Sound Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

What Asian stereo type do you hear the most?

Personally I've got a Sony surround sound system.

{air horn sound}

{second air horn sound}

Me: this isn't deodorant

I have a Russian friend who's a sound technician

And a Czech one too.
A Czech one too.

TIL "sugar" is the only word in the English language where "su-" makes a "sh" sound.

At least, I'm pretty sure...

FP

My mate asked me why I have sex noises saved on my phone.

I said, It's for sound effects during sex.


He asked, Your wife a bit quiet in the sack?


I replied, No, I work in a morgue.

If light travels faster than the speed of sound...

how come I can hear the guy in the BMW behind me honk before the light turns green?

My girlfriend "Dad joked" me on a hike.

I asked my girlfriend what she thought trees would sound like if they talked while on a hike.
She said "I bet we couldn't understand them"
I said "why do you think that?"
She said "because they probably only bark"
She then laughed the next half mile down the trail barking occasionally and saying "shh, shh, do you hear that? Thats a tree talking in the distance"

If pronouncing my b's as v's makes me sound Russian,

Then soviet.

My girlfriend accused me of cheating

I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.

What sound does a Turkey make?

"coup coup"

When do S and C sound the same?

When it's necessary.

What sound does a 747 make when it bounces?

boeing boeing boeing

What does a German snake sound like?

ßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßß....

My wife accused me of cheating

I said you're starting to sound like my girlfriend

Day 284 without sex...

Went jogging in flip flops just to remember the sound

What sound does an airplane make when it bounces off the ground?

Boeing.

I was once taught that nothing rhymes with silver...

But to this day, I still don't think they sound the same.

Light travels faster than sound!

That's why some people appear bright until they talk.

What sound does a bouncing plane make?

Boeing boeing boeing

My mum tripped and dropped the basket of clothes she'd just ironed.

It may sound far-fetched but it's true. I watched it all unfold.

So I woke up this morning to my dishwasher making a weird sound..

Turns out she was just vacuuming.

A man notices a TV for sale.

"Hey, how much is this TV?"

The salesman replies "1 dollar."

"Only a dollar? Why so cheap?"

The salesman tells him "the sound is stuck on the highest volume."

"So it's always on the highest volume? And it's only one dollar?"

"Yup."

"Wow, can't turn that down."

I'm so proud of my son

I asked him what the sound of one hand clapping is. He said "dunno" and walked off to his room, but I can hear him trying to figure it out.

What sounds like a mouse, but much, much louder?

#**A MOUSE**

My girlfriend keeps insisting that I'm cheating on her.

She's starting to sound like my wife.

A five year old told me this joke.. [NSFW]

Was at a cafe when this little kid walks up to me:

"What's the difference between a woman and a refrigerator?"

"I dunno"

"....... When you pull your meat out of the refrigerator it doesn't make a *pffffffffft* sound."

Did you know that light travels faster than sound?

That's why some people look bright until they start talking.

Sometimes, to impress girls, I use big words that I don't fully understand...

...in an effort to sound more photosynthesis.

I wish life was more like hockey...

Who doesn't want a horn to sound when their period ends?

Sometimes I use big words

that I don't quite understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis

It's a good thing Harambe got shot....

Dicks out for dead kids just doesn't sound good

Woman goes to a doctor with a tampon lodged inside her...

Doctor: So how did this happen?

Woman: I don't know, I mean I didn't get them from the store as usual, I saw a special deal on eBay, a hundred boxes for $1!

Doctor: A hundred boxes for $1? Didn't that sound suspiciously cheap to you?

Woman: Well I thought that too, so I checked the entire listing and it said plain and clear

One hundred boxes of tampons for $1...

...no strings attached!

My girlfriend accused me of cheating

She sure is starting to sound like my wife

If me having a Russian accent means my B's sound like V's...

Soviet

[NSFW] "You don't sound so well today", a woman told her business partner.

"I have a sore throat", the partner responded.
"I have the best cure", the first said. "Each time I have a sore throat I blow my husband and immediately feel better."
The next day the partner walks into work with a smile on her face.
"Did you do what I suggested?", the first asked.
"Yes, and thanks for the tip", the second said.
"Your husband couldn't believe it was your idea!"

There's this new cryptocurrency called Decibel. You just yell in your microphone to get money...

It's a sound investment.

I have a Polish friend who is a sound technician.

I have a Czech one too.

Three boys are hanging around a farm trying to get a glimpse of the farmer's daughter showering.

The farmer notices them and he grabs his shotgun. They run and hide in the barn, each in one sack. The farmer arrives at the barn, and notices the 3 sacks.

He kicks one. From the sack, a sound comes out: Meow!

"Must be a cat." He moves on.

Kicks the second sack: Woof! Woof!!

"Must be a dog." He moves on.

He kicks the third sack: The sack says: "Potatoes!"

A policeman said he wanted to search my car.

"You won't find any drugs," I told him.

He said, "You don't sound sure about that."

I said, "Trust me, I looked earlier."

A tree falls on a woman. Does it make a sound?

Idk. The better question is why is there a tree in the kitchen?

This will blow your mind!

If you take the pin out of a grenade and put your ear to the hole you can hear the faint sound of the world wide I.Q average increasing.

I ran my car into a pole late last night

The worst part was the awful sound it made, but I don't speak polish so I just kept driving

I finally fixed that annoying sound in my car.

I opened the door and pushed her out.

If light travels faster than sound.

Then why do I always hear a honk before the light turn green?

Which STD is transmitted through sound?

Hearing aids

A zookeeper wishes to buy some new animals from another wildlife park.

She writes:

Dear sir, We are a recently opened zoo and are looking to purchase 2 mooses. "No that doesn't sound right." She thinks.

We are looking to purchase 2 meese. "No that can't be right either."

Dear sir, I wish to inquire about purchasing a moose. Kind Regards.

P.S. Please send another moose along with the first.

My mate asked me why I had sex noises saved on my iPod...

I said, "It's for sound effects during sex".

He asked, "Ah, is the wife a bit quiet in the bedroom?"

"No," I replied, "I work in a morgue."

A baby's laughter can be the most beautiful sound you will ever hear...

Unless it's 3am

And you're home alone

And you don't have a baby...

What does it sound like when a pterodactyl uses the bathroom?

Nothing, the pee is silent

A teacher in a Chicago kindergarten class asked...

her class what kind of sound a pig makes.

Little Tyrone stood up and yelled: "FREEZE, MUTHAFUCKA!"

I bought some new speakers today......

I think I made a sound investment.

My wife always gives me sound advice

99% sound, 1% advice

What sounds do nuts make when they sneeze?

Cashew

What sound does a rubber airplane make?

Boeing

I got a call from my brother the other day...

I found out he was diagnosed with an intense fear of wanting to have sex with other men; Homonymphobia. Which really freaked me out because I have a fear of words that sound the same but mean different things.

A man comes home drunk...

As he stumbles in trying to be quiet as possible not to wake up the wife...he's too drunk and knocks over a stool startling wife from sleep...

Wife, from bedroom: Bob, is that you? what was that ?

Bob: Oh nothing honey, just a stool. Be right there...

As he stumbles into the bedroom he falls over creating a loud CRASHHH

Wife: Bob? Are you OK? What was that sound???

Bob: Oh its nothing honey, i was just hanging my shirt and it fell.

Wife: How did your shirt make such a loud sound?

Bob: I was still wearing it

Do you know what evil kisses sound like?

Muah hahaha

Technology has ruined our kids

A group of young children were siting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions.
"Davy, what noise does a cow make? "
"It goes moo. "
"Alice, what noise does a cat make? "
"It goes meow. "
"Jamie, what sound does a lamb make? "
"It goes baaa. "
"Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make? "
"Errr.., it goes.. click! "

What does a church shooting sound like?

Pew! Pew!

What sound does a chocolate gun make?

Cacao!

My friend was showing me his new golf ball.

He tells me, "This ball is amazing, you can't lose it. If it goes in the rough, it makes a beeping sound. It glows in the dark so you can find it when its getting dark. If it goes in the water, it will float and make its way back to the shore."

I said to him, "That's incredible, where did you get it?"

"Found it"

If a hipster falls on the forest, does it make a sound?

Yes...but you've probably never heard it before.

I woke up hung-over to the sound of my neighbour mowing his lawn.

He'll have to mow around me. I'm not moving.

A woman is woken up late one night to the sound of her husband coming home.

He crashes into the bedroom reeking of booze, with a duck under his arm.

"What the hell's going on, Steve?" asks the woman.

"What do you think of the pig?"

"That's not a pig, it's a duck."

"I wasn't talking to you."

What are the funniest sound jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Sound? Well, here are the best Sound puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Sound pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes