Soup Jokes

Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Soup puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best jokes about Soup

You've heard of alphabet soup. Now get ready for

Times new ramen

Old German joke

An eight-year old boy had never spoken a word. One afternoon, as he sat eating his lunch he turned to his mother and said, The soup is cold."

His astonished mother exclaimed, Son, I've waited so long to hear you speak. But all these years you never said a thing. Why haven't you spoken before?"

The boy looked at her and replied, Up until now, everything has been satisfactory."

A man ordered the soup at a restaurant and asked the waiter to try it...

Man: Waiter, will you try the soup?

Waiter: What's wrong Sir, is it too cold?

Man: Will you just try the soup.

Waiter: Is it too hot?

Man: Will you just try the soup

Waiter: Is it too spicy, Sir?

Man: Will you just try the damned soup son

Waiter: If there is something wrong with the soup...

Man: WILL YOU JUST TRY THE SOUP!

Waiter: FINE! I'll try the soup. Where's the spoon.

Man: Exactly.

Taste the soup

A guy eating in a restaurant calls the waiter.
-Please taste the soup.

The confused waiter asks:
-Is the soup too hot?
-Just taste the soup...

-Is the soup too cold?
-Taste the soup.

-Is there a fly in the soup?
-Taste the soup!

The waiter, tired of guessing, gives up.
-Alright, alright, I'll taste the soup. Where's the spoon?
-Aha!

When I was little, my dad used to feed me alphabet soup, claiming that I loved it

I didn't really; he was just putting words in my mouth.

I hate to admit it, but my wife's cooking has seriously improved.

......that was best slice of soup I've ever had!

I ordered 2000 lbs. of chinese soup.

It was Won Ton.

Why do the Irish only put 239 beans in their soup?

Because one more and they would get too farty

How do you make gold soup ?

Put 24 carrots in it

I was eating soup one day outside my favorite restaurant and it started raining..

Took me hours to finish my meal.

I ate five cans of alphabet soup.....

I had the biggest vowel movement of my life.

What's the heaviest soup in Asia?

Wonton soup!

Life is like a soup

Life is like a soup, you only get blown if you're hot.

What kind of soup do men have after sex?

Split pee

I ate 4 bowls of delicious alphabet soup.

After that I had a massive vowel movement.

Dad, are bugs good to eat..?

A boy asks his father, "Dad, are bugs good to eat?" "That's disgusting. Don't talk about things like that over dinner," the dad replies. After dinner the father asks, "Now, son, what did you want to ask me?" "Oh, nothing," the boy says. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it's gone."

I just sneezed while eating alphabet soup...

...took the words right out of my mouth.

So I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup today..

I'm expecting a massive vowel movement.

Why does Irish bean soup have exactly 239 beans in it?

(Irish accent) Because one more and it would be too farty.

I ate five cans of alphabet soup yesterday.

Then, I easily had the biggest vowel movement ever.

You all heard of alphabet soup! Prepare yourself for...

Times New Ramen

Why did the Irishman put 239 beans in the soup pot?

Because any more would be too farty.

I just ate four cans of alphabet soup...

...and just had the largest vowel movement ever.

WAITER: "Yes, is there something wrong?"

WAITER: "Yes, sir, is there something wrong?"


CUSTOMER: "The soup. Taste it."


WAITER: "I beg your pardon, Sir?"


CUSTOMER: "Taste it."


WAITER: "But, Sir, I can assure you that the soup is excellent."


CUSTOMER: "Taste it."


WAITER: "Sir, the soup was made this morning of the finest ingredients."


CUSTOMER: "Taste it!"


WAITER: exasperated, "All right, Sir, I'll taste it."


Then after a pause he said, "Where is the spoon?"


CUSTOMER: "Ah ha!!"

A little boy asked his father, "Dad, are bugs good to eat?"

"That's not appropriate dinner table conversation, son," said his dad. "We can talk about that later."

After dinner the man said, "Now, son, what were you trying to ask me before?"

"Oh, nothing," said the boy. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it's gone."

What do racist cannibals like to add to their soup?

A handful of crackers.

I saw my buddy dressed as a bowl of soup...

I didn't know if he was friend or pho.

So an old couple was getting ready for bed...

...when the old lady throws off her robe, revealing the skimpy negligee that she was wearing, jumps on her husband and yells "SUPER SEX!".

The man takes one look at his wife and says, "Well if you don't mind, I would like the soup."

how do you make gold soup?

put 14 carrots in it.

I'll show myself out.

Two jungle explorers got captured by cannibals...

Now they find themselves in a giant cauldron full of water over an open fire. The water is getting warmer and warmer and both of them realize they're done for. So they're sitting there not sure what to do when one of them lets out a chuckle. "how could you laugh at a time like this?" says the other one, "we're both about to die!".

"I know...but I just peed in their soup."

I ate four bowls of Alphabet Soup...

Then I had a massive vowel movement

How many beans are in Irish bean soup?

Two-thirty-nine. One more and it'd be too farty.

What do cannibals put in their soup?

Ramen!

--------

Before you judge harshly, I would like to state that this was invented by a six year old, all on his own, no coaching.

Don't leave alphabet soup cooking on the stove unattended.

It could spell disaster.

I ate too much alphabet soup and became consonated.

I was better after I evacuated my vowels.

A man lines up for food in Soviet Russia...

After two hours of waiting he gets his turn and offers his bowl.

Out of soup. says the officer in charge and waves him aside.

The man refuses to leave. He tosses the bowl on the table and curses the regime for failing his starving family.

The officer motions to the guards and they wrestle the ranting man away. As they shove him outside, one says to the man:

Back then we could've shot you in the snow, comrade.

The man goes back home to his wife. She sees him looking glum as he walks in and asks:

Ran out of soup again?

Even worse, he replied. They ran out of bullets.

A rabbit walks into a men's clothing store...

And the clerk says,"May I help you, sir?"
"Yes", says the rabbit. "I'd like a BLT with some coleslaw please."
"I'm sorry sir", says the clerk," but we don't have that here."
"Oh, ok.", says the slightly deflated rabbit. "I guess I'll have a house salad."
"Sir," replies the slightly annoyed clerk," we don't have that. Is there something else I can help you with?"
"Well," says the rabbit," in that case I'll just have a bowl of tomato soup."
The clerk is now incensed. "Sir, we don't have food! The sign outside clearly says 'men's clothing store'! Can't you read?"
"Listen, buddy", says the rabbit,"if I could read, I would have asked you for a menu!"

I ordered 1000 kg of Chinese soup

It was won ton.

The font for alphabet soup

Is times new ramen.

Why is Irish bean soup made with 239 beans?

Because if you add even one more it gets "2 farty".

I had four cans of alphabet soup yesterday.

I just had the largest vowel movement...

I'll see myself out.

Guy at a restaurant orders a soup

Some random guy orders a soup in the restaurant and the waiter brings him the soup. Right after the waiter leaves the table the guy calls him back and says "Try the soup" the waiter asks "What's the matter, is it too salty?" guy says "Go ahead and taste it" and the waiter asks "Is it too spicy?" and the guy says "Just freakin' try it!" and the waiter asks "Where's the spoon?" and the guy answers "Exactly"

Bert, the oldest guy at the company was retiring...

At his retirement party, as a surprise, a large cake was rolled out, and a sexy, scantly clad woman jumped out! The woman called him over and whispered, "Hey there sexy, you want some super sex tonight?"
"Well", said Bert, "that depends, what sort of soup?"

ISIS has reportedly starting putting bombs in cans of alphabet soup

If any go off, it could spell disaster

I had to wait in line for a bowl of Vietnamese soup

That's it, no joke. Don't like it? Pho queue.

An old Jewish man walks into a restaurant

He orders some soup. The waiter quickly brings his soup but the old man doesn't eat. The waiter returns after some minutes. Excuse me sir. Is there something wrong with your soup?
Try it and find out. The old man responded.
Is the soup too cold?
Try it.
I-is it too hot?
Just try it.
Not enough vegetables, too much broth, does it smell funny?
What are ya, mishegas? Just try the soup! The old man shouts.
Alright! The waiter gives in. Where's the spoon? He looks over the table.
The old man just smiles.

One of my buddies turned 90, so for a birthday surprise I sent a hooker to his apartment. When he opened the door, she introduced herself and informed him that she was there to give him super sex. His response...

I'll take the soup.

Don't eat royal sausage in Vietnamese noodle soup

Trust me, it's the Pho King Wurst

I just ate 4 cans of alphabet soup.

I'm going to have the best vowel movement.

Why did the chicken love Campbell's Soup?

Because his family had stock in the company.

What's worse than finding a fly in you soup?

Getting hit by a bus

Life is like a bowl of soup.

You only get blown if you are hot.

Ate 3 bowls of alphabet soup earlier...

Just took the biggest vowel movement.

What's 2000lbs of Chinese soup called?

Won-ton

I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup

and just took probably the biggest vowel movement ever.

The cannibal

A cannibal was handed the funurary urn of a relative: What is this, instant soup?

What is wrong with the soup?

A man is sitting at his table in the hotel dining room with a bowl of soup in-front of him. He calls the waiter over and asks him to taste the soup.
The waiter said; 'Is it something wrong with the soup?'
The man said; 'Just taste the soup!'
The waiter said; ' You haven't even touched the soup so how do you know it is something wrong with it?'
The man said; ' JUST TASTE THE BLXXDING SOUP WILL YHAA!'
The waiter said; 'OK THEN.......Where is the Spoon?'
The man Said; 'Aha!'


:) It is a really old post-war joke, but I thought it was worth sharing.

A man and his wife are in a restaurant.

The wife spills soup all over her new dress.
"Ah", the wife cries out, "I look like a pig."

"Yes", the husband replies, "and there's soup all over your dress too."

The guest said to the cannibal

Your wife makes a great soup.
Yes, but I'll miss her.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes