Space Jokes

What are some Space jokes?

Why is girlfriend one word but best friend is two words?

Because your best friend gives you space when you need it.

Q : With Britain leaving EU soon, how much space will be freed up?


A: 1 GB



Astronaut 1: "I can't find any milk for my coffee"

Astronaut 2: "In space no-one can. Here, use cream"

If Britain leaves the EU, how much space will be freed up?

1GB

Today one of my friends told me I often make people uncomfortable by violating their personal space.

It was an incredibly hurtful thing to say and it completely ruined our bath.

An old Ukrainian is cleaning his hunting rifle one day when his grandson runs in

"Grandfather, the radio says that the Russians have gone into space!"

"All of them?" he asks, putting down his rifle.

"No, only one."

He starts cleaning the rifle again.

My first day as a car salesman...

Customer: Cargo space?
Me: Car no do that. Car no fly.
Manager: Can I see you in my office?

When you're trying to slingshot around Jupiter but you run out of fuel and end up on a collision course with one of Jupiter's moons...

Europa creek with no paddle.

I hope someone smiles at this dumb space joke.

Out in space two alien life forms are speaking with each other.

The first alien says, "The dominant life forms on the earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons."
The second alien, who looks exactly like the first, asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"
The first alien says, "I don't think so, they have them aimed at themselves."

Canada's starting a space program to send a spaceship to the moon

They're calling the spaceship Apollo-G.

Why are there no transvestites in space?

Because there is zero drag.

 

 

^^I ^^literally ^^came ^^up ^^with ^^this ^^one ^^2 ^^hours ^^ago.

 

 

 

In space, two aliens are talking to each other very closely

The first alien says, "The dominant life forms on the Earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons."

The second alien asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"

The first alien says, "I don't think so, they have aimed at themselves"

I have the body of a 25 year old supermodel

But it takes up too much space in my freezer

With the UK leaving the EU, the union has some free space.

Exactly 1GB

What's a gay man's favorite planet?

Earth, most likely. Unless he's personally interested in space exploration, in which case he might say Mars.

Orion's Belt is a waist of space.

Bad pun, I know. 3 stars at best.

How much space is needed for fungi to grow?

As mushroom as possible.

Orion's Belt is a big waist of space.

Bad joke. Only three stars.

How can you tell if an astronaut is gay?

You can't. There's no orientation in space.

My friend told me I make him feel uncomfortable because I violate his personal space...

It was a very hurtful thing to say and completely ruined our bath.

The Irishman's parking space

An Irishman is trying to find a parking space outside his local pub on a busy evening, but cannot find a single one.

He looks skyward and says, "Lord, if you grant me this space, I'll come to Church every Sunday like a good Catholic should."

Low and behold, a space opens up right in front of him at which time, he looks skyward again and says, "Never mind, I found one."

Parking a single car doesn't require much space.

But parking 200 cars, now that requires a lot.

Why are Astronauts always so calm?

There's no pressure in space.

I hate breakups.

Especially when they try to let you down gently.
"It's not you, it's me" "I just need some space" "We can still be cousins".

My favourite Haiku

Space is limited
In a haiku, so it's hard
To finish what you

I went to the National Air and Space Museum in DC...

There was a lot more stuff in there than I'd expected

How much free space does the EU have since Great Britain left?

1 GB

How to use and 5 times in a row grammatically

A man owned a store called This And That and hired another man to make a sign for it.

When it was finished the owner inspected the work.

He discovered that the spaces were wrong so he said, The space between This and And and And and That is different. Please fix it

I just went to the Air & Space museum.

Man do I feel ripped off. It was just an empty room.

Elon Musk: Did you move my car?

Team: Yeah.

Elon: Into the parking space, like I asked?

Team: Parking!?

Why is CoD: Infinite Warfare set in space?

Because no one on earth wants to buy it.

My girlfriend found one of my puns so funny that she flew into space and told it to an alien. Unfortunately, the alien didn't laugh.

Personally, I think she took the joke a bit too far.

Albert Einstein just finished his theory about space.

Its about time too

Why is call of duty infinite warfare set in space?

Because nobody liked it on earth.

Einstein developed a theory about space...

...it was about time too.

Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?

He just needed a little space

Why do space rocks taste better than Earth rocks?

Because they're a little meteor

Customer: I want cargo space

Me: Car no do that. Car no fly
Manager: See me in my office

How do you calm down an astronaut?

Give him some space

Overcome with the beauty of the Earth from space, the astronaut removed his helmet

The view was breathtaking

What do you call an iPhone 6S that ran out memory space.

Successful

Why are dogs afraid of outer space?

Because it's a vacuum.

If you're an astronaut..

and you don't end every relationship with "I need space" then you're just wasting your time

Some girl texted me the space button on her phone is broke

She texted "thespacebuttononmyphoneisbrokencanyoupleasegivemeanalternative" Can someone please tell me what ternative means.

What currency do they use in space?

Starbucks

If you've had sex with less than 536 people, then having sex with you is a more exclusive club than going into space.

I though I'd post something my ex-girlfriend could feel good about.

When a woman asks for some time, and some space...

... she's trying to calculate speed

In space, every book is a good book

You simply can't put it down.

Proof of God

Every atheist becomes a theist if you give them a little space

Stephen Hawking has finally released his new book about space.

It's about time, too.

A man is looking for a parking space

Everywhere he looks, it seems as if every single space has been taken. Though never much of a church goer, the man looks up to the sky and says, "God, if you give me a parking space, I promise I'll stop sinning and go to church." Suddenly, a parking space opens up right in front of him.

"Never mind. I found one."

The Trump administration is like the International Space Station

They're in constant free fall, and they needed Russia's help to get there

Why did Elon Musk send a Tesla into outer space?

When NASA sent a Challenger up, it didn't go so well.

When Brexit happens, how much space will the EU lose?

Exactly 1GB

What do you do when you see a space man?

Park the car, man.

Why don't ethnic and gender studies majors become astronauts?

Because there's no such thing as safe space.

Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend?

He needed space.

If Canada launched a space shuttle, what would it be called?

Apollo G

"I'm not a fool..."

An illiterate man loses his cheque book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.

Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your cheque book, because anyone can forge your signature.

Man: I am not a fool... I already signed all the cheques, so there is no space to forge my signature..

What do you call a tangled rope in space?

Astro-knot.

Einstein invented a theory about space...

and it was about time too!

Why can't astronauts stay in a long term relationship?

They need space.

Why are there no transvestites in space ?

Because there is zero drag.

Why didn't the dog want to go into outer space?

Because he was scared of vacuums!

What did the astronaut say to his girlfriend?

I need space.

What do you call it when you open a soda for a buddy who is in outer space?

An astrofizzassist.

Why is outer space so clean?

It's a vacuum!

200Years in the future.

A team of the smartest people on earth go to a distant planet, believed to have life. When they land they're greeted by 3aliens. They speak perfect english.

"Leave outsiders. This is our home planet, only trusted individuals are allowed here!"

The space group is quite surprised by this. Most of them think about turning back and going to earth. When one man in the back of the group, Unseen by the aliens, Shows himself. Upon his sight the aliens appear to become much more peaceful with the humans.

"Oh you brought Dave with you! Why didn't you say so."

What's the name of NASA's launch button?

The "Space Bar"

Cheesy Jokes/ Lame Jokes. They make my day.

How do you make an egg laugh?
Tell it a yolk.

Why did the cookie go to hospital?
Because he was feeling a little crummy.

Why was the mushroom happy?
Because he was a fungi.

How do you organise a party in space?
You planet.

How does the man on the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.

Why couldn't the skeleton go to the party?
He had no body to go with.

Hear about the Italian chef?
He pasta way.

What did one ocean say to the other?
Nothing they just waved.

Did you hear about the movie constipated?
It never came out.

Ole and Sven are flying a plane over northern Minnesota

Ole is the pilot, and they are approaching their destination. Sven looks out the window and sees the runway in the distance. He notices the runway looks rather short and says, "Y'know, Ole, dat looks like a really short runway."

Ole replies, "Oh, don't worry. Dis is a small plane after all. Dere's plenty of space for us to land."

As they get closer, Sven sees that the runway is indeed very short, and he says, "Ole, I don't know bout dis, it looks like dat runway is too short."

Ole says, "Ok, I'll press da brakes as hard as I can when we come down, how bout dat?"

But Sven isn't reassured very much. At this point, he can see that the runway is almost certainly too short for them to land. He says, "Ole! Dis runway is way too short. we're gonna crash!"

Ole says, "Oh shut up. I'll just put de plane in reverse as soon as we land, that'll do it."

So, the plane touches down, and despite Ole's best efforts, they do go off the runway and into the fence. The plane flips over a few times and is heavily damaged, but luckily both Ole and Sven are relatively unharmed. The two climb out of the wreckage, and Sven says, "You see, I was right! Dis runway was too short!"

Ole looks up and down the runway, and then he says, "Aye, it was really short. But look at how *wide* it is!"

Why do all Russian Cosmonauts only drink black coffee?

Because in space, no one here use cream.

I don't care if you don't like space puns. I like space puns.

Comet me bro.

Two Aliens meet at a Bar in Deep Space

Two Aliens meet in a bar in deep space.

**First Alien:** On my way here I passed a beautiful blue world, 2/3 covered by water, The dominant race have discovered Satellite technology and Harnessed the power of nuclear weapons for defense.

**Second Alien:** Interesting, so it looks like we have an emerging intelligence in the Galaxy.

**First Alien:** That is what i thought but then I realized they pointed them at themselves.

My girlfriend says she needs some space.

Which is confusing because I thought my imagination was limitless.

First woman in space

"Houston, we have a problem."

"What?"

"Never mind"

"What's the problem?"

"Nothing"

"Please tell us?"

"You know what the problem is."

"If you understand me at all, you would've known!"

How to make Space jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Space to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Space? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Space pick up lines to share with friends.

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