Spaghetti Jokes

Following is our collection of antipasta humor and alfredo one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Spaghetti puns for adults, dirty lasagna jokes or clean ziti gags for kids.

There is an abundance of pasta jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 83 funniest jokes on spaghetti. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any butternut witze you can hear about spaghetti.

The Best jokes about Spaghetti

My mom laughed at me when I said I was going to build a car out of spaghetti.

You should have seen her face as I drove pasta.

A farmer had three daughters...

and each was going on a date one Friday night.

The first daughters date showed up "Hi I'm Freddy here to pick up Betty to eat spaghetti, is she ready?"

Betty left with Freddy.

The second daughters date showed up "Hey I'm Joe here to pick up Flo to go to the show, is she ready to go?"

Flo left with Joe.

The third daughters date showed up "Hello I'm Chuck-"

The farmer shot chuck.

My sister bet me a hundred dollars I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti.

you should've seen the look on her face when i drove pasta

My sister bet me I couldn't make a car out of spaghetti...

You should have seen her face as I drove pasta

What's the difference between my ex and a bowl of spaghetti?

Spaghetti wiggles when I eat it.


What's the difference between girl spaghetti and boy spaghetti?

Meatballs.

My 10 year old daughter just told me this and I had to share.

My girlfriend didn't believe me when I said I could build a car out of spaghetti.

You should've seen her face when I drove pasta!

My wife didn't believe me when i said I'd made a car from spaghetti

Should've seen her face when I drove pasta

My lesbian sister told me that most girls are like spaghetti noodles

Straight until you get them wet.

What do you call someone who has sex for spaghetti?

A pastatute.

My grandmother laughed when I said I was gonna build a car out of spaghetti.

She wasn't laughing when I drove pasta.


A restaurant served me soggy spaghetti

So I put in a re-straining order.

Did ya'll ever hear about that lady who was selling sexual favors for spaghetti?

She was a pastatute

What do you call a hooker who works for spaghetti?

A pastatute!

I'm like spaghetti: I'm straight!

as long as I stay away from the pot...

At a restaurant, I was getting impatient waiting on my food...

I caught the waiter's attention as he rushed by. How long will my spaghetti be?

The waiter said: I don't know. We never measure it.

My dad was babysitting my two children, so I called him later to ask how it was going.

Me: "What did they have for dinner?"

Dad: "Which one? Charlie or Clark?"

Me: "Charlie"

Dad: "Spaghetti"

Me: "What about Clark?"

Dad: "Spaghetti"

Me: "Ok ... So what time did they go to bed?"

Dad: "Which one? Charlie or Clark?"

Me: "Charlie"

Dad: "7:30"

Me: "And Clark dad?"

Dad: "Also 7:30"

Me: "If the answers are the same, why are you telling me them separately?"

Dad: "Well, I was the one looking after Charlie".

Me: "oh, who was looking after Clark then?"

Dad: "Me".

Husband: Guests are coming tonight.

What's for dinner?

Wife:I am not well today, so there's only green beans.

Husband:No worry. I have an idea. When the guests arrives you'll welcome them and I'll go to the kitchen and drop one utensil and then you'll say "what happen" . Then I'll say "oh no!! I dropped the chicken " . Then again drop another utensil and say "I dropped the spaghetti. Now we only left with green beans."

*Guest arrives*
Wife: Welcome. Please make yourself comfortable.

* loud sound comes from the kitchen *

Wife: Everything alright, honey?

Husband: Sh**t. I dropped the beans.

Reggie, Joe, and Chuck

There was once a farmer who had three teenage daughters. On prom night, a young boy rang his doorbell.
**Reggie:** My name's Reggie, I'm here to pick up Betty, we're going to go eat some spaghetti, is she ready?
He told his Betty that someone was there to pick her up and they left.
A while later, there someone else rang the doorbell.
**Joe:** My name's Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo, we're going to watch a show, is she ready to go?
So he told Flo and they left.
A bit later, there was yet another boy at his door. He said:
**Chuck:** My name's Chuck...
And the farmer shot him.


A man walks up to a counter and says . . .

A man walks up to a counter and says, "Gimme a kielbassi sandwich and a beer."
"Ah," says the person behind the counter. "You must be Polish."
The customer becomes irate. "Now, just a minute," he says, "I happen to take offense at that! Why are you assuming that just because I ordered a kielbassi sandwich and a beer I must be Polish?"
"Well-"
"If I ordered a plate of spaghetti, would you assume I'm Italian?"
"Well, no."
If I ordered corned beef and cabbage, would you assume I'm Irish?"
"No."
"Then why," said the customer, "are you assuming I'm Polish just because I ordered a kielbassi sandwich and a beer?"
"Well . . . this is a hardware store."

A dad is waiting with his shotgun for his daughters' dates to arrive...

A dad is waiting with his shotgun for his daughters' dates to arrive.

The doorbell rings and the father opens the door to the first young man who says "Hi, I'm Eddie. I'm here for Betty. We're going out for spaghetti. Is she ready?" Strange kid but harmless, thinks the dad, and he lets the boy in.

The doorbell rings again. The dad answers the door and the new young man says, "Hi, I'm Joe. I'm here for Flo. We're going to a show. Is she ready to go?" The father lets him in.

The doorbell rings for the third time. When the father opens the door, the date says "Hi, I'm Chuck..." KABLAM!

my wife laughed at me when i told her i was going to make a car out of spaghetti

She wasn't laughing when i drove pasta.

A farmer has three daughters who all have dates tonight...

The doorbell rings and the farmer, armed with a shotgun answers the door to find a boy. The boy says, "Hello I'm Joe, I'm here for Flo, we're going to the show, is she ready to go?" The farmer thinks that the boy is very clever so he calls to Flo and sends her off with Joe

The doorbell rings again a little later and it's another boy. He says, "Hello I'm Eddy, I'm here for Betty, we're going to eat spaghetti, do you know if she's ready?" The farmer thinks that Eddy is just as clever as the first boy so he calls for Betty and sends the couple on their way.

The doorbell rings a third time and at the door is another boy. The boy says, "Hello I'm Chuck..." So the farmer shoots him in the face.

My wife said it was "crazy and impossible" when I told her I wanted to make a car out of spaghetti...

You should have seen her face as I drove pasta!

My sister didn't believe me when I said I could drive spaghetti.

You should have seen her face as I drove pasta.

A farmer has three daughters...

A farmer has three daughters who are all going on dates tonight. The doorbell rings and the farmer answers it. The boy says 'Hello I'm Joe, I'm here for Flo. We are going to see a show. Is she ready to go?' so Flo leaves with Joe. The doorbell rings again and the boy says 'Hello I'm Eddy, I'm here for Betty. We are going to eat spaghetti. Is she ready?' so Betty leaves with Eddy. The doorbell rings a third time and the boy says 'Hello I'm Chuck....'. The farmer promptly shot him.

What do women and spaghetti have in common?

.,....................................................
.
.
.
.
.

They both wiggle when you eat them!

Opening a new restaurant, focusing on gourmet noodles and spaghetti. We're also going to offer free delivery.

We're calling it Send Noods

I hate when women say they're lonely when I'm here...

It's like saying you're hungry when there's a pile of cold spaghetti on the floor outside.

Spaghetti

For years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant.

Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he said he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. Furthermore, if she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. 'Honey, she said, 'you received a very strange post card today.'

'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written:
Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.

Three with meatballs, two without.

Send extra sauce.

The flying spaghetti monster never died...

He pastaway.

What do you call a fake spaghetti?

An impasta

What do you call a hooker that you pay with spaghetti?

A pastatute

What do you call a person who whores themselves out for spaghetti?

A Pastatute

Hearing concerns

A man tells his doctor that he's concerned about his wife's hearing. The doctor tells him that there's an easy test for this: stand far away from her and ask her a question and keep getting closer until she hears him.

So the man goes home and sees his wife cooking dinner. He asks, "What's for dinner, honey?" There's no reply so he moves forward and asks, "What's for dinner, honey?" Again, he hears nothing and moves forward, "What's for dinner honey?"

She shouts, "For the third time, spaghetti!"

A farmer has three daughters when they were finally allowed to date it went something like this.

First daughter..... Guy knocks on the door and says "Hi I'm Joe. I'm here to pick up Flo and take her to a show is she ready to go?" Second daughter.... Guy knocks on the door and says, "hi I'm Eddie I'm here to pick up Betty. We're going to eat spaghetti. Is she ready?" Third daughter.... Guy knocks on the door and says "hi my name is CHUCK!" Dad promptly slams the door!!!!

There once was a farmer...

There once was a farmer who was very overprotective of his three daughters.

Turned out that all of his daughters had dates that same night. So he went on to the porch with his shotgun and waited for the dates to come.

The first boy came and said, "*Hi, I'm Freddy. I'm here for Betty to go out for spaghetti. Is she ready?*"

The farmer thought he was decent and let him go with his daughter.

The second boy came and said, "*Hello, I'm Joe. I'm here for Flo to go see a show. Is she ready to go?*"

The farmer thought he was decent as well and let them go on their date.

The last boy came and said, "*Hi, I'm Chuck-*"

*BANG!*

A blonde and brunette were in a local Walmart

A blonde and brunette were in a local Walmart when they decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle. They bought five tickets each at a dollar a pop. The following week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize.
The brunette won 1st place, a year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce and extra-long spaghetti.
The blonde won 6th prize, a toilet brush.
About a week or so had passed when the women met back at Wal-Mart. The blonde asked the brunette how she liked her prize, to which the brunette replied,
"Great, I love spaghetti!"
"How about you? How's the toilet brush?"
"Not so good," replied the blonde.
"I think I'm gonna go back to paper."

Bisexual girls are like spaghetti.

Straight until wet.

A farmer has triplets, and they're getting ready for prom night

.
The first date arrives, and in redneck tradition, the farmer greets him with a shotgun in hand. The boy tells the farmer, "My name is Teddy, I'm here to pick up Betty, we're going to get spaghetti, is she ready?" The farmer looks the boy over, and then calls Betty to go with him.

The second date arrives, and greeted by shotgun, nervously states, "My name is Joe, I'm here for Flo. We're gonna see a show, can she go?" The farmer thinks for a moment, then lets Flo go with Joe.

The night's third suitor rings the bell. He says "My name is Chuck-" and the farmer shoots him.

My girlfriend made a bet with me

She said theres no way i can make a car out of spaghetti. Shoulda seen the look on her face as i drove pasta.

A friend bet me that I couldn't turn spaghetti into a motor vehicle

She was really mad when I drove pasta

When born, Arnold Schwarzenegger got a job serving spaghetti for a local coffee shop.

He was known as the pasta barista baby.

A Farmer and His Daughter's Boyfriends

A farmer insists on vetting his daughters' boyfriends before they're allowed out on dates. One night, a young man appears at the front door, and says to the farmer, "Hello, I'm Joe, I'm here for Flo, we're going to the show, is she ready to go?" and the farmer lets them go. A second young man comes to the door, and says, "Hi, I'm Eddy, I'm here for Betty, we're going to eat spaghetti, is she ready?" and off they go. Then a third young man appears and says, "Hi, I'm Tucker..." and the farmer shoots him.

What does a bowl of spaghetti and a degree from Phoenix online both have in common?

If it ends up on your wall you're probably retarded.

A Polish Joke

A man walks up to a counter and says to the clerk, "Sir, give me your finest polish sausage!"

The man looks back at him confused. He then asks, "Sir, are you by any chance Polish?"

The first man looks back at him shocked and appalled. "How dare you assume I'm polish just because I asked for polish sausage! If I had asked for a taco, would you ask if I was Mexican? If I had asked for spaghetti, would you have assumed I was Italian? I can't believe you would assume something like that!"

The clerk looks back at him and says, "No sir, I assumed you were Polish because this is a hardware store."

What happened to the spaghetti at the end of it's life?

It pasta way.

There's a blonde man, a Mexican man, and an Italian man sitting on a construction site eating lunch and...

The Mexican man opens his lunch and exclaims, "Bean burritos again?! I swear if I get bean burritos one more time I am going to jump and kill myself!" Then the Italian man opens his lunch and says, "Seriously?! Spaghetti and meatballs again?! If I get this one more time in my lunch I am going to jump and kill myself as well!" then the blonde man opened his lunch and gets a ham and cheese sammich and pretty much says the same thing as the other guys.

Then next day at lunch time the three guys go to the the top of the site and open there lunches, all of them got exactly what they had yesterday and jumped to their deaths.

At the funeral the Mexican's wife goes up to the front and says, "If only I'd known he didn't want burritos for lunch I would have made him something else!" Next the Italian's wife walks up and says, "He should have told me he didn't want spaghetti and meatballs! I just would have made him something else!" After this everyone at the funeral looks at the blonde man's wife waiting for her to say something and she just says, "Don't look at me he makes his own lunch."

Where does spaghetti go to dance?

The meatball.

A lesbian woman is hitting on another woman in a bar.....

The other woman tells the lesbian "Im sorry but I straight."

The lesbian wispers into her ear, "So is spaghetti, until it gets hot and wet"

A farmer has three daughters.

A boy knocks on the door and says "I'm Eddie and I'm here to take Betty for spaghetti."

The farmer calls Betty and she goes on her date with the young man.

Another boy knocks on the door and says to the farmer "I'm Joe and I'm here to take Flo to the show".

The farmer calls Flo downstairs and the two go to the show.

A third boy then knocks on the front door and says "I'm Chuck..." and the farmer shoots him.

I told my mum I was goingto make a car out of spaghetti

She was really surprised when I drove pasta

There was an old farmer with three beautiful daughters...

They each had a date, so on the porch he would wait to ask the men some questions.


With his shotgun nearby up came the first guy and introduced himself to the farmer.


"Hello, my name is Joe, I'm here for Flo to see a show, is she ready to go?"


The farmer gave a sigh and waved goodbye as the second date had arrived.


"My name is Eddie, I'm here for Betty to go eat spaghetti, is she ready?"


With another sigh he waved goodbye as the third date had arrived.


"Hi, My name is Chuck-"


And the farmer shot him.

A panda walks into a restaurant

and orders some spaghetti. The waiter is surprised but still serves his order.

The panda eats the spaghetti slowly while reading a dictionary. After he is finished, he pulls out a gun, shoots the waiter and exits the restaurant.

The manager is staggered by the turn of events and moves to check what the panda had left behind. He sees the open page on the dictionary and finds the following definition of 'panda':

"a large bear-like mammal with characteristic black-and-white markings, native to certain mountain forests in China. Eats shoots and leaves."

Doing sexual favors for spaghetti dinners

...makes you a pastatute

My wife told me I could never make a car out of spaghetti...

Well, you should've seen her face as I drove pasta.

This used to be my mother's favorite joke, maybe still is.

A farmer has three daughters who all have a date on the same night.

The first guy comes to pick up his date and says "Hi, I'm Joe. I came to get Flo. We're gonna go to the show, can she go?" The farmer calls Flo down and they leave.

The second guy shows up: "Hi, I'm Eddie. I came to get Betty. We're gonna go get spaghetti, is she ready?" the farmer calls Betty down and they go.

The third guy shows up: "I'm Chuck. I came in my truck..."

The farmer shoots him.

What did the spaghetti say to the meatball at dinner time?

Pasta sauce

At a recent job interview I was asked about my background.

I got my phone out and showed him that it was a picture of a dog eating spaghetti.

The Spaghetti Joke. Two men had a plane crash in the desert and survived.

They had water, but no food. After a couple of days wandering in the desert they saw the remaining of another plane that was crashed a few days ago with a dead pilot. So one man says to the other "Let's open the dead pilot's stomach, perhaps what he ate is still there." The other agrees, they open the pilot's stomach and see the he had spaghetti.
The second man starts eating hungrily, the first man refuses politely. "You said to open his stomach and now you refuse?" asks the second man, "No thank you, I don't feel like it." The first man replies. So they continue walking, after a few hours, the spaghetti which was rotten in the dead pilot's stomach is hard to digest, so the guy who ate it starts to vomit. The other guy starts eating the vomited spaghetti. "What the heck are you doing?" asks the guy who vomited the spaghetti. And the man replies: "I like my spaghetti warm."

Spaghetti.

A man has an affaire with an italian woman, and gets her pregnant by accident.


Because the man didn't want to hurt his reputation or his marriage he made a deal with the woman. He would financially take care of the kid from birth to the baby's 18th birthday if she would move to Italy and have the baby there.


The woman agreed, but she asked how the man would know when the baby was born. He told the woman to send a postcard with just the word "Spaghetti" when the baby was born and he would make sure to start sending money.


9 months go by and the mans wife comes inside and mentions a very strange postcard from Italy came in the mail for him and hands it to him.
The man reads the postcard and faints.
His worried wife picks up the postcard which reads "5x Spaghetti, 3 with meatballs and 2 plain. Send extra sauce."


(My apologies for any erroneous spelling and/or grammar.)

My mum laughed at me when I told her I was building a car out of spaghetti....

You should have seen her face when I drove straight pasta!

What does a closeted lesbian and spaghetti have in common?

They're both straight until they get wet.

Italian wisdom

Eat spaghetti to forgetti your regretti

My wife told me I was crazy for trying to fix our car using spaghetti.

The look on her face when I drove pasta.

Why did the woman miss the spaghetti train?

Because it went straight pasta.

Heterosexual women are just like spaghetti....

They're straight, until they get wet.

How do you put spaghetti to sleep?

You cover it in peanut butter until it dies.


My 4 year old made that up, along with a few others. Not sure how I feel about this.

My wife didn't believe me when I told her I was going to make a bike out of spaghetti.

You should have seen her face when I rode straight pasta.

So the farmer has three daughters who are about to go on their first dates.

And so he invites their dates to his home, where he waited at the door with a shotgun.

When the first guy knocked on the door, the farmer opens it and the guy says, "Hi, my name is Joe, I'm here for Flo. We're going to a show. Is she ready to go?"

The farmer thinks for a bit, then he lets them go.

When the second guy knocked on the door, the farmer opens it and the guy says, "Hi, my name is Eddie, I'm here for Betty. We're going to get some spaghetti. Is she ready?"

The farmer thinks for a bit, then he lets them go.

When the third guy knocked on the door, the farmer opens it and the guys says, "Hi, my name is Chuck."

So the farmer shot him.

:(

What do you call someone who sells themself in exchange for spaghetti?

A pasta-tute

If I waited to long to eat my spaghetti, would I be....

Pro-pasta-nating?

What happened to the man who ate too much spaghetti?

He pasta way

What do you call noodles cooked with roofies?

Forgetti Spaghetti

What do you say when you get cornered by a gang of Italian prostitutes?

"Uh-oh, spaghetti hoes!"

Did you know? There is a species of frog in Alaska

There is a species of frog in Alaska that freezes during the winter and while frozen, the frog stops breathing, its heart stops beating, its palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy, there's vomit on its sweater already, mom's spaghetti.

Did you hear the creator of spaghetti died?

He pasta way

Just write spaghetti

For two years a married man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money to go to Italy and secretly have the child. He said, if she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18, and also pay for college. She ......agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back in the message area. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin. One day, about nine months later, he came home to his confused wife. 'Honey' she said, 'you received a very strange post card today.' He said 'Just give it to me and I'll explain it later.' She gave it to him and then watched as her husband turned white, then fainted after he read the card. On the card was written: Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Three with meatballs, two without. Please send extra sauce!!

Why is having a BBQ not popular in Italy?

Spaghetti keep falling through the grill

What do you call a woman who exchanges sex for spaghetti?

A Pasta-tute

What do you call a piece of slutty spaghetti?

A pastatute!

A lesbian tried to hit on me today, so I let her know that I was straight.

She told me, "Spaghetti is straight too, till it gets wet"

What do you call spaghetti that steals someones identity?

An impasta

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes