South African Jokes
61 south african jokes and hilarious south african puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about south african that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest South African Short Jokes
Short south african jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The south african humour may include short south africa jokes also.
- What's the difference between a South African prison and Leonardo Dicaprio? A South African prison has an Oscar
- How many South Africans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Trick question, you can't screw in a lightbulb. There's not enough room.
- Have you heard about the South African man who went to Greece and would only eat cheese? He got Feta and Feta and Feta.
- When a South African tells me they really love math I can't work out if they're a nerd or an addict
- A South African miner loses a leg in an accident. He cries 'Oh no! Who's going to want a one legged gold digger now?'
To which Paul McCartney shouts 'Me!!!!' - Ever hear about the South African SWAT team? They operate in areas with malaria outbreaks.
- I've never dated a South African girl who I've disliked. Every time I meet one, we click almost immediately.
- The Beach Boys found some South African money on the floor. "Rand."
"Rand."
"Get a rand."
"I get a rand." - Me (30M) can't tell if my South African friend (29F) is addicted to drugs or numbers She keeps saying she loves 'Meths'
- If a South African inventor wanted to make a French-sounding cologne, what would he call his new fragrance? Elan! Musk
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South African One Liners
Which south african one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with south african? I can suggest the ones about south american and starving african.
- Which city is the South African Superman from? Cape Town
- Where do South Africans buy their pastrami and salami? At the Nelson Mandeli.
- What floats on water and goes quick? A South African duck
- What's green and goes quick? A South African duck.
- Why are native South African Tribesman immune to lightning? 'cause you can't Shaka Zulu.
- Two South Africans were playing a game of golf Unfortunately, apartheid their game.
- where do South Africans learn slang? Durban Dictionary
- What do you call a Hindu South African? Nelson Mandala.
- How does a South African Eskimo get inside his house? With his Huskies
- I met a South African yesterday but didn't understand his language We clicked
- What do South Africans do at 18:30? Half six.
- Who is the best known South African comedian besides Trevor Noah? Elon Musk
- What do you call a South African cricket player who doesn't bat? Ebola.
- What is the South African base unit for luminous intensity? Nelson Candela
- How do South African farmers keep their w**... so clean? A part water and a part tide.
Cheerful South African Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!
What funny jokes about south african you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean african american jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make south african pranks.
Joke for any South Africans out there...
Mbeki, Jacob Zuma, Geraldine Fraser-Moleketi and Manto Tsabalala Msimang were flying together in the President's jet. Thabo Mbeki suddenly said: You know what. I can throw a R500 right now out of this window and make someone happy.
Jacob Zuma said: I can throw five R 100 notes out of the window and I will make 5 people unbelievably happy.
Geraldine said: I will give government employees 7.25% salary increase and make millions happy .
Manto said : I will can throw ten R 50 notes out of the window and make 10 people very, very happy.
The one pilot looks at the other and says:
Listen to those 4 showoffs at the back… I can throw all 4 of them out of the window right now and I will make the whole country very happy!
Oscar
• Roses are red,
Violets are glorious,
Don't try to surprise
Oscar Pistorius
• She didn't notice Oscar sneaking up behind her. It was the silence of the limbs.
• Oscar Pistorius. Not the first South African with a race problem.
• When Oscar Pistorius said he wanted to be just like able bodied athletes, who knew he meant OJ Simpson?
• Absolutely shocking news from South Africa. White man arrested for m**....
• Oscar Pistorius. Just because he has no legs doesn't mean he's unarmed.
• I take it Oscar Pistorius's girlfriend bought him shoes for Valentines.
• What do you call a room full of dead people? An Oscar Pistorius surprise birthday party.
• Oscar Pistorius has an incredible record of wins to his name. Six gold medals, four silver medals and one argument.
• A young woman is dead, the life of up and coming athlete, Oscar Pistorious, is ruined, and people are already making jokes about it. That's prosthetic... i mean pathetic.
• I think it's safe to say that Oscar Pistorius won't be getting his leg over tonight.
• Police have found a list of 20 other women that Pistorius planned to kill, they are calling it shinless list.
• And the Oscar goes to....... Prison.
it seems Oscar Pistorious jokes still have legs..
Roses are red, Violets are glorious, Don't ever sneak up on Oscar Pistorius.
She didn't notice Oscar sneaking up behind her. It was the silence of the limbs.
Oscar Pistorius. Not the first South African with a race problem.
When Oscar Pistorius said he wanted to be just like able bodied athletes, who knew he meant OJ Simpson?
Absolutely shocking news from South Africa. White man arrested for m**....
Oscar Pistorius. Just because he has no legs doesn't mean he's unarmed.
Surely Oscar Pistorius cant be the first man to wake up legless on Valentines day and shoot all over the missus while imagining she's someone else!
I take it Oscar Pistorius's girlfriend bought him shoes for Valentines.
What do you call a room full of dead people? An Oscar Pistorius surprise birthday party... or... An Oscar Pistorius St Valentine's Day Massacre
Oscar Pistorius has an incredible record of wins to his name - Six gold medals, four silver medals and one argument.
A young woman is dead, the life of up‑and‑coming athlete, Oscar Pistorius, is ruined, and people are already making jokes about it. That's prosthetic... i mean pathetic.
I think it's safe to say that Oscar Pistorius won't be getting his leg over tonight.
Oscar Pistorious' lawyer is trying to claim mistaken identity
Personally I don`t think he has a leg to stand on
And the Oscar goes to ... Prison.
The South African justice system really is something else.
I wouldn't be surprised if Reeva Steenkamp's parents end up having to pay for a new bathroom door.
What do you call it when a South African camalid is having problems with her child's school project depicting the 44th Baby llama mamma's Obama diorama drama! of the United States?
Baby llama mamma's Obama diorama drama!
Thanks for texting this to me, John.
A Brit, American and South African Joke
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years
They came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the Brit's, in the weeks that followed, an American archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story published in the New York bulletin: American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the British
One week later, the Cape bulletin, in South Africa , reported the following: After digging as deep as 30 feet in his backyard in Thabazimbi , South Africa , Lucky Simelane, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing (azikolo, fokol (f*** all). Lucky has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Africa had already gone wireless.
Helping your neighbour South African Style
Hello, is this the South African Police?
Eish-Yes. What you want?
I'm calling to report my neighbour, Hendrik van der Merwe! He is hiding dagga (Cannabis) inside his firewood.
Eeeh-Yes…Thank you for your co-operasheen and informasheen in combating crime and violence, in our society suh
The next day, the Police descends on Hendrik's house. They search the braai lapa (BBQ area) where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they chop open every piece of wood, but find no dagga (Cannabis) . They shout and swear at Hendrik and leave.
The phone rings at Hendrik's house.
Hey, Hendrik! Did the Police come?
Ja! (Yes!)
Did they chop your firewood for the braai (BBQ) tonight?
Ja… (Yes...)
Happy birthday my friend!
Zuma want's to move to the sun....
With all the talk about moving to the moon, South African President Jacob Zuma and Zimbabwe President Robert Mugabe were chatting freely about where each would like to go and live, if the opportunity ever presented itself....
"To the moon" answered Mugabe - mmm that sounds cool Zuma responded candidly.
How about you Jacob?
Zuma: Well if I could go live anywhere I would go to the Sun.
Mugabe: To the Sun! Are you crazy thats a flaming ball of hot gas, you will most ceretainly fry.....
Zuma: No no no, you see Robert, that wont happen if I go at night!
(South African) If you were a cereal, you'd be Kellogs Special K...
...'cause you're special, k?
Apparently it's no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethic minority, so...
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Gurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, two Kiwis, a German, an American, a South African, a Cypriot, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, a Dane, a Romani, a Bulgarian, a Swiss, a Greek, a Bulgarian, a Singaporean, a Norwegian, a Libyan, a Hindu, a Muslim, a Monk, an Italian, a Serb, a Russian and an Ethiopian went to a bar.
The bouncer said, "I'm sorry, you can't come in here without a Thai"
A South African actor walks into his managers office (original joke)
Looking for a job. His manager thinks about it and says "we only have one role available at the moment, it's a short film about segregation"
The actor replies "great, that sounds like a-part-heid take"
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman,
a Latvian, a Chinese, a Japanese,
a Kiwi, a Canuck, an Eskimo,
a Fijian, a Turk, an Aussie,
a y**..., an Egyptian, a Spaniard,
a Mongolian, a Tibetan, a p**...,
a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard,
a Greek, a Russian, an Estonian,
a German, an Indian, an Italian,
a Brazilian, a Kenyan, a South African,
a Filipino, a Pakistani, a Korean,
a Argentinian, a Lithuanian, a Dane,
a Finn, a Swede, an Israeli,
a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb,
a Czech, and a Swiss man go to a pub..............
The bouncer says, "Sorry. I can't let you in without a Thai."
If you're addicted to m**... , you're either a drug addict...
or a South African addicted to numbers.
Shouldn't the Archbishop of Canterbury adopt a Twitter handle @pomtifex ??
The Australians, New Zealanders & South Africans (and thereby the rest of the cricketing world call the English - poms)
A South African-born student was suspended for applying for an African-American student prize.
He didn't fill out his application form correctly.
If Elon Musk is from South Africa and low lives in America.
Does that mean he's African American?
Why are South Africans so good at doing their laundry?
Because they're used to keeping w**..., b**..., and Coloureds separate.
Hey, remember the south african billionaire who smoked w**... on a live podcast and ended up violating the SEC rules?
looks like he apartheid too hard...
How does a South African do their laundry?
Well first you separate the w**... and the coloureds...
A Canadian, a Swiss, a German, a Mexican, a American, a Korean, a Austrian, a Brazilian, a Estonian, a Filipino, a British, a Egyptian, a Icelander, a Jamaican, a South African, a Puerto Rican, a Chinese, a Latvian, a Moroccan, a Taiwanese, a Spaniard, and a romanian walk into a fancy restaurant.
The waiter stops them and says Sorry, you can't come in here without a Thai.
A Zimbabwean man, a Malian man, an Equatorial Guinean man, and a South African man, were all walking down the street.
They came up on a street performer, who asked if he was visible.
"Yes."
"Oui."
"Si."
"Ja."
