The Best 35 Soviets Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Soviets jokes. There are some soviets communism jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these soviets in soviet union puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Soviets Jokes and Puns

A Finnish joke from the Cold War

During the Cold War, a foreign journalist asked a Finnish general what Finland would do if the USSR and NATO would fight a war in Finland.

He replied first we would beat out NATO, and then the Soviets .

The journalist was surprised about the order and asked why.

We are civilized people. Work comes before pleasure , the general replied.

Why do Soviets always write in lower-case?

Because they hate Capitalism.

Joke told in the Soviet Union

(For context only 1/7 Soviets owned a car, and once you paid up front there was a 10 year wait to get one)

A man walks into the car store wanting to buy a car. He pays the man at the counter and the man at the counter says Alright, just come back in 10 years to pick one up. The man replies Morning or afternoon? The dealer says Well, 10 years from now what difference does it make? The man replies Well, the plumbers coming over in the morning.

Soviets joke, Joke told in the Soviet Union

Why are firetrucks red?

Why are firetrucks red?
Well because firetrucks have six wheels, six is half a dozen. Usually when someone is using half a dozen and a dozen, they are referring to eggs. Eggs come from chickens, a male chicken is a rooster, roosters are often on steeples, steeples are are tall, like a mast on a ship, ships go on the sea, in the sea there are fish and fish have fins and the Fins fought the Soviets and the soviet flag is red.

I don't get how the Soviets were able to beat Hitler

It felt like they were **Stalin**g

How do Soviets invade a country?

They Russian.

Why didn't the Soviets publish any Where's Waldo books?

Because in Soviet Russia Waldo find you.

Soviets joke, Why didn't the Soviets publish any Where's Waldo books?

Why are Soviets so bad with the ladies?

They're always Russian the fuckin' and Stalin the lovin'


Where do Soviets make butter?


Why did the Soviets wait so long to fight the Nazis in World War 2?

Their leader was Stalin

Why did the Americans win the space race?

Because the soviets were Stalin.

You can explore soviets lenin reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean soviets pact dad jokes. There are also soviets puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

How many soviets does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. Because they ran out of lightbulbs.

What did the Soviets say during the 1956 Hungarian Revolution?

Soviets:You're not you when you're Hungary. Have a tank.

Did you hear the UN has started a program of forgiving the crimes of former soviets who have died?

Yeah, it's called the red dead redemption.

Why Soviets never went to the moon?

They were afraid the cosmonauts wouldn't want to come back.

Did you hear that the Soviets are updating their sex ed programs?

I hear that it is planned to be implemented by the nomenclitoris.

Soviets joke, Did you hear that the Soviets are updating their sex ed programs?

Why did the Soviets implement 5 year plans instead of 4 year plans?

'Cuz they were stalin'!

What did the Soviets had which the new Battlefront won't?

A space mode.

Soviets are vegans

They have no animal farms.

What did the Soviets eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner?


Why did the Soviets pull their missiles out?

Because they feared a premature ejectulation

The Soviets should have seen the fall of communism,

All the red flags were there.

Latvia in WW2

Latvian man sent to front in Great Patriotic War. No potato, much shooting. Is captured by Germans. Germans send to POW camp. Get own potato as prisoner! But Soviets liberate camp, take all potato. Man dies in Siberia.

Why are soviets always late to work?

There cars are always Stalin

Why do Soviets use lowercase letters?

Because they don't understand CAPitalismο»Ώ

Why were the Soviets able to beat the Western Allies to Berlin?

Because they were Russian!

The Soviets decided that they wanted to see which ethnic group could go the longest without eating.

So, to no one's surprise, Russians are pretty racist. My Belorussian girlfriend just told me this one, and insists that it's funny.

The Soviets decided that they wanted to see which ethnic group could go the longest without eating. They lock a Russian, a Ukrainian, a Belorussian and a "Chukcha" (Inuit) in different rooms, and tell them to call on the phone when they get hungry. One day passes and the Russian calls, two days go by and the Belarussian calls, three days gone and the Ukrainian calls. Then four, five, six days pass, and still no call from the Chukcha. The authorities go and see how he's doing, and they find an emaciated man barely clinging to life, calling out "phone, phone."

For the Russian speakers, he calls out - "Ρ‚Π΅Π»Π΅Ρ„ΠΎΠ½Π° Ρ‚Π΅Π»Π΅Ρ„ΠΎΠ½Π°, Ρ‡ΡƒΠΊΡ‡Π° ΠΊΡƒΡˆΠ°Ρ‚ΡŒ Ρ…ΠΎΡ‡Π΅Ρ‚."

Why don't Soviets wear boxer shorts?

Because Chernobyl fall out

What did the Soviets call the spread of communism?

Manifesto destiny

The Third Reich did bad things, and their anthem is good. The Soviets did bad things, and their anthem is good...

So why isn't the American anthem good?

What kind of beer do Soviets drink?


What will the Soviets do on January 1st, 2019?

They'll make a new year's revolution.

Good thing the Space Race ended when it did.

If it went all the way to Mars, the Soviets would have easily got to the Red Planet first.

How many soviets does it take to change a lightbulb?

How many soviets does it take to change a lightbulb?

Lightbulb is irrelevant, no electricity in USSR.

What do Soviets do for dinner?

They have a communist manifeasto.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the soviets soviet union jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working soviets in soviet russia piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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