Rib-Tickling Spanish Jokes that Bring Friends Together
People always ask where I got my incredibly detailed tattoo done, but they never believe me when I tell them Spain.
Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.
Two old men, one French and one Spanish were sitting on a park bench.
When a beautiful young girl in a miniskirt walks by. Just as she passes them a breeze comes along and lifts the girl's skirt up revealing she's not wearing panties. The French man looks at the Spanish man and says "C'est la vie" and the Spanish man exclaims back "Se la vi, tambien."
What do you call a Spanish man with a rubber toe?
Roberto.
Hear are sum morre punny science jokes
How often do I tell chemistry jokes? Periodically.
Is Silicon the same in English as in Spanish? Si.
The last time I told a chemistry joke there was no reaction.
Chemistry puns Im in my element.
What do you do with a dead chemist?
Barium
Ion-estly cant think of anymore... All the good ones Argon!
Edit 1 just thought of this.
What does Barium Cobalt and Nitrogen make?
BaCoN
"Uno, dos..."
And just like that, the Spanish magician was gone without a tres.
A Mexican Joke
A Mexican man finds a much needed job and asks the owner to hire him. The owner says he'll hire him ONLY if he can come up with a sentence using 3 words of his choice. The words are Green, Pink and Yellow. So the Mexican thinks for a second then replies (read in a Spanish accent) the phone goes Green Green, so I Pink it up and say Yellow?
Jajaja
What do you call a group of confused Spanish speaking racists?
The ¿Qué Qué Qué?
My wife says I have a short attention spanish is a beautiful language isn't it?
A spanish magician ...
A spanish magician gets on stage and says "I will disappear in 3 seconds." He counts: "Uno, Dos." And he disappeared without a tres.
The Spanish magician
So there's this Spanish magician right and he says "I'll make myself disappear on the count of three".
"Unos..... Dos...." *BANG!" in a cloud of smoke he disappeared without a Tres.
What do you call a Spanish midget?
A paragraph.
Because he's not a full essay.
You can explore spanish eso reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean spanish english dad jokes. There are also spanish puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Mom, why am I dark if my father's skin is alabaster and yours is too?
Rough translation from Spanish:
Child:Mom, why am I dark if my father's skin is alabaster and yours is too?
Mother: With how drunk I was that night it's a miracle you don't bark!
A cop pulled over a spanish photon...
The cop asked, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
The photon said, "c."
I went to see a Spanish magician
I went to see a Spanish magician and he told the crowd that he could make himself disappear on the count of three.
He started counting.
"Uno! Dos!"
And then he was gone. Without a tres.
I recently bought a copy of Monty Python's Big Red Book, but was later dismayed to find that I'd purchased the Spanish language version...
Nobody expects the Spanish text edition.
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino?
The Spanish Inquisition.
A blonde tells her friend
"I completed a jigsaw puzzle in record time!"
"No way! How long did it take you?" Replied her friend
"6 months"
"That cannot be a record time!'
" Well the box said from 1 to 3 years"
Sorry for bad English, original was in Spanish
Who wears a red suit and knows if you were naughty or nice?
The Spanish Inquisition.
Why do Spanish men get half price movie tickets?
They take the señor discount.
A Spanish magician is at a party
He begins his trick for the birthday girl, grabbing a handful of magic sprinkle dust. He then begins to count, "uno, dos," POOF.
He disappeared without a tres.
I've finally worked out why Spain is so good at football.
Nobody expects the Spanish in position.
In a huge lecture hall once I only had four international students turn up - English, French, Spanish and German. I asked if they could all see me. They said...
Yes, Oui, Si, Ja
My Spanish teacher taught me the word for "Transgender"
I asked him if the word is masculine or feminine
A man is in an airplane from Miami to Paris
And a stunning gorgeous woman seats by his side. He's the eager to start a conversation.
"So, what are you doing in Paris?"
"I'm a scientist, I research sex"
The man is now tempted:
"What have you discovered about sex in your research?"
"I came to find that Native Americans have the longest penises and Spanish can last the longest in bed. By the way, I'm Carol, what's your name?"
"I'm Sitting Bull Hernandez, nice to meet you"
I always thought soy milk...
was just introducing itself in Spanish
My friend is so rich
He thought Manual labor was a Spanish musician
Jesus walks into a bar
The barman looks up and asks "We don't serve wine here"
Jesus looks at him quizzically and goes to look for a Spanish translator because he had just immigrated from Mexico and English was not his first language.
A priest, a rabbi and penguin walk into a bar
IT'S THE SPANISH INQUISITION!
What is the longest word in the Spanish language?
Goooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllllllllll
Here, have a joke in spanish
sabe inglés?"
"si"
"como se dice 'un zapato' en inglés?"
"a shoe"
"salud"
"gracias
Spanish Dad Joke
Dad: Son what are you drinking?
Son: Soy Milk
Dad: Hola Milk, me llamo Dad
My company got bought out by a Madrid based firm today. Everyone seemed surprised.
Nobody expects the Spanish Acquisition
What do you call a spanish child molester?
A Pedrophile.
A Spanish magician tells the audience he is going to disappear on the count of 3
He says uno, dos... then POOF, he disappears without a tres
My uncle runs a clinic inside a hotel in Spain
He come out late at night to ring people's doorbells.
Because nobody suspects The Spanish Inn Physician
I saw a Spanish magician last night.. he said "uno, dos.."
And then he disappeared without a tres
I'd like to thank my Spanish teacher for spending so much time teaching me what mucho means
It really means a lot
My Spanish-speaking students got a kick out of this one.
Q: What do you call a person who speaks 3 languages?
A: (Try to elicit responses..) Tri-Lingual.
Q: What do you call a person who speaks two languages?
A: (Many of them know this one) Bi-Lingual.
Q: What do you call a person who speaks one language?
A: An American!
Two students and a teacher want to have sex with foreign exchange students.
One student goes for the French student, and the whole time she screams, "Oui! Oui! Oui!"
The other student gets with a Spanish student, and she screams, "Sí! Sí! Sí!"
The teacher locks a German student in his office, the whole time she screams, "Nein! Nein! Nein!" He replies, "Really? I could have sworn you were only eight years old."
Tattoos
People are amazed at how good the tattoo artists are in Spain........
They weren't expecting the Spanish ink precision
People are always amazed at the skilled tattoo artists in Spain.
No one expects the Spanish ink precision
A Spanish magician told the crowd he'll make himself vanish on the count of 3. He goes "Uno, dos...
And *Poof*..... He disappeared without a tres.
A Spanish magician was showing a trick..
"For my next trick, I'll disappear into thin air. Uno, dos."
And he vanished without a tres!
Whenever I'm asked "What happened in 1492?", people are always surprised by my answer.
Nobody expects "The Spanish Inquisition".
My dad is moving to a Spanish city
Ciudad
I used to have a Spanish girlfriend called Nada
She meant nothing to me
My 4-year-old nephew has been learning Spanish since lockdown.
He can't say 'please' which I think is poor for four
My neighbour's 4-year-old has been learning Spanish since lockdown.
He still can't say "please" though, which I think is poor for four.
In New York there are many tattoo artists from all over the world, but for some reason the artists from Spain have trouble getting business.
Why? Because nobody expects the Spanish ink precision!
During lockdown my next door neighbours 4 year old started learning Spanish.
He still can't say 'Please' though, which is poor for four.
My daughter has been learning Spanish for a year now but still can't say please
Which I think is poor for four
I always say muchos to spanish people
It means a lot to them
I've getting feedback that my jokes are in broken English, so here's one in Spanish.
Uno.
Smallpox, the Spanish Flu, and the black death have already done the whole global pandemic thing...
What covid is doing is just plaguerism.
I showed my Mexican friends I know a little Spanish by saying "mucho" and they seemed really flattered
...they said it meant a lot to them.
Spanish Magician
A Spanish magician announced to his audience that "he would disappear on the count of three" then said "uno, dos" and then disappeared without a tres.
I've started buying store brand Spanish rice instead of the expensive stuff
As they say, "Arroz by any other name..."
My friend was visiting from Barcelona, and he asked me if he could crash on my couch.
I wasn't expecting some kind of Spanish imposition!
When I'm around my Spanish-speaking friends, I always use the word "mucho"...
It means a lot to them.
People are astonished when they see the tattoo that I got in Madrid
Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.
Over 99.99% of people that took the vaccine for the 1918 Spanish Flu have passed away.
This seems very suspicious to me!
My tattoo removal specialist, Dr Pablo, confessed to me recently that he had committed dozens of crimes yet has never been caught.
"How on earth are you a free man?" I asked him.
"Nobody expects the Spanish ink physician" he said.
A couple of years ago, I was staying at a tiny Spanish Inn
A couple of years ago, I was staying at a tiny Spanish Inn when I started to feel ill. Needing a doctor, I rang reception who said they'd get the hotel doctor to visit. I was rather surprised that such a small place would have a house doctor, and was just telling the manager this when my room door burst open and in leapt a man yelling "Nobody expects the Spanish Inn physician!"
When speaking with Spanish people, make sure to always mention "mucho"
It means a lot to them
My 4-year-old has been learning Spanish all year and still can't say the word please
Which I think is poor for four.
If you talk to a Spanish speaker make sure to say "mucho"
It means a lot to them.
LPT: If you are ever at a party or business meeting with Spanish speakers, make sure to stand up and say Mucho
It means a lot to them
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spanish man and a German are watching a juggler
The juggler notices they are having troubles seeing him through the crowd and steps onto a box. He asks can you see me now? They reply
Yea
Oui
Si
Ja
What did the Spanish scientist say when asked if he wanted lime in his cocktail?
A mi no acid.
A guy walks into a bar
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "My company got bought out by a Madrid-based firm today," the guy tells the bartender. "Everyone was surprised." "Well," the bartender replies. "No one expects the Spanish acquisition."
I was surprised to see that the first chapter of the otherwise English novel was written entirely in Spanish
But then again, no one expects the Spanish exposition.
A spanish man murders someone on a train
He must have had one loco-motive
A tourist in Madrid
A tourist hires a guide to show him around Madrid. He tells the guide, "If you don't mind, I'm trying to learn Spanish, so if I say something wrong, please correct me." The guide agrees, and they set off walking.
A fly happens to buzz by, and the tourist says, "Look at the *mosco*!" The guide corrects him, "No, señor, the word you want is *mosca*, a feminine noun."
The tourist watches the fly carefully for a few moments. Then he turns back to the guide and says, "You must have fantastic eyesight!"
No one expects it!
A guy was traveling in the Spanish countryside, and after driving all day he stopped for the night at a tiny inn. The innkeeper, upon giving him his key, asked him if he would like to participate in a battle of wits with his special chicken. "If you stump him, you get a wish, any wish you like!" he explains. The man agrees to it, and he's led into the bar, whereupon sits a healthy sized hen. He proceeds to have a battle of wits, and is roundly defeated by the hen. "I didn't expect the chicken to be so smart!" says the man. "No," says the innkeeper, "no one expects the Spanish inn quiz wish hen!"
Why wasn't the number 3 allowed back into school after failing his Spanish test?
Because there's No Trespassing!!
I'll show myself out
I let some of my friends use my high quality printer from Spain.
When I told them where it was from, they all gasped in shock. Because no-one expects the Spanish ink precision!
