The Best 80 Source Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Source jokes. There are some source inspiration jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these source generator puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Source Jokes and Puns
Dude 1: Hey, bro?
Dude 2: Yeah bro?
Dude 1: Can you pass me that pamphlet?
Dude 2: Brochure
Please settle an argument regarding this joke: why is it funny?
>What is the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
>30 pounds.
This joke has been the source of debate among my peers. I know I'm right, but I need evidence/validation. Why is this joke funny? What is the punch line implying?
----
What do we call a wireless mouse?
Hamster.
Source: **Dad**
Jesus knows you're here
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shines his flashlight around the house looking for valuables when a voice in the dark says "Jesus knows you're here." Freaked out, he turns his flashlight off and freezes, but hears nothing more so shakes his head and continues. As he is disconnecting cables from the TV, he hears very clearly "Jesus is watching you." Startled, he shines his light around frantically looking for the source of the voice. In the corner of the room he spots a Parrot. "Did you say that?" he asks. "Yes," the parrot confessed, "I'm just trying to warn you that he's watching you." The burglar laughs a bit, "warn me huh? Who in the world are you!" "Moses." The bird replies. With a now humorous tone, the burglar asks "What kind of person would name a bird Moses?" The bird replies "the same kind of people who would name a rottweiler Jesus."
Scientists recently discovered the source of the quark...
It's the sound made by a posh duck.
What's a good source of Vietnamese renewable energy?
A Nguyen mill.
So the church is losing money...
...and the friars decide that they need a new income source. To do this, they set up a flower stand, and do a pretty good business selling flowers in the small village. Unfortunately, there is another floral store that is losing business because of the friars. So, they go talk to the friars, telling them to stop selling flowers, because they are losing money. The friars say "no way man, free country, free enterprise."
The owners of the other floral shop decide to get real about these religious flower sellers, so they hire a hitman to go take them out. The hitman, named Hugh, shows up to the friars' store. Hugh, now, he's about 7'1', and 240 pounds of pure muscle. "Hey," he says, "you guys ought to stop sellin flowers." The petrified friars agree that maybe the floral business isn't such a good idea after all, and promptly shut it down.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
The day after Beethoven's funeral
The day after Beethoven's funeral, at midnight, a drunken man, having just left the bar, went into the graveyard, where he heard a strange sound. Looking for the source of the mysterious sound, he discovered it was coming from Beethoven's grave. Alarmed, he called his friends, and found they could hear the sound too (even the sober ones).
Soon, a crowd was forming at the graveyard. The mayor, who was very familiar with classical music, recognized the sound as Beethoven's 9th Symphony played backwards. When it ended, Beethoven's 8th Symphony started playing, also backwards, and then the 7th, and then the 6th, and so forth. At dawn, having reached a conclusion, the mayor said to the gathering crowd:
"There's nothing to fear, gentlemen. He's just decomposing."
I booked an hotel in kenya on walking distance from the beach...
You can't imagine how far those kenyans will walk.
[source: philip geubels, Belgian comedian]
Q: What do you call a trucker wearing a suit and tie?
A: the defendant
Source: I'm a trucker. (reformed)
For the young and/or foreign:
Defendant - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Defendant
In a criminal trial, a defendant is any person accused (charged) of committing an offence (a crime), an act defined as punishable under criminal law.
Two antennas got married.
The reception was great.
Source: Unsure, saw it on FB.
You can explore source incomprehensible reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean source monologue dad jokes. There are also source puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Recently divorced Marine sniper slapped with a 1500 yard restraining order.
He is now struggling to understand the distance that has become between them, as well as windage.
So, A Man Breaks Into a House...
He begins looking for valuables and such when he hears a voice.
"Jesus is watching you."
The man looks around for the source of the voice. It speaks again.
"Jesus is watching you."
After a few moments, the man finds a parrot in a cage.
"Jesus is watching you." It says.
The man smirked. "Hey there, little guy. What's your name?"
"Moses."
"What kind of people name their parrot Moses?"
"The same kind of people who name their rottweiler Jesus."
Why do Jehovah's Witnesses use Macs?
They prefer to not have windows.
[For those that don't get it, their churches, called "Kingdom Halls", frequently are built without windows. The official reason given is to avoid vandalism but the real reason is usually secrecy. Generally if the group builds a church it won't have windows. Source: my ex-wife was a former member]
Schrödinger is in a car...
...and gets pulled over by a cop for speeding. The cop, after writing a ticket, notices a peculiar smell and asks to check for the source. After looking under the car, glancing over at the backseat and popping the trunk, he rushes over.
Cop: "Sir! Did you know you have a dead cat in your trunk?"
Schrödinger: "I do now"
Why do chickens sit on eggs?
Because they don't have any chairs.
Source: my five-year-old.
How many Germans does it take to screw in a Lightbulb?
**One.**
**Germans are very efficient and not very funny.**
*Source: My co-worker.*
*I'm German and I approve this message.*
Did you hear they're making a Source Code 2?
It's gonna be called Source Code: The SQL!
What's the difference between a refrigerator and a drug addict?
A refrigerator starts in a box and moves into a house.
(This is not mine, but I don't know the source. Either way, I thought it should be shared.)
Today I was offered sex
I was offered sex today, with a 21 year old girl, in exchange I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner to my friends. Of course I declined because I am a person of high moral standards with strong will power. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner, now available scented lemon or vanilla.
- Source - facebook though it was funny so I though I'd share.
What do you get when you buy a $5 umbrella?
Wet.
Source: me, now.
A programmers wife tells him...
"Run to the store and get a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen."
He returns with 12 loaves of bread.
@SciencePorn tweeted this, I saw it there, don't know the original source.
A cucumber made a deal with the devil.
He is quite in a pickle now.
Source: Stole it.
Is the KKK a good source of Potassium?
Yes, because they're all bananas.
Q: You're sailing on a boat with a pack of cigarettes, but do not have a fire source, what do?
A: Throw one overboard to make the boat a cigarette lighter.
What did the circus owner say to the human-cannonball when the he wanted to retire?
How will I ever find another performer of your caliber?
What do you call an Chinese family with a pet dog?
Vegetarians.
Source: I'm Chinese.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it's two gross.
source: someone told me this joke, it's not my joke.
Two scientists are trying to find the best source of energy.
They realise that no one has tried asking the energy sources what *they* think.
So they go to a coal-fired power station, and they ask the coal, "What do you think of coal power?"
The coal says, "Well, I don't really like it, because they set me on fire, and it hurts." The scientists write this down.
Then they go to an oil-fired power station. They ask the oil, "What do you think of oil power?"
The oil says, "Well, I don't really like it, because they set me on fire, and it hurts." The scientists nod and write it down.
Then they go to a wind farm. They ask a wind turbine, "What do you think of wind power?"
The wind turbine just stands there and says, "I'm a huge fan."
I met a French gentleman in the bathroom. How do I know he was French, do you ask?
He went oui, oui.
Source: my 13 year old brother.
Captain Ahab is like G.W. Bush
They're both violent men that have a revenge fantasy against a cheap source of oil.
Did y'all hear the one about the tortilla song?
Don't have source, but now that I think about it, it may have been a rap
When I was younger, I used to feel like I was a man trapped in a woman's body
Then I was born.
(Source: sickipedia)
why would you be a suicide bomber...
And wait for the 72 virgins in heaven... When you could become a catholic preist and have them now!
Source: Jimmy Carr
If I could bring three items to a desert island I would bring a trapping guide, a water purifier, and a car door.
With the trapping guide I could lay snares so I wouldn't go hungry, with the purifier I could have a source of clean water so I wouldn't get thirsty, and with the car door I could roll the window down so I wouldn't get hot.
6 inches is the size prefered by women,
Source: I work at Subway.
Are you a hydroelectric source of power?
...cause dam!
A new source of electricity is found!
Lincoln is is infinitely rolling in his grave right now.
We can use that somehow.
You know what they say about citing a source with more than 2 authors..
It's not hard et al.
If I were black...
I'd stand in front of a tanning salon and laugh at all the customers.
Source: Neal Brennan
What do you call a moving nun?
A Roman Catholic
If I had a dollar for every time someone called me a feminist...
I would have 77 cents
Source: Male
What do a squirrel and a cigarette have in common?
Put either one in your mouth, light it on fire, and it will kill you.
Source: Friend told me
Ranchers in Colorado are conducting a crucial experiment on the environmental sustainability of using hemp as a feed source for cattle.
The steaks have never been higher.
What's worse than your wife cheating on you with your brother?
Your wife cheating on you with her brother.
Source: am from Alabama.
New fast and the Furious movie should be called... 'Fast 10: Your Seat belts'
Source: Wife's Facebook... made me chuckle.
A Saudi king let me juice up my phone with his portable power source.
I was charged with a Sultan battery.
Neo nazis are like cats...
If they like you, you're probably feeding them
Source: last week tonight
A Bee on a Fly
(Disclaimer) this is a repost from something I saw a long time ago, so if someone could get a source that'd be very cool
A bee is riding on the back of a fly. The fly turns around, and asks, hey, are you a bee?
In which the bee replies, I might bee.
The fly then says, dude, that's the worst pun I have ever heard.
The bee responds, I know man, I made it up on the fly.
The beard or me. You must choose.
A guy decides to grow a beard and his girlfriend hates it. She finally tells him: it's time to choose me or the beard.
He says: "What? Choose between the love of my life and a source of irritation that needs constant attention and tending? That's an easy decision....The hard question is who gets the apartment?"
Did you hear the joke about the construction?
...hold on I'm still working on it.
Stolen from a friend, who when asked his source, simply replied: a 5 year old whispered it to me
Men call short women "petite". What do women call short men?
Um, yeh, they don't call.
Source: I'm not a tall man.
How does Big Shaq compile his software?
From raw source.
Joke from a 1920s Australian Newspaper
**Diplomacy**
Uncle to nephew playing a game of War with a companion: "If you take the fortress within a quarter of an hour, I'll give you a sixpence."
Youngster (a minute later): "Uncle, sixpence please, the fortress is taken."
Uncle: "How did you manage it so quickly?"
Youngster: "I offered the besieged threepence and he gave in."
Source: The Narracoote Herald, Friday 13, February 1920
I saw a pig, a cow, and a horse.
I told my wife, Those look like some of your relatives.
She replied, Yeah, my in-laws!
The most German joke I know (source: am German): Why are there so few crimes in Germany?
Because its illegal.
Why is the most difficult phrase to pronounce if you have a lisp?
I love you
Source: my father has a lisp
Sometime in the Middle Ages
Queen: come to bed
King: not until i have a name for my soldiers
Queen: k night
King: babe ur a genius
(Source: @fro_vo on Twitter)
This guy died after drinking a whole bottle of furniture polish,
A sad end but a beautiful finish.
(richard dawson: source)
Why did the conjoined twins travel from America to England?
So the other one could finally drive.
——————-
(Source: heard it in _Man on the Moon_ movie)
2 guys are on a boat with 3 cigarettes and no fire source to lit them
So they throw 1 cigarette out the boat and the boat comes a cigarette lighter
English is weird. Sometimes the letter 'c' is pronounced like 's', but other times not.
Source: course
A nervous man walks into the bar
He goes to the counter and starts eating the nuts. Suddenly he hears a voice say you're handsome coming from the countertop, he looks around to find the source of the voice, but is unable to do so.
He continues eating the nuts when the voice once again says you have nice hair.
The man realises that the voice was coming from the nuts. He asks the bartender what's up with these nuts?
The bartender replies: oh those? They're complementary!
I just heard a huge oil company is planning on using insect urine as a source for an alternative fuel.
I think its BP.
Something stinks on my flight
I can't find it. I know I'm not the only one. Everybody around me has scrunched up faces. Someone hit the flight attendant button. The flight attendant notices quickly as well, and begins searching for the source. She starts ripping open the overhead storage bins, smelling each one cautiously. With a wretch, she grabs one case from above, yanks it to the ground and opens it to find a dead rabbit. The owner immediately jumps up and tells, "Hey, that's my carrion!"
Q: What is a large mammal that lives in swamps and shouts obscenities at passers by?
A: The hippopottymouth
Source: friend's kid
Do you know why you can't starve in the desert?
Because of all the sand which is there.
Source: I'm a dad.
Which Science-Fiction author is the best source of liquid mercury?
HG Wells.
Some might say america is a dumpster fire right now
But that's not true because a dumpster fire can actually give a homeless person a source of heat
I finally got out of an abusive relationship
I'm glad, my hands were starting to hurt!
^(Source: SrGrafo stream musings)
Do you know why women and children are always evacuated first in any emergency situation?
So that all the men can think and come up with a solution in peace and quiet.
Source: my dad (to me on International Women's Day)
I think I figured out the source of the beef between Kyle Rittenhouse and LeBron James.
Kyle has LeBron sorely outclassed in both shooting and defense.
Why can't dinosaurs clap their hands?
Because they're dead.
Source: my 10yr old
Why did Dracula become a vegetarian?
Because his doctor said stakes were bad for his heart.
source: My 7 year-old.
I heard Microsoft tried to change the file path separator in Windows
but it received tons of backslash from the community.
--
Source: Aaron Peterson, Twitter.
Burglar breaks into a house
Burglar breaks in. Immediately hears a voice say "Jesus sees you". He looks around to figure out who was talking to him. Frustrated he yells " Who is it? Who are you?" "I am moses", answers someone. Spotting the source of the voice, he finds Moses, a parrot. Burglar angrily asks "Which idiot named a parrot Moses?" Parrot answers "Same idiot who named the rottweiler Jesus, RIP".
i found a talking tree
i woke up one day and i heard a crying voice, i followed it and i found the source to be from a cut down tree
i said: "hello?"
the tree said crying: "what do you want?"
i asked: "you can talk?"
the tree answered: "yeah I'm a rare variant, now you answer my question: who cut me in half?"
i replied: "i don't know."
the tree said: "i don't know too, i'm stumped"
Sometimes people are surprised to find out I've been named after my dad....
....but how could I have been named before him?
Source : Hank Green, the ultimate Dad
Just want to tell that guy I met the other day, who is trying to find a source of water for his village
I wish you well
I told my son a fun fact about the Nile
He asked me "source?"
I answered Lake Victoria
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the source derive jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working source credit piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.