The Best 19 Speaking Countries Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Speaking Countries jokes. There are some speaking countries jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these speaking countries puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Speaking Countries Jokes and Puns

Mark and his wife were driving along a country road.

They weren't speaking to each other due to an earlier argument. As they passed a particularly rural stretch, they spotted a couple of monkeys in the treetops. "Relatives of yours?", asked Mark sarcastically.

"Yes," she replied. "My in-laws."

The country would be a lot better off if the South had won the war.....

...General Lee speaking

Donald Trump, Queen Elizabeth II and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell.

Satan decides to let each of them to call their own countries, but at a cost. Queen Elizabeth speaks to the U.K Government for 30 minutes and pays 1 million dollars. Vladimir Putin speaks with the Russian Government for an hour and pays 2 million dollars. Donald Trump speaks with the American Government for 2 hours and only pays 300 dollars.

Upon hearing this, Putin went ballistic and demanded that Satan tell him why Donald had to pay so less but get to talk more. Satan answered simply, "Ever since Donald Trump became U.S President, he has turned America into a hell-hole, so it's a local call."

4 million of these people enter our country every year. They are uneducated, unskilled, and contribute nothing. They are a burden to honest, hardworking Americans and our government is doing nothing to stop them, not to mention they're dirty and they smell bad. THEY DON'T EVEN SPEAK ENGLISH!!

I really hate babies.

4 million of these people...

### 4 million of these people enter our country every year. They are uneducated, unskilled, and contribute nothing. They are a burden to honest, hardworking Americans and our government is doing nothing to stop them, not to mention they're dirty and they smell bad. THEY DON'T EVEN SPEAK ENGLISH!!

I really hate babies.


Speaking in German in Texas

In Texas, there is a town named New Braunfels, where there is a large
German-speaking population.

One day, a local rancher driving down a country road noticed a man using his
hand to drink water from the rancher's stock pond.

The rancher rolled down the window and shouted: "Sehr angenehm! Trink das Wasser
nicht. Die kuehe haben darein geschissen." (Translated: "Glad to meet you!
Don't drink the water. The cows have crapped in it.")

The man shouted back: "I'm from New York and just down here campaigning for
Obama's health care plan. I can't understand you. Please speak in English."

The rancher replied: "Use both hands."

Drains on society

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "You know, this past election year has really got me thinking. Did you know 4 million of these people enter our country each year? They are uneducated, unskilled, and contribute nothing. They are a burden to honest, hard-working Americans and the government is doing nothing to stop them. Not to mention that they are dirty and they smell bad! They don't even speak English!!!" the guy rants to the bartender. "I hate babies."

An American couple travelling through Canada get lost while exploring farm country.

They see a farmer on the side of the road, so the husband pulls up.

"I'll go see where we are," he says as he gets out.

He approaches the farmer.

"Say there, can you tell me where we are?" he says.

"Saskatoon, Saskatchewan," the farmer says.

The man gets back in the car.

"Well, where are we?" the wife asks.

"I don't know," the man says. "He doesn't speak English."

An immigrant moves to New York City from another country...

He can bearly speak broken English. He notices mice in his apartment and immediately calls the landlord to report the problem. Hello!

-Hello, what's the problem?

-You know Tom and Jerry?

-Yes, Tom and Jerry?

-Well, Jerry problem.

Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled to dozens of countries and learned to speak several languages?

He was a man of many cultures.

If women would be ruleres in every country there wouldn't be any wars

Just a bunch of countries that wouldn't speak with each other.

You can explore speaking countries reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean speaking countries dad jokes. There are also speaking countries puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


For all those people that didn't know that some Latin American countries don't primarily speak Spanish...

You better Belize it.

Have you ever tried to get french bread in a english speaking country ?

It's a pain

This is a joke from my girlfriend who I didn't know was a dad.

We were talking about how after moving to and english speaking country our main languages skills had to suffer. So she said:
"I guess I'm byelingual". I'm proud of her.

If a guy lives in a Spanish speaking country.

And has last name is Rita. He would be SeΓ±or Rita.

Political Joke

In Texas there is a town called New Braunfels, where there is a large German-speaking population.

One day, a local rancher driving down a country road noticed a man using his hand to drink water from the rancher's stock pond.

The rancher rolled down the window and shouted: "Sehr angenehm! Trink das Wasser nicht. Die kuehe haben darein geschissen."

This means: Glad to meet you! Don't drink the water. The cows have sh*t in it."

The man shouted back: "I'm from New York and just down here campaigning for Joe Biden. I can't understand you. Please speak in English."

The rancher replied: "Use both hands."

What's the most ironic organization name in the country?

Autism *Speaks*

Jim Jong Un:

He's the head of the country, And I mean he's the strong head. Don't let anyone think anything different. He speaks and his people sit up at attention, I want my people to do the same.

What language do pigs speak?

Depends on which country they're from.


Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the speaking countries jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working speaking countries piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes