The Best 69 Sort Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Sort jokes. There are some sort mold jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these sort thingy puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Sort Jokes and Puns
What sort of grades did Tommy Wiseau receive in school?
Oh, high marks.
Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies,
"No, just leave it in the carton! "
P. S. thanks for the 4 people who sort by new. appreciate it.
I was sorting out my loose change when I dropped a 1p coin and saw it roll into a drain, which everyone around me thought was hilarious.
Laughing at my ex-pence.
Young love... sort of...
Once when I was at kindergarten, there was this girl I really liked. When she came in the next day, I kissed her on the cheek.
The next day, I kissed her on the lips. The next day, I put my hand under her shirt. And the next day, I put both my hands up her shirt.
Eventually she told her parents.Needless to say, that was the end of my teaching career.
My uncle has a factory that make "For Sale" signs.
I asked him how companies like that advertise because I've never seen ads any for that sort of business and he replied:
"They essentially sell themselves."
Blind pilots
A plane is preparing for takeoff with a full load of passengers when the pilot and copilot board--both with dark sunglasses and tapping walking sticks for guidance. The passengers are understandably uncomfortable, but assume it must be some sort of practical joke, so they say nothing.
As the plane begins to accelerate, the passengers see the end of the runway rapidly approaching, with certain doom awaiting at the end if the pilots really can't see what they're doing. Just before the end of the runway, all the passengers scream together--right before the plane lifts off. They're a little upset, but relieved that the pilots aren't really blind.
In the cockpit, the pilot turned to his copilot and remarked: "you know, Lou, one of these days they're not going to scream in time, and then we'll be in real trouble!"
JOB INTERVIEW
"So how did the interview go?" my wife asked me.
"I'm not too sure to be honest, I said all the usual stuff like, I'm a hard working person, I get on well with others, I won't let anyone down, blah blah blah, but then he sort of looked at me funny."
"How come?" she replied.
"Because I said blah blah blah."
Sort of clean joke
Amanda Bynes changed her name to Da Bynes because she's an independent woman who don't need Aman
Sorting out Problems
Remember, whenever you have a problem with someone, use hydrochloric acid. It's always a solution.
The blinds store
So there's this store down the street called "Bailey's Blinds", and I can't help but wonder that it must be a front for some sort of illegal activity. Money laundering, perhaps? Or maybe it's an incognito hub for illicit products of some nature. I mean, how can a business possibly function for over 15 years while consistently profitable, by selling nothing but blinds? ...It's a shady business if you ask me.
A wife texts her husband
A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text: "If you are
sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If
you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking send me a sip. If you
are crying, send me your tears. I love you!"
The husband, typically non-romantic, replied: "I am on the toilet. Please advise."
You can explore sort genre reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean sort routine dad jokes. There are also sort puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What sort of crime is it if a neckbeard commits murder?
A fedoral offense.
What sort of soup do men make most often after sex?
Split pee soup.
(I made it up. I'm sorry.)
The doctor told me to lose some weight.
I said, "How?"
He said "Don't eat anything fatty."
I said, "You mean pies, chips, that sort of thing?"
He said, "No, just don't eat anything, fatty."
A woman asks her husband what type of bird makes for the sexiest Halloween costume
"Should I be a spotted boobie?", asks the woman.
"Or what about a spread pink Flamingo?" "...Neither" replies the man. "If you really want men to like you, you need to be some sort of swallow."
After joining the submarine forces of the Navy, I was guaranteed that I would be stationed on a nuclear-powered submarine by an Admiral.
Unfortunately, when I received my order I found out that my post would be a navigator on a Diesel-powered sub with no nuclear capability.
When I approached my command to complain, I was told that this happened all the time and would soon sort itself out - a moderator would soon move my post to the correct sub.
This was once voted the UK's funniest joke...
A woman and her baby gets on a bus. The driver stops her at the door and says:"you have the ugliest baby I've ever seen!".the woman storms to the back of the bus, fuming. She sits down next to a stranger and says:"that bus driver just insulted me" The stranger then says:" That is absolutely not on! You go and sort him out and I will hold your monkey for you!"
Was walking by a mental hospital when.....
I was walking down the street in front of a mental hospital when I heard a large group of people chanting 6, 6, 6, 6. My curiosity got the better of me thinking I was about to witness some sort of satanic ritual, so I peered through a small hole in the fence at which point a finger immediately poked me in the eye. After a short round of celebration and applause from inside, I then heard the people start chanting 7, 7, 7, 7.
A man was found dead eight years after committing suicide
Sort of proves his point, doesn't it?
Bert, the oldest guy at the company was retiring...
At his retirement party, as a surprise, a large cake was rolled out, and a sexy, scantly clad woman jumped out! The woman called him over and whispered, "Hey there sexy, you want some super sex tonight?"
"Well", said Bert, "that depends, what sort of soup?"
a sort algorithm walks into a bar
he orders anything
I'm not saying let's go kill all the stupid people
I'm just
saying let's remove all the warning labels and let the problem sort itself out.
Jokes are sort of like Middle Eastern policies.
Some are decent, but it's really the execution that counts.
So I'm 30 and Charlotte is 21. Went out last night and we kept getting funny looks like I was some sort of peadophile. Does anyone else think that age is just a number?
It's completely ruined our 10 year anniversary
In my interview for the binman job, I asked if you needed any special training...
The interviewer said "nah you just sort of pick it up as you go along".
Everyone keeps saying I'm paranoid...
This must be some sort of conspiracy...
My son is sort of like rapunzel
But instead of letting his hair down he lets everybody down.
I've never met a full on jew
They were all just sort of jew-ish
My son got hold of my autobiography and threw the pages all around the house.
I really need to sort my life out.
myWoman = new Woman("Jenn", 32);
"What, am I just some sort of object to you now!?"
A man walks into a bar with his buddies and sees three steaks hanging from the ceiling.
He asks the bartender "Why are there three steaks hanging from the ceiling?"
The bartender replies "It's a contest sort of thing, actually. If you can jump and slap one of the steaks, you and your buddies get free drinks for the night. If not, you have to pay for everyone in the bar's drinks for the next hour. Wanna give it a try?"
The man thinks for a few minutes and makes his decision.
"Bartender, as much as my buddies and I would like free drinks, the stakes are just too high."
Everyone pees in the pool...
But you do it once from the high dive and you're some sort of monster.
Two young girls were talking
Girl 1: What does your daddy do for a living?
Girl 2: He's a lawyer. What about your daddy?
Girl 1: My daddy's dead
Girl 2: What did he do before he died?
Girl 1: He sort of clutched at his chest and fell over
From Garrison Keillor's "pretty good joke book"
Toilet paper is sort of like the Starship Enterprise
it circles Uranus looking for Klingons
Three engineers are discussing what sort of god designed the human body.
The first says "god must be a mechanical engineer. Look at all these joints!"
The second says "nonsense! God must be an electrical engineer. The brain is made of millions of electrical connections!"
The third says "both of you are wrong! God must be a civic engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Got fired from work for drinking on the job
They're strict about that sort of thing at the sperm bank.
What sort of scientists does Soda Stream employ?
Fizzyscists
After my dad died, we found an old book hidden away in his study.
It was bound in some sort of leather, and emblazoned with the title TO SUMMON THE DREADED ANCIENT ONE .
When we opened it, all it contained was gran's phone number.
People say that the President of the United States is a joke and no one respects him.
I dunno, Vladimir Putin doesn't seem like the sort of guy you'd mess with.
What sort of Internet connection can you get in a barn?
Stable WiFi.
A man was in confession asking for forgiveness at his local church.
Man: Father I have sinned.
Yesterday my wife was leaning against the sofa and she was wearing a short Dress she looked so sexy I couldn't control myself. I went up behind her and spread her legs and started ramming her from behind uncontrollably.
Priest: oh no no they don't like that sort of behaviour is heaven.
Man: No they don't like it in Walmart either.
What sort of elf lives in a can?
A sprite
A duck orders a condom, at a hotel...
The man at the front desk asks, "Would you like me to put this on your bill, sir?"
The duck replies, "No, what sort of pervert do you think I am?!"
The Nigerian football team were so disappointed with Saturday's performance that they have said they will personally refund all expenses to fans who travelled to support them.
All they need to do is send bank details, sort codes & PINs, and they will transfer the money directly …
What's the difference between the USA and a yoghurt?
If you leave the yoghurt alone for over 200 years, there is going to be some sort of culture.
I was sorting the sub by new.
Nothing came up.
A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, and a civil engineer were having a drink after work
As they drank, the conversation turned to God. Obviously, he was an engineer! But what sort of engineer?
The mechanical engineer brought up the perfection of the human joints and musculature. Surely that proved God was a mechanical engineer!
The electrical engineer responded that, without the brains and nerves, those muscles and joints would be useless. God must be an electrical engineer!
The civil engineer just looked at the two of them and shook his head. "Who else but a civil engineer would put the sewer outflow right in the middle of the entertainment district?"
A blonde joke
A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon as she boarded the plane, a Boeing-747, she started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and starts shouting, "BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!! BO....."
She sort of forgets where she is, even the pilot in the cock-pit hears the noise. Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot comes out and shouts "BE SILENT!"
There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at the blonde and the angry Pilot. She stared at the pilot in silence for a moment, concentrated really hard, and all of a sudden started shouting,"OEING! OEING! OEING! OE...."
A Higgs-boson particle goes into a church.
The vicar says, "We don't want your sort in here!"
The Higgs-boson particle says
"But you can't have mass without me!"
Actual conversation today. My wife: "i'm tired of anaesthesiology. What other area of medicine should I try?"
Me: I don't know. Emerg?
Wife: Nah, I want something lower stress. Hey, what about sleep medicine?
Me: Sleep medicine?
Wife: Like, helping people with sleep disorders and such. I wonder what sort of education i'd need?
Me: Probably night school.
My wife said last night "You treat our marriage like it's some sort of game"
Which unfortunately cost her 12 points and a bonus chance
Jane and Erica are talking in heaven
"How did you die?" Jane asks Erica.
She replies, "I froze to death."
"Oh, that's terrible!" says Jane.
"It wasn't too bad, after a while you start to get a sort of peaceful feeling, just before you black out. How did you die?"
"Well," she says, "I suspected my husband was cheating so one day I came home early to catch him, but he was just watching TV. So I turned the entire house upside-down looking for another girl, and in the end I got a massive heart attack from exhaustion."
"Too bad you didnt look in the freezer," said Erica, "Or we might both still be alive."
An alien lands today...Nov. 4, 2020
Alien: Take me to your leader
Me: Your going to have to wait 10-12 business days for us to sort that out.
The wife and I walked passed a swanky, expensive restaurant last night.
She said "The aroma of their cooking from there is absolutely gorgeous"
Being a spontaneous sort of guy, I thought I would treat her. So I turned her around and we walked past it again.
Why did the Hispanic man keep purchasing trains?
I'm not quite sure myself honestly but he has to have some sort of locomotive.
A man requested a female painter to paint him in the nude.
"No" the talented artist said. "I don't do that sort of thing.
"I'll increase your fee two times," he said.
"No, no thanks!!"
"I'll give five times as much as you normally get."
Okay, said the artist, "but you have to let me at least wear my socks. I need somewhere to place my brushes."
Two cannibals meet one day.
The first cannibal says, You know, I just can't seem to get a tender missionary. I've baked them, I've roasted them, I've stewed them, I've barbecued them, I've tried every sort of marinade. Just can't seem to get them tender.
The second cannibal asks, What kind of missionary do you use?
The first replies, You know, the ones that hang out at that place at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks with a rope around their waist and they're sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their heads.
Ah, ha! the second cannibal replies, No wonder… those are friars!
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar
The first orders a mug, the second a half, the third a quarter, and so on. The bartender pours them 2 whole mugs and says, "sort it out yourselves."
Pharmacist: May I help you, sir?
Customer: Yes... I, uh... well, this is sort of embarrassing, but I'm going out on a date tonight and, you know, I need some...
Pharmacist: Protection?
Customer: Right.
Pharmacist: Small, medium or large?
Customer: Uhhhh... Medium, I guess.
Pharmacist: Okay, that'll be $2.35 including tax.
Customer: Tacks?! I thought they stayed on by themselves!
Two ghosts were arguing...
Two ghosts had gone out for dinner at the pub and were having a great time until politics were brought up. Things got heated fast and the barman came over to the table to sort things out. Trouble was, the barman couldn't help either ghost see the others perspective mainly because he couldn't communicate with them properly.
Beginning to get frustrated, he turned away from the table and exclaimed under his breath,
"I'm going to have to find them a happy medium to get them to agree".
An infinite number of mathematicians enter a bar
The first orders a pint of beer. The second half a pint, the third a quarter ad infinitum. The bartender just pours two pints and says "sort it out yourselves."
There are two sorts of people:
Those who fini
What sort of dog stops you from hearing?
Ear pugs.
They work ok but they go in a bit ruff.
What sort of deer disappears when you turn the light on?
A shadoe
Seriously, where are all these dad jokes stored?
I'm assuming it's in some sort of dad-a-base.
Some guy I know collected watches. He'd use to link them all together into a sort of belt.
I thought it was a waist of time.
A concerned father asks his daughter if she is sexually active. She replies, "Not really, Dad...
I just sort of lay there
A medical student
A medical student walks into his favorite local bar and orders a beer. "I've finally decided what my practice will specialize in," the student tells the bartender. "It will be in the study and treatment of the diseases and disorders of the Adam's apple." "Is there some sort of fancy medical name for that specialty?" the bartender asks. "Yes," the student replies. "I'll be a guyneckologist."
The United Nations seem very concerned about British weather.
Apparently there's some sort of looming crisis involving UK rain
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the sort kinda jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working sort kind piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.