Speaks Jokes

Following is our collection of talker humor and discuss one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Speaks puns for adults, dirty pidgin jokes or clean sits gags for kids.

There is an abundance of asks jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 66 funniest jokes on speaks. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any speak witze you can hear about speaks.

The Best jokes about Speaks

A Briton, a Frenchman, and a Russian are standing and staring at a portrait of Adam and Eve...

"Look at their calm, their reserve" says the Briton. "Surely they must be British!"

"Nonsense!" Replies the Frenchman. "They are beautiful. Surely they must be French!"

The Russian finally speaks, "they have no clothes, no shelter, only an apple to eat, and are being told this is paradise. They are Russian."

If someone who speaks 2 languages is Bilingual, whats someone who speaks 1 called?

American.

A German baby's parents are concerned that he never speaks...

It has gotten to the point where he is five years old and has said not a word, so his parents take him to the doctor. Everything's fine, he's healthy, not messed in the head. So then one day the German baby is having some apfelstrudel when he says "mother, zis strudel is quite tepid." The parents are amazed! "Wolfgang, you've finally spoken after all these years! What's happened?"

"Up until now, everyzing has been satisfactory."

An American man meets a woman while on a business trip to Paris. She barely speaks any English, but their date goes well...

During sex, she is moaning and basically screaming C'est le mauvais trou . He is emboldened and confident, seeing how much he's pleasing her. Over and over again, C'est le mauvais trou!

The next day, he's playing golf with a client who hits an amazing hole in one. Eager to use his new compliment, the man says C'est le mauvais trou!

The client replies What the hell do you mean that's the wrong hole?!

During a quiet moment at a White House dinner, Melania Trump leaned over to chat with Secretary of State, Tillerson.

"I bought Donald a parrot for his birthday. That bird is so smart, Donald has already taught him to say more than two hundred words!"

Wow, that's impressive," said Tillerson, "but, you do realize he just speaks the words. He doesn't really understand what they all mean.

"Oh, I know", replied Melania, but neither does the parrot."


If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks three languages is trilingual, what do you call someone who speaks only one language?

American.

A man speaks frantically on phone with a doctor...

"My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.

"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"

If you speak three languages you are trilingual. If you speak two languages you are bilingual. But what do you call someone who speaks one language?

American

Mother Superior is in the convent, when she hears a knock at the door. She opens the door and is shocked to see two leprechauns standing at the threshold, hats in hand. The first leprechaun speaks, "Mother Superior, would you be having any leprechaun nuns in this convent?"

"No, my son. We have no leprechaun nuns in this convent."

"And mother, do you have any leprechaun nuns in all of Ireland?"

"No my son, I don't believe there's a single leprechaun nun in the whole church!"

The first leprechaun rounds on his companion and shouts, "AH TOL' YE YOU'D BEEN FOOKIN' A PENGUIN!"

A patient walks into a doctor's office...

...seeking a prescription, and he can't help but notice that the doctor's writing on his clipboard with a rectal thermometer.

Not wanting to be rude, the man speaks up politely, "Uh, doc', not tryna' be impolite, but you're writing with a rectal thermometer."

The doctor pulls up his glasses, looks at the thermometer and replies, "Ah, some asshole's got my pen."

I can tell my new sex toy was made in China.

She speaks Chinese.


Kevin fills a beaker of water and places it on the machine...

"One liter of water." it read.
Kevin gasped and sat back in his chair
"This speaks volumes..."

A man walks into a hardware store and speaks to the cashier...

Got any 2 watt bulbs?

For what?

That'll do I'll take two.

Two what?

I thought you didn't have any.

Any what?

Ok then!

A man goes to Japan on business and hires a prostitute.

He doesn't speak any Japanese and she barely speaks any English. While they are going at it she yells out, "Gama Su! Gama Su!" Knowing that she has been satisfied he goes to bed.


The next day he plays golf and one of his associates gets a hole in one. Everyone goes crazy, so to enjoy in the excitement he yells, "Gama Su! Gama Su!"


Everybody goes silent and one of his Japanese associates says, "What do you mean wrong hole?"

A drunk enters...

...a confessional booth. The priest is waiting for the sinner to speak up, but the drunk doesn't say a word. After a while the priest coughs... nothing... he coughs again... nothing. The priest was patient until now, but enough is enough: he starts banging on the wooden grid. The drunk finally speaks up:

"You're knocking to no avail, buddy... there ain't any toilet paper here either..."

Don't be racist, be like Mario...

He's an Italian plumber created by Japanese people who speaks English, and looks like a Mexican, and runs like a Jamaican, and jumps like a Black man, and grabs coins like a Jew...

A man rubs a bottle and a genie comes out,

The genie says to the man, "I will grant you one wish however, it must be within reason" The man thinks for a second and says "I want a dragon!" the genie replies "Are you mad? I said within reason!" Again the man thinks and finally speaks. "I wish for the ability to plug a USB cable in right every time." The genie thinks, then says,

What color do you want your dragon?

My friend takes helium recreationally.

He speaks very highly about it.

The hearing-aid

A man is dining in a restaurant and speaks to a waiter.

Man: Excuse me sir, I found a hearing-aid on my plate.

Waiter: What?


Three blondes get stuck in an elevator

They start panicking and one of the blonde screams "HELP!"...after 30 seconds the second blonde screams "HELP!". Then the third blonde screams "HELP!". Suddenly,one of the blondes speaks up "Hey,what if we scream simultaneously?". Then one of the blonde screams "Simultaneously!"

What's the difference between Joe Biden and Donald Trump?

When Joe Biden speaks, you wonder if he's had a stroke.

When Donald Trump speaks, you wonder if you've had a stroke.

My grandfather told me this In German so it might already be posted somewhere here, oh and it's translated

Two guys are riding bicycles down the street.

One of the bikes fenders was loose and was making a loud noise.

So the first guy said to the second guy
"Hey your fender is too loud"

The second guy says "what?"

The first guy speaks louder
"your fender is too loud"

The second guy replies "what?"

The first guy yells
"YOUR FENDER IS TOO LOUD"

The second guy yells back
"I CANT HEAR YOU MY FENDER IS TOO LOUD!"

A Mexican, a Black guy and a White guy are walking down the beach...

They find a bottle and the Mexican guy decides pick it up and rub it. A genie comes out of the bottle and speaks to them and grants them each one wish.

The Mexican guy goes first and says, "I wish that all my Mexican brethren and I could be transported back to our native homeland and we could all be happy there."
The genie grants his wish and POOF, the Mexican guy disappears.

Now it's the black guy's turn. He says, "I wish that all my African brothers and I could all go back to our motherland and be happy, prosperous and free."
The genie grants his wish and POOF, the Black guy disappears.

Now it's the white guy's turn.
The white guy pauses for a moment, scratches his head and says "Are you telling me that all the Blacks and Mexicans are gone from America?
The genie nods his head and says yes.
The white guy makes up his mind and says, "Ok, well i'll have a Coke, thanks."

A man and his ex-wife are negotiating child custody

The judge first asks the ex-wife to give him a reason why she should get the child.
**"Your honour, naturally, since I had to go through excruciating pain to bring this child into the world, I should get to keep the child."**
The judge is almost convinced but has to see the man's side first. The judge asks the man why he should receive custody of the child. The man thinks long and hard. Finally, he speaks up:
**"Your honour, if you went to a vending machine and put in a dollar and got a Coke, whose drink is it?"**

A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, and a software engineer are riding in a car...

when it breaks down. The mechanical engineer speaks up and says, "It must be the engine!" The electrical engineer says, "No, it must be the wiring." The software engineer finally speaks up and says, "Guys, guys... Let's just all get completely out of the car and then get back in."

Elevator confusion

A blonde and a brunette are on an elevator together and it stops to let a man on. The man is wearing a business suit and has obvious dandruff flakes on both shoulders. He says hello and gets out on the next floor. The women continues to ride in awkward silence when the brunette speaks up. She says, "Someone needs to give that guy some head and shoulders."
The blonde looks confused and replies. "How do you give a guy shoulders?"

Adam felt sad and lonely in the Garden of Eden

"What is wrong, my child?" asked God.

"Lord, I am lonely," relplied Adam, "I wish I had a companion."

"Well, I've got just the one for you," said God. "She's perfect! She is lithe and youthful, and shall always remain so. She utters beauty when she speaks, and she listens with attention and compassion. She will desire you as much as you desire her. Adam, she's literally made for you."

"Wow, God, she sounds amazing! But what will this cost me?" Adam asked.

"An arm and a leg, Adam," replied God, "an arm and a leg."

Adam though for a moment and said, "Well, what can I get for just a rib?"

What do you call a person who speaks three languages

Trilingual

What do you call a person who speaks 2 languages

Bilingual

What do you call a person who speaks 1 language

American

God gave a wish to a man

God gave a wish to a man.

The man asked, " I want the whole world to be connected by a road".

"Sorry son, it's technically impossible to engineer such a road. Ask something else" , he replied.

"Well then, I want Trump to think before he speaks something", he asked.

"You want that road 8 lanes wide or 10 lanes?
Let's discuss details", god replied.

Yet Another Bar Joke

Three friends walk into a bar. After a round, the first of the group speaks up. "I would like to reveal to you that I am actually a wizard!" The second friend said, "Good gravy, I am a sorceror too!" The third wasn't anyone magical, but felt pressured to say that he was. The first man said, "Let's have a contest, let's try to make this bar rise into the air!" The first magician caused the bar to rise to the height of a tall mountain. The second said, "Pft, that's nothing," and the bar shot to the edge of space. Now the first two were waiting for the third. The third then cleverly said, "I can't do it. You've set the bar too high."

My Spanish-speaking students got a kick out of this one.

Q: What do you call a person who speaks 3 languages?
A: (Try to elicit responses..) Tri-Lingual.
Q: What do you call a person who speaks two languages?
A: (Many of them know this one) Bi-Lingual.
Q: What do you call a person who speaks one language?
A: An American!

Ex-Wife

Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning one of his hot rods for an upcoming show.

His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we are married maybe it's time you quit spending all your time out here in the garage and you probably should just consider selling all your cars.

Tom gets this horrified look on his face. She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"

"There for a minute you were starting to sound like my ex-wife."

"Ex-wife! , she screams, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!!!!!!!"

Tom's reply: "I wasn't".

Don't be racist; be like Mario

He's an Italian plumber, made by Asians, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, runs like a black man and grabs coins like a jew.

Three blondes are walking when they come across tracks. The first blondes says I know these, they're deer tracks! The second says No! They're bear tracks Finally the third speaks up and says Your both wrong! They're obviously fox trails!

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

Ex-Wife

Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning one of his hot rods for an upcoming show.

His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we are married maybe it's time you quit spending all your time out here in the garage and you probably should just consider selling all your cars.

Tom gets this horrified look on his face. She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"

"There for a minute you were starting to sound like my ex-wife."

"Ex-wife! , she screams, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!!!!!!!"

Tom's reply: "I wasn't".

A guy has a flat just outside of an insane asylum

He knows this and is nervous while changing the tire.

It doesn't help that one of the patients is watching him from the other side of the fence. The guy drops two of the lug nuts and can't find them. Starts to panic.

The patient speaks up: "Just tighten up the remaining two opposite from one another. Should last till you get to a gas station." The guy thinks about this, does so, and straightens up. "Pretty smart....uh, what are doing there ?" The patient replies "I'm here for being crazy, not being dumb."ο»Ώ

A man goes to the carnival

A man goes to the carnival with his family, and they decide to split up to enjoy the rides. The husband walks by a tent with a sign advertising a fortuneteller. He doesn't believe in such things,but decides to go inside anyway.

A woman looks up from a small table with a crystal ball and speaks, " Greetings, would you like your fortune foretold?" Thinking for a second, he answers, "I'd like some proof first that you aren't a fake."

The woman looks into her crystal ball, and answers, " I see you have two lovely children with you this fine day."

"Pff, I have three children, not two."

The woman grins back. "That's what you think."

A fisherman comes home to his wife

A fisherman comes home to his wife after a day out on the sea. He hands her his catch and after she cleans and cooks they both sit down to a lovely fish dinner. He takes one fish and begins to eat when he notices his wife sullenly looking down at her plate.

After a concerned silence she looks up and speaks. "You always used to take the smaller fish and insist I have the bigger one for myself. I'm starting to feel that you don't love me as much as you used to."

The fisherman chuckles to himself before taking her hand and says, "My love for you hasn't changed, but your cooking has gotten much better!"

Jim decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend

Jim decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend.

One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning his golf shoes.
His wife was standing there watching him.

After a long period of silence she finally speaks.
"Honey, I've been thinking, now that we
are married I think it's time you quit golfing.
Maybe you should sell your golf clubs."

Jim gets this horrified look on his face.

She says, "Darling, what's wrong ?"

There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife.

"Ex-wife !" she screams,
"I didn't know you were married before !"

"I wasn't !"

A blonde, a redhead and a brunette..

are having their usual lunch of PB&J sandwiches in their high school cafeteria one day, when the blonde speaks up "I can't stand it, every day for the last year our mothers only make PB&J and I'm sick of it!"
The other two girls agree they are tired of the same lunch, so the blonde comes up with the idea that if tomorrow they receive the same lunch, they'll jump off the school.

The next day, the girls meet up on the school's roof, and one by one open their lunchboxes to PB&J again. They jump off and all die from the fall.

Later at the funeral the brunette's and redhead's mothers are crying together; lamenting over their stubbornness and not giving their daughters different lunches. They notice that the blonde's mother is quiet and distant, so they ask how she's feeling and why she looks so confused. "I'm upset of course, but don't understand" she replied. "You see, she always makes her own lunch"

A teacher speaks to his straight-F pupil

"With grades like this you'll never achieve anything in your life. You'll end up a loser"

Fast forward 20 years later. Retired teacher is deadly ill, only a very risky and expensive surgery can save him.
It happens that the best surgeon in the country knows the old man and aggrees to save him for free.

After surgery, when teacher wakes up, the grown-up straight-F student comes into the recovery room.

He unplugs the life support and plugs in his vacuum cleaner.

Father speaks with his son

Father : John, you know what your mother said when we first had sex?
Son : Dad stop !
Father : Exactly .

WWII fighter pilot speaks to the class...

When I was in sixth grade, on Veterans' Day, they had an old RAF fighter pilot from WWII come in to speak to the class. He was a sweet little old man with white hair and it was hard to imagine him flying a fighter plane and shooting down enemy aircraft. But when he started to tell his stories his eyes lit up and he became animated, swooping his hand gracefully through the air to simulate the various paths his plane took.

Speaking with a slight Cockney accent he explained, Then I seen this fokker comin' right at me from one o'clock, so I dives and turns right and comes up right behind him. I fired my guns and blew that fokker right out of the air! Then I sees two more of them fokkers comin' up from below, at seven o'clock, so's I….

Just then, the teacher, Mrs. Johnson, interrupts with, I think we should explain to the sixth graders that Fokker was a type of German aircraft.

Oh no Miss. They waz flyin' Messerschmitts.

What has a mouth but never speaks,

Has a bed but never sleeps,

And has legs but never walks?

 

A mute, crippled insomniac

Have you seen Stephen Hawking's new communication device?

It really speaks for itself.

A boy does not know English...

After moving to America a boy does not know much English or know any at all. So one day he asks his older brother "What do I say when someone speaks English to me?" and his brother replies "Always say yes." The kid goes to his first day of school...
"What are you doing?"
"Yes."
"How are you doing?"
"Yes."
At the end of the day he walked home and decided to take a shortcut home. He goes down an alley and meets a gangster.
"Do you wanna get beat up?"
"Yes."
The boy comes crying home with many bruises to his brother and says "Look what happened when I said yes to a gangster!" The brother replied "Always say no." So when the time comes to walk home, the boy goes down the same alley to the same gangster.
"Have you had enough?'
"No."

A Catholic priest is surprised by a bear in the forrest

The bear charges him and the priest quickly says a prayer,"Lord, please let this be a nice, Christian bear!"

The bear scoops him up in his arms and quietly speaks, "Lord bless this meal that I am about to receive, amen"

The First 3 Years of Marriage.

In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

A pastor walked outside.....

A pastor walked outside of the church because he heard the children being loud. He sees the kids all grouped up. "What are you doing?" The children make the circle wider to show a puppy they had found. "Its a beautiful dog, who will take it home?" The pastor asks. The children look at each other until one of them speaks up. "I know! Whoever tells the biggest lie can take it home! Would you like to play pastor?" The pastor shrugs his shoulders and says, "I don't know, it will be hard because I've never told a lie." The child picks the dog up and hands it to the pastor, "Here you go. You win."

A man goes to the circus

After the show he speaks to the manager and asks for a job.

"Alright, what can you do?", the manager asks.

"I can do great bird impressions", the man replies.

"Pssh, a lot of people can do that", says the manager.

"Oh well then", the man says and flies away.

Three Bulls

Three bulls are out in a field one day, chewing on some cud.

The first bull, the largest, says "I heard there's a new bull coming in."

The second bull, not quite as large, says " I heard the same thing!"

The third bull, smaller by quite a bit, says "Me too!"

The first bull speaks up again and says "Well, he's not getting any of my cows." The second bull says the same thing and the third bull says "I only have two."

Just then, the old farmer's truck comes rumbling down the road. It stops and out pops the BIGGEST, BADDEST, STRONGEST BULL any of them had ever seen.

Mid chew, the first bull says " I guess I can spare one or two." The second bull says "Me too." But the third bull, the smallest of the three, starts to paw at the ground, and toss his horns in the air and starts flaring his nostrils.

The second bull asks "You're not going to fight him, are you?"

And he says "No! I making sure he knows I'm a bull!"

Martini

A man who speaks Latin walks into a bar. He sits down and orders his drink.

"I'll have a martinus, please."

The bartender is confused. "Do you mean a martini?"

"No thanks, I'll start with one for now."

A most horrible occurrence.

A man runs into a gas station, obviously very flustered. The attendant asks "You look like you've seen a ghost. What happened?" The man looks at the attendant and says, in a very shaky voice, "It's horrible. Someone just broke into my car when I came in to pay for my gas a minute ago." The attendant says "Oh my." The man continues, losing more coherence as he speaks "I had a ticket to the Lions game on Sunday sitting on the dashboard..." The attendant asks "Did they take your ticket?" The man says, barely able to speak at this point, "No, worse. They left another one there."

Ex-Wife

An Avid Sportman and hunter, Tim decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend.

One evening, not long after the honeymoon, he was getting his equipment ready for an upcoming hunt.

His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I've been thinking, now that we are married I think it's time you quit hunting, shooting, hand-loading, and fishing. Maybe you should sell your guns and boat."

Tim gets this horrified look on his face.

She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"

"You were beginning to sound like my ex-wife."

"Ex wife!" she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"

He replied, "I wasn't."

Two Jews walk by a Christian church. . .

There is a sign on the door that says, "convert to Christianity and receive $100". One of them speaks up and says, "I'm going in." His friend says "you're really going to change religions for $100?"
"A $100 is a $100, I'm doing it!" And he walks inside.
A few minutes later he walks back out and his friend says, "Well? Did you get the money?"
He replies, "Oh, that's all you people think about isn't it?"

An American goes to Japan....

...to close a big business deal. The night before, he is very tense so he picks up a hooker in the hotel bar. She speaks no English, but they get their transaction settled and go to his room.

In bed, she is wildly thrashing around screaming out a phrase in Japanese. The man figures she is loving it and tries to remember what she is yelling.

The next day, he is playing golf with his Japanese customer. On the third tee, the Japanese man swings, the ball makes a beautiful arc, hits the green, bounces twice, rolls, and winds up right in the cup -- a hole in one!

Thinking to impress his client, the man repeats the phrase he had heard so much the night before. The Japanese golfer eyes him and says, "What you mean.... wrong hole?"

A pilot steps out of the cockpit and speaks to the cabin through the PA

"Ladies and gentlemen I need a huge favor from you. My wife just called me that her mother is on her way through security and needs a last minute seat to come with me to Atlanta for a last minute event. She flies for free with my buddy passes. I see some of you are still trying to find a seat. This flight is completely full, so if you could please store your bags, find those remaining empty middle seats and settle in and clear the aisle as quickly as possible, hopefully we can close the aircraft door and push back before my mother-in-law gets here".

A blonde is drilling in the ice to fish when he hears a voice call out from above...

**There are no fish under the ice**

The guy looks up but doesn't see anyone. He asks - can I at least drill and see for myself?

The answers in a louder tone.

**There are no fish under the ice**

The poor guy looks up and still can't see anyone. He thinks to himself - maybe I'm just hearing voices. He continues drilling.

The voice bellows louder than ever!

**There are no fish under the ice**

Now the blonde begins to tremble as he asks - who speaks to me?

**The owner of the skating rink**

A duck walks into a bar....

... jumps up on the bar top and asks, "Do you have any grapes?"
Bartender yella "No! This is a bar you dumb duck. "
The duck walks away.
The next day the duck jumps back up on the the bar top and asks, "Do you have any grapes?"
Bartender replies, "No!! Now go away!"
The thrid day the same duck jumps on the bar top, but before he can speak the bartender says, " Before you open your beak, just know this. If you ask for grapes again, I will nail your feet to bar!"
The duck sits and ponders before he speaks and asks, "Do you have any nails?"
The bartender replies "No, this is a bar. We do not have any nails. "
So the duck asks, "Do you have any grapes?".

Stalin is giving a speech ...

All of a sudden, someone sneezes. He stops talking.

"Who sneezed ?"

Silence. Everyone is looking at their feet.

"Who sneezed ? If you don't answer, I'll gun down the front row."

Nobody speaks. He gives an order, and the entire front row is executed.

"Who sneezed ?"

Silence. The second row is being executed. The third row is being gunned down. The fourth row is being executed. A very old man steps up, he raises a hand.

"I sneezed."

Stalin looks at him.

"Bless you. So, as I was saying..."

THE ENGINEER AND THE FROG

An engineer crosses a road when a frog calls out to him, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bends over, picks up the frog and puts it in his pocket. The frog speaks up again and says, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The engineer takes the frog out of his pocket, smiles at it and returns it to the pocket.

The frog then cries out, "If you kiss me and turn me back, I'll do whatever you say!"

Again the engineer takes the frog out, smiles at it and puts it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asks, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, I'll stay with you for a month and do whatever you say. What more do you want?"

The engineer says, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool!"

Two friends are on vacation…

…they're staying in nice hotels and the first guy asks the second,

"How's your stay been going so far?"

To which the second friend replies, "Awesome, 'cause listen to this: there's live sex shows every night here!"

"Really? Where at?"

"The next room over from mine."

The first friend goes silent for a bit. The second guy finally speaks up and says, "What's wrong?"

To which the first replies, "That's my room."

After another awkward pause, the second friend finally says, "Ohhhh. Y'know, you should REALLY get a partner."

Three ladies all have separate boyfriends named Leroy...

One evening, while sharing a few drinks at the bar, one of the ladies suggests, "Let's name our Leroys after a soda pop, because I'm tired of getting my Leroy mixed up with your Leroy, and her Leroy mixed up with your Leroy."

The other two ladies agree.

The first lady speaks out, "Okay then, I'm gonna name my Leroy 7-Up because he has 7 inches and it's always up!"

The three ladies hoot and holler, and slap each other high fives.

Then, the second lady says, "I'm gonna name my Leroy Mountain Dew because he can mount and do me any day of the week."

Again, the three ladies hoot and holler, and slap each other more high fives.

The third lady then says, "You know, those two Leroys were good, but I'm gonna name my Leroy, Jack Daniels."

The other two ladies shout in unison, "Jack Daniels? That's not a soda pop... that's a hard liquor!"

The third lady bursts out, "That's my Leroy!"

When a man speaks

in the forest and there is no wife to hear... is he still wrong?

What do you call a person that only speaks one language?

American.

A millionaire enters the town of Klon.

Upon arriving he notices a particularly popular homosexual bar specifically for women. Seeing a potentially valuable investment, he enters and speaks to the owner.

"How much to own this place?" He asks.

The owner responds: "not for sale, I've got customers waiting."

The millionaire, not wanting to miss an investment, grabs the owners arm as he turns to go and says "wait, I'll do anything to own this place!"

The owner turns back to him slowly and says... "What would you do for a Klon Dyke-bar?"

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes