songs Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious songs stories

What are the best Songs puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Songs? Well here is a complete list of Songs dad jokes:

TIL that for release in Finland, the original Mortal Kombat had to be censored in an unusual way. Censors were fine with the gore, but insisted the music be replaced with traditional Christian songs.

FINNISH HYMN!!!

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Why are Taylor Swift's songs always a hit? (WARNING POKEMON JOKE)

Because swift never misses.

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When my Mom found out I had asthma she sent me to a camp for Asthmatic children.

It was so much fun.. singing songs around the Humidifire. ( yes I know how I spelt it )

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The Entertainment

A charitable man decided to visit a sick ward at a hospital to cheer up the patients. He took along a keyboard and played humorous songs and told jokes at many a bedside. After finishing his final performance for an old man he said, "I hope you get better." The old man smiled vaguely at the performer and replied, "I hope you do too."

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U2 was playing a concert in Ireland...

Bono took a pause after one of his songs, waited for the arena to go silent, and started clapping very slowly.

He then spoke softly "Everytime I clap" *clap* "A child dies in Africa" *clap*

And that's when some drunk guy stood up and shouted "Well then stop clapping you asshole!"

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A piano player gets a job at a swanky restaurant...

He's very good, and writes all his own material. But he gives all his songs dirty names. At the end of every song he tells his audience the songs name, which management doesn't like. They tell him, "We love having you hear, but you have to stop calling out the song names". The piano player is cool with it, and everyone profits. One night, the piano player gets up and goes to the bathroom. When he comes back the entire restaurant goes into a hush. A man walks up to the piano player and says, "Sir, do you know your penis is hanging out of your pants?". The piano player replies with, "Know it, I wrote it!"

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At this time of the year....

....there's nothing I love more than sitting in front of a warm fire, mulled wine in hand, and singing Christmas songs until I slowly fall asleep.




And that's why I'm no longer a fireman...

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A man goes to the doctor...

... and he says, "Doc, I'm not sure what's wrong with me. I can't stop shaking my hips and singing Tom Jones songs."

To which the doctor replies, "Clearly sir, you have Tom Jones' Disease."

The man asks, "Is this common?"

The doctor answers, "It's not unusual."

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How do birds record their songs ?

On duck tape !

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I was in Starbucks recently when....

I was in Starbucks recently when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart.
The music was really loud so I timed a couple of farts with the beat of the music.


After a couple of songs I started to feel better.
I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me.
Suddenly, I remembered I was listening to my iPod.
How was your day?

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God is cruel

God said that good lil wayne songs could be found in all corners of the Earth. Then he made the Earth round and laughed.

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So last year I started a tradition, I carry a pebble and throw it at anyone who sings Christmas songs before December....

I call it my Jingle Bell Rock.

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Meat Loaf Fetish

My girlfriend recently told me it makes her super horny when someone makes references to Meat Loaf songs. I told her I loved her, and that I would do anything for love, but I won't do that.

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Fart troubles !

I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music. After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me... Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

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My dads' version of the USSR joke

So the US trains a spy to go to the USSR and they do the full package: songs, how to drink like a russian, everything. So the deadline drops they send a spy fully clothed to survive the weather to Siberia. When the spy reaches the nearest town he goes to a bar to drink with the russians, he knows everything: songs, names of the drinks, by the end of the night he is a friend to everyone in the bar. When the first russian leaves saying "Ну ΠΏΠΎΠΊΠ° АмСриканси (Goodbye, american)". He asks another russian how did he know that he is an american the russian answers: "But Oleg, you're black"

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Thanks for listening to Chris Brown radio...

Where we play your favorite songs, hit after hit

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My son asked me what it's like to be married...

So I took his iPod and deleted all of his songs except for one.

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Feel the beat

I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me....

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

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50th Anniversary Tour

This year, 60s rock group The Byrds will be embarking on a tour of the United States for the 50th anniversary of their formation. The band announced that former President George Bush will be joining them on stage for several of their songs, however, Bush will be playing both guitar and keyboards in order to cut costs. This just goes to show that a Bush in the band is worth two of the Byrds.

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I'm going to start a band called Control Z

We will play our songs, but start over half way through it.

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Two elderly Russian veterans go to travel in the jungles of Congo

Two elderly Russian veterans go to travel in the jungles of Congo. They roam the jungle, singing vodka songs and hunting their own food for weeks, when suddenly a huge lion jumps on one of them out of nowhere, crushing the elderly Russian to the ground, vigorously biting off most of his vital organs one after the other. The other elderly veteran looks at him worriedly. "Vladimir, comrade, is this painful?"
Vladimir looks up from the lion's throat and replies:
"Only when I laugh"

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What do you call a computer that only plays sad songs?

Adele

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A man walks into a piano bar...

He orders a beer and sits down right in the front row to watch the piano player perform, and is surprised to see a monkey onstage, collecting tips from the audience. The piano player does a bunch of old drinking songs and well-known classics and a bunch of requests, the monkey collects a fat wad of tips and they are both simply fantastic.

Finally, the player takes 5 and walks backstage. The monkey continues collecting tips, but when he reaches the man in the front row, the monkey climbs onto his table and takes a very long piss, right in his beer. Finished, the monkey hops off the table and back onstage just as the piano player is coming back for his encore.

The man stands up and yells, "Hey! Do you know your monkey just took a piss in my beer??"

The piano player says, "No, but if you sing a few bars I'll give it a shot!"

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Might have been Dr. Spaceman.

A woman walks into the doctor's and says, "Doctor I can't stop singing these two songs, is there anything wrong with me?"

The doctor says, "What songs are they?"

"'Delilah' and 'The Green Green Grass Of Home,'" the woman says.

The doctor says, "You have the Tom Jones Syndrome."

"Is that rare?" asks the woman.

The doctor replies, "It's Not Unusual!"

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My friend asked me to name my top 5 Coldplay songs...

And they were all yellow.

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I tried looking for cover versions of Milli Vanilli songs

but it turned out that they weren't the original ones.

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So two bassists are sitting at a bar...

One leans over to the other and says, "How are you dealing with not writing any of the songs?" He responds, "One note at a time."

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What are the 3 most played songs on Vladimir Putin's iPod?

Crimea river
Georgia on my mind
Back in the U.S.S.R

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I finally figured out why so few people still have fucks to give !

The gangster rappers stole the whole supply for their songs

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A girl i was picking up in a bar once said...

..'I don't think i've ever had sex with a guy whose been playing guitar at the same time' I replied 'Well... I don't know how many songs i can play in 17 seconds'

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[OC] Al Gore decides to write a series of educational songs about the environment.

He presents the head of the production company with the lyrics for his songs, including the lyrics for one song about animals in forest habitats, which has over 500 lines.

The head of the production company says, "wait, this song is way too long! This isn't a very efficient way of conveying your message."

Al Gore replies, "efficient? Of course it isn't! It's a brute-forest Al Gore rhythm!"

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I owe my life to Justin Beiber.

I was in coma for two years, until one of the nurses played one of his songs on the radio in my room.

I had to wake up to turn it off.

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Hard of Hearing Genie

(Sorry its a long joke, but worth it I promise)


So a man walks into a bar with a burlap sack. He pulls out a small piano, bench, and a tiny piano player, who begins to play songs on the miniature piano.


The Bartender, intrigued, asks the man where he got it. The man proceeds to show the bartender an old genie bottle. Out pops an old, dusty genie. The man tells the bartender to make a wish.


The Bartender wishes for 1 million bucks. All of a sudden, Ducks begin shooting out of the top of the bottle. Frustrated the bartender yells to the man "I wished for a million BUCKS not a Million DUCKS!"


To this the man replied, "Yea, and i didn't wish for a 12-inch Pianist Either."

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Historians recently discovered evidence that Hitler was a ventriloquist.

Apparently he would sneak out some nights with his dummy who was a violinist. He would bring the dummy to small concert venues and ventriloquize the violin music, interjecting humorous anti-Semitic remarks in between songs. To avoid being recognized, we wore a fake mustache, and called his act A Doll Fiddler.

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Dio reportedly ripped off some old Phil Collins' songs.

Phil's lawyers say he should Sue Sue Sue Dio.

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Dio reportedly ripped off some old Phil Collins songs.

Phil's lawyers are saying he should sue sue sue Dio.

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I was in a band that played nothing but pirate shanty covers of Sex Pistols songs...

We call ourselves "The Fuck Muskets"

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Everyone tells me I must stop singing Hall and Oates songs...

But I can't go for that.

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Sam Clam's Disco.

Carrie the crab was excited, because her friend same Sam Clam was having a disco party. She told her other friend, Randy Ray, that she would bring her harp to play beautiful music in between disco songs. That night, there was much drinking and playing and fun had by all.

The next day, Carrie looked very sad. Randy Ray asked "what's wrong?"

Carrie replied, "I left my harp in Sam Clam's disco"

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Why are all Jewish Songs in Minor Key?

Because miners are key to the Jewish economy

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Why parents don't allow their children to listen to M. Jackson songs?

because they are very touching

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Did you know that Elton John didn't write the lyrics to almost all of his songs?

He hopes you don't mind.

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U2 has a concert...

and at the end of one of the songs, Bono takes off his guitar, places it on the ground and slowly walks up to the mic. He asks the crowd to be silent for a moment, the crowd immediately quiets down. After a few seconds, Bono claps. Another couple of seconds pass and Bono claps again. He does this for about a minute then he pauses and says, "Everytime I clap, a child in Africa dies of AIDS." Bono claps one more time then someone from the crowd yells out, "Well then stop clapping you fucking asshole!"

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Last month, I went to a band's rock concert.

Last month, I went to a band's rock concert. I enjoyed my time there, the overpriced food was good, the band was great and they played a lot of songs, the people there were nice, but everything started falling apart once the show was over.


I wanted to ask for an autograph and they took me backstage, undressed me and violently buttfucked me.
My anus was ripped to shreds, so I knew I had to do something...


I waited a week to see if my anus was getting any better, but it was hopeless. I couldn't avoid the inevitable. I *had* to go *there*...


Once I was done manning myself up, I took a walk of shame to the hospital.


I entered the building slowly and awkwardly. I then told the nurses what happened. Luckily, they didn't judge me too much and they just told a team of doctors to take a look at my "situation".


The doctors checked the gaping, bleeding hole in my butt and patched it up.
Guess what I have all over and inside my ripped anus now?


Band aids.

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Santa Clause is Coming

So there are speakers in the bathrooms at my office, and they have been playing Christmas songs all month.

I'm not a big fan of this.

It's not that I don't like Christmas songs, it's just.. I'd rather not hear about how Santa is always watching me while I'm trying to rub one out during lunch.

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Why do rappers repeat their names in their songs?

So they dont forget it.

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After many hours I have come up with the worst joke I think I'm capable of.

Doge is at a linkin park concert, and the singer notices him between songs and shouts "hey im a huge fan nof your modelling online, come up here on the stage and "wow" us with your singing!" So doge heads up, and suddenly, out of nowhere, doge's luck runs wild as a genie appears and turns him into his favourite thing in the world. Food. After his (and the crowd's) amazement dies down, he finally starts singing.
"Ive, become such num!"

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Boys will be boys.

A boy was sitting in his room procrastibating to some songs. His dad came up, saw him doing that and said, "Stop that and do your homework." When the dad left, the son started up again. This time, the dad was really upset. He went into his sons room, and, seeing his son disobeyed him for the second time, he yelled, "I want you to stop that and do your homework!"
Well this time, the son decided to smoke some kush while he was procrastibating. And when the dad ran into his room and saw what his son was doing, he yelled, "Stop beating around the kush and do your homework."

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why cant they make a movie like 'across the universe' where instead of beatles songs it'd have weird al songs?

because that'd be too awesome to make

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Did you hear about the Nirvana tribute act?

They played some original songs yesterday.

One was called 'Smells Like Kurt's Spirit'.

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CONCLUSION

You've red some of the best songs jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 50 puns about songs. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty songs gags to your kids. So please respect and be a good joking daddy !

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