call an Englishman on his knees eating pickles

Britknee Spears

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They should make a movie of how WW4 almost started

The sum of all spears

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Why was Britney Spears addicted to the cocaine?

Because Kevin fed her lines

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What do you call Britney Spears with a brain?

Pregnant.

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What do you call a British guy who throws a spear through the knee?

Britney Spears

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Three men were stranted in the middle of the ocean on a raft...

When all of a sudden they catch sight of an island that had smoke rising from it. Overjoyed, they paddle the whole way there only to find themselves surrounded by intimidating natives with spears.

The chieftain walked up to them and said, "You have two choices. The first is that we kill you. The second is that we set you free after we give you a boomshakalaka."

The first man decided on the boomshakalaka. The burliest man out of them all stepped up, bent him over and raped him savagely for 5 minutes but after he was done, they set him free and he ran off.

The second man also wanted to live so he decided to take the boomshakalaka as well. After 5 minutes he too was set free.

Having seen his two friends get raped, the third man decided that he would just get killed

So the chieftain stepped up and said "Ok. I sentence you to death... by boomshakalaka.

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I dated:

britney spears

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What's the best defense against Britney Spears?

Brooke Shields.

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Potato Joke

Why does every potato love Britney Spears? Because if she's not a girl, not yet a woman, then she COULD be a potato.

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What's high in cholesterol and usually drunk at breakfast?

Britney Spears

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Britney Spears got a PlayStation.

Sony put a custom BIOS on it - **SCPHLAAAVE-4U** :D

xD

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What did Brittney Spears say after yet another unsuccessful surgery? [oc]

Oops, I did it again.

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Why did the cokehead like Britney Spears?

'Cuz Kevin Federlines

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Hit me baby, one more time.

Chris Brown should date Britney Spears.

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Britney Spears....

What does Britney Spears say when she has an accident? Oops, I Did it Again!

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Who did Chris Brown mistook Rihanna for?

Britney Spears

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The last words of my gym teacher:

"All spears to me!"

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Britney Spears and WILL.A.AM go to use the toilet...

Test... Mods plz delete omg

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I like my pop stars like I like my pickles.

Fried Spears.

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What are the most funny Spears jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Spears? Well, here are the best Spears dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Spears pick up lines to share with friends.

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