Sort Jokes
145 sort jokes and hilarious sort puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sort that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Sort Short Jokes
Short sort jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sort humour may include short order jokes also.
- I used to be Christian.... Her: I used to be Christian.
Him: It's all right, I don't really care for those sorts of things.
Her; Thank god! It's so much better now that I'm Christine! - When I am tasked with sorting through a stack of résumés, I throw about half of them in the garbage. I do not want unlucky people working in our company
- I just graduated with a degree in Egyptology. So now I am qualified to teach more students Egyptology. I'm beginning to think this is some sort of pyramid scheme.
- My son is sort of like rapunzel But instead of letting his hair down he lets everybody down.
- A Higgs-boson particle goes into a church. The vicar says, "We don't want your sort in here!"
The Higgs-boson particle says
"But you can't have mass without me!" - Everyone pees in the pool... But you do it once from the high dive and you're some sort of monster.
- Americans are the best at solving Rubik's Cube They have a long history of sorting and separating colour
- Toilet paper is sort of like the Starship Enterprise it circles uranus looking for Klingons
- My wife and I had a huge argument because she accidentally flooded the kitchen but we've sorted it now. It's all water under the fridge.
- People think my room is a mess, but it's actually very organized Everything is sorted by date of last use. If I used it recently, it's on top of something.
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Sort One Liners
Which sort one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sort? I can suggest the ones about ranking and rank.
- What sort of grades did Tommy Wiseau receive in school? Oh, high marks.
- I've never met a full on jew They were all just sort of jew-ish
- What sort of scientists does Soda Stream employ? Fizzyscists
- myWoman = new Woman("Jenn", 32); "What, am I just some sort of object to you now!?"
- I was sorting the sub by new. Nothing came up.
- What's the worst part about sorting by new? The jokes
- What sort of Internet connection can you get in a barn? Stable WiFi.
- Just sorted out the work rota for the zoo. The lion sweeps tonight.
- What sort of deer disappears when you turn the light on? A shadoe
- Everyone keeps saying I'm paranoid... This must be some sort of conspiracy...
- What sort of elf lives in a can? A sprite
- a sort algorithm walks into a bar he orders anything
- What sort of key do you use to open a banana? A mon-key
- What do you call a rock band that makes songs about sorting? OC/DC
- What sort of clothes do lawyers wear? Lawsuits
Ridiculous Sort Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter
What funny jokes about sort you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean reverse jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sort pranks.
The first all-female spacewalk happened recently
Meanwhile in space:
"Houston, we have a problem."
"What sort of a problem?"
"Well if you don't know without asking, I guess there is no problem at all! Everything is JUST FINE!".
Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies,
"No, just leave it in the carton! "
P. S. thanks for the 4 people who sort by new. appreciate it.
I was sorting out my loose change when I dropped a 1p coin and saw it roll into a drain, which everyone around me thought was hilarious.
Laughing at my ex-pence.
Young love... sort of...
Once when I was at kindergarten, there was this girl I really liked. When she came in the next day, I kissed her on the cheek.
The next day, I kissed her on the lips. The next day, I put my hand under her shirt. And the next day, I put both my hands up her shirt.
Eventually she told her parents.Needless to say, that was the end of my teaching career.
My uncle has a factory that make "For Sale" signs.
I asked him how companies like that advertise because I've never seen ads any for that sort of business and he replied:
"They essentially sell themselves."
Blind pilots
A plane is preparing for takeoff with a full load of passengers when the pilot and copilot board--both with dark sunglasses and tapping walking sticks for guidance. The passengers are understandably uncomfortable, but assume it must be some sort of practical joke, so they say nothing.
As the plane begins to accelerate, the passengers see the end of the runway rapidly approaching, with certain doom awaiting at the end if the pilots really can't see what they're doing. Just before the end of the runway, all the passengers scream together--right before the plane lifts off. They're a little upset, but relieved that the pilots aren't really blind.
In the cockpit, the pilot turned to his copilot and remarked: "you know, Lou, one of these days they're not going to scream in time, and then we'll be in real trouble!"
JOB INTERVIEW
"So how did the interview go?" my wife asked me.
"I'm not too sure to be honest, I said all the usual stuff like, I'm a hard working person, I get on well with others, I won't let anyone down, blah blah blah, but then he sort of looked at me funny."
"How come?" she replied.
"Because I said blah blah blah."
Sort of clean joke
amanda Bynes changed her name to Da Bynes because she's an independent woman who don't need Aman
Sorting out Problems
Remember, whenever you have a problem with someone, use hydrochloric acid. It's always a solution.
The blinds store
So there's this store down the street called "Bailey's Blinds", and I can't help but wonder that it must be a front for some sort of i**... activity. Money laundering, perhaps? Or maybe it's an incognito hub for illicit products of some nature. I mean, how can a business possibly function for over 15 years while consistently profitable, by selling nothing but blinds? ...It's a shady business if you ask me.
A wife texts her husband
A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text: "If you are
sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If
you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking send me a sip. If you
are crying, send me your tears. I love you!"
The husband, typically non-romantic, replied: "I am on the toilet. Please advise."
What sort of crime is it if a neckbeard commits m**...?
A fedoral offense.
What sort of soup do men make most often after s**...?
Split pee soup.
(I made it up. I'm sorry.)
The doctor told me to lose some weight.
I said, "How?"
He said "Don't eat anything fatty."
I said, "You mean pies, chips, that sort of thing?"
He said, "No, just don't eat anything, fatty."
My dad always grabbed a copy of O, The Oprah Magazine, when we were in the checkout line...
He'd hold it up, and in an excited, but serious voice, he'd say "This has to be some sort of record! She made the cover *AGAIN!*
"So do you want me to climb up with my bare hands or can I use some sort of climbing device?"
The latter.
What sort of people are into kitchenware?
Pansexuals.
A woman asks her husband what type of bird makes for the sexiest Halloween costume
"Should I be a spotted b**...?", asks the woman.
"Or what about a spread pink Flamingo?" "...Neither" replies the man. "If you really want men to like you, you need to be some sort of s**...."
After joining the submarine forces of the Navy, I was guaranteed that I would be stationed on a nuclear-powered submarine by an Admiral.
Unfortunately, when I received my order I found out that my post would be a navigator on a Diesel-powered sub with no nuclear capability.
When I approached my command to complain, I was told that this happened all the time and would soon sort itself out - a moderator would soon move my post to the correct sub.
This was once voted the UK's funniest joke...
A woman and her baby gets on a bus. The driver stops her at the door and says:"you have the ugliest baby I've ever seen!".the woman storms to the back of the bus, fuming. She sits down next to a stranger and says:"that bus driver just insulted me" The stranger then says:" That is absolutely not on! You go and sort him out and I will hold your monkey for you!"
Was walking by a mental hospital when.....
I was walking down the street in front of a mental hospital when I heard a large group of people chanting 6, 6, 6, 6. My curiosity got the better of me thinking I was about to witness some sort of satanic ritual, so I peered through a small hole in the fence at which point a finger immediately poked me in the eye. After a short round of celebration and applause from inside, I then heard the people start chanting 7, 7, 7, 7.
Two priests are driving along the road when they get stopped by a police officer
The officer walks up to the priests' car and tells them, "Hello sirs, we're looking for two child molesters. Have you seen anyone that could resemble the sort?"
The priest in the driver's seat turns to the other, and after a brief moment of conversation, turns back to the officer and says,
"Yeah, okay, we'll do it."
A man was found dead eight years after committing s**...
Sort of proves his point, doesn't it?
How to deal with an anthill
Next time you have an anthill problem, here is what you do;
Grab yourself a can of black spray paint and cover the entire anthill in it. Then grab a stick or something of the sort and stir the paint in. Once all the ants realize they now live in a black neighborhood, they stop working and start shooting each other.
Day 3 in the desert:
I have somehow gained the respect of some birds as they are circling above me in some sort of protective formation
I was at a Pakistani owned gas station...
There was some sort of problem with my debit card at the pump.
I know this because a message popped up that said "PLEASE SEE KASHIR."
A man gets circumcised...
After his surgery, he asks the surgeon, "How much should I pay you?"
The surgeon replies, "Oh, you don't need to pay me anything, I do this sort of stuff for free."
The man, confused, then asks, "How do you make a living?"
The surgeon says, "I just collect the tips."
A guy was throwing popcorn at the back of my head in the cinema.
I turned around and said, "You and me...when this film finishes...let's sort this out."
He said, "OK then."
And then, when it was over, we cleared away all the popcorn like respectable men.
A guy wearing a turban walks into a bar
The bartender asks "Is this some sort of Sikh joke?"
Bert, the oldest guy at the company was retiring...
At his retirement party, as a surprise, a large cake was rolled out, and a s**..., scantly clad woman jumped out! The woman called him over and whispered, "Hey there s**..., you want some super s**... tonight?"
"Well", said Bert, "that depends, what sort of soup?"
Watch List
A guy is nervously pacing around his house. His brother sees this and asks, "What's wrong." The guy responds with, "I was online and now I think I'm on some sort of watch list." Concerned his brother asked, "What were you searching?" The guy looks at his brother and says, "Rolexes."
I'm not saying let's go kill all the s**... people
I'm just
saying let's remove all the warning labels and let the problem sort itself out.
Why did the spreadsheets get divorced?
They just couldn't sort things out.
I was chatting up this woman.
I said, "You're the sort of woman I could introduce to my mum."
"Aww," she smiled, "Can you?"
I said, "Of course, I'll drive us to the cemetery tomorrow."
Jokes are sort of like Middle Eastern policies.
Some are decent, but it's really the execution that counts.
Awesome Reporting of the Accident
A car was involved in an accident. As expected a large crowd gathered. A newspaper reporter, anxious to get his story, could not get near the car. Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim. The crowd made way for him. Lying in front of the car was a donkey.
So I'm 30 and Charlotte is 21. Went out last night and we kept getting funny looks like I was some sort of peadophile. Does anyone else think that age is just a number?
It's completely ruined our 10 year anniversary
In my interview for the binman job, I asked if you needed any special training...
The interviewer said "nah you just sort of pick it up as you go along".
I saw an alarming stat the other day. Apparently 25% of women are taking medication for some sort of mental illness . . .
That means that 75% of women are walking around unmedicated!
A Priest, a Rabbi, a Nun, two gorillas, a leopard, a horse, two turtles, and a dragonfly walk into a bar.
Bartender yells, What is this, some sort of joke?
If you're kissing on your honey and your nose is sort of runny,
you make think it's funny, but it snot.
My son got hold of my autobiography and threw the pages all around the house.
I really need to sort my life out.
A man walks into a bar with his buddies and sees three steaks hanging from the ceiling.
He asks the bartender "Why are there three steaks hanging from the ceiling?"
The bartender replies "It's a contest sort of thing, actually. If you can jump and slap one of the steaks, you and your buddies get free drinks for the night. If not, you have to pay for everyone in the bar's drinks for the next hour. Wanna give it a try?"
The man thinks for a few minutes and makes his decision.
"Bartender, as much as my buddies and I would like free drinks, the stakes are just too high."
A girl walks into a shop...
A girl walks into a shop and goes up to the counter.
"Excuse me, do you have custom printed underwear?"
"Yes, we do, what would like to have printed on it?"
"I want it to say: If you can read this, you're too close."
"Very well, what sort of typography do you want?"
"Braille."
Two young girls were talking
Girl 1: What does your daddy do for a living?
Girl 2: He's a lawyer. What about your daddy?
Girl 1: My daddy's dead
Girl 2: What did he do before he died?
Girl 1: He sort of clutched at his chest and fell over
From Garrison Keillor's "pretty good joke book"
A man calls the hotel receptionist where he is staying,
"My wife and I were arguing earlier and now she's trying to jump out of the window. Send someone to room 314 please!"
The receptionist responds, "Sir, that sounds like a personal problem. Sort out the matter yourself."
The man is taken aback. "How is this a personal problem? I'm calling for maintenance, the window won't open!"
Batman and robin came out 20 years ago today
But we always sort of suspected.
I took a sip of what appears to be some sort of poisonous ink...
I dyed a little inside..
Three engineers are discussing what sort of god designed the human body.
The first says "god must be a mechanical engineer. Look at all these joints!"
The second says "nonsense! God must be an electrical engineer. The brain is made of millions of electrical connections!"
The third says "both of you are wrong! God must be a civic engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Got fired from work for drinking on the job
They're strict about that sort of thing at the s**... bank.
A Rabbi, an atheist, and a Priest walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "What?! If this is some sort of joke you have to leave!" So they all walk out.
A few minutes later a chicken walks into the bar. The bartender yells, "Come on! We don't even serve chickens!"
The chicken asks, "Do you know anywhere that does?"
The bartender replies, "Yeah... It's right across the road."
A blonde woman is at the doctor's office
Blonde: I can't pregnant!
Doctor: Okay, how often do you and your boyfriend have s**...?
Blonde: Every night!
Doctor: Do you use any sort of protection?
Blonde: No. And I even s**... every time.
After my dad died, we found an old book hidden away in his study.
It was bound in some sort of leather, and emblazoned with the title TO SUMMON THE DREADED ANCIENT ONE .
When we opened it, all it contained was gran's phone number.
It's International Women's Day today. I guess I should make some sort of sexist joke.
I'll have to simplify it for the women.
People say that the President of the United States is a joke and no one respects him.
I dunno, Vladimir Putin doesn't seem like the sort of guy you'd mess with.
A man was in confession asking for forgiveness at his local church.
Man: Father I have sinned.
Yesterday my wife was leaning against the sofa and she was wearing a short Dress she looked so s**... I couldn't control myself. I went up behind her and spread her legs and started ramming her from behind uncontrollably.
Priest: oh no no they don't like that sort of behaviour is heaven.
Man: No they don't like it in Walmart either.
A duck orders a c**..., at a hotel...
The man at the front desk asks, "Would you like me to put this on your bill, sir?"
The duck replies, "No, what sort of pervert do you think I am?!"
The Nigerian football team were so disappointed with Saturday's performance that they have said they will personally refund all expenses to fans who travelled to support them.
All they need to do is send bank details, sort codes & PINs, and they will transfer the money directly …
What's the difference between the USA and a yoghurt?
If you leave the yoghurt alone for over 200 years, there is going to be some sort of culture.
I work with an amateur architect.
It puts a roof over my head, sort of.
I thought that people asking me what my body count is were asking how many people I've killed, not how many people I've had s**... with;
Now everyone thinks I'm some sort of nymphomaniac
An archeologist finds three coffins. The first two have ornate drawing of a person covering each of their front sides. The third one, however, possessed only a primitive sort of stick figure. Who did the archeologist think was buried in the last coffin?
The coffin painter
Some people say Tesla's interiors all smell the same...
Sort of like an Elon Musk.
A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, and a civil engineer were having a drink after work
As they drank, the conversation turned to God. Obviously, he was an engineer! But what sort of engineer?
The mechanical engineer brought up the perfection of the human joints and musculature. Surely that proved God was a mechanical engineer!
The electrical engineer responded that, without the brains and nerves, those muscles and joints would be useless. God must be an electrical engineer!
The civil engineer just looked at the two of them and shook his head. "Who else but a civil engineer would put the sewer outflow right in the middle of the entertainment district?"
What sort of girlfriend a potato wants?
A sweet potato
Alright, yeah. I'm really that desperate.
A blonde joke
A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon as she boarded the plane, a Boeing-747, she started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and starts shouting, "BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!! BO....."
She sort of forgets where she is, even the pilot in the c**...-pit hears the noise. Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot comes out and shouts "BE SILENT!"
There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at the blonde and the angry Pilot. She stared at the pilot in silence for a moment, concentrated really hard, and all of a sudden started shouting,"OEING! OEING! OEING! OE...."
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...
The first one asks for one glass, the second asks for half, the third asks for a fourth, and so on. The bartender puts 2 glasses on the counter and says Sort it out yourselves
I don't get why Clubbing Seals is so controversial?
I mean, I'm kinda curious what sort of music they listen to?
