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Southern Jokes

127 southern jokes and hilarious southern puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about southern that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article will explore the different types of southern jokes and their origins.

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Funniest Southern Short Jokes

Short southern jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The southern humour may include short deep south jokes also.

  1. My Southern friends are like "K"s they're alright when they are by themselves, but get 3 of 'em together and it gets pretty racist
  2. Record low temperatures causing snow and freezing all over the southern United States. Finally: white people in Texas are having problems with ICE.
  3. Did you know that dogs chase their tails clockwise in the southern hemisphere and counter-clockwise in the northern hemisphere? It's called the Corgi-olis Effect.
  4. In the northern hemisphere, small dogs chase their tails clockwise, but in the southern hemisphere, they chase them counter-clockwise. This is due to the corgiolis effect.
  5. Why is the South the best place to hide in case of zombie takeover? southerner zombies don't have any teeth to bite with.
  6. The state of Florida is a navigational anomaly... The further north you go the more southern it gets.
  7. Did you know that calculus was never taught in southern schools before the 1960s? They didn't believe in integration.
  8. What's the difference between a Yankee zoo and a Southern zoo? The Yankee zoo will have the name of the animal and its Latin name. The Southern zoo will have the name of the animal and a recipe.
  9. What does a southern belle playing Magic the Gathering say when her opponent disrupts her mana production? My lands!
  10. Below our Southern border is filled with chaos, violence, and corruption. The government is in shambles and the people are always fighting amongst themselves. Thank god I live in Canada.

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Southern One Liners

Which southern one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with southern? I can suggest the ones about southeast and northern.

  1. Southern France is Nice But Gibraltar totally rocks!
  2. What do Southerners have in common with peanut butter? They are both usually in bread.
  3. What do you call a southern divorce? A secession from the union.
  4. What's the rarest category on Jeopardy? Contestants with southern accents
  5. How do southerners speak of addiction recovery? With drawl
  6. What do you call a southern lumberjack a tree feller
  7. What's the worst part of going to a southern family reunion? Seeing your ex.
  8. What do you call a racist, southern bakery? Cake Cake Cake
  9. Police: We're looking for pirates Me (a Southerner): Y'ar?
  10. How do you derail a Norfolk Southern Train? Put it on the tracks.
  11. Why not go to southern France? There's nothing Toulouse
  12. What do you call it when 2 Southern people betray each other? Betra-y'all
  13. I'm writing a southern rock song about chicken eggs... ...it's called "Prebird"
  14. Southerners can do pretty good civil war voice impressions.... General Lee speaking.
  15. My friend just bought a house in a coastal city in southern France. It's Nice.

Southern Baptist Jokes

Here is a list of funny southern baptist jokes and even better southern baptist puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • An unhinged neurosurgeon, a tech CEO, and a Southern baptist preacher walk into a bar... they all ask for your vote
  • Jews don't recognize Jesus. Protestants don't recognize the Pope. Southern Baptists don't recognize each other at the liquor store.
  • Why don't Southern Baptists make love standing up? Because they're afraid someone will look in the window and think that they're dancing.
  • How many Southern Baptists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Change?!
  • According to the Southern Baptist Convention... couples are forbidden to have s**... while standing up. They're afraid it might lead to dancing.
  • Why don't Southern Baptists have s**... standing up? Because it might lead to dancing.

Southern Girl Jokes

Here is a list of funny southern girl jokes and even better southern girl puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I've been into this southern girl for a while now... Things are looking great,
    Today she told me I was like a brother to her!
  • When did the Southern girl realize she was a lesbian? After the first time her mom breastfed her
  • Why couldn't the southern girl find a husband? She had no family.
  • As a Southerner, I can tell you: the girls down here have no dreams They do have drames, though. Boy I tell you, they's got some drames.
  • How do you get a Southern girl to put something in her mouth? Put some ranch on it
  • Why don't Southern girls engage in o**...? Too many thank-you notes.
  • What does a teenage southern girl say while having s**...? Get off me Daddy! You're crushing my cigarettes!
  • Why don't Southern girls like o**...? Because of all the thank you notes they'd have to write...
Southern joke, Why don't Southern girls like o**...?

Northern Southern Jokes

Here is a list of funny northern southern jokes and even better northern southern puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What did the southern side of the tree say to the northern side when it died? I'm sorry for your moss
    I made this up and I apologise. It's awful.
  • If the Southern States of the US annexed the northern part of Mexico right now... The average I.Q. of both countries would go up
  • What is the difference between northern and southern zoos? Southern zoos have a description of the animals along with a recipe.
  • What's the difference between a northern and a southern fairytale? A northeren fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins"Y'all ain't gonna believe this s**......"
  • There are subtle differences in the Northern and Southern Dialect Northern Euphemism for *long d**...*
    >My pp is PARTY SIZE
    Southern Euphemism for *long d**...*
    >My pp is FAMILY SIZE

Southern Belle Jokes

Here is a list of funny southern belle jokes and even better southern belle puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • How much does a southern belle weigh? A monogram
  • An optometrist asks a southern belle what she want from the donut shop. She respond "eye dude, eclair."
  • What's brown and sounds like a bell? DUNNNG! What's brown and sounds like a Southern Belle? Blanche Devereaux with a tan.
  • So why don't Southern Belles attend o**... any more? Too many thank-you notes to write

Southern Accent Jokes

Here is a list of funny southern accent jokes and even better southern accent puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My buddy has tried to stop speaking in such a deep southern accent he's going through withdrawls
  • From the South, but Not Southern People: You're from the south? But you don't have an accent.
    Me: I know, my parents put me in school.
  • How you gon' put out a fire a long ways away? (Southern accent) Far-truck.
  • My old Southern grandma always tells me not to owe anyone when I die In her syrupy South Cackalackee accent she states, "There's no good kinds of die arrears"
  • If Popeye had a southern accent he'd be gay His boyfriends name would be Olive Earl
  • What do you call wood that comes from a long ways away? Farwood. (Southern accent)
Southern joke, What do you call wood that comes from a long ways away?

Hilarious Southern Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter

What funny jokes about southern you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean north south jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make southern pranks.

Once I was walking along the Golden Gate Bridge

Once I was walking along the Golden Gate Bridge and I saw this guy about to jump.
I said, "Don't jump."
He said, "Nobody loves me."
I said, "God loves you. Are you a Christian or a Jew?"
He said, "A Christian."
I said, "Me too! Protestant or Catholic?"
He said, "Protestant."
I said, "Me too! What denomination?"
He said, "Baptist."
I said, "Me too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Baptist."
I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist."
I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist, Great Lakes Conference, or Northern Conservative Baptist, Eastern Conference?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist, Great Lakes Conference."
I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1912."
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1912."
I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him off.
--Emo Philips

the case for the lost bicycle

A Methodist preacher and a Baptist preacher live in a small southern town. Every day, they pass each other on their bycycles as they ride to their respective churches. One day, the Methodist notices the Baptist walking.
He says "Brother, where is your bicycle?"
"My heart is heavy, for I fear that a member of my congregation has stolen it" replied the Baptist.
"That's horrible." Thinking for a moment, the Methodist has an idea. "I know how we might get your bike back. This Sunday, you should preach the ten commandments. When you get to thou shalt not steal, really bear down on it. Maybe the theif will feel guilty and return your bike."
"That's a great idea, I'll try it!"
Sure enough, the following Monday, the Methodist preacher sees the Baptist Preacher riding his bike.
"I see my plan worked" said the Methodist.
"Well, not exactly" replied the Baptist. "I did like you said, and gave a real fire and brimstone sermon on the ten commandments. However, when I got to thou shalt no commit adultery, I remembered where I left my bike."

Thanksgiving in Bulgaria

Obviously Thanksgiving is an American holiday. However, as a former soldier deployed to Southern Europe, I was given a week long pass during the week of Thanksgiving. I decided to go to Bulgaria. You know what the best thing about Thanksgiving in Bulgaria is?
Bulgaria is next to Turkey and Greece.

I'm from the southern US, is it OK to poke fun at myself?

Why don't schools in the south teach Driver's Ed and s**... Ed on same day?
Too hard on the mule.

A joke from Civil War History Class today

Teacher asks: 'The southern plantations were very wealthy. Exactly how much of that wealth did the slaves get?'
Student answers: 'A whip'

Looking for a joke about being s**....

Sorry, there's no punchline, this isn't a joke.
I was hoping someone could help me here, though.
I'm trying to remember a joke that was told my a while ago by a Southern man after he passed out drunk. It was something along the lines of "Where is s**... in the dictionary? Between X and Y," where X and Y are two relevant words that start with "s."
Any ideas? Variations? Sound familiar?
Thanks!

What do Vietnamese historians and Southern r**... have in common?

They both care way too much about the Đức Dynasty.

My Life s**......

...I'm 22 years old and the only job I've had so far was working in fast food. My co-worker hates me and has tried to kill me. Also I have no friends except a southern girl I like and my other friend who only hangs out with me because he is mental. I have to ride my bike everywhere because I can never get my drivers license. And the worst part is, I live in a pineapple.

Mexico is now the world's fattest nation, is plagued by gun violence, and has a big problem with i**... immigrants crossing their southern border...

I guess they became Americans after all.

So I hear there is a rule about not ending sentences with a preposition.

A snobbish English teacher was sitting in an Atlanta airport coffee shop waiting for her flight back to Connecticut, when a friendly Southern belle sat down next to her.
'Where y'all goin' to?' asked the Southern belle.
Turning her nose in the air, the snob replied 'I don't answer people who end their sentences with prepositions'.
The Southern belle thought a moment, and tried again. 'Where y'all goin' to, b**...?'

Why does it take southerners so long to do their chores?

Because slavery is i**....

I can't stop traveling to Southern Spain.

It's all so Moorish.

How do you tell the difference between a Northern and a Southern zoo?

A Northern zoo has a large plaque in front of each animal cage. The plaque list the genus, species, common name, average life span, habitat and diet of the animal.

A Southern zoo has a recipe in from of each animal cage.

A joke to me by an old southern man.

I told my Wife to go to c**...'s and get me a seersucker suit.
She went to Sears......

No matter who wins the election they are going to have a build a wall on the southern border

of Canada.

Mexico was pretty livid when Donald Trump announced his plan to build a wall along the southern border of the United States...

...But once it's erected and complete, I'm sure they'll manage to get over it.

Did you hear about the new Vietnamese noodle / southern BBQ fusion restaurant?

It's called Pho-Q

Mexicans WILL build the wall...

Upon contract of Canadian goverment for their owm southern border!

"Y'know with all the civil unrest, political corruption, class divides, drug smuggling, gang wars, police brutality, gun violence, and poor education maybe building a wall to protect us from our southern neighbors isn't such a bad idea"

\- Canada

What do you call an unsuccessful migrant trying to illegally cross the U.S. southern border?

A Mexi*cant*

Why are the southern states so bad at calculus?

Because they have trouble whenever they try integration.

Where's the worst place to get s**... by 8 inches?

Probably one of the southern states, they really aren't prepared for that much snow.

If Italian bread is Italian bread, and French bread is French bread, what do you call southern bread

i**...

Christmas Carol not to be sung in Southern California...

Oh the weather outside is frightful...
But the fire is so delightful...
And since you have no place to go....

What do southerners do in their free time

their sister

How many Southerners does it take to change a light bulb?

300. One to actually change it and the rest of them to talk about how good the old one was.

Remember past mistakes and never trust the voters to make good decisions...

Southern Biscuits and Gravy was actually a finalist in the Lay's Chip Contest

BREAKING NEWS!

Two tanker ships collided and sank in the southern Pacific Ocean yesterday. One was filled with red paint and the other, smaller tanker, was filled with blue paint. All crew members survived but now are marooned on an uninhabited island.

Below the southern border is a world of corruption and evil

Good thing I live in North Korea, all praise our glorious leader

I ate five alarm chili last night...

...this morning I'm declaring a National Emergency at my southern border.

Why are Southerners so bad at managing money?

They only talk with drawls.

Why should you always serve a Southern Carolina football man soup in a plate?

Cause if you give him a bowl, he'll throw it away.

The Southern stages of grief:

- Aw naw
- Aw h**... naw
- Y'all done up and done it naw

"Yeah. Those animals across our southern border have ruined their own country and our trying to invade and ruin ours. With their rampent guns and drugs... their government has become a shambles of nut job military and rich drug addicts who don't care about anyone!

Eh?"

Today our leaders closed of the southern border preventing people from coming to our country for a better life a better education and much needed health care!

As a Canadian I am outraged!

What does a southern Buddhist say when they die?

What in reintarnation!

Street gangs of southern LA have started decapitating each other and using the body parts to trade for goods...

The most valuable of which is the Crip toe currency.

Did you know? In Marseille, they actually give you a certificate with every souvenir you buy, as a means of demonstrating that it's a genuine product of southern France.

It's proven Provence province provenance.

Switch Operator

This guy was applying for a job as a switch operator on the railroad. The engineer was conducting the interview. "What would you do if the Northern Express was heading north on Track 1 and the Southern Central was heading south on Track 1?" The guy thought. "Well, I'd call my brother." The engineer just sat there for a second. "Why on Earth would you call your brother?" "He's never seen a train wreck before."

A Southern Belle and s**... New York socialite meet at a swanky party.

The southern belle says, How nice to meet you! Where are y'all from?
The snob sniffs and says, I am from a place where we do not end our sentences with a preposition.
So the belle says, Oh, I'm so sorry. Where are y'all from, *b**...*?

Couple went to New York and hired a Cab.

He had a broad Southern accent
Cabbies
: "whhhherre are Yaaah
Frumm?"
Wife: "what is he sayin?"
Husband: "asking where we from"
Husband to cabbie: "London"
Cabbie:" whereeee inn Londonn?"
Wife:"what is he sayin?"
Husband to wife: "asking where from in London"
Husband to cabbie: "Stamford"
Cabbie:" Stammfordd , I know the place, was there during the war and had an English girlfriend.
Had the worst s**... of my Life"
Wife:"what is he sayin now?"
Husband: " He says he knows you!!"

A Southern lady sits down next to a Yankee businesswoman on a plane. Trying to be friendly, the Southerner asks, "So, where ya'all from?"

The Yankee sniffs in disdain and replies, "Where I'm from, we don't end our sentences in prepositions!"
The lady, a little shocked by the rudeness says, "Aight, where ya'all from, b**...?"

When I was a teenager…

…I worked as a bag boy in a southern supermarket (Publix). As one of the busiest stores, we were chosen to test making fresh squeezed juice in the store at customers' request. As a social person, this sounded like a pretty cool job so I asked my manager if I could get some shifts on the juice machine. Unfortunately, it wasn't possible because baggers can't be juicers

Southern

A University of Alabama student was visiting a Yankee relative in Boston over the holidays. He went to a large party and met a pretty co-ed. He was attempting to start up a conversation with the line, "Where y'all go to school? " The coed, of course, was not overly impressed with his grammar or southern drawl, but did answer his question. "Yale," she replied. The Alabama student took a big, deep breath and shouted, "WHERE Y'ALL GO TO SCHOOL?? "

Obit

Woman from the deepest, most southern part of Alabama goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is written. The obit editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word. She pauses, reflects and then says, Well, then, let it read, 'Billy Bob died'. Amused at the woman's thrift, the editor says, Sorry ma'am, there is a 7 word minimum on all obituaries. Only a little flustered, she thinks things over and in a few seconds says, In that case, let it read, 'Billy Bob died - 1983 Pick-up for sale.'

Two Southern Baptist ministers are having lunch

And as they often do, they start ranting about the immorality found in society. One of them starts ranting about pre-marital s**.... "It's a sin, I tell you, all of these young kids having relations outside the holy covenant of marriage. Well, I can tell you one thing, I didn't have s**... with my wife before we were married - how about you?"
The other minister thinks for a second and says "I don't think so - what was her maiden name?"

What do you call a Southern doctor that specializes in bladders, kidneys, and prostates?

A y'allogist

An old man is on his death bed and calls all his family and the priest.

He says to his first son "I want you to have all the property in the north of the town, I have 16 houses there."
He says to his second son "I want you to have all my commercial property, 8 businesses."
He says to his third son "I want you to have the houses in the southern district, there are only 4, but they are expensive and lucrative."
The old man passes away and the priest says "That is unbelievable, he must have been incredibly wealthy?"
The old man's widow laughs and says "He was a Window Cleaner"

What's the difference between a northern fairy tale and a southern fairy tale?

A northern fairy tale begins, Once upon a time, …
A southern fairy tale begins, Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit…!

Heard about the time the Southerner drank too much whisky and suffered ED?

It was *the Night They Drove Old Dixie Down*.

How many Southern Baptists does it take to change a lightbulb?

At least fifteen: One to change the bulb, and three committees to approve the change and to decide who is bringing the potato salad.
>!Dearest Moderators, the title may be a repost but the joke is not, I checked!!<

Southern joke, How many Southern Baptists does it take to change a lightbulb?

jokes about southern