The Best 77 South Jokes

Following is our collection of South jokes which are very funny. There are some south bloc jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these south texas puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Missing South Africa

In Toronto I saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that read:
"I miss South Africa."

So I broke the window, took the radio and left a note that read:
"I hope this helps."

whats the diffrence between a tornado and a divorce in the south?

nothing. sombodys losing a trailer!

As migration approached, two elderly vultures

As migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could make the trip south, so they decided to go by airplane.

When they checked their baggage, the attendant noticed that they were carrying two dead raccoons. "Do you wish to check the raccoons through as luggage?" she asked.

"No, thanks," replied the vultures. "They're carrion."

Why is the South the best place to hide in case of zombie takeover?

Southerner zombies don't have any teeth to bite with.

Whats the difference between a tornado and a divorce in the south?

Nothing, because either way, someone is losing their trailer.


I'm from the southern US, is it OK to poke fun at myself?

Why don't schools in the south teach Driver's Ed and Sex Ed on same day?

Too hard on the mule.

So George Bush is in his office...

His adviser comes in tells him, "Mr. President I'm afraid I have some bad news. There was an explosion at our embassy in South America, two Americans were killed as well as three Brazilian citizens."
Bush looks at him and says, "Oh my God... How many is a brazilian?"

What's the difference between your mom and an alpaca?

One's a hairy beast that spits and the other's native to South America.

You guys know how the toothbrush was invented in the south?

Because if it was invented in the north, it would've been called a teethbrush.

A North Irish girl lives with her grandmother...

and they find that they are running very low on money. The girl tells her grandma,

"I'm going to head off south to find work, I'll come back with money. I promise."

The girl is gone for many months, and when she returns home she has tons of money! The grandmother is overjoyed and says,

"How did you make all this money, child?"

The girl says in a hushed voice, "Well, I was a prostitute grandma."

The grandmother looked enraged, "What did you say?!"

"I was a prostitute, grandma! I'm sorry."

The grandmother calms down, "Oh thank God! I thought you said you were a protestant!"

Southwest

A mother and her very young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big airplanes have baby airplanes?"

The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess.

So the boy went down the aisle and asked the stewardess. The stewardess, who was very busy at the time, smiled and said, "Did your Mom tell you to ask me?"

The boy said, "yes she did."

"Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby airplanes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your Mom explain that to you."

Top South Puns and Funny Jokes

You can explore south west reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean south southeast dad jokes. There are also south puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Did you know that 90% of all dog in South Korea are inbred?

Most commonly it's whole wheat or rye

Obama goes on vacation to South Carolina and goes for an ocean swim...

And begins to drown! A young lifeguard swims out and rescues him, pulling him back to shore.

"Thank you so much for saving me young lady. Please, tell me what I can do to repay you."

"Aw shucks, I don't need nuthin', sir, it's just ma job!" She says.

"Listen, I'm the President of the United States, I can give you anything you want!"

She thinks for a moment and says "Well, I'd mighty like a plot at the Arlington National Cemetery if ya can do that fer me."

"Why does a young woman like you want a burial plot at the cemetery?"

"Because" she said, "When my friends and family find out what I just did they'll kill me!"

So why don't Southern Belles attend orgies any more?

Too many thank-you notes to write

What do you call a gay man from the deep South

a Homo-sex-y'all

How many South Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A Brazilian.

What's the difference between a tornado and a divorce in the South?

Nothing, someone's losing the trailer.
-Robin Williams

Lazy vultures

Two lazy vultures had procrastinated on flying south for the winter until the first frost hit, then they got worried. "We better catch an airplane to Mexico, lets go to the airport!" So they take off down the road, and as luck would have it, they come across two dead road-killed opossums, that had started to get nice and smelly, just like vultures like them. "What luck, we better take these with us, I heard the airlines don't offer meals on the flight anymore." So they each grab a dead opossum, tuck it under their wing, and head on to the terminal. They walk up to the ticket counter and tell they lady "We'd like two tickets to Cancun, please."

"Very well," she says, "Will you be checking any bags?"

"No," say the vultures, holding up the dead opossum carcasses, "we only have carrion."

Why is it always a full tide in South Africa?

Because they made a part tide illegal.


Why are South Koreans better dancers than North Koreans?

They've got Seoul.

What does a South Carolina cop do when a panda runs away from him?

Shoots him 8 times in the black.

A North-Korean officer pulls out a megaphone at the North and South Korean border and yells "Kim Jong-Un is an idiot!" and gets sent to 31 years in a labor camp.

1 year for insulting the Dear Leader and 30 years for revealing a state secret.

TIL several states in the South banned calculus from schools in the 1950's.

Apparently they opposed integration.

What is the most popular dating website in the south?

Ancestry.com

A North Korean man frequently sneaks to the South Korean capital to gamble for bakery goods for his family.

He is the seoul breadwinner

I want to visit north Korea one day...

before everything goes south.

Breaking News: A ship carrying red paint just collided with a ship carrying purple paint, in the South China Sea.

Authorities report that the crews of both ships are marooned

Apparently it's no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethic minority, so...

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Gurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, two Kiwis, a German, an American, a South African, a Cypriot, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, a Dane, a Romani, a Bulgarian, a Swiss, a Greek, a Bulgarian, a Singaporean, a Norwegian, a Libyan, a Hindu, a Muslim, a Monk, an Italian, a Serb, a Russian and an Ethiopian went to a bar.

The bouncer said, "I'm sorry, you can't come in here without a Thai"

What's the difference between a South African prison and Leonardo Dicaprio?

A South African prison has an Oscar

North Korea has finished nuking the South, and there was one man left alive.

He was the Seoul survivor.

Why does it take southerners so long to do their chores?

Because slavery is illegal.

Archeologists in South Africa have just discoved what they think is the oldest tampon ever found

They are trying to find out what period it came from

What do South American governments and internal combustion engines have in common?

Both are measured in revolutions per minute.

Elon Musk was born in South Africa, and made an electric car. What if he had been born in Madagascar?

He would have made a gas car

My girlfriend's best friend had her arm stuck in the dirt this morning

She asked me how to get her hand out quickly.

I told her, "Dig south for her arm, bae."

Two seismologists have divided California into North and South to be monitored for earthquakes. A deadly magnitude 9 happens right in the middle

The North seismologist says: "why didn't you see the earthquake coming?!"

The South seismologist says: "It's not my Fault!"

Did you hear about the failed mission to Antarctica?

Their journey went south.

The country would be a lot better off if the South had won the war.....

...General Lee speaking

What did the goose say when he found out about flying south?

Wanna hear migrate idea?

I don't get why Japanese people and South Korean people just can't get along.

I mean, they're all Chinese.

What do South Koreans call their spouses?

Seoulmates

President of South Korea Impeached.

Hopefully the USA will follow suit, and have their president deoranged.

Why is teaching calculus so difficult in the South?

They hate integration

What do Southerners have in common with peanut butter?

They are both usually in bread.

I'll be so demoralised if North Korea decides to invade South Korea...

It'd be Seoul destroying

What does a tornado and a divorce in the south have in common?

Somebody is losing a trailer

Which city is the South African Superman from?

Cape Town

What does a southern belle playing Magic the Gathering say when her opponent disrupts her mana production?

My lands!

TIL 50% of South Koreans have cataracts.

The other 50% drive Rincolns.

In Japan they invented a machine that catches thieves

In Japan they invented a machine that catches thieves, so they took it out to different countries for a test. In USA, in 30 minutes, it caught 20 thieves,
UK, in 30 minutes it caught 500 thieves,
Spain in 20 minutes it caught 25 thieves :
Nigeria in 10 minutes it caught 6,000 thieves,
Uganda in 7 minutes it caught 20,000 thieves,
Then they brought it to South Africa , in 5 minutes the machine was stolen.

I've heard that people in the South think everything is better in sandwich form.

Those inbreds.

How is a thrown dictionary similar to birds flying south for winter?

They're both flying information.

Why is the south bad at calculus?

They don't know how to integrate.

North Korea is participating in the olympics this year, but they won't win.

Because all of their athletes that can run jump or swim are in south korea

South Korea is famous for their R&B music.

They've really got Seoul.

What sex position are you not allowed to use in the south?

Reverse cowgirl, you never turn your back on family.

Why don't they teach Calculus in the Deep South?

Because they don't like integration.

My Southern friends are like "K"s

they're alright when they are by themselves, but get 3 of 'em together and it gets pretty racist

The UN decided to do a worldwide survey...

The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge flop. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe, they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe, they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China, they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East, they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America, they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA, they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are on a ridge

And the lone ranger says: "Tonto! There's Indians to the North! And Indians to the West, Indians to the East and Indians to the South! What are we going to do?"

And Tonto goes: "What do you mean we, white man?"

A professor in South Africa is teaching her students how to form Emglish sentences.

Attention class I have two words: Cheetah, and dandelion. Can anybody use these together in a sentence?

One student raises their hand,

The cheetah is faster dandelion.

How south is South Africa?

South AF

When I professed my love to a female friend she told me she loved me like a brother...

We are from the south so things are going good.

Cop spots a guy driving past with a South American plate. He's eating some kind of Mexican food and has no clothes on! He pulls him over and asks, "Where are you from? What are you eating? Aren't you cold?"

"Chilly", he replies.

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.

The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

Growing up in the south , my dad told me to never date a virgin

He told me if they ain't good enough for their family, then they aren't good enough for ours.

Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.

Thank god I live in Canada

Why did North Korea fight South Korea?

Because North Korea has no Seoul

My wife is kicking me out because she's fed up with my South American animal puns...

'OK,' I said, 'Alpaca my bags.'

Why aren't there many North Koreans in the Olympics?

Because anyone who can run, swim, or jump is in South Korea

Why does Santa use elves?

the south lost

I hope Bethesda's next Elder Scrolls game is a racing thriller set in South California

They already have the perfect name for it: TES: LA Motors. I don't see why they couldn't.

Christmas cracker joke: Why do birds fly south in the winter?

Because they can't afford the train!

Sorry, but I'm eating alone this Christmas and have no one here to tell it to.

A South Korean asks a North Korean How's life?

The North Korean responds Well, I can't complain.

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are divorcing.

After naming their kids after directions they're the ones going south.

How did Kim Kardashian tell her kid about her upcoming divorce with Kanye?

North, things between West and I have gone South.

In 1862, Australia implemented a telegraph system that stretched from south Australia to Indonesia and beyond. Effectively becoming Australia's first internet.

And the speed of communication hasn't changed since.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the south north jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working south south africa piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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