as long as I stay away from the pot...
For years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he said he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. Furthermore, if she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.
She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. 'Honey, she said, 'you received a very strange post card today.'
'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.
On the card was written:
Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.
Three with meatballs, two without.
Send extra sauce.
The meatball.
Pasta sauce
They had water, but no food. After a couple of days wandering in the desert they saw the remaining of another plane that was crashed a few days ago with a dead pilot. So one man says to the other "Let's open the dead pilot's stomach, perhaps what he ate is still there." The other agrees, they open the pilot's stomach and see the he had spaghetti.
The second man starts eating hungrily, the first man refuses politely. "You said to open his stomach and now you refuse?" asks the second man, "No thank you, I don't feel like it." The first man replies. So they continue walking, after a few hours, the spaghetti which was rotten in the dead pilot's stomach is hard to digest, so the guy who ate it starts to vomit. The other guy starts eating the vomited spaghetti. "What the heck are you doing?" asks the guy who vomited the spaghetti. And the man replies: "I like my spaghetti warm."
A man has an affaire with an italian woman, and gets her pregnant by accident.
Because the man didn't want to hurt his reputation or his marriage he made a deal with the woman. He would financially take care of the kid from birth to the baby's 18th birthday if she would move to Italy and have the baby there.
The woman agreed, but she asked how the man would know when the baby was born. He told the woman to send a postcard with just the word "Spaghetti" when the baby was born and he would make sure to start sending money.
9 months go by and the mans wife comes inside and mentions a very strange postcard from Italy came in the mail for him and hands it to him.
The man reads the postcard and faints.
His worried wife picks up the postcard which reads "5x Spaghetti, 3 with meatballs and 2 plain. Send extra sauce."
(My apologies for any erroneous spelling and/or grammar.)
With women, their sexuality can be a mood thing, can't it?
Spaghetti is the term I believe.
**Straight until wet**
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(This is one of Jimmy Carr's jokes but I laughed a lot so I thought I'd share it.)
Pasta La vista
It lost its parmesan slip.
because is was pasta bed time
I regretti that spaghetti
Mission: Impastable!
I'm at the bar the other night and this beautiful woman approached me.
She said "I'll screw your brains out if you buy me a bowl of macaroni."
I said, "Really!? What are you, a pasta-tute?"
And then, that very same girl came up to me the next day and I asked her what she charged.
She said she only charged a penne.
He was an M Pasta
"SPAGHET!"
Because his friend Pasta-Way!
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