sore Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious sore puns

Courtesy of my youngest child - why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough?

Because a cold never bothered her anyway.

My youngest son thought of this all by himself...he's a 38-year-old lawyer in Nebraska.

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The doctor's office blocked my number after I kept calling about Pokemon.

I don't know what the hell they're taking about, but I really need someone to take a look at this bulbous sore I have.

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My first school rugby game was a bit like the first time having sex..

I was sore and bloody at the end... But at least my dad came

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My first highschool football game was a lot like my first time having sex...

I was pretty roughed up, sore, and kinda bloody, but at least my dad came (:

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My first high-school football game was a lot like my first time having sex..

I was bloody and sore at the end, but at least my dad came.

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A man has a sore throat and goes to the doctor...

Doctor: "Your tonsils gotta come out."

Patient: "I want a second opinion!"

Doctor: "Okay, I don't like your haircut."

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Two Canadian body builders were working out at the gym.

After they were done, they sat together in the locker room.

One turned to the other and said, "I'm sore, eh?"

The other said, "What for?"

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Son walks in on his dad masturbating

Dad tells him "son... you'll be doing this soon".

The son asks "why... because I'm about to hit puberty?"

To which the dad replies "no... because my arm is getting sore"

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My first blowjob was like my first bike ride....

Two bruised knees, a sore jaw and my father telling me I was really good for a first timer

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Superman is flying idly around, when he spots Wonder Woman naked, spread-eagled on a beach.

He thinks to himself, "I bet I could use my superhuman speed to have intercourse with her and fly away, without her even realizing what happened."

So he does.

A few seconds later, Wonder Woman says, "What in the HELL was THAT?"

The Invisible Man replies, "I have no idea, but my ass feels really sore."

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[NSFW] I had my first boxing match yesterday

It reminded me of the time I lost my virginity, I was bloody and really sore, but at least my dad came

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Husband and wife decide to make a password...

...for sex,
they decide on 'washing machine'.
Later in bed that night husband says,
Washing machine.
Wife replies, Not tonight darling I have a sore head.
Half an hour passes and she feels guilty so she says,
Washing machine.
Husband replies,
Too late it was only a small load so I decided to do it by hand.

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It's hurts for me to say this...

But I have a sore throat.

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[NSFW] "You don't sound so well today", a woman told her business partner.

"I have a sore throat", the partner responded.
"I have the best cure", the first said. "Each time I have a sore throat I blow my husband and immediately feel better."
The next day the partner walks into work with a smile on her face.
"Did you do what I suggested?", the first asked.
"Yes, and thanks for the tip", the second said.
"Your husband couldn't believe it was your idea!"

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What do you call a webpage that helps your eyes feel better?

A site for sore eyes!



My dad made this up and wanted me to post it lol

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My friends and I used to love a good game of Russian Roulette.

Unfortunately, they're a bunch of sore losers and won't play it with me anymore.

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What's the difference between a cold dessert and an injured girlfriend?

One is ice cream and the other is a sore bae.

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Thankfully, someone created an online resource for everyone who suffered retinal damage watching the solar eclipse.

It truly is a site for sore eyes.

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Have you ever visited conjunctivitis.com?

It's a site for sore eyes

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A seventh grader was sent home from school for fucking his teacher.

His mother demanded his father ground him, but the father, instead, said, "Good job, son! I didn't fuck my teacher until I was a Sophomore. Come on, let's go get you that bike you wanted."

And so they went and got him his bike. As they were going back home, the father said, "Why don't you ride your new bike back home?"

"No, thanks. My ass is still sore."

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What do you get when you have rough sex in an ice cream parlour?

A sore bae.

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Jon was excited about his new rifle..

... and wanted to try it out, so he went bear hunting. He spotted a small black bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder and he turned round to see a larger black bear. The black bear said "You've got two choices, I either maul you to death or we have sex." Jon decided to bend over.Β Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Jon soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip, found the black bear, and shot it. Immediately, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a big brown bear stood right next to him.Β The brown bear said, "That was a huge mistake, Jon. You've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we'll have rough sex." Again, Jon thought it was better to comply.Β Although he survived, it was several months before Jon finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the brown bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned round to find a gigantic grizzly bear standing there.Β The grizzly bear said "Admit it, Jon, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"Β 

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I'm so glad I stumbled across that optometrist's webpage...

...it was a site for sore eyes.

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My grand father fought in WW2. Whenever I bring it up, he says he never wants to talk about it again.

What a sore loser

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The gift.

Knowing that the minister had a very sore throat, an elderly woman presented him with a bottle of cherry brandy.

"This is quite soothing, the woman said, "but please don't tell anyone I gave you liquor. Everyone thinks I am teetotaler."

"I understand," replied the good man.

When the church magazine came out a few days later, the congregant skimmed the "With Appreciation" column. There she read: "The minister extends his thanks to Mrs. Alice Rodgers for her gift of fruit and the spirit in which it was given."

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My First Time Having Sex Was Like My First High School Football Game...

I was bloody and sore by the end of it, but hey, at least my Dad came!

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An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde and a homely brunette...

...are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps. Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.

The brunette thinks 'I bet that dirty Frenchman fondled the blonde and she struck the pervert.'

The blonde thinks 'I bet that filthy Frenchman was looking to grope me in the dark, mistook the dowdy brunette for me and she slapped the beast.'

The Frenchman thinks 'I bet that perfidious Englishman touched up the blonde in the dark and she slapped me by mistake.'

The Englishman thinks 'I can't wait for another tunnel so I can slap that French twat again.'

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A guy goes to the doctor with a sore leg....

The doctor runs the normal tests and takes some x-rays. Unable to find the problem he finally decides to listen to the leg with his stethoscope, at the knee he hears "hey give me $5" at the calf he hears "hey give me $10" at the ankle he hears "hey give me$15". He takes off the stethoscope, looks up the patient and says " I have some bad news, your leg is broke in three places"

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An office girl complains about sore throat to a coworker...

she says she's not feeling well and wants to go home early.

Her coworker pulls her aside and says: "I'll tell you a little secret. Whenever I have a sore throat, I go home to my husband, give him a blowjob, and swallow it all. Works like magic every time!"

The next day, the girl bounces into the office, fully recovered.

"Well, did it work?"

"Yes, just like you said! It's amazing!

And by the way, I love the new drapes in your living room."

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Grass Stains

Two long time friends are in a bar. One says to the other:

"Dude, hypothetically speaking, if you woke up one day in the middle of the woods with a raging hangover, no idea how you got there, grass stains round your knees, no pants and a sore ass, would you tell your wife?"

Other guys sits there for a moment to think about it and says:

"I doubt it. Probably wouldn't tell anyone."

The first guy then says:

"Oh cool, do you want to go camping this weekend?"

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They told me let Jesus in , I'd feel less pain

Thats not true though because now I'm walking around the prison yard with a sore ass

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Guy walks into a bar, sign says Win Grand Prize $10,000, ask the bartender

So the guy asks. The bartender says, you have to do three things: first you have to whip the bar back's ass he's 6'3 and 250 pounds. Next you have to go down in the basement and pull a sore tooth out of my Rottweilers mouth. Lastly, you have to go upstairs and fuck my grandmother and she's 97 years old. So the guy excepts the challenge goes out back in fights the bar back. Somehow he manages to win but he's been beaten badly as he comes staggering back in the bar. He heads down into the basement and the dog barks, whines cries and let's out a deep moan. The guy comes stumbling up the stairs and back into the bar and he says, "now where's that old lady with the sore tooth?"

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I was at the dentist yesterday

As he was inspecting my teeth, he poked and prodded and scraped one of my back molars that was particularly sore. He leaned closer for a better look, and said to me, "That's the biggest cavity I've ever seen! That's the biggest cavity I've ever seen!"

I was kind of offended. "Doc, I'm not stupid or deaf, you didn't have to repeat yourself."

"I wasn't repeating myself, that was the echo!"

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A son comes home to his dad...

A son comes home to his dad exclaiming that he had lost his virginity. The dad was very proud of his son and bought him a brand new bike. An hour later the dad asks his son " Why aren't you out riding your new bike?"
the son responds: " Well dad, my ass is still sore."

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I lost the Sore Loser Award last night...

It's okay. The guy who won really deserved it and there is always next year.

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What are the most funny Sore jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Sore? Well, here are the best Sore dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Sore pick up lines to share with friends.

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