Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Soul Jokes
Why was the anti-vaxxer's 3 year old crying?
They were having a mid-life crisis.
The difference between a girl in church and a girl in the bathtub?
one has hope in her soul.
Blonde Thinks
A woman with green hair, a woman with red hair and a woman with blonde hair find mirror. A lady appears in the mirror and says, tell me something you think are true and you'll be rich. Tell me something that is not true and you die. The woman with green hair says: "I think I'm pretty." p**...! She's dead. The woman with red says: "I think I have a soul." p**...! She's dead. The woman with blonde hair says: "I think..." p**...! She's dead.
Spent an hour by my wife's grave
God bless her soul, she thinks I'm digging a koi pond.
How do you make a duck into a soul singer?
Put it in the oven at ~~three fifty~~ tree fiddy until it's Bill Withers.
Grandpa
Me: My grandpa knew the exact time, day and year he was going to die!
Teacher: What an evolved soul? How'd he know?
Me: The judge told him.
A Dolphin meets the Buddha...
The Buddha says you may ask me any question young dolphin and I shall answer for you.
The Dolphin thinks about what he should ask and after several minutes of soul searching he ask the Buddha "What is my Porpoise in life?"
I got on the bus, sat down and noticed a beautiful blonde Chinese woman crying in the seat across from me...
I moved over and asked her why she was crying.
"I don't usually bare my soul to strangers," she said.
I replied that sometimes it was perfectly fine to tell your story to a perfect stranger. She nodded and said, "I just came out of my therapist session and he says there is no way to cure me."
I asked what exactly was her problem. She said, "I'm a nymphomaniac, but I only get turned on by Jewish cowboys. You know, I do feel better. By the way, my name is Kim."
"Glad to meet you," I said. "My name is Bucky Goldstein."
-----
Steve Wright
Have you heard about the dyslexic satanist?
Sold his soul to Santa.
Did you hear about the goth kid with dyslexia?
He sold his soul to Santa.
First dirty joke my dad told me, it's about 30 years old and I still tell it.
What's the difference between a lady in church and a lady in a bathtub?
The lady in church has hope in her soul.
You can explore soul apostle reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean soul torment dad jokes. There are also soul puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
My neighbor traded in his KIA yesterday.
Sold his Soul for a Mustang.
Why do gingers love driving Kias?
It's the only way they can own a soul.
What's the difference between a Nun in Church and a Nun in the bath
One has Hope in her Soul the other has Soap in her Hole.
How do you broach the sensitive religious topic about the possibility a human soul might not actually exist?
Gingerly.
What genre can't Ed Sheeran sing ?
Soul
Death Joke
My grandfather knew the exact time of the exact day of the exact year that he would die.
Wow, what an evolved soul! How did it come to him?
The judge told him.
Who did the dyslexic devil worshipper sell his soul to?
Santa
Went to a ginger convention today
There wasn't a soul there.
A ginger wanted to join the Jazz band...
But he didn't have enough soul.
There was a dyslexic devil worshipor.
He sold his soul to santa
What's the difference between a girl that's praying and a girl that's having a bubble bath?
One has hope in her soul,
The other has soap in her hole.
What happened to Casper the friendly ghost after his parents got divorced?
His mom got soul custody.
What do you call a circle of $100 bills?
Aretha Franklins!
(Happy birthday to the Queen of Soul!)
The human soul weighs 1.2lbs...
I know because I've weighed myself before and after I walk into work.
Once upon a time there was a man.
Today there are many
What has five bodies and one soul?
A Kia full of Gingers.
what's the difference between a girl in a church and a girl in a bathtub?
The girl in church has hope in her soul whilst the girl in the bathtub has...
Hillary's mad at Satan
Hillary: Satan! We had a deal! Where's the election victory that you promised me?
Satan: Where's the soul that you said you had?
What's the difference between a woman in church and a woman in a bathtub??
Well, the woman in church has hope in her soul, but the woman in tub has soap in her hole...
Hear about the Cadillac-worshipping Satanist?
He sold his soul to the Deville.
Some say that beer is soda with soul...
No wonder ginger ale isn't alcoholic!
Bill Withers Duck joke
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Leave it in the oven till it's Bill Withers.
If your soulmate dies before you meet them, do you get a backup soulmate?
"I meant questions about the midterm," my professor replied.
Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?
He sold his soul to santa.
What is the one genre of music that Ed Sheeran can never play?
Soul
The police caught a serial killer who targeted gingers.
At his trial, he kept insisting he'd never harmed a soul.
What happened to the dyslexic devil worshiper?
He sold his soul to santa
A redhead had her Kia stolen...
...Now the ginger has no Soul
Son: Dad why is our food so cold and bland?
Dad: It's because your mother put her heart and soul into it.
I was depressed, after some soul searching I discovered I s**... indentify as Mistletoe..
I can't wait to hang myself on Christmas.
What's the difference between a nun praying in a church, and a nun in the bath?
The nun in the church has hope in her soul, the nun in the bath has soap in her hole
Jesus wants you to give him your soul
Whereas satan is willing to buy it off you.
A man asked Satan...
"How can I become the best guitarist in the world?"
Satan answered, "Give me your soul."
The man was bewildered. "What if I gave you a dollar instead?"
Satan smiled. "Then I'll make you the best bass player in the world."
I did my good deed for the day
I was at the Walmart check-out and was behind an old lady in the queue.
Her bill came to $51.60 but when she counted out her change she only had just under $50.
She didn't want me to help her, bless her poor little soul, but I insisted, and in no time we had all her shopping back on the shelves.
What's the difference between a nun and a woman m**... in a bubble bath?
Ones got a soul full of hope...
A boy asks his father: "Dad, why is the food so cold and bland?" The dad replies:
Your mum put her heart and soul into it.
Bathroom Poetry
This little throne I call my own
I aim to keep it neat
So drain your soul, pee down the hole
And not upon the seat
I'm very appalled by holocaust jokes.
They are of poor taste and aren't funny.
My own grandfather died in a concentration camp.
The poor fellow, god bless his soul, went to get some food and accidentally fell down from his watchtower.
It's not easy being a dyslexic devil worshiper
If you're not careful, you could end up selling your soul to Santa
What do you get when your lovers soul is permanently stuck in a sword?
A bae-blade
They had a Ginger Lives Matter protest today
There was not a soul.
One of life's most soul crushing moments occurs every time that a song comes on the radio .....
And you think you are about to hear Under Pressure by Queen only to find out it's Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice.
I'm the life and soul of my workplace
I work in a morgue
I use a Ouija board as a chopping board
That's how I make my soul food.
A lawyer was working in his office when Satan appeared. "I can make it so you win every case in your career and make huge piles of money. In exchange you will give me your soul, your wife's soul, your children's souls, your parent's souls, your grandparent's souls and the souls of all your friends!"
The lawyer thought it over for a moment and then asked, "What's the catch?"
You and your soulmate are like two parallel lines.
You have so much in common.
It's a shame you'll never meet.
A man is in a bar having a drink. The guy next to him falls off of his barstool.
The man picks up the guy and sits him back on the barstool, and he falls off again. This time he picks the guy up and asks, ''Where do you live?'' Being a kind soul, the man takes the guy to his car, puts him in the back seat, and drives him home. When they get to the guy's house, the man helps the guy out of the car, but he falls down 3 times before getting to the front door. The man rings the doorbell and the guy's wife comes to the door. The man says, ''Hello, I've brought your husband home.'' The wife looks at the man and asks, ''Where's his wheel chair?''
A solar panel, a wind turbine and a hydro dam are all getting to know each other.
'What kind of music are you into?' asks the dam.
'I'm into trance', replies the solar panel.
'Ooh, too intense for me', dam says, 'I much prefer classical melodies, maybe a little 60s soul at the weekends.'
'What about you Mr Turbine? What are you into?'
'Me?' He replies, 'I'm a huge metal fan.'
An attorney was sitting in his office late one night, when the Devil appeared before him.
The Devil told the lawyer, ''I have a proposition for you. You can win every case you try, for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in exchange is your soul, your wife's soul, your children's souls, the souls of your parents, grandparents, and parents-in-law, and the souls of all of your friends and law partners.''
The lawyer thought about this for a moment, then asked, ''So, what's the catch?''
There was this dyslexic who kept accidentally praying to his dog.
One day, he got so frustrated with it that he sold his soul to Santa.
Did you hear about the dyslexic guy that sold his soul to Satan?
He is now forced to make presents in the North Pole for all eternity.
I hosted a huge event for gingers last week
Sadly not a single soul showed up.
Soul Knicks joke
Soul: I've been messing with this team for decades !
Announcer: And the Knicks lose another game ...
Classical joke for Christmas period.
Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?
He sold his soul to Santa.
You can't take it with you
A wealthy man is on his deathbed. He tells his wife he thinks he has found a way to take his money with him when he dies. He asks her to put some money in a large suitcase and place it in the attic. When his soul leaves his body he'll grab the suitcase on his way to heaven. The wife obliges and does as asked and soon after the man dies.
A few months later the wife is cleaning out the attic and finds the suitcase. "s**... idiot" she says "I knew I should have put it in the basement."
What's the difference between a lady in a church and a lady in a bathtub?
One has a soul full of hope, the other has a hole full of soap.
There is nothing like a little tomato soup to soothe the soul.
Even if it's cold. Over ice. With a celery stalk. And v**...
Satan arrives to welcome a new d**... soul to h**....
"Congratulations!", he says, "You wasted your entire pitiful life!"
"Well," the man replies, "at least I'm not a adult living in my father's basement."
Did you hear about the cucumber who sold his soul to be pickled?
He made a dill with the devil.
The heart and soul of a chef
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and dinner. After a few bites of his meal, he calls the bartender over. "Normally the food here is great," the guys says. "But tonight it is really cold and bitter." "Sorry about that. My wife is doing the cooking tonight," the bartender says. "She's really putting all of her heart and soul into it."
What's the difference between a woman in church and a woman in the bathtub?
A woman in church has hope in her soul...
My father knew the exact time of the exact day of the exact year that he would die.
Wow, what an evolved soul! How did it come to him?
The judge told him.
I'm never going to find a soul mate.
I really only find redheads attractive.
What's the difference between a mega church pastor and a crazed marine carrying a b**... plug covered in superglue?
One wants to heal your soul for money.
The other wants to seal your hole for Gunny.
What do you call the soul of a snail?
An escarghost.
What did the 8ft woman say to the man she believed was his soul mate because he was also 8ft?
We be long together
God and the devil chat about music
The god and the devil were chating, as they usually do when the concept of music came up.
With a bit of intrigue God asked the devil how he'd managed to get into every genre of music, from rock & rap to hip hop & metal ect .
The devil chuckled no no no , music is too special, too human for me to infect. it requires a soul to create music .
The devil leans back, now the music-industry, that's some of my finer work
Cor fed devil
Man sees a corn field and decides to try and walk to the middle of it. The man reaches the middle and sees the devil himself. The man asks what are you doing here? well I have a challenge for you and if you get it wrong your soul is forfeit, the devil said. The man of course agrees and the devil said. I know every inch of the universe and I know everything that produces air. I can make anything do anything be anything now name something I can't do the man took a minute to think and said get lost
My ex's cooking was cold and bland.
Clearly, she put her heart and soul into it.
Death has come to collect Beethoven's soul and asked him if he would rather go to heaven or to h**.... Beethoven replied:
*What?*
Dog
A salesman drops in to see a business customer. Not a soul is in the office except a big dog emptying wastebaskets. The salesman stares at the animal, wondering if his imagination could be playing tricks on him. The dog looks up and says, Don't be surprised. This is just part of my job. Incredible! exclaims the man. I can't believe it. Does your boss know what a prize he has in you? An animal that can talk! Please don't tell him! pleads the dog. If that man finds out I can talk, he'll make me answer the phone too.
A woman in her Kia did not wear a seatbelt and got into an accident
Her body left her Soul.
The devil appears before a lawyer and promises to ensure that he wins every case he takes for the rest of his life.
Lawyer says: It's always about a deal right? What's in it for you? Devil says: I want your soul, your wife's, your son's, and the souls of any more children you have in the future. Lawyer pauses, thinks for a moment, and responds: But what's the catch?
I'm not having much luck with jobs lately.
I wasn't suited to be a tailor.
The muffler factory was just exhausting.
I couldn't cut it as a barber.
I didn't have the patience to be a doctor.
I wasn't a good fit in the shoe factory even though I put my soul into it.
The paper shop folded. Pool maintenance was too draining.
I got fired from the cannon factory.
And I just couldn't see any future as a historian.
The holidays are the most frightening time of the year for me.
I was a little dyslexic as a kid, and when I was a teen I started dabbling in the dark arts.
I think I sold my soul to Santa.
Every year when the jingle bells start ringing, I get nervous. It could be the elves coming for me.
An attorney was working late one night in his office when, suddenly, Satan appeared before him.
The Devil made him an offer. I will make it so you win every case that you try for the rest of your life. Your clients will worship you, your colleagues will be in awe, and you will make enormous amounts of money. But, in return, you must give me your soul, your wife's soul, the souls of your children, your parents, grandparents, and those of all the your friends. The lawyer thought about it for a moment, then asked, But what's the catch?
How do you know if a duck is a soul singer?
Throw it in the microwave and see if it's Bill Withers
