Spat Jokes
24 spat jokes and hilarious spat puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about spat that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Spat Short Jokes
Short spat jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The spat humour may include short spit jokes also.
- My Brother took going to jail really badly. He refused food or drink. He spat and swore at anyone who came near him, and started throwing things.
We never played Monopoly again. - Today, Jesus rose from the dead. He had been wipped, spat on, flogged, humiliated, and crucified. In fact, he was beaten so badly you'd think he flew united.
- I once knew a rapper who used cannabis infused citrus as chewing tobacco He spat some dope limes
- My son is in the navy and can't even swim I, a Air Force veteran, spat on him in disgust and flew away
- Today I saw a girl driving while texting, applying makeup, AND adjusting her mirrors I was so shocked I spat out my beer
- Once visiting Arizona, Chuck Norris spat on the ground.
The place is now known as the meteor crater. - Austerity cuts really seem to be affecting the NHS hard.. I went for my prostrate exam today, and instead of l**... the doctor spat on my a**....
- My girl and I got into a romantic spat I mean, really got into it. Never thought spitting on one another would rejuvenate our s**... life.
- What has been confirmed when Ariana Grande spat on the donuts? She's a s**..., not a s**....
Share These Spat Jokes With Friends
Spat One Liners
Which spat one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with spat? I can suggest the ones about spilt and spit take.
- I asked a tall guy "how's the weather up there" He spat on me and told me it's raining
- "I see," said the blind man as he spat into the wind. "It all comes back to me now."
Hilarious Spat Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends
What funny jokes about spat you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean spit out jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make spat pranks.
My brother took going to jail really badly.
He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at anyone who came near him and smeared the walls with his own f**.... After that, we never played Monopoly again.
One day a man noticed…
a chicken would come into his house, take a book from the bookshelf in its beak and carry it off into the woods behind his house.
The next day, the chicken came back and got another book, disappeared into the woods. This went on for a few days.
Finally the guy followed the chicken into the woods. Came to a clearing where there was a huge pile of books, with a frog sitting nearby. The man watched as the chicken spat the book onto the ground and said 'Book, book, book'.
The frog said…'Reddit, reddit'.
Two guys were out on a lake ice fishing
One looks at the other and sees that he's got a pile of fish, and asks him,
"hey buddy, how'd you catch so many fish and I'm sitting here with nothing?"
"Eep or orms orm" the man grumbled
"What?"
"Eep or orms orm!"
"Buddy, i got no clue what you're saying!"
The man spat in exasperation and said, "Keep your worms warm!"
An old guy was sitting eating at a local truck stop...
when three big, burly bikers walked in. The first stubbed his cigarette out in the old guy's pie, the second walked past and spat in his coffee, and the last flipped the guy's plate over, tipping the rest of his meal everywhere.
The old guy didn't say a word. He just got up and slowly walked out of the truck stop.
"Huh" snorted the first biker. "He wasn't much of a man, was he?"
"Nope" replied their server. "He's not much of a truck driver either. He just backed up and crushed 3 motorcycles with his rig."
A German lifesaver carries a dog that nearly drowned from the beach...
He plopped it down on the sand and did CPR, as the dog's owner watched nervously from aside.
The dog spat out water and stood up— the lifesaver saved it.
"Oh my goodness, thank you so much for saving my dog!" the owner said, "Are you a vet?"
"Vet? VET???" the German excalimed, "I'M LITERALLY SOAKING!"
So this dude dies and goes to heaven...
... as he's approaching the pearly gates, St Peter says to him. "Ok, it's like this. You don't get into heaven just for being good anymore. You have to have done something really great. Can you think of anything that might qualify you?"
The man says. "Well, I once saw a group of really mean bikies harassing a little old lady. So I went up to the leader, I spat in his face, I kicked over his bike and I insulted his girlfriend!"
St Peter says, "That's terrific! When did you do that?"
"Oh, about 30 seconds ago."
My son is taking part in a social experiment.
He has to wear a support Arsenal. T.Shirt for 2 weeks.
So far, he has been punched, spat at, kicked, and verbally abused.
It will be interesting to see what happens when he leaves the house.
My brother took going to jail pretty hard. He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at everyone who passed by, and smeared his own f**... all over the walls...
Needless to say we'll never play Monopoly again..
A man walks into a bar...
A man walks into a bar and orders a drink, then discovers he has to go to the bathroom. To stop anyone stealing his drink he puts a note on it saying, 'I spat in this beer.' When he returns he finds another note saying, 'So did I!'
A man gets pulled over right as he's exiting the freeway.
As he rolls down his window, the cop asks him, "Sir, do you have any idea how fast you were going?!"
The man replies, "Well I sure as h**... know that I was within the d**... speed limit!"
The cop says, "No sure, that's incorrect. You're meant to exit this freeway at 35 mph, and I clocked you doing over 100."
"That's b**...!" spat the man. "I ain't dumb. I can read. That sign right over there said exit 125!"
The computer was claimed to answer anything correctly.
But the CEO didn't believe it, so he asked "Where's my father right now?". The computer beeped and whirred for a few seconds, and spat out "Your father is fishing in Canada". The CEO joyfully chortled "See, your computer isn't always right, my father died when I was 10 years old!" The computer spat out "Your mothers husband died 25 years ago. Your father just landed an 8 pound trout."
Mr. No-One and Mr. Nobody are sitting in a tree.
Under them, Mr. s**... is sitting on a bench.
Suddenly Mr. No-One spits on Mr. s**...'s head. Mr. s**... is livid and storms off to the Cops to report him.
He bursts through the door and yells:
'No-One spat on my head and Nobody saw it!'
The officer looks at him dumbfounded and asks: 'Are you s**...?'
'Yep, that's me!'
A man orders a drink..
**(Not sure if this has been posted here before. Had read it long before as a kid.)**
A man orders a drink but has to use the loo. To ensure nobody drinks his booze he places a note underneath the glass which reads "I spat in the drink".. He returns from the loo finding an another note for him.. "Me too!"
I decided to go to a coffee shop today
The barista behind the counter said that I should try a new but expensive brew of coffee. It was $9 but I decided to try it. I took a sip of the beverage, and almost instantly spat it out.
"Wha... This tastes like mud!" I shouted at the barista.
He turned and smiled. "It should. It was fresh ground this morning!"
I bumped into my old school teacher
I bumped into my old school teacher today, and we got talking about how he once said that I'd never amount to anything. I showed him though.
I spat in his fries.
Timmy's parents were awoken by the sound of their 13 year old child screaming
They rushed into his room to see his hands and c**... covered in blood, they quickly ring an ambulance and ask Timmy what had happened, Timmy told them I was playing with 'Henry' and he spat at me, so I bit him
