The Best 63 Soup Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Soup jokes. There are some soup miso jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these soup chicken soup puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Soup Jokes and Puns

how do you make gold soup?

put 14 carrots in it.

I'll show myself out.

How many beans are in Irish bean soup?

Two-thirty-nine. One more and it'd be too farty.

So an old couple was getting ready for bed...

...when the old lady throws off her robe, revealing the skimpy negligee that she was wearing, jumps on her husband and yells "SUPER SEX!".

The man takes one look at his wife and says, "Well if you don't mind, I would like the soup."

Soup joke, So an old couple was getting ready for bed...

One of my buddies turned 90, so for a birthday surprise I sent a hooker to his apartment. When he opened the door, she introduced herself and informed him that she was there to give him super sex. His response...

I'll take the soup.

Taste the soup

A guy eating in a restaurant calls the waiter.
-Please taste the soup.

The confused waiter asks:
-Is the soup too hot?
-Just taste the soup...

-Is the soup too cold?
-Taste the soup.

-Is there a fly in the soup?
-Taste the soup!

The waiter, tired of guessing, gives up.
-Alright, alright, I'll taste the soup. Where's the spoon?
-Aha!


What's the heaviest soup in Asia?

Wonton soup!

So I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup today..

I'm expecting a massive vowel movement.

Soup joke, So I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup today..

What kind of soup do men have after sex?

Split pee

A man ordered the soup at a restaurant and asked the waiter to try it...

Man: Waiter, will you try the soup?

Waiter: What's wrong Sir, is it too cold?

Man: Will you just try the soup.

Waiter: Is it too hot?

Man: Will you just try the soup

Waiter: Is it too spicy, Sir?

Man: Will you just try the damned soup son

Waiter: If there is something wrong with the soup...

Man: WILL YOU JUST TRY THE SOUP!

Waiter: FINE! I'll try the soup. Where's the spoon.

Man: Exactly.

Why did the Irishman put 239 beans in the soup pot?

Because any more would be too farty.

Why is Irish bean soup made with 239 beans?

Because if you add even one more it gets "2 farty".

You can explore soup gazpacho reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean soup noodles dad jokes. There are also soup puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


The font for alphabet soup

Is times new ramen.

Two jungle explorers got captured by cannibals...

Now they find themselves in a giant cauldron full of water over an open fire. The water is getting warmer and warmer and both of them realize they're done for. So they're sitting there not sure what to do when one of them lets out a chuckle. "how could you laugh at a time like this?" says the other one, "we're both about to die!".

"I know...but I just peed in their soup."

Why does Irish bean soup have exactly 239 beans in it?

(Irish accent) Because one more and it would be too farty.

I ate five cans of alphabet soup.....

I had the biggest vowel movement of my life.

I ate too much alphabet soup and became consonated.

I was better after I evacuated my vowels.

Soup joke, I ate too much alphabet soup and became consonated.

Bert, the oldest guy at the company was retiring...

At his retirement party, as a surprise, a large cake was rolled out, and a sexy, scantly clad woman jumped out! The woman called him over and whispered, "Hey there sexy, you want some super sex tonight?"
"Well", said Bert, "that depends, what sort of soup?"

What do cannibals put in their soup?

Ramen!

--------

Before you judge harshly, I would like to state that this was invented by a six year old, all on his own, no coaching.

I ate four bowls of Alphabet Soup...

Then I had a massive vowel movement


I ate 4 bowls of delicious alphabet soup.

After that I had a massive vowel movement.

I saw my buddy dressed as a bowl of soup...

I didn't know if he was friend or pho.

I just ate 4 cans of alphabet soup.

I'm going to have the best vowel movement.

WAITER: "Yes, is there something wrong?"

WAITER: "Yes, sir, is there something wrong?"

CUSTOMER: "The soup. Taste it."

WAITER: "I beg your pardon, Sir?"

CUSTOMER: "Taste it."

WAITER: "But, Sir, I can assure you that the soup is excellent."

CUSTOMER: "Taste it."

WAITER: "Sir, the soup was made this morning of the finest ingredients."

CUSTOMER: "Taste it!"

WAITER: exasperated, "All right, Sir, I'll taste it."

Then after a pause he said, "Where is the spoon?"

CUSTOMER: "Ah ha!!"

I just ate four cans of alphabet soup...

...and just had the largest vowel movement ever.

I ate five cans of alphabet soup yesterday.

Then, I easily had the biggest vowel movement ever.

Don't eat royal sausage in Vietnamese noodle soup

Trust me, it's the Pho King Wurst

A rabbit walks into a men's clothing store...

And the clerk says,"May I help you, sir?"
"Yes", says the rabbit. "I'd like a BLT with some coleslaw please."
"I'm sorry sir", says the clerk," but we don't have that here."
"Oh, ok.", says the slightly deflated rabbit. "I guess I'll have a house salad."
"Sir," replies the slightly annoyed clerk," we don't have that. Is there something else I can help you with?"
"Well," says the rabbit," in that case I'll just have a bowl of tomato soup."
The clerk is now incensed. "Sir, we don't have food! The sign outside clearly says 'men's clothing store'! Can't you read?"
"Listen, buddy", says the rabbit,"if I could read, I would have asked you for a menu!"

Dad, are bugs good to eat..?

A boy asks his father, "Dad, are bugs good to eat?" "That's disgusting. Don't talk about things like that over dinner," the dad replies. After dinner the father asks, "Now, son, what did you want to ask me?" "Oh, nothing," the boy says. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it's gone."

How do you make gold soup ?

Put 24 carrots in it

I was eating soup one day outside my favorite restaurant and it started raining..

Took me hours to finish my meal.

I ordered 2000 lbs. of chinese soup.

It was Won Ton.

ISIS has reportedly starting putting bombs in cans of alphabet soup

If any go off, it could spell disaster

Life is like a soup

Life is like a soup, you only get blown if you're hot.

I ordered 1000 kg of Chinese soup

It was won ton.

What do racist cannibals like to add to their soup?

A handful of crackers.

I just sneezed while eating alphabet soup...

...took the words right out of my mouth.

A little boy asked his father, "Dad, are bugs good to eat?"

"That's not appropriate dinner table conversation, son," said his dad. "We can talk about that later."

After dinner the man said, "Now, son, what were you trying to ask me before?"

"Oh, nothing," said the boy. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it's gone."

Guy at a restaurant orders a soup

Some random guy orders a soup in the restaurant and the waiter brings him the soup. Right after the waiter leaves the table the guy calls him back and says "Try the soup" the waiter asks "What's the matter, is it too salty?" guy says "Go ahead and taste it" and the waiter asks "Is it too spicy?" and the guy says "Just freakin' try it!" and the waiter asks "Where's the spoon?" and the guy answers "Exactly"

I had four cans of alphabet soup yesterday.

I just had the largest vowel movement...

I'll see myself out.

A man lines up for food in Soviet Russia...

After two hours of waiting he gets his turn and offers his bowl.

Out of soup. says the officer in charge and waves him aside.

The man refuses to leave. He tosses the bowl on the table and curses the regime for failing his starving family.

The officer motions to the guards and they wrestle the ranting man away. As they shove him outside, one says to the man:

Back then we could've shot you in the snow, comrade.

The man goes back home to his wife. She sees him looking glum as he walks in and asks:

Ran out of soup again?

Even worse, he replied. They ran out of bullets.

I hate to admit it, but my wife's cooking has seriously improved.

......that was best slice of soup I've ever had!

When I was little, my dad used to feed me alphabet soup, claiming that I loved it

I didn't really; he was just putting words in my mouth.

You've heard of alphabet soup. Now get ready for

Times new ramen

Don't leave alphabet soup cooking on the stove unattended.

It could spell disaster.

You all heard of alphabet soup! Prepare yourself for...

Times New Ramen

Why do the Irish only put 239 beans in their soup?

Because one more and they would get too farty

Old German joke

An eight-year old boy had never spoken a word. One afternoon, as he sat eating his lunch he turned to his mother and said, The soup is cold."

His astonished mother exclaimed, Son, I've waited so long to hear you speak. But all these years you never said a thing. Why haven't you spoken before?"

The boy looked at her and replied, Up until now, everything has been satisfactory."

I had to wait in line for a bowl of Vietnamese soup

That's it, no joke. Don't like it? Pho queue.

For his birthday, an old man's nephews secretly hire a call girl for him.

When he answers the door she's standing there in a slinky black dress. She says, I'm here to give you super sex.

After thinking for a minute the old man replies, I guess I'll have the soup.

I ate an expired can of alphabet soup...

Now I have severe cramps in my vowels and I've been in-consonant all day

What font does alphabet soup use?

Times New Ramen.



*Credit for this goes to Kim Komando. I heard it on the radio earlier today.*

How many beans does it take to make Irish bean soup?

239. Because one more would make it too farty

A Girl walks into a Supermarket...

...she picks up a banana, a can of soup, and a loaf of bread. She then walks up to the cash register to pay.


The cashier looks at her, and the items she has and says,


"I can tell you're single."



She smiles and responds,



"How do you know that?"



He says,



"Because you're ugly."

I ate four cans of alphabet soup

I later took the biggest vowel movement ever

A German couple has a baby...

For 4 years he makes no sound, does not speak. Then one day the mother gives him soup, he says This soup is cold. The parents are amazed and ask If you can talk, why have you not spoken before? The child replies Up to now everything has been satisfactory!

Me: Waiter, My soup is cold

Waiter: It's Borscht

Me: Borscht, My soup is cold

When Love Fades......

Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife's lovely voice from the kitchen.

"What would you like for dinner, my Love. . . Chicken, beef or lamb?"

I said, "Thank you, I'll have chicken."

She replied "You're having soup, a\*\*hole. I was talking to the cat."

Just got this in a text from my dad.

"I've just combined laxative and alaphabet soup... I call it letter rip!"

I'm sorry, I won't be buying ingredients for soup anytime soon

The stock market is terrible

Why do the Irish only but 239 beans in their soup?

Because one more would be too farty.

Today I'm combining Alphabet Soup & laxatives…

I call it Letter Rip.

How do you know you've eaten too much alphabet soup?

You have a vowel movement

What's the difference between a baked potato and pea soup?

Anyone can bake a potato.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the soup cutlery jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working soup appetizer piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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