Sorts Jokes
57 sorts jokes and hilarious sorts puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sorts that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Sorts Short Jokes
Short sorts jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sorts humour may include short sorting jokes also.
- I used to be Christian.... Her: I used to be Christian.
Him: It's all right, I don't really care for those sorts of things.
Her; Thank god! It's so much better now that I'm Christine! - When I am tasked with sorting through a stack of résumés, I throw about half of them in the garbage. I do not want unlucky people working in our company
- I just graduated with a degree in Egyptology. So now I am qualified to teach more students Egyptology. I'm beginning to think this is some sort of pyramid scheme.
- My son is sort of like rapunzel But instead of letting his hair down he lets everybody down.
- A Higgs-boson particle goes into a church. The vicar says, "We don't want your sort in here!"
The Higgs-boson particle says
"But you can't have mass without me!" - Everyone pees in the pool... But you do it once from the high dive and you're some sort of monster.
- Americans are the best at solving Rubik's Cube They have a long history of sorting and separating colour
- Toilet paper is sort of like the Starship Enterprise it circles uranus looking for Klingons
- My wife and I had a huge argument because she accidentally flooded the kitchen but we've sorted it now. It's all water under the fridge.
- People think my room is a mess, but it's actually very organized Everything is sorted by date of last use. If I used it recently, it's on top of something.
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Sorts One Liners
Which sorts one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sorts? I can suggest the ones about sorted and kinds.
- What sort of grades did Tommy Wiseau receive in school? Oh, high marks.
- I've never met a full on jew They were all just sort of jew-ish
- What sort of scientists does Soda Stream employ? Fizzyscists
- myWoman = new Woman("Jenn", 32); "What, am I just some sort of object to you now!?"
- I was sorting the sub by new. Nothing came up.
- What's the worst part about sorting by new? The jokes
- What sort of Internet connection can you get in a barn? Stable WiFi.
- Just sorted out the work rota for the zoo. The lion sweeps tonight.
- What sort of deer disappears when you turn the light on? A shadoe
- Everyone keeps saying I'm paranoid... This must be some sort of conspiracy...
- What sort of elf lives in a can? A sprite
- a sort algorithm walks into a bar he orders anything
- What sort of key do you use to open a banana? A mon-key
- What do you call a rock band that makes songs about sorting? OC/DC
- What sort of clothes do lawyers wear? Lawsuits
Laughable Sorts Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles
What funny jokes about sorts you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean shuffles jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sorts pranks.
There were three friends...
There were three friends - a lawyer, a doctor and a manager. The three of them were talking about the merits of having a wife vs. the merits of having a mistress.
The lawyer says, "It is more convenient to have a mistress. If you have a wife and want a divorce, there are all sorts of legal issues."
The doctor remarks: "It is certainly better to have a wife as it gives you a sense of security which in turn lowers your stress and helps you lead a healthy life."
The manager differs by saying: "I don't agree with either of you. I think it's best to have both. So when the wife thinks you're with the mistress and the mistress believes you are with your wife - you can go to the office and finish some work."
So, the other night I picked up a p**......
... And I began to pork her for several hours. I could tell she was really enjoying it, she made all sorts of weird noises.
I must have been going through puberty,
Because I made that hormone.
You Never Learn Nothin'
A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out on the water, the boy suddenly became curious about things in general and started asking all sorts of questions. He asked his father, "Why does the boat float? The father replied, "Don't rightly know son."
A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, "How do fish breath underwater?" Once again the father replied, "Don't rightly know son." A little later the boy asked his father, "Why is the sky blue?" Again, the father repied. "Don't rightly know son."
Finally, the boy asked his father, "Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?" The father replied, "Of course not, if you don't ask questions, you never learn nothin'."
Potatoes are delicate
So my roommate and I decided the other day we wanted to put up a potato garden in our backyard, but there was all sorts of rocks and gravel back there.
We had to be very careful to clean it all up, as you know the old saying, "you can kill tubers with one stone."
Polish d**...
Polish couple is having s**.... Husband asks the wife, "why Won't you let me go down on you. Wife says "i haven't been feeling well down there and need to go to the doctor". Wife goes to the doctor and the doc says to her "all ya need is a good clean d**.... Go to The pharmacy they all sorts of flavors raspberry, cherry etc whatever you want.". Wife goes to the pharmacy and sure enough they had all sorts of flavors raspberry cherry etc whatever she wanted. She goes home and tells her husband "well the doctor said all I needed was a good clean d**.... I went to the pharmacy and they had all sorts of flavors raspberry cherry etc"....Husband says "what flavor did you get!". Wife responds "tuna fish"
An Irish mother comes home from holiday
Mother to her son: "Where's your brother jimmy?"
Son: " Oh, He died."
Mother: "Jesus christ! Don't just come out with something like that, at least give me a warning of some sorts, like say he was on the roof and he fell off it or something!"
Son: "Oh ok, sorry mother"
Mother: "Never mind about that, where's your father?"
Son: "Well, He was on the roof..."
New machine at the gym.
They installed a new machine at my gym today, I managed to do 2 hours on it.
They do all sorts. Snickers, Kit-kats, Mars bars, you name it...
An old man with bad memory...
(Edit- spelling)
An old man with bad memory is with his friends, and they're talking about their memory issues.
"My wife and I have been going to this great memory clinic," says the man, "they teach us all sorts of mnemonic devices and other ways to help us remember things."
"That's amazing!" says his friend, "what's the name of the place?"
Taking a moment, the man sits, thinking, and then asks, "okay, what's the name of that flower, its beautiful and red and romantic, but has some thorns?"
"Oh! A rose?"
"That's it!! Hey Rose, what's the name of our memory clinic?"
I was watching The Avengers with my grandpa.
He was asking me all sorts of questions about the movie such as "Who's this character?" And "What about that character?". I explained the heroes as best I could. He finally asks me "Where's Superman?" So I try to explain that too. "Superman's owned by a different company, he's owned by DC, and these heroes in this movie are Marvel characters." He replies "What? The whole world is falling apart in this movie, but Superman can't get out of his contract to help?!"
Manatees come in all sorts of shades and hues
Oh the hue manatee
A spaceship operator goes to a bar after work
He's all out of sorts.
My friend went camping in the Serengeti with all sorts of lions roaming around
It was in tents
There's a gang in my neighborhood that recruits members by threatening them with all sorts of horrible punishments and tortures if they don't join ..
but enough about the Church ..
Bacon Tree
Two Mexicans have been lost in the desert for weeks. At death's door, they see a tree in the distance. As they get nearer, they see that it's draped with rasher upon rasher of bacon: smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life-giving nearly-raw juicy bacon, all sorts of bacon.
"Hey, Pepe" says the first Mexican, "ees a bacon tree! We're saved!!"
So Pepe goes on ahead and runs up to the tree. As he gets to within five feet, he's gunned down in a hail of bullets.
His friend drops down on the sand and calls across to the dying Pepe. "Pepe!! Pepe!! Que pasa hombre?"
With his last breath Pepe calls out: "Ugh, run, amigo, run, ees not a bacon tree... ... ees a ham bush!"
With all sorts of new products out there, did you know the most effective form of birth control has been almost completely unchanged for over twenty years?
Fake names.
I was amazed
As I get older, I never stop learning new things every day. I'm a new dad and the other day I was changing my baby when all of a sudden my kid rolls off of the changing table. As if animal instincts kicked into me in that split moment, or super powers of sorts, I swoop down with lightning speed and catch him INCHES off of the ground! Still to this day I'm amazed; I had no idea babies could bounce that high off of marbled flooring.
Gordon Ramsay on Kitchen Nightmares is kind of like a p**.......
A major part of his job involves putting all sorts of awful and n**... things in his mouth!
So, there's this book all about watches.
It tells you about the history of watches, how they work, all sorts of things. It's coming out tomorrow.
It's about time.
My wife said "I used to be Christian"...
I said "Don't worry love, I don't really care for those sorts of things"...
She replied "Thank God!" It's so much better now I'm Christine".
Went fishing the other day...had nothing but liquorice for bait.
I caught All Sorts.
I went fishing the other day
After setting all my gear up, I realised I had left my tackle box at home. I found some liquorice in my pocket and thought I'd try it for my bait, I caught all sorts
Jack goes to his friend Mike
Jack goes to his friend Mike and says ...
"I'm sleeping with the pastor's wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after mass for me?"
The friend doesn't like it but being a friend, he agrees.
After mass, he starts talking to the pastor, asking him all sorts of s**... questions, just to keep him occupied.
Finally the pastor gets annoyed and asks Mike what he's really up to.
Mike, feeling guilty, finally confesses to the pastor...
"My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied."
The pastor smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Mike's shoulder and says...
"You better hurry home now. My wife died a year ago"
I asked my cheese salesman if aged cheese was really better...
He told me that's a huge misnomer and that cheese loses all sorts of flavor after being aged 18 years.
He's a cheddophile
I met a beautiful lady last night, took her back to my place and we went at it all night, all sorts of weird and wonderful positions.
In the morning, she told me she had a confession.
"Thats the first time I've done that" she said.
"s**...?" I replied.
"Yeah, you see I hope you don't mind but I used to be Christian, and was never interested in s**... with a man."
"That's fine, I don't mind" I said.
She looked at me, with an excited look in her face and said.
"Good because I much prefer being Christina."
Kim Jong Un spends his spare time helping his citizens measure all sorts of things
He was quite a ruler.
[Bug Report] Each time I sort by "New" in this sub...
...it sorts by most recent.
When I found out my girlfriend got pregnant I started thinking about all sorts of names.
I chose Juan Carlos and thought of running to Mexico.
I always dreamt I was a dishwasher when I was younger
When people started putting all sorts of odd things inside me I realized something
I wasn't a dishwasher
I was a woman.
My 33 year old friend is dating a 19 year old.
They went out to dinner and kept getting harassed by the locals.
They we're shouting 'Peado' and 'Cradle snatcher' and all sorts of horrible names.
It completely ruined their 10 year anniversary.
3 dinosaurs walk up to a shiny lamp
One of them rubs it, and a mystical blue genie flies out of it!
"Hello! I am genie! Since there are 3 of you, you each get 1 wish!
"I wish for a large piece of meat!" The first dinosaur said.
And so a large slab of meat materialized before his eyes and plopped down in front of him!
"I wish for a meat shower!" The second dinosaur said.
And so the genie made all different sorts of meats from different animals rain from a small cloud above the dinosaur's head.
Not wanting to be outdone by his friends the third dinosaur quickly tries to think of something better.
"I wish for a meatier shower!"
I went to the doctor because I've had the p**... Stars theme stuck in my head for two weeks
He said he'd have to call in a buddy of his who was an expert on those sorts of things
(But seriously please help me I'm going insane)
one of the best documentarys
ive ever watched on netflix is about a chinese couple who didnt board the Malaysian flight 370 (one that disappeared) when they should have done. All sorts of conspiracy theories. worth a watch, highly recommended.
It's called 2 wongs dont make a flight
My wife asked me, If I die, will you re-marry?
I replied, I don't know love, I don't think about those sorts of things.
Well If you did, would she live in our house? she asked
I said, I don't know, I haven't thought about it!
Then she asked Would you let her wear my clothes?
I replied Nah she's not your size
Three guys just met eachother and they have a conversation about different sorts of paste
The first guy says: "I know everything about tomato paste, because I own an Italian restaurant."
The second guy says: "I know everything about toothpaste, because I am a dentist."
The third guy says: "I know everything about copy-paste, because I am a Redditor."
The first 5G cell phone mast in town is put up
Suddenly, all sorts of people develop medical conditions. A citizens' initiative against the mast is formed. A public hearing is organized with the mayor and representatives of the telecom company. The people bring forward all the ailments they suffer from since the mast was erected.
The telecom technician replies: "For God's sake, what will be going on when we then put the mast into operation?"
My grandma was quite the athlete
She had trophies for all sorts of things. Her most prized was a limbo trophy she won in Hawaii. When she passed my brother wanted it. I said no and he stole it. How much lower can you go?
To Christians out there....
My tinder date said to me "I used to be Christian"...
I said to her, "Don't worry darling, I don't really care for those sorts of things"...
She replied "Thank God!"
"It's so much better now that I'm Christine".
I'm really funny, people tell me my humour comes in all sorts of colors.
Someone suggested I should be a stand up chameleon.
There are two sorts of people:
Those who fini
At the dawn of the Stone Age…
Og the caveman noticed that after a long period of darkness the sun would rise, traverse across the sky and then sink below the horizon.
Then darkness… until the sun would again rise once again, travel across the sky and sink below the horizon.
Again and again. Over and over.
Og wished to give a name to this event.
He thought long and hard. He tried all
sorts of words until his brain hurt and his tongue lolled in his mouth.
He tried every variation of sounds he could think of until he was exhausted.
In the end, utterly exhausted, he just gave up and called it a day.
«I'm sleeping with the minister's wife. Can you keep him busy in church for an hour after service for me?»
Mike doesn't like it, but being a friend, he agrees. After the service, Mike asks the minister all sorts of s**... questions, just to keep him occupied.
Finally the minister gets annoyed and asks Mike what he's really up to. Mike, feeling guilty, finally confesses, "My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, and he asked me to keep you occupied."
The minister thinks for a minute, smiles, puts a fatherly hand on Mike's shoulder and says, "You should hurry home now. My wife died a year ago."
