Spatula.
Count Spatula
He thinks, "If I could have just one cookie, I could die a happy man." So he gets out of bed, crawls down the hall, and with his last ounce of strength, reaches up to take a fresh cookie. But his wife smacks his hand with a spatula.
He says, "Why did you do that?"
"They're for the funeral."
*Spatula*
Wife : I'm leaving you
Me : Why?!
Wife : You lie to me constantly!
Me : Ha! You don't just leave the man who invented the spatula, Amber!
Spatula.
My mind keep telling his name is Gordon Freeman.
Like I can't differentiate a spatula and a crowbar.
They gave me a Spatula degree!
OFFSET!
Fucking dis-ass-stir.
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