The Best 89 Speaker Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Speaker jokes. There are some speaker mic jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these speaker after dinner speaker puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Speaker Jokes and Puns
What do you call it when the Speaker of the House is angry?
.... A raging Boehner.
Three men and a parachute
So, a norwegian, a danish and a swedish person are on a private flight. Suddenly, the pilot turns on the speaker and says:
"The plane is malfunctioning and is going to crash. There's three parachutes, and I'm going to take one. You're going to have to figure out who doesn't get one".
He then proceeds to jump out of the plane.
The three men panic, but the norwegian tells the others to calm down and then says to the swedish person: "Here. You take one, we'll figure out who gets the last one." And the swedish jumps.
The norwegian then turns to the danish person and says: "Let's grab the chutes and get out of this thing."
The danish says, very confused:" But you just gave the second to last parachute to that swedish guy? There's only one left now."
To which the norwegian replies: "Relax man, I gave him my backpack."
Que dijo la persona que estaba callendo de un edificio muy muy alto en diciembre?
Feliz gravidad!
(Translation: What did the person falling from the very very tall building in december say?
Happy Gravity!)
Why does the dyslexic Spanish speaker have a poor self image?
His chemistry teacher told him he was mostly made of cabron.
A joke a Jewish speaker at my Catholic college told the student body in front of a bunch of nuns
So a man walks into confession and says "Forgive me father, for I have sinned". The priest says "What have you done, my son?"
"I'm 72 and just had sex with two 25 year olds" he claimed.
"Are you kidding?!" the priest said. "You can't do that. 100 Hail Mary's and run around the church 1000 times. By the way is this your first confession?"
"Yes I've never been to confession before. I'm Jewish."
"If you are Jewish why are you telling me this?" begged the priest.
"I'm telling everybody"
"These speakers didn't cost that much so I doubt they will work well"
"that is a cheap stereotype"
Flight attendant landed this one on us yesterday
We just landed on the runway and the flight attendant annouces a message over the speaker.
"Hey folks...um yea sorry about that rough landing...
...wasn't the captains fault,
...definitely wasn't my fault,
...it was the asphalt."
The result: a perfect mix of laughs and groans.
What did the bartender say to the angry speaker?
We don't want any treble
"My wife's having a relationship with the Speaker of the House of Representatives"
"Boehner?"
"No, she assures me it's completely platonic."
I blew a speaker in my car today
yea, he was motivational speaker, it left a bad taste in my mouth but I've been feeling a lot more positive ever since.
TIFU by buying a 10" speaker instead of a 12" one.
Whoops, wrong sub.
You can explore speaker presenter reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean speaker audible dad jokes. There are also speaker puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I was named Chief Speaker at the Society of Introverts.
Thank God no-one showed up.
There were nine INTERPOL agents in a briefing.
They were named INTERPOL 1, INTERPOL 2, and so on. Their names were read out one by one in attendance. As the speaker reached the end, he said "INTERPOL 6, INTERPOL 7, INTERPOL 9." The missing agent stood up and asked why her name wasn't called. The speaker said, "You can figure it out."
You know the economy is bad...
When you pull into the McDonald's drive thru and the person at the speaker asks...
Can you afford fries with that?
What's easier to get, aids or lung cancer?
Depends what you smoke.
(Not native speaker, sorry if it doesn't make sense)
I tried selling a speaker to my friend, but I accidentally sold him the wrong one.
Whoops, wrong sub
Why is James Bond a terrible motivational speaker?
Because the audiences are shaken, not stirred.
I asked a black man on the street if he could come fix my speaker set up, since he must be good at fixing electronics.
He told me I used the wrong stereo type.
The Perfect Husband
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker- function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes."
WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$65,000."
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.
Then he smiles and asks: **"Anyone know whose phone this is?"**
What blood type does a motivational speaker have?
B Positive!
What kind of dog should you get a spanish speaker?
A spaniel.
What did the motivational speaker say to the duct?
You conduit!
My professor called me into his office.
"Your essays are good", he said. "But you need to come up with more reliable sources for the quotes you use."
"But sir," I started, "a man once said 'It is not the speaker that defines the merits of the words, but the words themselves.'"
He sighed. "Who did? Who said that?"
"Dave69 on Pornhub."
What's the difference between a motivational speaker and a baseball player?
The baseball player has all of its limbs.
What do you get when you mix a public speaker with someone who had tourettes?
A clock!
One provides the tic, the other provides the talk
Credit to my Autistic Big Bro
TIFU by installing the incorrect speaker parts in my car
Oops, wrong sub!
An English speaker, a French speaker, a Spanish speaker, and a German speaker are in a park...
... when a man stands up on a table in front of them and asks if they can see him.
They all nod and say:
"Yes."
"Oui."
"Si."
"Ja."
What do the Italians refer to the speaker of their church as?
The pasta.
A motivational speaker retired due to depression
He discovered he had B Negative blood
[From a speaker at my college the other day] Well, my father was a roofer, and I'd like to dedicate this to him.
So, dad, if you're up there... *points up*
What do you call it when a puppy and a speaker have a baby?
A sub woofer
Is it only me or?
is there any other pronoun used by a speaker to refer to himself or herself as the object of a verb or preposition?
TIFU by plugging in the wrong speaker into my computer, causing a blackout in my neighbourhood
Whoops, wrong sub
My school does these things at the end of the year called "Senior Pranks".
Usually the same routine, with some alterations each year. Pull the fire alarm, play inappropriate music over the loud speaker, and throw a couple smoke bombs here and there. I'm always surprised how the local retirement home doesn't threaten to sue anyone.
I'm surprised Trump is on social media all the time
I figured the Speaker of the House would be the Tweeter of the group.
How do French women hold their liquor?
By the ears.
Works best if you are a native English speaker.
I was listening to some music with my friend and he told me "you should turn the bass down on your speaker".
It was sound advice.
I tried phone sex once.
But the speaker holes were too small...
So I broke my waterproof speaker, by throwing it into a pool.
I filed a request for a new speaker, but the company responded "it's not our fault the pool was empty".
Bulls on a Parade
On a hot sunny day, I went to a record store. A song was playing on the speakers. Angrily, I picked up a hammer and started banging the speaker system.
The confused owner asked, "What is this?"
I said, "Rage Against the Machine."
I blew a speaker in my car today
He was a motivational speaker
The speaker at the podium was talking about preserving pure blood lines and AK-"something or other."
Not sure if it was a dog show or a KKK recruiting rally.
Why did the blind, non-native English speaker fall in the well?
He couldn't see that good.
I was robbing a shop last week in Alabama
When I heard a loud speaker "Its the police, we have all the exits covered, so come out with your hands up "....
I escaped through the entrance. Not too bright, Americans
I have always wanted to be a motivational speaker. To get the crowd on their feet. To feel optimistic about the day ahead, or even the life ahead. To make them feel like all their dreams are within arms reach with just a little hard work and the willingness to be something more than just who you are
Im Justin too lazy to get up.
Problems of Bein a non-native English speaker
The problem with being a non native English speaker is, that your brain sometimes just sucks up random words and you then use them later without really having a proper intestinal lining of said words. You just hope you used them correctly.
I can't use, contain, or denote expressions that are natural to a native English speaker.
I'm completely idiomatic.
Either way half of the members are stupid. The speaker doesn't see it.
At congress
**congressman**: Mr speaker, half of the people in this house are supporting corruption and are stupid.
**speaker**: Honorable member, please withdraw that statement.
**congressman**: I withdraw that statement. Half of members in this house are not stupid.
**speaker: T**hank you. Let's continue. ...
My friend told me that for minimal lag i should use an analogue connection instead of Bluetooth for my speaker system....
Sound advice.
How do speakers of Dutch, English, French and Danish communicate with each other?
They speak Mumble-Saxon.
A soapbox orator addresses a crowd on the glories of communism
Come the revolution, everyone will eat strawberries and cream! A man at the front whimpers, But I don't like strawberries and cream. The speaker thunders, Come the revolution, you will like strawberries and cream!
a well known political speaker decides to become a magician
his name is bench appearo
A broken English speaker told a joke to a boy.
The broken English speaker, a man, told the boy a joke about a sword-fighting pirate that desperately hated the wind.
However, the boy, being so young, missed the joke.
No, no, no, said the man. Arr slash whoosh.
People have said I should be a motivational speaker...
But I don't have the motivation.
The keynote speaker for the medical conference walked up to the stage. "Before I begin," he started, "is there anyone in the audience from Connecticut? "
A couple members of the audience raised their hands. "Ok, thank you. You may put your hands down; I needed to check the accuracy of my CT scans."
What do you call a depressed presenter at a dentist convention?
A blue tooth speaker
Help! I think I broke my phone's speaker! All I did was convert my normal rap playlist into an emo rap playlist.
Now all I can hear is a Lil Peep.
Hippo was a great motivational speaker. Hippo taught that you must never give up. Hippo didn't follow his own advice.
Hippo Quit
House Speaker: I now invite Bill de Blasio, the president of the United States to give his address to the nation.
Bill de Blasio : 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., Washington DC. Thank you!!
A Dutch speaker and a German speakerwalk into a bar
They get extremely drunk and then two Dutch speakers walk out
As a non-native speaker, I have to say, sorry about the bad English
That I'm about to get in replies from the native born speakers.
I finally named my favorite speaker today
Sir Round Sound
A flat earther snuck into a physics seminar
While the speaker was giving speech on recent development about gravity, flat earther shouted
" Why do you even think that gravity is real? "
Speaker dropped the mic.
Keeping the job
As a non-native English speaker, although I am speaking English relatively well and I know how to do my job, I had difficulty finding and keeping a job. Turns out there is a huge difference between 'hard working', 'hardly working' and 'hard at work'.
Alexa for President!
I asked Alexa if she was considering running for President, but she said she was better suited for Speaker of the House.
I blew a speaker in my car today..
It was a motivational speaker. It left a bad taste in my mouth, but I feel a lot better about myself.
My buddy who is obsessed with himself bought a speaker just to listen to his own memoirs.
It really speaks volumes about him as a person.
What's a difference between a suicidal french speakee & a terrified english speaker when you point a gun at them?
I don't know, it sounds the same.
Adam Johnson, the man pictured carrying House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's lectern during the Capitol riot, has been arrested in Florida
His lawyer has confirmed that at trial he will not be taking the stand.
Adam Johnson, the man seen carrying House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's lecture during the siege has been arrested.
His lawyer said that at the trial he won't be taking the stand.
I just heard an announcement on a loud speaker outside my house saying, "If you invest $100 just once, you can sit and eat for the rest of your life".
I went out and saw the idiot; he was selling chairs.
How do you call a public speaker in Russia?
Dead
A co worker accuses a wife of treating her husband "like a dog"
The wife was a not a native English speaker. So she responded "That is not true! I love dogs!"
My Bluetooth speaker wasn't working so I threw it into the lake...
Now it's syncing.
Why didn't Alexa run for Senate?
Because she likes being Speaker of the House.
The dean of women at an exclusive girl's college was lecturing her students on Sexual morality......
In moments of temptation, said the speaker to the class, ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?
A sweet young thing in the back of the room rose to ask: How do you make it last an hour?
Long term pain
During a congress about health care, the speaker asks:
"which food causes extreme suffering, even after years of being eaten?"
After a long silence an elderly raises his hand and replies "A WEDDING CAKE"
Food Coma….
A health forum speaker asks, Which food causes extreme suffering for years after eating it.
After a long silence, an old man answered,
Wedding Cake …….
How can you tell if a Redditor isn't a native English speaker?
They'll inform you after three paragraphs of professional English.
Once upon a time
Once upon a time a turtle went on its way to school, but when it got there, they already had gone out on vacation.
NOTE: I'm not native English speaker. Sorry about the posible mistakes.
It's been a nightmare trying to find a keynote speaker for our first ever Impostor Syndrome conference..
Everyone I've asked has told me that they don't deserve to be there.
Interesting Parliaments.
Member of Parliament: Mr speaker, half of the members in this house are stupid.
Speaker: Honourable member please withdraw that statement.
Member of parliament: My apologies Mr speaker, half of members in this house are not stupid.
Speaker: Thank you, lets move on.
iBoob
Apple announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play high fidelity music in women's breast implants. The iBoob will cost between $499 and $699, depending on the speaker size. This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women have always complained about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
How do you know a redditor is not a native english speaker?
They'll apologize for potential mistakes after 10 paragraphs of perfect english
What would you call Dobby, the house elf, if he were a really good speaker?
Dolby.
How do you know someone with excellent English isn't a native speaker?
They apologize for their bad English.
(Inspired by seeing an example on this sub.)
Albert Einstein was running 20 minutes late as a guest speaker at a science conference.
He finally arrived apologizing profusely.
Einstein: "I am so terribly sorry you all had to wait. Anyway, here's my presentation."
Host: "It's about time."
Einstein: "And space!"
A retail worker was talking to a customer when they noticed some long, high pitched noises coming from the electronic section
'Your Macbooks aren't breaking are they?' mused the slightly concerned customer.
The worker listened to the noise for a moment before motioning offhandedly to the speaker section.
'Don't worry, it's just a Dell.'
If you talk to a Spanish speaker make sure to say "mucho"
It means a lot to them.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the speaker divulge jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working speaker boehner piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.