spear Jokes

funny spear pick up lines and hilarious spear puns

A guy is walking through the jungle

A guy is walking through the jungle. All of a sudden he is surrounded by natives. He says "Aw, I'm fucked." A voice from above says "No you aren't." The guy says "Who said that?" The voice says "It's me,God" The guy says "Great. What should I do, God." God says "Grab the spear from the native next to you and plunge it into the Chiefs chest." The guy does this and says "Now what?" God says "Now you're fucked."

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A shipwreck survivor washes up on the beach...

...of an island and is surrounded by a group of warriors.
I'm done for, the man cries in despair.
No, you are not, comes a booming voice from the heavens. Listen carefully, and do exactly as I say. Grab a spear and push it through the heart of the warrior chief.
The man does what he is told, turns to the heavens, and asks, Now, what?
The booming voice replies, Now you are done for.

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What's black, white, red, and has trouble going through a revolving door?

A nun with a spear through her head.

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Im fucked god

A missionary is travelling in the jungle and suddenly finds himself surrounded by a a group of warriors from a local tribe.

He begins praying to god and says, "I'm fucked god, I'm fucked". God answers him back and says, "no, you're not fucked. Grab the spear from the leader, crack it over his head and stab his son right in the heart".

Guy does as he is told by god. Wham! Bang stab! He looks up to heaven and says to god, "what now?" God responds, "NOW you're fucked!"

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A pilot bailed out of his crashing plane and landed on an uncharted island.

He soon found himself surrounded by natives with spears. A big native adorned with decorations points at the pilot.

I'm screwed, says the pilot.

God opens up the clouds and says to the pilot, No, you're not screwed. Grab the closest spear and throw it through the leader's heart.

The pilot does this.

NOW you're screwed, says God.

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What's black and white and can't turn around in an elevator?

A nun with a spear through her head.

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Three soldiers are in a plane.

Three soldiers are in a plane. A gruff veteran who has seen many wars, a young but effective field officer, and a new recruit. The plane crashes on a island of cannibals the cannibals says they will skin them eat them then use their skins for canoes.

Although because they respect military men they allow them to pick how they die. The first man the field officer ask for a spear which he uses to impale himself as he find this honorable he is then skinned eaten and used to make canoe. The new recruit is next he wants it to end so he ask for a gun and shots himself in the head they proceed to skin,eat, and use skin for canoe.

The last soldier the veteran ask for a fork the cannibals a bit confused but grant his request. The veteran then screams FUCK YOUR CANOE! and stabs himself in the chest repeatedly with the fork.

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Mama whale and Papa whale ...

... swim and look upon sailors coming towards them. The sailors are on small boats and have their spear in hand.

Papa whale says to mama whale:

-"They're hunting us, we should make bubbles and tip them over."

The mama whale agrees. They dive underneath the ships and blow so many bubbles that the ships capsize and the sailors fall into the water, but they still have their spears in their hands. Papa whale is still weary.

He says to mama whale:

-"We should eat them".

Mama whale says:

-"Listen, I agreed to the blow job, but I'm not swallowing seamen."

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Advice from an old native American hunter:

Never go hunting for buffalo with a dull spear, it is pointless.

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You should not disagree with my spear

It has a point.

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Today I made a spear and threw it to the other side of a river

It wasn't very productive, but at least I got my point across.

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What do you call a stripper with a spear?

A pole lancer

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What do you call a Jamaican spear wielding man?

Pokey Mon

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What's black and white and red all over and can't fit through a revolving door?

a NUN, with a SPEAR through her head.

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What's red, black, white, and can't get through a revolving door?

A nun with a spear through her head.

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What is the difference between Crystal Palace football club and a spear?

A spear actually has a point.

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Never argue with somebody legally blind about spear fighting...

they can hardly see your point.

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It's hard to argue with a spear

I mean, it's got a point.

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I was going to go into battle

but I broke my spear so there was no point.

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What's black, white, and red all over and can't turn around in a narrow hallway?

A nun with a spear through her head.

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How does a Reaver clean his spear?

He puts it in the Wash.

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What's black, white, covered in blood, and can't turn around in a phone booth?

A nun with a spear through her head!

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What do you call a British guy who throws a spear through the knee?

Britney Spears

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What's black and white and can't go through a revolving door?

A zebra with a spear through its head.

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Bongo!

A Torphy Hunter and his two aides were captured on a safari. The Tarolupa tribe took them in a caravan of a 100 hunters in wooden cages to their village.

In the village was the Chief. The Chief approached the cages as the hunters lined up in two lines of 50 men. The chief shook his spear at the three men and pointed to the second aide..."Death or Bongo?" The aide fearing for his life chose "Bongo."

He was pulled from the cage and sodomized by each of the hunters and ran away screaming into the jungle.

The Chief approached the second aid thrusting his spear and ask the same question. The response was the same and the man was sodomized and ran screaming into the jungle.

The Chief approached the Trophy Hunter and repeated the question "Death or Bongo?" The Hunter shook his head grimly and said "Death."

The Chief looked confused and then said "Death?" "Death by Bongo!" and the 100 men cheered

Another classic from DeepSpaghetti.org

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I went to my car one day to find a spear sticking out of the windshield!

That's the last time I ask Joss Whedon to wash it for me.

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What do you call a homosexual black male?

Spear Sucker !

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What do you call an African tribal man that doesn't enjoy asparagus?

Spear chucker

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What's black and white and can't turn around in a corridor?

A nun with a spear through her head.

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What do you call a prehistoric poet?

Shake Spear

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What do you call a blunt spear?

Piontless!

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What happends when you spear a cat?

It sticks around.

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What is black and white and red all over, and spins in circles?

A nun who has a spear in her, going through a vevolving door.

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Whats the diference between a feminist and a spear.

The spear has a point

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How did the trident beat the spear?

It had two more points.

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What are the best Spear puns ?

Did you ever wanted to be joking with someone about Spear? Well, here are the best Spear dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny pranks and Spear pick up lines to share with friends.

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