The Best 71 Spare Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Spare jokes. There are some spare donate jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these spare stockpile puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Spare Jokes and Puns

I bought 10 asparagus at the store but when I got home I realized I had 11

It was just a spare, I guess.

Blonde Bombshell

A blonde is angry with the tax department and decides to blow it up. So she puts a bag of bombs in the back seat of her Celica and heads for Canberra. Her boyfriend si worried about her. "What if the bombs blow up in the car?"
"Don't worry darling," she says, "I've got a spare bomb in the boot".

I walked out of my local shop today...

...and outside was a tramp. Same guy as always, but I'd never talked to him before. As I passed, he said, "Excuse me, I don't suppose you have a spare cigarette I can have?". I looked around, and I was the only person in the vacinity, so I knew he was talking to me. "Sorry mate, I don't smoke." I replied, which is true. He looked disappointed, but then asked hopefully "Any change?", I thought for a second before answering "Nope, still don't smoke."

Spare joke, I walked out of my local shop today...

What are your best "If I had ____ for every time..." jokes?

Two of my favorites are:

1. "If I had a dollar for every existentialist moment I've ever had...Does money even matter?" - Can't remember the comedian.
2. "If I had a quarter every time a hobo asked me for spare change, I'd still say no" - Bo Burnham

What do animal poachers do in their spare time?

They go clubbing.


Why did the golfer take a spare pair of trousers with him?

Incase he got a hole in one!

A Moment of Silence

Let's all spare a few moments of silence for the man who told his wife he was going to China on that Malaysian flight no MH. 370 and now can't come out of his girlfriend's flat.

Spare joke, A Moment of Silence

The Only Malaysian Airlines Survivor

Please spare a thought and your sympathy for the man who told his wife he was going to China on Malaysian Airlines flight MH370...

And now can't come out of his girlfriend's apartment.

What does a pirate do in his spare time?

He infringes on copyrights and downloads torrents.

As I was walking home I passed a woman with one breast hanging out of her shirt..

So as to spare her any further embarrassment, I quietly pointed out her chestal indiscretion as I passed.

She looks down and screams "OH MY GOD!! I left the baby on the bus!!!"

What do skeletons order at restaurants?

Spare ribs.

You can explore spare spend reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean spare desperate dad jokes. There are also spare puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A kid was born without eye lids, so they used the spare skin from his circumcision to form some. Everything turned out fine, except...

the doctor said he was a little cockeyed.

Ranji is a 9yr old boy living in Namibia.

Can you spare just $2.00? Ranji is a 9yr old boy living in Namibia. He has only 1 leg, 1 arm and 1 eye. Each day he has to ride 7 miles to school along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels, no brakes and only 1 pedal. If you send us just $2, we will send you the video - its hilarious.

I was alphabetising my spice rack...

when I realised I have too much spare thyme.

What does Batman do with all his spare money?

He makes it wayne

The main lumberjack at my company does some minor computer hacking in his spare time...

...he's our key logger.

Spare joke, The main lumberjack at my company does some minor computer hacking in his spare time...

My friend likes to make carvings of people of religion in his spare time.

You'd like a punchline to this, wooden jew.

Why did the bowler bring two pairs of pants?

He wanted a spare in case he had a split.

When I was a single man, I had an incredible amount of spare time.

Since I started listening to full albums I'm always stuck in my room.


In my spare time I help blind children.

I mean the verb, not the adjective.

Whenever I go bowling....

I enter my name as "3 testicles".

That way, occasionally the monitor says "Congratulations 3 testicles! You got a spare!"

Can you spare just $2.00?

Can you spare just $2.00? Ranji is a 9 year old boy living in Namibia in Africa. He has only one leg, and is blind in one eye. Every day he goes seven miles along a narrow road on his rusty bike with no brakes to get to school. If you can send just $2.00 . . . We'll send you the video! It's hilarious!

I was trying to find some spare RAM sticks in our stock room but I couldn't see any...

Because it was SO-DIMM.

What is between moms legs?

One day a boy asked his father, Dad, what is between moms legs?

The father reply, The door to heaven!

Then what is between yours? – the boy asked. The father said, The key to the door!

Then the boy said, I think you should change the lock because our neighbor has the spare key.

What do peasants do in their spare time?

They serf

I asked a Jewish person what they do in their spare time

Apparently Hebrews.

I spend my spare time reading the Thesaurus...

because the mind is a terrible thing to garbage.

I like to write lyrics in my spare time.

This led to me finding out my cousin was dyslexic when I messaged him asking if he would rate a rap and he responded by sexually molesting a rodent.

My friend was telling me about how his Swedish car was totaled in an accident

I told him to spare me his Saab story.

If you have any puns about bowling

Spare me

George and the Dragon

A poor vagabond, travelling a country road in England, tired and hungry, came to a roadside inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon." He knocked.

The innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye spare some food?" he asked.

The woman glanced at his shabby clothes and obviously poor condition.

"No!" she said rather sternly.

"Could I have a pint of ale?"

"No!" she snapped again.

"Could I at least sleep in your stable?"

"No!"

By this time, she was fairly shouting.

The vagabond tried again: "Might I please...?"

"What now?" the woman interrupted impatiently.

"Do you suppose I might have a word with George instead?"

I assembled an IKEA keyboard

it's amain ho many spare parts they ive you

My eldest came to me and

he told me he was feeling suicidal. I said, "Hang in there son", and pointed to the spare room.

Two terrorists were installing a bomb

One says to another what will happen if this one explodes while we are installing it?

The other responds:

Don't worry I'm carrying a spare

What do ISIS members like to play in their spare time?

Bomberman

Two terrorists are in a car, driving to bomb some place.

One had a bomb on his lap, the other was driving. The car went over a speed bumper too fast.

"Hey, watch it, Joe! You are gonna set this bomb off!"

"Relax, dude, we have a spare one in the trunk."

Did you know Vans and Sperry's used to be one shoe company?

The company was called Vanes. There was some dissension among the employees, so they agreed to split into two companies. The first one became Vans, and the second one got the Spare 'E'.

A man was out on a fishing trip

When suddenly, he dropped one of his oars into the water, frustrated that he couldn't get the boat moving, he decided to seek help.

He saw someone with two beautiful women on his boat who also had a spare oar. "Excuse me, may I borrow one of your oars?" he yelled.
The man appeared offended, "thems ain't 'ores, thems me sisters!"

A man is walking on the interstate

He stops a car and says to the driver,
"Hi, terrorists have kidnapped our beloved president Mr. Trump. They're demanding we pay them 50 million dollars, or else they'll pour gasoline on him and burn him alive. Can you please give something."
The driver thinks for a while and anwsers,
"I can spare 5... no, 6 gallons."

David takes his son to a doctor

David : Doctor, my son has swallowed a pair of keys.
Doctor : When did this happen!?
David : Three months ago.
Doctor : What!? What were you doing till now!?
David : We were using the spare keys.

What did Voldemort say to Peter Pettigrew when they went bowling?

*Kill the spare.*

(NSFW) Timmy asked his dad:

What's behind mommy's underwear?
Dad: Paradise.
Timmy: What's behind your underwear?
Dad: The key to paradise.
Timmy: Dad, I think you might need to change the lock because the mailman has a spare key.

I'm a pro bowler now, But I wasn't always so good.

Back when I first started, I could never get a strike, and always had to clean up with a second throw. I only got better because I had a lot of spare time.

What does the Jewish alchemist do in his spare time?

Hebrew

In my spare time I'm helping blind children.

This is a lot of fun, especially since I got my new 3W blue laser pointer.

What does my dad like to do on his spare time?

eh, beats me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

A priest, a fisherman, and an engineer were sentenced to death by guillotine.

The executioner told the priest he could say/do one more thing before he was executed. So the priest prays to God to spare his life. So as the priest was being executed, the guillotine got stuck. Now according to the law, if the guillotine fails to kill the person, they are set free.So, the priest was let go.
Next up was the fisherman. Seeing what had happened with the priest, he also prayed to God to have his life spared. Once again, the guillotine failed, and the fisherman was let go.
Finally came the engineer. He spends his last moments looking at the guillotine. Oh, I see the problem...

She: "Are you good in bed?"

He "I'll show you if you can spare a minute."

A Jehovah's Witness knocked at my door this morning.

Could you spare a few moments to talk about the Judgement Day? he asked.

Well, I replied, I'm not a big fan of the Terminator series. I Said

I asked my wife to grab 6 asparagus stalks from the garden. She came back with 7.

The last one was just a spare, I guess.

Myrtle and the Beetle

Myrtle is driving her Volkswagon Beetle down the road and sees another little old lady, also with a Beetle, pulled over with the hazards on. Myrtle pulls over and asks, "Is everything ok?"

The other lady replies, "My darn Beetle has broken down. I popped the bonnet and it looks like the whole engine has gone missing!".

"No worries, I can help you." said Myrtle. "As it happens, I have a spare engine in my boot!"

A man opens the bonnet

of his VW Beetle. His jaw drops - "Oh my god, someone stole my engine!"

Then he goes round the back and opens the trunk. "Phew, thankfully I have a spare."

A homeless midget asked me if I had spare change to buy some chips

I said sorry you're a little short

My brain is like an F-22 Raptor

Aging, no longer in production and spare parts not available.

What does the bowling ball who was taken hostage say?

Please spare me

Wembley Tickets- England v Scotland Friday 18th June 2021 Kick off 8pm

One of my best friends has two spare tickets in a corporate box for the England v Scotland game. They were £300 each but he didn't realise they are on the same day as his Covid 19 postponed wedding.

If you are interested he is looking for someone to take his place!

It is at Manchester registry office at 2pm. The brides name is Nicola, she is 28, 5f 6 tall, a bit of a looker and a good cook.

Got my second shot today

Even after bleeding in captivity for hours, articulately begging the enemy soldiers to spare me.

Every Christmas day we have pigs in blankets.

Or as some people might call it, relatives sleeping in the spare room.

How poor are you?

I'm so poor, I have to refinance before I can spare a penny for your thoughts.

My chiropractor says I have the spine of a 60 year old

I still have my own spine too, but it's good to have a spare

Pavlov was sitting in a bar and enjoying his beer during his spare time.

At that moment, bar phone rang loudly and Pavlov started worrying. Barman got curious and asked: "Sir, what's the problem?"
Pavlov stood up and shouted:"God damn it. I forgot to feed the dogs."

A man and his wife are having troubles in the bed room.

He can't get the engine started and when he does she doesn't want to drive it home. One day the call and schedule a meeting with a specialist. They spare no expense and get the best guy money can buy. On the day of their appointment the husband and wife each get pulled into meetings right before they are supposed to leave. They call each other and the husband says "we should call and tell them about how we won't make it" and the wife says.

"Why bother, he already knows we're not coming".

Why do golfers always bring a spare pare of socks

Incase they get a hole in one

A woman stopped an Irishman in the street the other day. She asked, 'Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?'

'All right,' the Irishman replied, 'but we won't get much done.'

Homeless guy asked if I could spare a dollar.

I looked in my wallet and there was only a $20, so I asked myself "Do I really want this money going to drugs, booze, and the decline of society?"

I decided I didn't so I gave it to him.

A guy and a girl get a flat tire one cold winter's night.

The guy goes out to change the tire, but he has no gloves, and after a while, his hands start to get blue, so he comes back into the car.

Put your hands between my thighs and that'll warm them up, invites the girl. He does, and pretty soon his hands recover, and he goes back outside. After a while longer, his hands get cold again, and once again, she suggests that he warm them between her thighs. He does so and returns to finish putting on the spare. When he comes back into the car triumphant, she looks at him and asks, Aren't your ears cold?

I hear you all like bowling jokes in these parts?

Ehhh, strike that. I'll spare you from it

What do you call a boxer who enjoys landscape gardening in his spare time?

Manny Patio

I got out of my car, exasperated, and phoned my wife. I said, "Unbelievable...I was on my way to the bowling alley with my friends and my tyre went flat."

"Have you got a spare?" she questioned.

"Honey," I sighed, "I'm not at the bowling alley yet."

Every Christmas we have pigs in blankets

Or as you probably call them - relatives sleeping in the spare room.

After facing down the sadistic bowling ball who just finished killing his entire family, the last remaining bowling pin had one final, desperate plea as the ball menacingly approached him...

"Spare me."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the spare saver jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working spare unoccupied piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes