Sooner Jokes
58 sooner jokes and hilarious sooner puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sooner that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Sooner Short Jokes
Short sooner jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sooner humour may include short quicker jokes also.
- I dumped my last girlfriend because she was a communist. I should've known sooner. There were red flag everywhere.
- Why do the Russians put Z on all their military vehicles? Because sooner or later they will all belong to Zelensky
- I think i'm spending too much time around my gf's family. I mean, her husband's going to notice sooner or later.
- I discovered that my boyfriend is a communist spy. I guess I could have noticed this sooner, but chose to ignore the red flags.
- A lawyer walks into a doctor's office with a huge tumor on his face.
Why didn't you come sooner? asks the doctor.
To be honest, I was ashamed to leave the house, the tumor says. - A lawyer walks into a doctor's office with a huge tumor on his face... Doctor says, Why didn't you come sooner?
The tumor says, To be honest, I was ashamed to leave the house. - They really should have predicted the fall of Communism sooner. After all, there were plenty of red flags.
- Having a girl as a friend is like having a chicken as a pet.. Sooner or later you're gonna want to eat it
- Scientists predict human-level artificial intelligence by 2030... ...maybe sooner if the bar keeps dropping.
- What do a pallet of bricks and a fat girl have in common? Sooner or later they will get laid by a Mexican
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Sooner One Liners
Which sooner one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sooner? I can suggest the ones about faster and earlier.
- Why do men generally pass away sooner than their wife? They want to.
- They say married men live longer than single men and yet married men want to die sooner
- Everyone has to learn how to deal with disappointment sooner or later.
- Don't worry about the antivax fad It'll die off sooner rather than later.
- I saw a tree yesterday: I saw another tree today. Sooner or later, no more trees to saw.
- People who deserved to come out of the closet sooner..... George Takei and Harry potter.
- The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.
- If I'd shot you sooner, I'd be out of jail by now.
- If you are ill, so lie down and you'll walk it sooner loose.
- Minecraft: Story Mode Nerdcubed did it better nearly half a decade sooner
- What do BMWs and hemorrhoids have in common? Sooner or later every a**... has one.
Cheerful Sooner Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!
What funny jokes about sooner you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean quicker than jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sooner pranks.
Joey the altar boy goes to confession and says...
'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl'.
'And who was the girl you were with?'
'I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation'.
"Well, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?
'I cannot say.'
'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'
'I'll never tell.'
'Was it Nina Capelli?'
'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'
'Was it Cathy Piriano?'
'My lips are sealed.'
'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'
'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'
The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.'
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?'
'Four months vacation and five good leads.'
really old joke based off a video game from the 90's
What are the three certainties in life? ( Thank you for spellcheck on google chrome ) 1. death 2. taxes. 3. you'll hear this joke sooner or later
The new store...
Two Australian businessmen in Brisbane were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be opened new store.
As yet, the store wasn't ready, with no stock and only a few shelves set up.
One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now some idiot tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling.'
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when sure enough, a curious Japanese tourist walked to the window, had a peek, and in a thick Japanese accent asked, 'What you sell?'
One of the men replied sarcastically, 'We're selling arseholes.'
Without skipping a beat, the Japanese man said, 'You doing velly well. Only two left!'
A kid goes to church to confess...
"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the girl you were with?"
"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Nina Capelli?"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."
"Was it Cathy Piriano?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"
"Please, Father! I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"
"Four months vacation and five good leads..."
I'm surprised they didn't make an all-female Ghost Busters sooner...
Busting ghosts at three quarters on the dollar? What a savings!
My little girl loves helping me when I'm doing the cooking, because I always let her lick the spoon.
The sooner she's old enough to buy her own h**..., the better.
A nutritionist is giving a speech at a conference on eating healthy
Red meat is terrible for your metabolism, soda rips apart your gastric wall. Fast food is almost all fat and sugar but there's one food that is the worst of all. Almost all of us eat it sooner or later and the negative effects can last for years after a single consumption. Does anyone know what this is?
After a moment of silence an elderly specialist sitting in one of the front rows gets up and says "wedding cake"
What does a 9 volt battery have in common with a girls a**...?
You know its wrong but sooner or later your going to lick it.
What does a fire, flood, earthquake, tornado, hurricane, and a wife have in common?
Sooner or later, one of them is probably going to get your house.
The Priest and the Altar Boy
'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.' The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano?' 'Yes, Father, it is.' 'And who was the girl you were with?' 'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation.' "Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?" 'I cannot say.' 'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?' 'I'll never tell.' 'Was it Nina Capelli?' 'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.' 'Was it Cathy Piriano?' 'My lips are sealed Father.' 'Well then, was it Rosa DiAngelo?' 'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'
The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.'
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?' 'Four month's vacation and five excellent Leads.'
My girlfriend of 2 years just told me her ex used to beat her really badly, and she never told me b/c it's really painful for her to talk about. I feel bad I didn't figure it out sooner.
I always thought she just really hated high fives.
What's the difference between sod and a fat chick?
Nothing, sooner or later they will both be laid by a Mexican
What do we want?
Procrastination!
When do we want it?
We will get around to it sooner or later.
The husband had a really bad condition of multiple personality disorder...
"Doctor, for the last eight months, my husband has thought that he's a lawnmower."
"That's terrible. Why didn't you bring him in sooner?"
"Because the neighbor just returned him this morning."
Why are there no fertility clinics in Arkansas?
Sooner or later they find a potent cousin.
Guilty of Annoyance
A defendant isn't happy with
how things are going in court, so he gives the judge a hard time.
Judge: Where do you work?
Defendant: Here and there.
Judge: What do you do for
a living?
Defendant: This and that.
Judge: Take him away.
Defendant: Wait; when will I get out?
Judge: Sooner or later.
How does a Canadian feel when they come up with a good idea?
They're sorry they didn't think of it sooner.
Falcons return to Atlanta tomorrow
Guess the walking dead will be back sooner than we thought
I asked my wife to take out the trash, and she said, "I'd sooner die. Find someone else to do your dirty work."
Can anyone recommend a good hitman?
I once got caught stealing an EA game but that's ok....
sooner or later I was going to have to pay for my crime.
When I was a boy...
"I was walking along a street and happened to spy a cart full of watermelons. I was fond of watermelon, so I sneaked quietly on the cart and snitched one. I then ran into a nearby alley and sank my teeth into the melon.
No sooner had I done so, however, than a strange feeling came over me. Without a moment's hesitation, I made my decision. I walked back to the cart, replaced the melon -
And took a ripe one."
-Mark Twain
I should've realized sooner my trip to China would be a huge disappointment.
Red flags were everywhere.
Do not shampoo in the shower
I don't know why I didn't figure this out sooner.
I used shampoo in the shower and when we wash our hair the shampoo runs down our whole body.
Printed clearly on the shampoo label is the warning,
"For extra body and volume."
No wonder I have been gaining weight.
I got rid of shampoos and start using dish washing liquid. Its label reads
"Dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove."
Follow this and stay slim and trim forever.
My great grandfather and grandfather both have Alzheimer's
My dad is starting to show early signs of the disease as well and it's scary because I know that sooner or later I will also get Alzheimer's as well because my great grandfather and grandfather both have Alzheimer's and my dad is starting to show early signs of the disease......
Just Found out that my Girlfriend's Deaf after 2 Years
I really should've seen the Signs sooner
As an armchair pundit, I can't help thinking the Thai team would have escaped sooner
If they'd made better use of their subs
How is a 9 volt battery like an a**hole?
It may be wrong, but sooner or later you're gonna put your tongue on both of them.
What does a cyclone, flood, fire and a woman have in common?
Sooner or later one of em will get your house....
The sooner Pubs are open the better.
This drinking at home is getting out of hand.
Last night I nearly asked my wife for her phone number..
Steve Winwood began his solo career in 1977.
He would have started sooner, but he was stuck in traffic.
My dad was arrested for persistently stealing the equipment of beach lifeguards...
I blame myself that I didn't see it sooner; after all, the last time I'd gone to see him there were plenty of red flags...
Listen, all I'm saying is the gambler's fallacy has been right every time so far.
It has to be wrong sooner or later!
v**... Mary would like to return to earth once.
God allows it, but only on the condition that she calls heaven every evening. No sooner said than done.
On the first evening, Mary calls Heaven: "This is the v**... Mary. I saw myself a beautiful skirt. May I buy it?" "Yes, you may. But call back tomorrow night."
The second night, "Here's the v**... Mary. I saw such a nice lipstick. Can I buy it?" "Sure, see you tomorrow."
On the third evening: "Here is Mary."
A woman took her husband to the doctor
The woman said "Doctor, for the last eight months my husband has thought that he is a lawnmower."
"Eight months?!" the doctor said, "Why in heaven's name didn't you bring him in sooner?!"
And the wife said "Because the neighbor just returned him this morning."
