The Best 83 Songs Jokes

So last year I started a tradition, I carry a pebble and throw it at anyone who sings Christmas songs before December....

I call it my Jingle Bell Rock.

At this time of the year....

....there's nothing I love more than sitting in front of a warm fire, mulled wine in hand, and singing Christmas songs until I slowly fall asleep.

And that's why I'm no longer a fireman...

The Entertainment

A charitable man decided to visit a sick ward at a hospital to cheer up the patients. He took along a keyboard and played humorous songs and told jokes at many a bedside. After finishing his final performance for an old man he said, "I hope you get better." The old man smiled vaguely at the performer and replied, "I hope you do too."

A man goes to the doctor...

... and he says, "Doc, I'm not sure what's wrong with me. I can't stop shaking my hips and singing Tom Jones songs."

To which the doctor replies, "Clearly sir, you have Tom Jones' Disease."

The man asks, "Is this common?"

The doctor answers, "It's not unusual."

God is cruel

God said that good lil wayne songs could be found in all corners of the Earth. Then he made the Earth round and laughed.

How do birds record their songs ?

On duck tape !

When my Mom found out I had asthma she sent me to a camp for Asthmatic children.

It was so much fun.. singing songs around the Humidifire. ( yes I know how I spelt it )

Thanks for listening to Chris Brown radio...

Where we play your favorite songs, hit after hit

TIL that for release in Finland, the original Mortal Kombat had to be censored in an unusual way. Censors were fine with the gore, but insisted the music be replaced with traditional Christian songs.

FINNISH HYMN!!!

Why are Taylor Swift's songs always a hit? (WARNING POKEMON JOKE)

Because swift never misses.

I was going to sue U2 for stealing one of my songs

But I found out my lawyer was pro-bono.

I bought a Chris Brown's greatest hits album.

It was just a bunch of Rihanna songs.

I hate listening to music during sex...

There honestly aren't many good 30 second songs out there.

What is large, grey and sings great jazz songs?

Elephants Gerald

iPod Shuffle

Today, I was playing my iPod on shuffle. The song, "This is Not the End" by The Bravery came on. The next song was "This is the End" by She Wants Revenge. It was followed by "The End." by My Chemical Romance. As soon as the songs finished, the battery promptly died. I think my iPod left a suicide note.

I wish I was Jesus so instead of listening to the same Christmas songs every day if the office, I could be dead.

My son asked me to stop singing oasis songs in public...

I said maybe.

What kind of computer is optimized for sad songs?

A Dell.

I went to a party the other day and danced to all the songs.

They played the twist so I did the twist. They played jump so I jumped. I got kicked out after they played come on Eileen...

Don't worry that's not true - I don't know what her name was

My girlfriend broke up with me, because she hated me singing Linkin Park songs all the time.

But in the end, it doesn't even matter.

There's a new all girls music group that writes songs about the internet.

It's called Broadband.

Why was Darth Vader upset when he heard George Michael will only play new songs at his concerts?

He found his lack of Faith disturbing.

Which songs do planets sing?

Neptunes.

My girlfriend asked me to stop singing Oasis songs.

I said maybe.

What's the difference between modern pop and Christmas music?

One is 6 people singing 100 songs, the other is 100 people singing 6 songs.

What's one of the worst songs a to put on at a wedding?

I still haven't found what I'm looking for.

Who knows how to sing Mariah Carey songs?

Not Mariah Carey

What do me and Mariah Carey have in common?

Neither of us know the words to any of her songs

What kind of piano songs does the Nike CEO play?

Just duets

I desperately needed to pass gas!

and I was in the restaurant .......... when I suddenly realized The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

My girlfriend asked me to stop singing Smash Mouth songs.

I said Hey Now...

If you like Pina Coladas...

... And getting songs stuck in your head.

I have a Spotify playlist that has songs from The Peanuts Movie, Eminem, and The Cranberries

I call it my trail mix.

Why aren't there any rap songs about Donald Trump?

Because there aren't any words that rhyme with "Orange."

I just started a pirate themed band with my friends, but we're having trouble writing songs for it

All we seem to be able to write are the hooks

A baby helped me out the other day...

I asked him, "How do I find other songs by the singer of 'Bad Romance'?"

He replied: "Google Gaga"

Why is Kevin Spacey so good at writing sad songs

Because he's great at fingering minors

I'm going to start a metal band that writes songs about how important it is to connect with people in your professional network...

...and call it LinkedIn Park.

I'll show myself out now.

The Beatles were sitting in the studio, making up ideas for new songs.

Paul: Anyone got any ideas for how we should end Hey Jude?

John: Nah.

George: Nah.

Ringo: Nah.

I found a bar that only plays songs by Prince, but you can drink as much as you like, all night, for $20.

I'm gonna party like it's $19.99

Everyone is a fan of Stephen Hawking now that he died.

I bet they can't name even 3 of his songs.

Have you guys heard about the irish boomerang?

it never returns but it constantly sings songs about how it wants to.

What do you call a rock band that makes songs about sorting?

OC/DC

With self-driving cars

it won't be long before we have country songs where your truck leaves you too.

What kind of bird always forgets the words to songs?

A hummingbird.

I heard an Iraqi guitar tutor is offering to teach guitarists songs in obscure tunings

Lessons will be in BAGDAD

A friend just asked me to be usher at his wedding.

I told him that I don't mind learning a few of his songs but I am really not comfortable blacking up.

I didn't quite get my girlfriend's complaints about my passion for Grease songs...

So I asked her to tell me more, tell me more.

The latest hipster music craze plays songs at a frequency of 50000 Hz.

You probably never heard of it.

Someone said that all the songs in Moana are pop songs.

But it is quite clear that "You're Welcome" is a rock song.

New bathroom

I was shopping for a new bathroom this week, and was shown an amazing toilet that plays ABBA songs when you flush it.

What a loo.

I just don't understand why black people don't like the police

They have tons of great songs and Sting is a great singer

I just read a story about songs in history and the pitches in which they were sung.

For example, a march to battle was sung around middle D. Gregorian chants were sung from low D to middle G.

It seems that most, if not all, pirate shanties were sung on the high C's.

I love dances at weddings ...

Especially since I'm not a great dancer. Most of the songs tell you what to do. Like when they play "Do The Twist," you twist. They play "Jump Around", you jump around ... There was, however, that unfortunate night I got kicked out when the DJ played "Come On Eileen."

Timed Gas

Timed Gas

I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music.After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me...Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to the music on my Samsung phone with an ear-piece.

Around this time of the year, I start carrying around a stone with me to throw at people who are singing Christmas songs already.

It's my jingle bell rock.

My friend writes songs about sewing machines...

Yes...He's a Singer songwriter....or sew it seams !!

My friend composes songs about sewing machines.

He's a Singer songwriter or sew it seams. (Don't hate me.)

My wife says she is going to kick me out if I keep singing anymore Christmas songs..

..I said, 'but baby, it's cold outside'

I am in the hospital because my cousin's brother swallowed a 16gb memory card and he is singing all songs in it

Were hoping it doesn't reach video folder...

My friend writes songs about sewing machines.

He's a Singer song writer.

Recently joined a Styx cover band

We play the same songs, but heavier. We're called Logz.

My friend writes songs about sewing machines.

He's a singer songwriter or sew it seams.

Have you heard of a French ABBA cover band with just 3 members?

They're not any good, completely butcher the songs.

They're called ABBA Trois

I just found out The Spice Girls were paid off by the tobacco industry to hide subliminal pro-smoking messages in their songs.

I couldn't believe it, so I put on one of their records, and it made me really really really want a cig or cigar.

American Idol is like that toxic girlfriend.

It threaten's that it's going to leave, but it keeps coming back singing the same old songs.

Some crocodiles formed a band that does parody songs.

It's a pun croc band.

I went to a BTS concert a while back. It was absolutely horrible.

Now every time I hear their songs I get BTSD.

I was in the bar yesterday...

when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas.


The music was really really loud, so I timed my Farts with the beats. After a couple of songs I started to feel better.


I finished my beer and noticed that everybody was staring at me.
Then I suddenly remembered I was listening to my iPod.

I'm weirdly turned on by songs with guest performers...

I might have a feat. fetish

What kind of songs does Sub-Zero sing at his church in Helsinki?

FINNISH HYMNS!

'Doctor, I keep spontaneously singing songs by The Who'

'How long has this been happening?'

'Ever since I was a young boy…'

I finally convinced my hillbilly friend to get a Covid vaccination, but he doesn't want Moderna.

He says, just because she sang some good pop songs back in the 80s don't mean she knows how to make a vaccine! .

Chris Rea's two biggest hits in the UK are 'Driving home for Christmas' and 'Road to Hell'

Which if you have a family like mine, both songs describe the journey.

I've got a friend who writes songs about sewing machines.

He's a singer songwriter.

I love The Cranberries

but don't you hate it when one of their songs gets stuck in your head, in your heaad

If you play Nicki Minaj songs backwards you can hear satanic messages.....

even worse, if you play them forwards you can hear Nicki Minaj.

What's an album with zero bad songs?

A photo album.

I have a playlist of songs from Eminem, The Cranberies, and The Peanuts.

I call it my Trail Mix.

My dad is obsessed with The Beatles and is missing just one of their songs from his record collection.

He needs Help.

A friend of mine couldn't stop singing Frank Sinatra songs.

Turns out he had Crooner virus.

I dreamt about a Samsung Refrigerator that can play songs.

I called it Coldplay.