Songs Jokes

What are some Songs jokes?

TIL that for release in Finland, the original Mortal Kombat had to be censored in an unusual way. Censors were fine with the gore, but insisted the music be replaced with traditional Christian songs.

FINNISH HYMN!!!

Everyone is a fan of Stephen Hawking now that he died.

I bet they can't name even 3 of his songs.

What do me and Mariah Carey have in common?

Neither of us know the words to any of her songs

Why are Taylor Swift's songs always a hit? (WARNING POKEMON JOKE)

Because swift never misses.

I have a Spotify playlist that has songs from The Peanuts Movie, Eminem, and The Cranberries

I call it my trail mix.

When my Mom found out I had asthma she sent me to a camp for Asthmatic children.

It was so much fun.. singing songs around the Humidifire. ( yes I know how I spelt it )

With self-driving cars

it won't be long before we have country songs where your truck leaves you too.

The Entertainment

A charitable man decided to visit a sick ward at a hospital to cheer up the patients. He took along a keyboard and played humorous songs and told jokes at many a bedside. After finishing his final performance for an old man he said, "I hope you get better." The old man smiled vaguely at the performer and replied, "I hope you do too."

My girlfriend asked me to stop singing Oasis songs.

I said maybe.

I'm going to start a metal band that writes songs about how important it is to connect with people in your professional network...

...and call it LinkedIn Park.

I'll show myself out now.

iPod Shuffle

Today, I was playing my iPod on shuffle. The song, "This is Not the End" by The Bravery came on. The next song was "This is the End" by She Wants Revenge. It was followed by "The End." by My Chemical Romance. As soon as the songs finished, the battery promptly died. I think my iPod left a suicide note.

Who knows how to sing Mariah Carey songs?

Not Mariah Carey

If you like Pina Coladas...

... And getting songs stuck in your head.

My girlfriend asked me to stop singing Smash Mouth songs.

I said Hey Now...

Muslim Band

I went to see a Muslim Tribute band last night at a Mosque.

They were called "Bomb Jovi" and I thought they were brilliant.

They performed songs like:
"Losing my Head over You",
"Rocket Launcher Man",
"You're Six, you're Beautiful, and you're Mine".

Their last song "Living on a Prayer Mat" almost brought the house down!

Then I heard this Muslim guy saying he had the entire Koran on a DVD.

I was interested, so I asked him, "Can you burn me a copy?"

Well that was when the trouble started.

At this time of the year....

....there's nothing I love more than sitting in front of a warm fire, mulled wine in hand, and singing Christmas songs until I slowly fall asleep.




And that's why I'm no longer a fireman...

A baby helped me out the other day...

I asked him, "How do I find other songs by the singer of 'Bad Romance'?"

He replied: "Google Gaga"

What's the difference between modern pop and Christmas music?

One is 6 people singing 100 songs, the other is 100 people singing 6 songs.

I hate listening to music during sex...

There honestly aren't many good 30 second songs out there.

The latest hipster music craze plays songs at a frequency of 50000 Hz.

You probably never heard of it.

Two guys were staying at a hotel on the 45th floor

Please excuse formatting, I'm on mobile.

As they were checking in, the receptionist said that the elevator was broken and that they could have a room on the first floor. The guys said that they would take the stairs and for the first 15 floors, they would sing songs, the next 15 floors they would tell funny stories and the last 15 floors would be sad stories.
So they start the walk, singing songs for the first 15, telling funny stories for the next 15, and finally, the reach the 30th floor and one guy says to the other, what's your sad story?
The guy responds, I don't have the room key

Why is Kevin Spacey so good at writing sad songs

Because he's great at fingering minors

A man goes to the doctor...

... and he says, "Doc, I'm not sure what's wrong with me. I can't stop shaking my hips and singing Tom Jones songs."

To which the doctor replies, "Clearly sir, you have Tom Jones' Disease."

The man asks, "Is this common?"

The doctor answers, "It's not unusual."

I wish I was Jesus so instead of listening to the same Christmas songs every day if the office, I could be dead.

I just started a pirate themed band with my friends, but we're having trouble writing songs for it

All we seem to be able to write are the hooks

The Beatles were sitting in the studio, making up ideas for new songs.

Paul: Anyone got any ideas for how we should end Hey Jude?

John: Nah.

George: Nah.

Ringo: Nah.

What do you call a rock band that makes songs about sorting?

OC/DC

I desperately needed to pass gas!

and I was in the restaurant .......... when I suddenly realized The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

How do birds record their songs ?

On duck tape !

God is cruel

God said that good lil wayne songs could be found in all corners of the Earth. Then he made the Earth round and laughed.

I was going to sue U2 for stealing one of my songs

But I found out my lawyer was pro-bono.

So last year I started a tradition, I carry a pebble and throw it at anyone who sings Christmas songs before December....

I call it my Jingle Bell Rock.

I heard an Iraqi guitar tutor is offering to teach guitarists songs in obscure tunings

Lessons will be in BAGDAD

Someone said that all the songs in Moana are pop songs.

But it is quite clear that "You're Welcome" is a rock song.

What kind of piano songs does the Nike CEO play?

Just duets

My son asked me to stop singing oasis songs in public...

I said maybe.

There's a new all girls music group that writes songs about the internet.

It's called Broadband.

Why aren't there any rap songs about Donald Trump?

Because there aren't any words that rhyme with "Orange."

New bathroom

I was shopping for a new bathroom this week, and was shown an amazing toilet that plays ABBA songs when you flush it.

What a loo.

I found a bar that only plays songs by Prince, but you can drink as much as you like, all night, for $20.

I'm gonna party like it's $19.99

Have you guys heard about the irish boomerang?

it never returns but it constantly sings songs about how it wants to.

I went to a party the other day and danced to all the songs.

They played the twist so I did the twist. They played jump so I jumped. I got kicked out after they played come on Eileen...

Don't worry that's not true - I don't know what her name was

My girlfriend broke up with me, because she hated me singing Linkin Park songs all the time.

But in the end, it doesn't even matter.

I bought a Chris Brown's greatest hits album.

It was just a bunch of Rihanna songs.

What kind of computer is optimized for sad songs?

A Dell.

Which songs do planets sing?

Neptunes.

What kind of bird always forgets the words to songs?

A hummingbird.

I didn't quite get my girlfriend's complaints about my passion for Grease songs...

So I asked her to tell me more, tell me more.

What is large, grey and sings great jazz songs?

Elephants Gerald

My dads' version of the USSR joke

So the US trains a spy to go to the USSR and they do the full package: songs, how to drink like a russian, everything. So the deadline drops they send a spy fully clothed to survive the weather to Siberia. When the spy reaches the nearest town he goes to a bar to drink with the russians, he knows everything: songs, names of the drinks, by the end of the night he is a friend to everyone in the bar. When the first russian leaves saying "Ну ΠΏΠΎΠΊΠ° АмСриканси (Goodbye, american)". He asks another russian how did he know that he is an american the russian answers: "But Oleg, you're black"

A friend just asked me to be usher at his wedding.

I told him that I don't mind learning a few of his songs but I am really not comfortable blacking up.

Thanks for listening to Chris Brown radio...

Where we play your favorite songs, hit after hit

What's one of the worst songs a to put on at a wedding?

I still haven't found what I'm looking for.

Did you hear that Taylor Swift stopped singing songs about herself?

She sings all about it in her new hit song.

The Apple iPod says that 1 gig is enough for 250 songs.

But if I played 250 songs at a gig, the crowd would leave.

Where does Phil Collins record his songs?

In a stu-stu-studio.

Why was Darth Vader upset when he heard George Michael will only play new songs at his concerts?

He found his lack of Faith disturbing.

Why does Kidz Bop cover Drake songs?

Because Drake's girlfriends have to have a age appropriate way to listen to his songs.

The Windmill, the Coal Plant, and Geothermal Station Formed a Band

The Windmill, the Coal Plant, and Geothermal Station Formed the Band "Earth, Wind, and Fire". Their songs start off slow but eventually build in Energy. They would have been Electric too if it wasn't for their Dam manager always holding them back. He was Resistant to change and couldn't see the Potential in the Current market. That's when a few atoms decided Fuse together and go Nuclear. Earth Wind and Fire couldn't compete with Watt the other band brought so they Discharged their manager and started their own Solar careers

Sleeping Pills

A man walks into his doctor's office and says, "Doctor, I need sleeping pills".

"Why, what's going on?", replies the doctor.

"I have these two songs constantly stuck in my head and I can't sleep! You've got to help me!", implores the man.

"Well which two songs?" asks the doctor.

"That song 'What's New Pussycat' and the theme song to the movie Thunderball", the man tells the doctor.

"Ah. You've got Tom Jones Syndrome", the doctor solemnly tells the man.

"Tom Jones Syndrome? I've never heard of that! Is it rare?" the man asks.

The doctor replies, "It's not unusual".

Radio One has banned its DJs from playing Madonna songs, saying that at 56 she is old and irrelevant.

Yeah, at the BBC they only like them young.

Why does Metallica only care about one of their songs?

Nothing Else Matters

Last night I thought I heard the spring onions singing Bee Gees songs in my fridge.

When I opened the door I realised it was just the chives talking.

I made a jam bands playlist on Spotify

It's 16 hours long and only has 5 songs on it

Has Rihanna heard any Chris Brown songs?

Just the hits

50th Anniversary Tour

This year, 60s rock group The Byrds will be embarking on a tour of the United States for the 50th anniversary of their formation. The band announced that former President George Bush will be joining them on stage for several of their songs, however, Bush will be playing both guitar and keyboards in order to cut costs. This just goes to show that a Bush in the band is worth two of the Byrds.

why do apple computers dislike love songs?

they are all done by Adele!

How not to forget your girlfriend's birthday gift. Ever.

BF: Babe, look what I have got you! Spotify premium, now you can listen to our favourite love songs, anywhere, anytime, without ads!

GF: Yay! Is it for my birthday this year ?

BF: No, it's for your birthday every year!

I can't believe how many of Nickelback songs have never become famous

It's completely off the charts.

In 1969, the Beatles originally wrote one of their hit songs for a Broadway version of Peter Pan. Captain Hook's right hand man wanted to Broker a truce that would give Hook the ability to fly and give Peter and the Lost Boys safety from pirates. It ended with a big event where Hook and Peter flew..

Come together, right now... over Smee.

Do you remember that group of whales that had a distinct higher pitch to their songs?

I believe they were Orcastrato

Two elderly Russian veterans go to travel in the jungles of Congo

Two elderly Russian veterans go to travel in the jungles of Congo. They roam the jungle, singing vodka songs and hunting their own food for weeks, when suddenly a huge lion jumps on one of them out of nowhere, crushing the elderly Russian to the ground, vigorously biting off most of his vital organs one after the other. The other elderly veteran looks at him worriedly. "Vladimir, comrade, is this painful?"
Vladimir looks up from the lion's throat and replies:
"Only when I laugh"

I was feeling miserable and depressed today

So I played some sad songs to turn it all around. now I'm depressed and miserable

What are the last words of a drummer, before he gets fired from the band?

"Hey guys, I wrote some songs"

My friend from Beijing asked me to suggest some nice Taylor Swift songs so I asked him to listen to "T.S.1989" album

I haven't heard anything from him since

I'm going to start a band called Control Z

We will play our songs, but start over half way through it.

Do you know which country they only write songs about poverty in?

Singapore.

What do you call a computer that only plays sad songs?

Adele

What do you call a collection of songs to hike to?

Trail mix.

Why did the farmer's bucket keep singing songs?

Because it was haulin' oats.

what did they call the disc jockey who kept playing the same songs again and again?

DJ Vu

If Rihanna was a bear name one of her songs.

Bees Better Have My Honey

I hate when songs are just a bunch high notes and whistles

It makes me high key upset

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