The Best 26 Spat Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Spat jokes. There are some spat yuck jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these spat asked puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Spat Jokes and Puns

A man relaxing on a nudist beach...

... when a little girl comes up to him and asks "What's that?" pointing at his crotch. The man replies "Well that's my bird". The little girl runs off to play and the man falls asleep.

A little while later the man wakes up screaming in pain. He looks around and see the little girl standing there. "What'd you do?" he shouts. The little girl replies "Well I was playing with the birdy and it spat at me. So I broke its neck, crushed its eggs, and set its nest on fire."

Two guys were out on a lake ice fishing

One looks at the other and sees that he's got a pile of fish, and asks him,

"hey buddy, how'd you catch so many fish and I'm sitting here with nothing?"

"Eep or orms orm" the man grumbled

"What?"

"Eep or orms orm!"

"Buddy, i got no clue what you're saying!"

The man spat in exasperation and said, "Keep your worms warm!"

The computer was claimed to answer anything correctly.

But the CEO didn't believe it, so he asked "Where's my father right now?". The computer beeped and whirred for a few seconds, and spat out "Your father is fishing in Canada". The CEO joyfully chortled "See, your computer isn't always right, my father died when I was 10 years old!" The computer spat out "Your mothers husband died 25 years ago. Your father just landed an 8 pound trout."

Spat joke, The computer was claimed to answer anything correctly.

A man walks into a bar...

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink, then discovers he has to go to the bathroom. To stop anyone stealing his drink he puts a note on it saying, 'I spat in this beer.' When he returns he finds another note saying, 'So did I!'

After a spate of bizarre crimes

Police want to speak to three men wearing high heels and short skirts but have been told they must wear their uniform


I asked a tall guy "how's the weather up there"

He spat on me and told me it's raining

Today, Jesus rose from the dead. He had been wipped, spat on, flogged, humiliated, and crucified.

In fact, he was beaten so badly you'd think he flew united.

Spat joke, Today, Jesus rose from the dead. He had been wipped, spat on, flogged, humiliated, and crucified.

A man orders a drink..

**(Not sure if this has been posted here before. Had read it long before as a kid.)**

A man orders a drink but has to use the loo. To ensure nobody drinks his booze he places a note underneath the glass which reads "I spat in the drink".. He returns from the loo finding an another note for him.. "Me too!"

My Brother took going to jail really badly.

He refused food or drink. He spat and swore at anyone who came near him, and started throwing things.

We never played Monopoly again.

I decided to go to a coffee shop today

The barista behind the counter said that I should try a new but expensive brew of coffee. It was $9 but I decided to try it. I took a sip of the beverage, and almost instantly spat it out.

"Wha... This tastes like mud!" I shouted at the barista.

He turned and smiled. "It should. It was fresh ground this morning!"

"I see," said the blind man as he spat into the wind.

"It all comes back to me now."

You can explore spat eggs reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean spat fistfight dad jokes. There are also spat puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Today I saw a girl driving while texting, applying makeup, AND adjusting her mirrors

I was so shocked I spat out my beer

Austerity cuts really seem to be affecting the NHS hard..

I went for my prostrate exam today, and instead of lube the doctor spat on my arsehole.

My brother took going to jail pretty hard. He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at everyone who passed by, and smeared his own feces all over the walls...

Needless to say we'll never play Monopoly again..

My girl and I got into a romantic spat

I mean, really got into it. Never thought spitting on one another would rejuvenate our sex life.

My brother took going to jail really badly.

He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at anyone who came near him and smeared the walls with his own faeces. After that, we never played Monopoly again.

Spat joke, My brother took going to jail really badly.

Timmy's parents were awoken by the sound of their 13 year old child screaming

They rushed into his room to see his hands and crotch covered in blood, they quickly ring an ambulance and ask Timmy what had happened, Timmy told them I was playing with 'Henry' and he spat at me, so I bit him

Mr. No-One and Mr. Nobody are sitting in a tree.

Under them, Mr. Stupid is sitting on a bench.

Suddenly Mr. No-One spits on Mr. Stupid's head. Mr. Stupid is livid and storms off to the Cops to report him.

He bursts through the door and yells:

'No-One spat on my head and Nobody saw it!'

The officer looks at him dumbfounded and asks: 'Are you stupid?'

'Yep, that's me!'

I bumped into my old school teacher

I bumped into my old school teacher today, and we got talking about how he once said that I'd never amount to anything. I showed him though.

I spat in his fries.


I once knew a rapper who used cannabis infused citrus as chewing tobacco

He spat some dope limes

My son is in the navy and can't even swim

I, a Air Force veteran, spat on him in disgust and flew away

A German lifesaver carries a dog that nearly drowned from the beach...

He plopped it down on the sand and did CPR, as the dog's owner watched nervously from aside.

The dog spat out water and stood up— the lifesaver saved it.

"Oh my goodness, thank you so much for saving my dog!" the owner said, "Are you a vet?"

"Vet? VET???" the German excalimed, "I'M LITERALLY SOAKING!"

So this dude dies and goes to heaven...

... as he's approaching the pearly gates, St Peter says to him. "Ok, it's like this. You don't get into heaven just for being good anymore. You have to have done something really great. Can you think of anything that might qualify you?"

The man says. "Well, I once saw a group of really mean bikies harassing a little old lady. So I went up to the leader, I spat in his face, I kicked over his bike and I insulted his girlfriend!"

St Peter says, "That's terrific! When did you do that?"

"Oh, about 30 seconds ago."

My son is taking part in a social experiment.

He has to wear a support Arsenal. T.Shirt for 2 weeks.

So far, he has been punched, spat at, kicked, and verbally abused.

It will be interesting to see what happens when he leaves the house.

A man gets pulled over right as he's exiting the freeway.

As he rolls down his window, the cop asks him, "Sir, do you have any idea how fast you were going?!"

The man replies, "Well I sure as hell know that I was within the damn speed limit!"

The cop says, "No sure, that's incorrect. You're meant to exit this freeway at 35 mph, and I clocked you doing over 100."

"That's bullshit!" spat the man. "I ain't dumb. I can read. That sign right over there said exit 125!"

An old guy was sitting eating at a local truck stop...

when three big, burly bikers walked in. The first stubbed his cigarette out in the old guy's pie, the second walked past and spat in his coffee, and the last flipped the guy's plate over, tipping the rest of his meal everywhere.

The old guy didn't say a word. He just got up and slowly walked out of the truck stop.

"Huh" snorted the first biker. "He wasn't much of a man, was he?"

"Nope" replied their server. "He's not much of a truck driver either. He just backed up and crushed 3 motorcycles with his rig."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the spat sip jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working spat jug piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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