Soothing Jokes
13 soothing jokes and hilarious soothing puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about soothing that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Soothing Short Jokes
Short soothing jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The soothing humour may include short refreshing jokes also.
- As my airplane was hitting a bad turbulance, I got on the loudspeakers with a soothing message for the passengers. Apparently, "No pressure!" wasn't the best choice of words.
- When my wife gets a little upset, sometimes a simple Calm down in a soothing voice is all it takes to get her a lot upset
- I'm working on a new line of soothing, caffeine-free, herbal tea for ladies. It's going to be called The Steepover®
- When my Wife gets her period I soothingly like to tell her... Shouldn't have ate that Apple.
- 'Calm Your t**...' is derogatory. Feminists reccomend, instead :
'De-stress the b**...",'Soothe your b**...', 'Give that Chest a Rest', 'Don't have a Rack Attack'
and
'Hakuna the Tattas' - There is nothing like a little tomato soup to soothe the soul. Even if it's cold. Over ice. With a celery stalk. And v**...
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Soothing One Liners
Which soothing one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with soothing? I can suggest the ones about pleasing and soaking.
- Music hath charms to soothe the savage breast Not unlike a good sports bra
- What's the least soothing thing when you've been put on hold? Soothing music.
Giggle-Inducing Soothing Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends
What funny jokes about soothing you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean calms jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make soothing pranks.
Boudreaux decides to surprise his wife for Valentine's day. His wife has been wanting a milk bath to soothe her skin. He goes to the milk man and states he needs some milk. The milk man says, Since you are filling up the bathtub, do you want it pasteurize?
Boudreaux says, no I just need it passed her a**..., not pasteurize (passed her eyes)
The gift.
Knowing that the minister had a very sore t**..., an elderly woman presented him with a bottle of cherry brandy.
"This is quite soothing, the woman said, "but please don't tell anyone I gave you liquor. Everyone thinks I am teetotaler."
"I understand," replied the good man.
When the church magazine came out a few days later, the congregant skimmed the "With Appreciation" column. There she read: "The minister extends his thanks to Mrs. Alice Rodgers for her gift of fruit and the spirit in which it was given."
Karen's 911 call
Karen was cleaning Kyle's rifle and shot him by accident. She calls 911.
"It's my husband," said Karen. "I've accidentally shot him... I've killed him," she sobbed.
"Please calm down, ma'am," the 911 operator tried to sooth her. "Can you please make sure he's actually dead?"
\[Click\] BANG!
"Okay, I've done that. What now?"
A man is sitting at a bar in Las Vegas, crying.
The Bartender notices him and asks him what's wrong.
The man answers:''I lost over 50 grand this weekend betting on sports. I Went 0-8 in Baseball, 0-13 in Basketball, 0-6 In Football and 0-9 in Soccer."
The bartender, in disbelief, tries to soothe the man:"Have you ever tried betting on Hockey?"
The man quickly responds:"Of course not. I don't know anything about hockey!"
Harold and David are out hunting when David collapses and stops breathing.
Desperately Harold searches for a pulse but can't find one. He whips out his phone and dials 911 and blurts, 'My friend had just dropped dead! What should I do?' A soothing voice on the other end says, 'OK, OK. Just relax. First, let's make sure he really is dead.' After a brief silence the operator hears a shot ring out. Then Harold comes back to the phone. 'OK,' he says nervously, 'what do I do next?'
A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls on the ground.
He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes have rolled back in his head. The other hunter whips out his cellphone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator "I THINK MY FRIEND IS DEAD, WHAT SHOULD I DO!!!"
The operator responds in a calm, soothing voice "Everything will be ok, first we should make sure he's dead."
After a long silence, the operator hears a shot.
"Ok" Says the hunter "what now?"
A couple is fighting more than usual these last few years...
After each fight the wife goes directly to the bathroom and cleans it. Once they make up the husband ask the wife
Why do you clean the bathroom every time we fight?
The wife looks at her husband, it's not only soothing but I use your toothbrush to scrub the toilet
Two hunters are in a forest.
One of them collapses, his eyes are rolled back and he doesn't appear to be breathing.
The other one whips out his mobile phone and calls the emergency services.
"I think my friend is dead", he says.
The operator responds in a cool, soothing voice. "Okay, stay calm. The first thing you need to do is make sure he's dead."
The hunter goes off the line before a loud BANG was heard.
"Okay, what next?"
Little Johnny comes downstairs crying.
His mother asked, "What’s the matter now?"
"Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb with hammer," said little Johnny through his tears.
"That’s not so serious," soothed his mother.
"I know you are upset, but a big boy like you shouldn’t cry at something like that. Why didn’t you just laugh?"
"I did!" sobbed Johnny.
