The Best 74 Spanish Jokes

People always ask where I got my incredibly detailed tattoo done, but they never believe me when I tell them Spain.

Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.

Two old men, one French and one Spanish were sitting on a park bench.

When a beautiful young girl in a miniskirt walks by. Just as she passes them a breeze comes along and lifts the girl's skirt up revealing she's not wearing panties. The French man looks at the Spanish man and says "C'est la vie" and the Spanish man exclaims back "Se la vi, tambien."

What do you call a Spanish man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.

changed my voice settings to Spanish on my gps

it told me i didn't have enough people in the car

"Uno, dos..."

And just like that, the Spanish magician was gone without a tres.

A Mexican Joke

A Mexican man finds a much needed job and asks the owner to hire him. The owner says he'll hire him ONLY if he can come up with a sentence using 3 words of his choice. The words are Green, Pink and Yellow. So the Mexican thinks for a second then replies (read in a Spanish accent) the phone goes Green Green, so I Pink it up and say Yellow?

Jajaja

What do you call a group of confused Spanish speaking racists?

The ¿Qué Qué Qué?

My wife says I have a short attention spanish is a beautiful language isn't it?

A spanish magician ...

A spanish magician gets on stage and says "I will disappear in 3 seconds." He counts: "Uno, Dos." And he disappeared without a tres.

The Spanish magician

So there's this Spanish magician right and he says "I'll make myself disappear on the count of three".
"Unos..... Dos...." *BANG!" in a cloud of smoke he disappeared without a Tres.

What do you call a Spanish midget?

A paragraph.

Because he's not a full essay.

Mom, why am I dark if my father's skin is alabaster and yours is too?

Rough translation from Spanish:

Child:Mom, why am I dark if my father's skin is alabaster and yours is too?

Mother: With how drunk I was that night it's a miracle you don't bark!

A cop pulled over a spanish photon...

The cop asked, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

The photon said, "c."

I went to see a Spanish magician

I went to see a Spanish magician and he told the crowd that he could make himself disappear on the count of three.

He started counting.

"Uno! Dos!"

And then he was gone. Without a tres.

I recently bought a copy of Monty Python's Big Red Book, but was later dismayed to find that I'd purchased the Spanish language version...

Nobody expects the Spanish text edition.

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino?

The Spanish Inquisition.

Who wears a red suit and knows if you were naughty or nice?

The Spanish Inquisition.

Why do Spanish men get half price movie tickets?

They take the señor discount.

A Spanish magician is at a party

He begins his trick for the birthday girl, grabbing a handful of magic sprinkle dust. He then begins to count, "uno, dos," POOF.

He disappeared without a tres.

I've finally worked out why Spain is so good at football.

Nobody expects the Spanish in position.

In a huge lecture hall once I only had four international students turn up - English, French, Spanish and German. I asked if they could all see me. They said...

Yes, Oui, Si, Ja

My Spanish teacher taught me the word for "Transgender"

I asked him if the word is masculine or feminine

I always thought soy milk...

was just introducing itself in Spanish

My friend is so rich

He thought Manual labor was a Spanish musician

Jesus walks into a bar

The barman looks up and asks "We don't serve wine here"
Jesus looks at him quizzically and goes to look for a Spanish translator because he had just immigrated from Mexico and English was not his first language.

A priest, a rabbi and penguin walk into a bar

IT'S THE SPANISH INQUISITION!

What is the longest word in the Spanish language?

Goooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllllllllll

Spanish Dad Joke

Dad: Son what are you drinking?

Son: Soy Milk

Dad: Hola Milk, me llamo Dad

My company got bought out by a Madrid based firm today. Everyone seemed surprised.

Nobody expects the Spanish Acquisition

What do you call a spanish child molester?

A Pedrophile.

A Spanish magician tells the audience he is going to disappear on the count of 3

He says uno, dos... then POOF, he disappears without a tres

My uncle runs a clinic inside a hotel in Spain

He come out late at night to ring people's doorbells.

Because nobody suspects The Spanish Inn Physician

I saw a Spanish magician last night.. he said "uno, dos.."

And then he disappeared without a tres

I'd like to thank my Spanish teacher for spending so much time teaching me what mucho means

It really means a lot

Did you hear about the Spanish speaking magician?

He counted from uno to dos and disappeared without a tres.

My Spanish-speaking students got a kick out of this one.

Q: What do you call a person who speaks 3 languages?
A: (Try to elicit responses..) Tri-Lingual.
Q: What do you call a person who speaks two languages?
A: (Many of them know this one) Bi-Lingual.
Q: What do you call a person who speaks one language?
A: An American!

Two students and a teacher want to have sex with foreign exchange students.

One student goes for the French student, and the whole time she screams, "Oui! Oui! Oui!"

The other student gets with a Spanish student, and she screams, "Sí! Sí! Sí!"

The teacher locks a German student in his office, the whole time she screams, "Nein! Nein! Nein!" He replies, "Really? I could have sworn you were only eight years old."

Tattoos

People are amazed at how good the tattoo artists are in Spain........
They weren't expecting the Spanish ink precision

People are always amazed at the skilled tattoo artists in Spain.

No one expects the Spanish ink precision

A Spanish magician told the crowd he'll make himself vanish on the count of 3. He goes "Uno, dos...

And *Poof*..... He disappeared without a tres.

A Spanish magician was showing a trick..

"For my next trick, I'll disappear into thin air. Uno, dos."

And he vanished without a tres!

Whenever I'm asked "What happened in 1492?", people are always surprised by my answer.

Nobody expects "The Spanish Inquisition".

My dad is moving to a Spanish city

Ciudad

We should say mucho to all spanish speakers in this sub

it means a lot to them for sure.

I used to have a Spanish girlfriend called Nada

She meant nothing to me

My 4-year-old nephew has been learning Spanish since lockdown.

He can't say 'please' which I think is poor for four

My neighbour's 4-year-old has been learning Spanish since lockdown.

He still can't say "please" though, which I think is poor for four.

I always say mucho to my Spanish friends

It means alot to them

In New York there are many tattoo artists from all over the world, but for some reason the artists from Spain have trouble getting business.

Why? Because nobody expects the Spanish ink precision!

During lockdown my next door neighbours 4 year old started learning Spanish.

He still can't say 'Please' though, which is poor for four.

What did the Spanish sauce say to the English sauce?

Soy sauce.

My daughter has been learning Spanish for a year now but still can't say please

Which I think is poor for four

I always say muchos to spanish people

It means a lot to them

I've getting feedback that my jokes are in broken English, so here's one in Spanish.

Uno.

I asked my Spanish colleague if he could include me on an email

He replied, CC

Smallpox, the Spanish Flu, and the black death have already done the whole global pandemic thing...

What covid is doing is just plaguerism.

I showed my Mexican friends I know a little Spanish by saying "mucho" and they seemed really flattered

...they said it meant a lot to them.

I got sick in a small hotel in Madrid.

I called to the front desk and they said they had a doctor on staff. After he made me feel better, I told him I was amazed such a small place had a doctor. He nodded and said: "No one expects te spanish inn physician. "

Spanish Magician

A Spanish magician announced to his audience that "he would disappear on the count of three" then said "uno, dos" and then disappeared without a tres.

My Spanish teacher's husband died last week

I approached her in class and said "Mucho"

"Thanks," she said, "that means a lot."

"Tanto."

"Oh my," she replied. "Thank you, that means so much."

"El mundo."

"Thank you so much," she said, "what you've said means the world."

I've started buying store brand Spanish rice instead of the expensive stuff

As they say, "Arroz by any other name..."

My friend was visiting from Barcelona, and he asked me if he could crash on my couch.

I wasn't expecting some kind of Spanish imposition!

"Un, deux, trois, quatre", radioed the French ship...

...before it cinq.

"Eins, zwei, drei", radioed the German ship vierlessly, but then silence.

"Uno, dos", radioed the Spanish ship, and then disappeared without a tres.

"One," radioed the British ship before it went two.

"Oh," radioed the American sub. "I guess we won"

Mick Jagger and Keith Richards were arrested for allegedly breaking into a Spanish man's house

They reportedly took some of his belongings (only what they could carry). When the police asked the homeowner about it, he said "They took what they could, but then.... The Rolling Stones gathered no más."

When I'm around my Spanish-speaking friends, I always use the word "mucho"...

It means a lot to them.

My four year old has been learning Spanish all year but he still can't say the word for, 'please' ...

... which I think is poor for four.

Did you hear about John McAfee?

I guess the old saying is true.

Nobody expects the Spanish Extradition.

Bono walks into a bar in Tijuana.

He has thirteen of his closest friends with him, and he offers to buy the first round. He walks up to the bartender and orders in Spanish. The bartender comes out a bit later and hands out all the beers.

Bono laughs and says, "I love this place. Every time I come here, I order four drinks, and the bartender brings out fourteen!"

What did the Spanish cow say to the other cow when it wiped the grass off its rear?

Grassy-ass

I used to know a Spanish magician...

He told me that he could disappear on the count of three.

Then he said *uno, dos.....*

and disappeared without a tres.